Category: # SEX # INDIAN # TABOO # LOVE
This is a real confession. Verified by TCLLD Vlogs
I can't reveal my real identity here on this blog. I am a 36 years woman from a small village in a place name Haryana, India. I want to confirm that this is a telephonic confession with Mr. David.
I was born in a family with 2 of my elder brothers. All my family loved me very much and I was always a Pampered child. My Parents love me and did all the good things for me. I had a very good and loving Childhood. I always have these secret things inside me about my childhood which I could not share with anyone else because I knew everyone will judge me and wont belive me. I know that nobody in India will understand and agree to me.This is the Secret life of the diary that I wrote about myself.I'm not a good writer but I will try to Explain about it.
I have 2 Elder brothers who love me and care for me very much but this is one incident that I am going to tell you which changed my mind and my personality for the rest of my life and made me today how I am. My elder brother (eldest) who used to love me so much that I never thought what is inside of him. He always showd care and love and respect towards me. I was his princess ,he used to love me and care for me when I was a child . From around 8 yearsof my age I remember him seeing me in a different way. I could see in his eyes that he wanted more from his sister. I didn't understand what he was trying to do and why he was trying to look at me thata wat , So I always ignored and I thought everything is just normal until One day, when I was sleeping next to him I felt his hand on my ass, I couldn't understand what to do so I didnt say anything. With days passing he started to do a bit more day by day. I couldn't realise if it was wrong or right so I kept on ignoring as I was a child at that time. But things started getting bad he started touching me more and more in my sleep. Whenever I was not asleep he didn't care he used to touch me. I knew that something was wrong so I wanted to share it with my mother but I kept quiet I thought these things are normal but one day he put his hand inside my dress and he touched my pussy (mind u i was just 8 yrs old), he knew I was not sleeping so he touched me again. Every day every night it was becoming normal for him to touch me again and again.
When I was 14 years old, a day came when he just rubbed his on my back and he came On me. One night he gave me his dick in my hand and asked me to rub it. I was so confused and nervous that i didnt understand what was happening but i didnt stop. I gave him what he wanted but I knew everything was wrong, When i told him this he asked me not to say anything to anyone as it was a secret between a brother and a sister. I thought he will stop so I just ignored his actions.
After some months It is not only my own brother who did this to me, but even my Relatives , Cousins , my Uncle, my Neighbour, Random strangers and Everyone touched me here and there. I became an object for them, so I stopped going out of my house. One day i thought i wud talk to my mother about it but being the place and society that i come from, I thought they will stop my education and i didnt want any problem with tahat so i kept quite (which most of Indian women do). 1 by 1 everyone from the family molested me again and again. After 4 yrs i left my hometown and shifted to a big and better city with my family, Hoping to have a better life with better and sensible people around me. But After some months reality hits me when i was raped by a friend. He raped me again and again.Blackmailed me and raped me for 3 nights without any mercy. To forget that horrible incident i started working which made me left with molestation at bus and public transports, by people i dont know, by my colleagues, by my Boss.These things kept on happening again and again with me.I was getting raped and molested by random strangers outside and by my family relatives inside.
Now you might think that i am Sad and Broke after whatever happened to me. But thats not why i am writing this confession. My confession is whenever i think about my life It TURNS ME ON. Let me explain.
When i think What my brother did to me it turns me on. I think I deserved what he did to me because deep down inside me I loved what he did. I know at that time I wanted him to stop but today when I think about it I just hope he did not stop and continued it. When I look back my past I realise that whatever happened I enjoyed each and everything. when I think about it today it turns me on . I get wet all the time. I must have fucked 50 men of my choices by now but i must agree that my brothers Dick is the best. I never had that chance to fuck him as he stopped it now but i always think of that dick. I think about the rape i think about the molestation i think about people using me.All these things turns me on. These thought and wanting to do all these gives me satisfaction when i masturbate. I miss the hindi abuses, i miss the forceful fucks, i miss the sense of getting used by someone for his pleasure. I dont hv any shame in getting raped by people. I want to fuck some men from my family. I want them to use me the way they want. I fantasize about getting raped by people i knw and people i dont know. I always fantasize about Incest and how wrong is it , but it makes me wet.The incidents happend to me changed my personality so much that today i get scared of what i have become.
But the truth is all thesd are just what i think and whats in my mind. I will never go and talk about it to anyone. I can never tell what i feel about it and how i want things in my life because i know none....none....and NONE will understand me. These are the things which will always be inside of me. I have a loving boyfriend who loves me so much and i love him so much now, but the sad part is i am not at all happy sexually with him. I know i can never say all these to him or anybody. I can never enjoy being forced and getting raped by someone ruining my makeup and my body without asking me and just destroy my opinion on this society. I want someone to make me feel that i was born to please men and getting fucked. I want those things in life.
But on the other hand i love my boyfriend because he is a nice man. He cares for me and i will never hurt him or his feelings. I knw some people will agree with my thinking and some will abuse me. I am up for both. But now i am Happy that i said what was inside of me which i never could to anyone.
Hope you guys will not Judge me.
In my own native language
