my journey LicensedCivilEngineer

blood fuels the hands to move, to feel something, and even hold someone,

my hands were different, its source up with anger.

I wanted to enter in the ring, to punch and be punched.

I wanted to release the pain,

let go of the anger that has been growing inside,

 and free the burning iron fist.

I even enrolled in martial arts class, to control my fist.

put direction in my hook, not just in someone's face.

These hands should always in my pocket,

contain the roaring beast inside of me, but no bars can hold the blood to flow.

QUESTIONS:

how long can I hold the trigger of my explosion?

which side are you on?

the enemy that activates the bomb or

the coach that prevent the nuclear explosion.

CHOOSE

clouds covering then sun, owing to the fact that its too much.

white turns to black clouds, commencing its cry because its heavy.

windows and doors starting to close,

why?

afraid to be wet by others pain?

afraid to be involved in their shits?

or maybe you just don’t care!

sometimes its good to shower in the rain, play just like when we were kids, and  embrace the blessing from above,

breathe!    

accept the suffering and pain, then,

 find a way to dry off and wait for the next rain to come.

lights getting dimmer as time runs,

the sun is trying to rest  for the morning bullshits,

darkness starting to shadow the streets.

walked into the pavement of hell,

hopes to find souls at the dark, trying to capture lights,

lights that have been faded by heartaches,

pain turns to nightmares,

trust starts to burn out,

words begin to hibernate in our thick skulls,

words lurking in our tongue, waiting to be trigger,

just like the king of the jungle patiently holding its roar for the right enemy.

are you in the dark?

august 20,2020

I taught I can be batman, who lives alone, solve problems alone, can fight alone, can stand alone, protect himself alone but all of this was just in my mind trying to be a superhero inside.

I don’t know how I will survive in this shitty life of mine, I’m trying to be private by not telling my problems to my parents, friends not talking to me, gods not answering me and my brain doesn’t take orders from me now. to be honest, I don’t know what's going with me, I just want a friend, a brother, or maybe a stranger that I can talk too.

I read and watch a lot of batman’s comics and movies, the thing I noticed was batman's not alone, he has robin who fights side by side on him and Alfred who takes care of him in the bat cave.

it was just a daydream thinking that I am batman who can fight his joker. if I am batman, where is robin wheres Alfred? it was just me all alone.

last time (July 29,2020) I was sick with fever and cough, then was afraid if I have the virus (COVID-19) haha. but now I'm feeling better, I only have a small cough. all I did was I drank a lot of water everyday sometimes I drink lemonade then I work out without equipment just the home exercise because I think that if I sweat a lot it gets rid of the bad feels in our body. haha

the reason i never told anyone because i am scared to admitted in the hospital haha

Then my eyes suddenly open.

I hope and pray that its not the virus but just a normal fever.

march 27, 2018     1:36am Power controls everything, our mind, our actions, and specially our hearts. Those who are being controlled commits happiness or the other way around. every persons in the world carries a tons of stones in their back. our lives in this planet are short, its up to us on how we used it. most of us that carries weight on their back tries and find solutions on how they will carry it. but not all, some cant afford to handle the weights. maybe because their body are weak to handle, or their mind and heart are weak also, or maybe just because other people were adding much weight to it. nowadays people will try to hit someone, specially those who they think on their selves are superior. trying to hurt someone for their own happiness. did someone tries to help them?

by that, wounded people will try to be alone and push someone away. those people are like wounded animals, will smash those who's near, but it does not mean they don’t need help. the thing is, "care for the people who are in need, don’t make it as an advantage".