frag·men·tar·y

i’m just so confused. and I hope that things work themselves out because that’s what I’ve always believed and if they don’t then i feel like i’ll be completely stuck and that might be too much for me to handle

thank you for still watching out for posts here. i barely ever post but i love this blog and it’s still a huge part of who i am. i love the feeling writing brings and i consider it a success if even one person feels something from what i put out into the universe. and if they don’t, that’s okay too. i am proud of what i have done, where i’m going, and most importantly, who i am. the good and the bad. if anybody needs advice, i’ll try to be more active on here. 

nope! i’m not even really an advice blog (unfortunately i don’t use this as much as i used to or as much as i want to) but i always try to answer what i can :-)

seriously, it’s like i can see all this ridiculous stuff happening. i can see myself chasing people away and telling them to leave me alone even though that’s the exact opposite of what i want. and i’m so used to people getting tired of me and my disease that i just kind of expect people to drift away from me eventually. i just feel so far away from everyone and i can’t wait to get back to college and see people and go outside again. even my boyfriend, who is perfect and is telling me all the right things, i still can’t manage to convince myself that things won’t end eventually. i’m so scared he will realize one day that i’m not this bubbly person, even though he knows i’m not and he doesn’t care. i hope i don’t chase him away; i don’t think i will ever recover if i did that. anyways, the point is that some days i am just really fucking sick of this disease. i wish i could feel normal for once in my life. but i wonder, even then, if i would feel normal. if i weren’t depressed, i’m afraid i still wouldn’t be happy with my life. i don’t really even know what i’m saying. i just hope someone out there understands they aren’t alone in this, me included

Okay, I know from experience that this is easier said than done but you shouldn’t surround with people who want you to be any more than you are. Who you are is who you are, and you should never have to feel like you have to change for someone. You are trying and that is the most important thing. If they aren’t happy with that, then screw them. If they keep demanding more and more from you, just tell them to leave it alone because you’re trying your damndest and if that’s not enough for them, they’re incredibly selfish. I’m sure you’re a great person and you don’t deserve to be around this at all. I’m sorry :-(

I’m honestly a little biased because I just started a relationship where we had something and it took a while for either of us to confess, so obviously I think you should do it. Honestly you’ll never know until you ask and I don’t know if it’s the BEST time to since you live together and will live together for a while, but someone told me that if it’s the right person, then anytime is the right time. I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help, but good luck in whatever you decide to do!! Let me know how it goes 💖

That’s up to you; personally, I wouldn’t, but don’t let this sway your opinion. There’s a lot of things that go into making a relationship work, and if this is something that you and he both really want, then you will find a way to work through it. Just make sure you’re comfortable with whatever you guys are doing. Best of luck :-)

I really don’t know, I wish I could give more than the “people are weird” answer, but that’s what it is. Maybe something happened in his life; there could be thousands of different reasons. Maybe try to reach out again and see if he’d be willing to meet up and talk. I know it sucks not knowing, but there’s always a lesson to be learned, and if he doesn’t respond, he’s not worth it. One day someone will come along. Just make sure you are always comfortable with whatever you do, and let me know how things go!

Sometimes people really just get busy, and it’s soooo nervewracking wondering what they could be doing but truthfully, the only way to know how she feels is to tell her how you feel. Maybe try to reach out again and see if you guys can hang out face to face and just ask her if everything’s okay. Good luck!

i think there could be! There’s a lot of factors that go into someone’s decision to want and then pursue a relationship. I wish I could say more but it’s really just a game of chance. Best of luck and let me know how it goes!

honestly, if you’re both shy it’s going to be tough (but not impossible by any means). Personally speaking, I would honestly wait for the other person to reach out to me, so you might just have to reach out to them and ask if they’re okay and apologize for whatever you did that you think is wrong. Arguments happen in any kind of relationship and what’s important is how you handle things after it happens. Best of luck, and let me know how it goes!!

that’s really up to you!! personally i don’t think it’s a big deal to wait to kiss or anything but other people put a lot of importance on it, so if you do as well then take things slow until you both feel comfortable!

There’s a thing called transference which is actually a manifestation of your feelings for someone (from childhood or otherwise) onto your therapist. Since you are already talking about pretty personal stuff, that also seems to form a connection between the two of you. To be honest, I’m not exactly sure what to do but i think just focus on getting through your problems first and foremost, and if you’re really brace tell him about it. It’s an awkward position to be in but I’m sure that he’ll know how to tackle it if the situation ever arises. I’m sorry i couldn’t be of more help :-( but please update me and tell me how things go!

thank you so much, i’m hoping all goes well :-) if you ever need to talk, feel free to message me!

last year was one of the most transformative of my life. i hope that in 2019, i will continue to grow and learn from my mistakes. i want to be happy, and stay happy, and surround myself more with the people that i love and that love me in return. i want to take more walks and learn to accept people as they are, even if i may not agree with everything they do. i want to become a manifestation about what i’ve learned. i want to capture the beauty that i see in life and i want to hold on to what makes me hold onto life. when i was fourteen, i cut myself for the first time. when i was fourteen, i thought i wouldn’t live to turn twenty - i didn’t want to live. but here i am, a little less than six years later, excited for what the future brings, excited to turn twenty, and the happiest i’ve ever been. last year taught me not just to act strong, but to be strong. i learned to love completely and to trust. I’m going into this new year happy, for the first time in so many years. i will continue to work every day to stay happy, but i will not deny the days that i am unable to be happy. everything we do is a choice, and i choose to work harder in academics, in friendships, in romances. i know it will not be easy, but for the first time in my life, i am excited for what the future holds and excited to tackle the obstacles that i will face this year.

(via fraagmented)

toast can never be bread again (via fraagmented)