i'm really happy when i perform.

Rachel wouldn’t be Rachel if she wasn’t constantly thinking about the FUTURE. What kind of role she’d be playing when she won her first Tony, what kind of interior design aesthetic her brownstone walkup on the Upper West Side might have, and what kind of mother she was going to be to their children. It was all about goal setting, giving herself more DREAMS to build towards as she went through her daily life. But even Rachel could feel that there had been a massive shift in the context of relationship between senior year and now - not in a BAD way, but a palpable one none the less. They hadn’t lost any of their emotional intensity, their need to be close to each other and share everything as strong as ever. If anything, Rachel would argue that living at different ends of the country from each other had only DEEPENED her love for Finn, made her more sure than ever that he was going to be the man waiting for her at the end of the aisle. But it had lost some of its VELOCITY, the breakneck speed at which they’d been moving towards relationship milestones. Their senior year had been a whirlwind, jumping from newly sleeping together to MARRIAGE in just a few months. And while Rachel had never wavered in her belief that Finn was the love of her life, she didn’t feel the need to prove that with an engagement ring anymore. Looking back she could see how Finn’s UNCERTAINTY about his own future had made him want to secure part of it, be certain he’d have at least one thing he wanted - her. Which should’ve been a bruise to her ego, not exactly the most romantic of reasons for a proposal, but honestly? Rachel thought it was really SWEET. Of all the things Finn had been unsure about, she wasn’t one of them. Their misguided attempt at getting married, ultimately ending with Finn personally placing her on the train to New York, had only illustrated how DEEPLY and how IRREVOCABLY in love with her Finn was. How he understood her like no one else, and was going to do anything and everything he could to make her happy. With that knowledge firmly under her belt, Rachel didn’t feel the NEED to put pressure on their timeline to get married or explore the option of kids. Didn’t need him to PROVE that’s what he wanted too, because she knew in her bones that he did. They could talk about all of it, but she didn’t need him to lock down any details. She knew they’d get to it. Someday. And it was nice, in the interim, getting back to the BASICS of their relationship - dates, sweet nothings, just enjoying each other’s company. Giggling at his words, Rachel shook her head. “I didn’t think you noticed much of ANYTHING at her wedding except me in that red bridesmaids dress…” 

Rachel knew, probably better than most, all about Finn’s struggles with ANXIETY. It had been apparent even before they were dating, the way he’d get super tense during business meetings or need time to himself to decompress after posing for pictures with fans. A large part of it, she was sure, was just that he wasn’t BUILT for this kind of fame the way that she was. Which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing - it was actually one of the things she loved the most about him. It made him very HUMBLE, and forced Rachel to be more grateful for the little things than she would’ve been on her own. It helped keep her grounded; at least, as grounded as someone like her could be. But it could also be debilitating for him at times, with Finn second guessing himself and his behaviors so much that it literally kept him up at night. But that was only part of the equation - she knew his PAST also played a major role. The relationships (or lack-thereof) he’d had with the less than reputable men who had come through his mother’s life, the meltdown of his previous relationship - it all came together to make him easily NERVOUS, especially when things were otherwise going so well. Like he was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, didn’t believe that it was possible for things to truly be as happy as they seemed. Rachel wouldn’t DENY that she’d be happier if she could post all the cute photos of him on her phone to her instagram, able to brag to all those reporters on red carpets about how treasured and loved she was by him every day of her life. But just because she couldn’t have everything exactly how she wanted didn’t mean she was UNHAPPY. Quite the opposite … Rachel couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt like this. Maybe she’d never felt like this, the ease and comfort of knowing he was steadfastly at her side for whatever she needed something totally new and foreign. She knew he’d take a bullet for her in an INSTANT, and would gladly make himself miserable if he thought she’d smile as a result. Which just made her feel incredibly guilty, reflecting once more on how she’d stormed in here demanding more from him when all he’d done was ask for ONE thing from her. Time. Was she really so self-centered that she couldn’t abide by the rules of the single thing he’d asked for? Smiling right back, Rachel leaned in and pressed a firm kiss to his forehead - as if she was trying to kiss his worried mind to make it better, EASE the tension she figured must be there right now. “It is.” she vowed, looking apologetic as she pulled back. “I’m sorry I … did that. Said those things. You know PATIENCE isn’t on my list of skills, sometimes I need a reminder, but … I love you more than I love the idea of telling anyone. I promise. And if this is what you NEED for now? I want you to have it.”