writing

"None of this is consensual. Even if you managed to get some reaction from me, which’ll never happen, it would be against my will. You’re keeping people as slaves. Even if they appear to be willing sometimes, the threat of force is always behind it. It’s all an illusion—none of it’s real. It’s hollow, meaningless. No one here could love you. Not really. Forcing someone isn’t love. To love, people need free will. Otherwise, it’s really the other person controlling them—fear casts out actual love. I’ll never even give you a semblance of love; even if you fight for it, you’ll get nothing. Because there’s only one woman I’ll ever love. We’re two halves of the same soul and you cannot tear us apart, no matter what you do. Give up, Elena. Just get this over with and ask me questions. I won’t give you the answers either, but there’s more of a chance I will than that I’ll give in to your advances. I hate every moment with you.” 

Didn't get to actually writing til like 11:30. Then it was a bit slow at 1st. Enough by 2 tho!

I wanted to finish this chapter and I did!

Next chapter is Connie's POV.

Gears turning a bit faster now.

Still, we have quite a few scenes to get thru. He most important coming up. Not too far away.

Her eyes fell to his scars and flitted over them almost sadly. Then, she slid her finger over one of the whip scars on his chest.

He gasped with the shock of it, trapped in the moment when it had been given to him. Phantom pain twinged down the path of the scar like electric current. He was about to move when her finger lifted away.

“How does it feel?” she said. “Do you have the same amount of sensation as here, for example?” She touched next to the scar, delicately gliding over slick unmarred skin.  

He grasped her wrist. Gently pushed it away. She laid her hand on her bulging stomach, still looking at him curiously, her head tilted.

“It…isn’t the same,” he admitted. He hadn’t fully realized, but he’d lost some feeling with the addition of the scar tissue. In some places he felt more than others.

“Ah, interesting. That tends to happen.” She reached beneath the water and grasped his left wrist, lifting his hand out of the water. She rubbed near the nail scars. “How about this?”

This afternoon I thought I would write. I was thinking about it yesterday but my mind was in no shape after running around in the heat. I didn't sleep the best last night but also not the worst. I did procrastinate a bit but I had time to write. Turns out I can also write in the afternoons. Maybe somewhat better in the mornings but afternoon and evening works if i have to. What I really don't want is to cut out writing altogether, like be so exhausted from a mind or body taxing job that my mind is too addled to write. One of worst nightmares 😞

Long stretch today, same scene. I thought I might be able to write this whole part but it's too long. I just had some idea yesterday then I realized what it needed, which would make it fit in the overall scheme and be a better scene w a certain focus.

Pieces are starting to drift together now.... they were disparate now we begin to see a pattern

2 enemies coming to a conflict-- plus other characters playing their role, changing, reacting--

“What happened to her.” It would be foolish to pretend he didn’t know now. But he couldn’t reveal any more than what they knew. 

“She overdosed on roxyen.” 

“I mean before that.” He stabbed the salmon on his plate. Then realized he didn’t want to accommodate her in any way, and lifted a piece to his mouth with his fingers. It nearly melted on his tongue; he had to fight to not react to the deliciousness. 

“Oh, you know, we had to put pressure on her. She was being recalcitrant.” 

“What did you do to her.” 

I didnt think I was going to write. I slept maybe 5 hours last night. I intended to edit in the evening when I had more time (running around all day). But when I finished editing, the next word suggested itself and it flowed on from there.

So it turns out I can write when I'm super tired. Could have been worse. There probably is a tired limit but thats not today.

Amazing I made sense. Some words were a bit off but. Seemed to go more smoothly than some times when Im less tired....

Rereading writing from last time, there really are 2 big revelations. ... this part he has to deal w that. I thought that I would have a detail be something else... but it makes more sense this way. Too much of a coincidence otherwise. I may have wanted it this way in the first place but forgot. For how could I want something that close but not related....

"Wouldn’t it be much nicer to just give in? It’s not betraying anyone; this is necessary” 

“It would betray the one I love. There is nothing you have that I want.” His jaw tensed as he looked at her. She was repulsive to him. Despite her objective beauty, she paled in comparison to the one he could only see in his mind from now on. “Besides, I’m not giving any of my children to you.” 

She laughed. “You don’t have a choice. Ah, well. It was worth a try. Know when you’re lying on that table you could have had something much more pleasant.” She whirled around, her loose white shirt swirling like a cape.  

The guards came for him. He fought, and when they grabbed his arms, he struggled, fighting with all of his strength. When he got one arm loose and punched one of them, the guard rammed the shockrod against his injured side and he collapsed awkwardly onto the bed, the paper crinkling beneath him. 

Things going faster, idk, maybe the meds make me write it simpler. We did have to learn about the characters but now we need to move forward more.

Move fast but not rushing so I do it justice.... the balance

Finished chapter 68. Just a few sentences-- I had to look at a setting detail.

Some sort of mundane things... then something shocking