campsite

how the fuck am i so femcel coded and managed to find a man that actually fucks me and fucks with me???

if I make you want to kill yourself just leave me dont keep saying it and doing nothing

I dont know why you won't leave me, im horrible and you tell me, if im hurting you so much why are you staying

i'm sorry i couldn't stop, im sorry i can't calm down, im sorry i have to keep mentioning it, i'm sorry i make you feel guilty, but please don't tell me it makes you want to kill yourself to get away from me

never leave your room. never leave your room, they don't want you out with them. never leave your room, they hate you. they hate you and don't want you. they don't want you out with them. never leave your room they hate you. never leave your room.

so tired of not having friends and just working and doing schoolwork constantly

#figuringthingsout

insane that so many people with childhood trauma, that were abused, or what have you become adults that dont get to disclose that to people without shame or judgment. Like yeah I don't act normal but if I tell you why you're gonna treat me even weirder

I DIDNT GO TO ELEMENT SCHOOL! I DIDNT GO TO MIDDLE SCHOOL! I BARELY GRADUATED HIGHSCHOOL!!! AND IM JUST EXPECTED TO KNOW HOW TO ACT AROUND PEOPLE!!! I WAS LITERALLY ISOLATED FROM SOCIETY AS A CHILD AND TAUGHT TO FEAR EVERYONE!!! I DONT KNOW HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS!

how the fuck are yall making friends as adults? the only connections im making are weird men talking to me on public transport or hitting on me outside of class

crazy how being vulnerable will either lead you to the most loving and fulfilling relationships or to being betrayed and gutted and wanting to kill yourself

I would be such a good lover if I didn't have trauma, if I wasn't scared saying goodbye was forever like when I was little, if an argument didn't immediately make me beg for forgiveness, if silence wasn't my mother pretending I didn't exist for months, and I dont think its something that can be healed, im stuck like this, terrified that you're going to start treating me like they did

had no childhood, no tv, no friends, no video games, no new books, no contemporary music, left the house once a month, and now I'm an adult with no personality and no way to make connections

why am I in a high stress, busy, exciting environment like "this is the most depressed I've ever been" and the the second everything calms down I feel so manic that I could throw myself out of my third floor window just cause