cain

she let herself be pulled along as daniela continued leading both her and y/n through the crowd towards the dance floor.

the music grew louder with every step. bass vibrated through the floor beneath their feet, lights sweeping lazily over the bodies packed tightly together.

y/n barely noticed any of it, she kept looking over her shoulder. first towards manon then towards the bar, towards megan. every few seconds her eyes drifted back again, almost against her own will.

daniela noticed, so the second they reached the middle of the dance floor, she leaned in close to lara, speaking over y/n’s shoulder “they’re here.”

lara frowned “…what?”

“both of them.” lara followed y/n’s eyeline towards the entrance. she spotted manon almost immediately then she looked across the room, her eyes landed on megan.

“…oh, fuck.” a quiet, disbelieving laugh escaped her as she rubbed a hand briefly over her forehead “you’ve got to be kidding me.”

before y/n could turn around again, lara stepped in front of her. she reached up, gently taking y/n’s face between her hands, her long nails resting lightly against her jaw as she turned her head back towards daniela.

“whatever you’re thinking…” she waited until y/n was actually looking at her girlfriend “…is not happening.”

y/n’s eyes immediately tried to flick past her again “lara, i just-“

“no.” her voice stayed calm and firm “don’t.”

daniela stepped closer, taking one of y/n’s hands “dance.”

y/n looked at her blankly “dani…”

she gave her hand a reassuring squeeze “please.” without another word, daniela started moving gently with the music. lara followed a second later, her hand never quite leaving y/n’s arm.

they swayed naturally to the music, staying close enough that y/n couldn’t keep looking over their shoulders every few seconds.

for a moment, she simply stood between them. her body was on the dance floor but her mind was somewhere else entirely.

she could still feel them, manon on one side of the room, megan on the other like two opposite ends of a rope pulling tighter and tighter around her chest.

“y/n.” daniela’s voice softened, she squeezed her hand once more “stay with us.”

~~~~~

the music only seemed to get louder as the night wore on.

the dance floor grew more crowded, people spilling further into the walkways with every new song until there was barely enough room to move without brushing somebody else’s shoulder.

somewhere along the way, lara had disappeared to order another round of drinks.

daniela was still beside y/n, swaying absent-mindedly to the music, talking about something y/n wasn’t really listening to.

because every few seconds…her eyes wandered.

it had become almost involuntary. every time she caught herself doing it, she’d drag her attention back to daniela or the dance floor, only for it to happen all over again a minute later.

it was exhausting, she felt like she couldn’t even think straight anymore.

“…i’ll be back.” daniela leaned closer so she’d be heard over the music “just grabbing our drinks from lara.”

y/n nodded absently “yeah.” she barely watched daniela disappear into the crowd.

instead, she stood exactly where she was, her fingers tapping nervously against the side of her thigh.

she needed air or water or…she didn’t actually know. she just knew she couldn’t stand in the middle of the dance floor feeling both of them watching her anymore. before she’d properly decided where she was going, she’d already taken a step then another, her eyes lifted instinctively towards…she didn’t know. manon maybe? or megan? she honestly couldn’t tell anymore.

she’d barely made it three steps before somebody stepped into her path. a hand landed lightly against her chest but enough to stop her walking without actually pushing.

“hey.”

y/n blinked, a girl she’d never seen before smiled up at her.

“where’re you going?” her hand lingered for a second before trailing slowly up y/n’s arm, fingertips brushing over the fabric of her t-shirt until they reached her bicep. she gave it a playful squeeze “leaving already?”

y/n just…stared. her brain seemed to stall completely “…i…” she looked automatically across the room.

“my girlfri-“ the word died halfway out of her mouth. manon was already looking at them, even from across the dance floor, y/n could see it. the tight jaw, the fixed stare, the unmistakable jealousy flashing across her face.

y/n’s heart lurched, her gaze shifted again, towards the bar, towards megan. megan had seen it too. she wasn’t looking at the girl, she was looking at the hand still resting against y/n’s arm and somehow…she was wearing almost the exact same expression.

y/n felt something twist painfully in her chest “…i mean…” the words caught awkwardly in her throat “…to my best fri-“ she stopped herself, she couldn’t finish that sentence either. because megan was still looking at her exactly the way manon was.

the girl frowned slightly “…you okay?”

y/n looked back at her as though she’d only just remembered she was there “…to…” she swallowed “…not here.” it was all she managed.

she stepped gently around her, murmured a quiet, “sorry,” before disappearing into the crowd, pushing between strangers, not really looking where she was going.

only knowing she suddenly needed to be somewhere, anywhere, that wasn’t in the middle of the two people she’d somehow managed to hurt at the same time.

she barely made it out of the crowd before she heard footsteps behind her. she’d only just reached the quieter corridor leading towards the bathrooms when a voice stopped her.

“who the fuck was that?”

she turned, manon stood a few feet away, her chest rising a little quicker than normal from weaving through the crowd. the lights from the dance floor spilled into the hallway behind her, painting shifting colours across her face.

for a second…it almost felt normal like none of the last few weeks had happened, like this was just another night out together.

“…i don’t know.”

manon’s eyes searched her face “you don’t know?”

y/n shook her head “i’ve literally never seen her before.”

“she seemed pretty interested.”

“i know.”

“she had her hands all over you.”

“i know.”

“and you just stood there.”

y/n let out a quiet breath “because i was caught off guard.” she looked at manon properly now, could see the tension in her jaw and the way she’d folded her arms so tightly across herself it almost looked uncomfortable.

there was something almost painfully familiar about the look on her face.

jealousy, possessiveness, the kind she’d seen a hundred times before.

“…manon.”

“what?”

“why are you looking at me like that?”

she laughed once under her breath “like what?”

“like…” y/n searched for the words. “…like..we’re…”

something flickered across manon’s face, it disappeared almost as quickly as it’d come.

y/n’s chest tightened “i didn’t even know who she was.”

“i know.”

“i don’t even know why she-“

“when you looked up…” manon cut across her so softly that y/n almost missed it “…who were you happier to see?”

the question caught y/n completely off guard “…what?”

“when you looked up.” manon’s eyes never left hers “who were you happier to see?”

silence settled between them, the music from the club sounded distant now, muffled behind the walls.

y/n opened her mouth and nothing came out because she genuinely didn’t know. she’d felt her heart stop when she’d seen manon, she’d felt sick when she’d seen megan.

one feeling hadn’t cancelled out the other, they’d simply… collided.

manon watched the answer play across her face before y/n had managed to say a single word her shoulders dropped “…that’s what i thought.”

“no.” y/n stepped forward instinctively “that’s not-“

“isn’t it?” manon’s voice never rose “you used to answer questions about me before i’d even finished asking them.” she smiled sadly “now…” her eyes glistened beneath the coloured lights spilling into the hallway “…you can’t answer that one.”

“because it’s not that simple.”

“no.” manon nodded slowly “…it isn’t.”

they stood there looking at one another, close enough to reach out, neither of them willing to cross the last few feet. then, from somewhere behind them, the door to the club swung open, music rushed into the hallway again and bringing the rest of the world back with it.

manon stood there looking at her for so long that y/n almost wished she’d just shout.

instead…she laughed it wasn’t because anything was funny, it sounded like something inside her had finally snapped.

she shook her head slowly, rubbing both hands over her face before letting them fall uselessly back to her sides “…i fucking knew it.” the words were barely above a whisper.

y/n’s stomach dropped “manon…”

another laugh escaped her, quieter this time, broken around the edges “i knew it’d be her.” she looked away for a second, blinking hard before meeting y/n’s eyes again.

there was frustration there along with heartbreak and something that looked dangerously close to relief not because she’d been proven right but because she could finally stop wondering if she’d imagined it all.

“do you know how many times i told myself i was just jealous?” she smiled bitterly “how many times i apologised because i thought i was making something out of nothing?”

y/n tried to shake her head “you weren’t-“

“i was.” manon laughed again “i convinced myself i was.” she let out a long, shaky breath “and now i’m standing here watching you look at her…” her voice faltered “…and i can’t even be surprised.”

y/n’s chest felt impossibly tight “it’s not what you think.”

“isn’t it?”

“no.”

“then tell me what it is.”

y/n opened her mouth and once again nothing came because she didn’t know. she hated that she didn’t know.

“i love you.” the words came out desperately “manon, i love you.”

manon closed her eyes for a second when she opened them again, they were glassy.

“…that’s the worst part.” another sad laugh escaped her “i know you do.” she shook her head slowly.

“i fucking hate you…” the sentence broke apart before she could finish it. she smiled through tears, the expression so painfully sad it made y/n feel sick “…and i love you so much.”

she looked down at the ground “…i can’t even be properly angry.” her shoulders lifted helplessly “because i did this to myself.”

y/n frowned immediately “what?”

“us.” manon gestured vaguely between them “we kept doing this.” another tired smile “we kept breaking each other, then convincing ourselves it’d be different next time.” she swallowed.

“i stayed.” she looked back at y/n “every single time.”

y/n took a step towards her “because i asked you to.”

“exactly.” the word came quietly “and i always said yes.”

“please…” y/n’s own eyes were burning now “please just let me explain.”

“not here.” manon glanced back towards the dance floor where people drifted in and out of the corridor, the music spilling into the hallway every time the door opened.

she rubbed impatiently at her face before reaching for y/n’s wrist, firmly enough that y/n stopped trying to talk “come on.”

“manon-“

“i said not here.” she was already turning, weaving towards the fire exit at the end of the corridor. y/n stumbled after her without resisting, letting herself be led through the crowd.

the heavy door pushed open with a metallic groan. cool night air rushed over them, cutting straight through the heat of the club.

manon didn’t stop until they’d reached the narrow alley beside the building, hidden from the queue and muffled from the music inside.

only then did she let go of y/n’s wrist and she turned back to face her.

y/n felt the cold almost immediately, the adrenaline that had carried her out of the club was beginning to wear off, leaving behind nothing but panic.

she shook her head before manon had even said anything else “please don’t do this.”

manon looked at her quietly “don’t stand there looking at me like that.”

“like what?”

“like you’ve already decided.” another shaky breath escaped y/n. “because i haven’t.”

“i have.” the words landed gently.

y/n felt something inside her crack “no.” she closed the distance between them instinctively “no, you haven’t”

“y/n-“

“i love you.” the confession burst out of her again, desperate “i love you so much.” her voice broke “i want this.” she shook her head over and over, as though refusing to accept what was happening “i want us.”

manon smiled, it was small and heartbreaking “i know.”

“then why are you doing this?”

“because wanting it isn’t our problem.” she looked away for a moment, blinking back fresh tears before finding y/n’s eyes again “we’ve always wanted it.”

she laughed quietly through her nose “that’s why we keep surviving things we probably shouldn’t.” she gestured softly between them “every time we fall apart… one of us comes back”

because we’re worth fighting for.”

“no.” manon swallowed “because we’re too selfish to let go.”

“we love each other so much…” she continued quietly, “…that neither of us has ever been brave enough to admit when loving each other stopped being enough.”

y/n shook her head immediately “that’s not true.”

“then why are we here again?”

y/n couldn’t answer, manon took a slow breath. “i’ve spent so long trying to convince myself that if i loved you hard enough…” her voice cracked.

“…you’d never need anybody else.” another tear slipped free, she didn’t wipe it away this time “but it’s different with her.”

y/n frowned desperately “it’s not.”

“it is.”

“manon-“

“listen to me.” for the first time that night, there was no frustration in her voice, only sadness “this isn’t your fault.” she smiled faintly “i don’t even think you’ve realised it yourself.”

she looked down at the ground for a second “…but i’ve been trying to compete with something i was never meant to compete with.”

y/n’s chest tightened. when manon looked back up, her bottom lip trembled despite how hard she tried to keep it still.

“…i can’t compete where i don’t compare.”

the words hit y/n harder than anything else she’d said. all at once, the panic gave way to grief.

“don’t.” her voice came out broken “please don’t say that.”

she reached for manon without thinking. this time, manon didn’t step away.

y/n pulled her into her arms, holding her so tightly it was almost desperate. she buried her face against manon’s hair, one hand cradling the back of her head as if she could somehow keep this moment from slipping away.

“i love you.” the words were muffled against her “i love you.” she said them again and again as though repeating them enough times might somehow make them enough.

manon closed her eyes and for a moment…she let herself melt into the embrace. she’d missed this, she’d probably always miss this.

her hands slowly found the back of y/n’s jacket, gripping the leather lightly “…i know.” her voice was barely audible “i know you do.”

y/n only held her tighter “i’m sorry.” she felt herself beginning to shake “i’m so fucking sorry.”

manon nodded against her shoulder “i know.” another long silence settled between them.

when manon finally spoke again, her voice was so quiet y/n almost missed it “…i love you too.”

y/n squeezed her eyes shut “then don’t leave.”

manon’s breath caught, if only it were that simple. she slowly pulled back just enough to look up at y/n. their foreheads rested together, tears clung to both of their lashes “…i think that’s the problem.”

y/n frowned “what?”

manon’s thumb brushed gently across y/n’s cheek “i’ll always love you.” she smiled sadly “i don’t think i’ll ever stop.” her eyes searched y/n’s for one last time.

“…but i don’t think we’re in love with each other anymore.”

the words stole what little breath y/n had left. she stared at her, shaking her head instinctively “no.”

manon closed her eyes “…i think we’ve been trying to hold onto what we were…” she opened them again “…because neither of us knew who we’d be without it.”

another tear escaped down y/n’s cheek “please…”

manon leaned forward one last time, pressing a lingering kiss to y/n’s forehead, the kind of kiss that held years inside it. “…let me love you enough to let you go.”

y/n felt herself shaking, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d cried like this maybe she never had because this didn’t feel like one of their breakups.

there wasn’t any anger left to hide behind, no promises, no “we’ll figure it out.” just two people standing in a cold alley, grieving something that hadn’t quite ended yet but somehow already felt gone.

she reached for manon’s hands again, holding onto them as though they were the only thing keeping her upright.

“please…” her voice barely held together “please don’t disappear.”

manon’s face crumpled “y/n…”

i mean it.” another tear rolled down y/n’s cheek before she could stop it “i know we’re… i know this…” she laughed weakly, unable to even find the words “…but i can’t lose you.”

manon looked at her with so much sadness it almost hurt to meet her eyes “you won’t.”

“i will.” y/n shook her head desperately “you’ve been my person for years.” her fingers tightened around manon’s “i don’t know how to wake up one day and you’re just… gone.”

she swallowed hard “can we…” the question caught in her throat “…can we just be friends?” she hated how pathetic it sounded.

“i can’t…” another shaky breath “…i can’t not have you in my life.”

manon didn’t answer, she simply looked at y/n, memorising her the way people did when they knew they were about to lose something precious.

slowly, she lifted both hands, her palms settled gently against either side of y/n’s face, thumbs brushing away the tears that refused to stop falling.

she smiled, it was impossibly soft and impossibly sad “…baby…” she whispered it the same way she always had, it somehow made everything hurt even more.

her thumbs stroked lightly across y/n’s cheeks “we can never just be friends.”

y/n’s face twisted “why?”

“because i’ve tried.” a quiet laugh escaped manon “not with you.” she shook her head faintly “with other people.”

her eyes searched y/n’s “you don’t just wake up one morning and decide the person you’ve loved… is your friend now.” another tear slipped down her own face.

“i’d still reach for your hand.” she smiled sadly “i’d still want to kiss you every time you laughed.” her voice cracked “i’d still get jealous if somebody looked at you for too long.”

she let out a slow, uneven breath “and i’d spend every second pretending i wasn’t hoping you’d change your mind.”

y/n closed her eyes “…i don’t want this.”

“neither do i.” manon’s forehead rested gently against hers “but staying like this…” she swallowed “…we’d just keep breaking each other.”

the muffled bass from inside the club vibrated faintly through the brick wall beside them. the world carried on, completely unaware that theirs had stopped.

manon leaned forward, pressing one last lingering kiss to y/n’s cheek. she stayed there for a heartbeat longer than she needed to then another before finally pulling away.

“one day…” her voice was almost lost beneath the music “…i hope we can look at each other and smile.” she gave y/n’s hand one final squeeze.

“but if we try to be friends now…” she shook her head “…we’ll never let each other go.”

y/n felt fresh tears spill over, she wanted to argue, to promise they’d make it work, to tell her they’d done impossible things before.

instead…she just nodded because for the first time since she’d met manon…she knew she was right.

she couldn’t stop crying, every time she thought she’d managed to steady her breathing, another wave hit her.

after a long while, manon reached up almost absent-mindedly. her fingers found the silver chain around y/n’s neck. she rolled it slowly between her fingers, staring at it rather than at y/n.

“…you need to figure your shit out with megan.” the sentence landed softly.

y/n looked at her immediately “i-“

“no.” she smiled sadly “just listen to me this time.” her fingers continued playing with the chain, the familiar movement almost comforting.

“she’s a good girl.” she laughed quietly through her tears “she’s always been a really nice girl.” there wasn’t any bitterness in her voice if anything there was admiration.

“and she doesn’t deserve…” she searched for the words before shaking her head. “…whatever fucked up thing the three of us have been living in.”

y/n dropped her gaze guilt settled heavily in her stomach “i never wanted to hurt either of you.”

“i know.” manon answered so quickly it almost made y/n cry harder “that’s the horrible part.” she looked up then “i don’t think you’ve done any of this on purpose.”

she reached out, smoothing her thumb gently beneath y/n’s eye, catching another tear before it could fall “but you’ve still hurt us.”

the words weren’t cruel, they were simply true “and you’ve hurt yourself.”

y/n swallowed hard “what if there isn’t anything to figure out?”

manon smiled “then you’ll know.”

“and if there is?”

“then you’ll know that too.”

manon looked down at the chain again, turning it thoughtfully between her fingers “…part of me…” she laughed under her breath “…the really selfish part…” she shook her head “wants to tell you to choose.”

y/n’s heart twisted “manon…”

“i want to tell you to pick between us.” her eyes glistened again “and then i want to tell you to pick me.” the confession seemed to embarrass her almost as much as it hurt.

she smiled at herself “god…” another quiet laugh “that’s so fucking unfair.” she looked back into y/n’s eyes “because i know i can’t ask you to do that.”

she let the chain slip through her fingers “and…” her voice became quieter still “…deep down…” she took a shaky breath “…i don’t think i could let myself be picked anyway.”

y/n frowned “what do you mean?”

manon looked at her for a long moment “because if you chose me today…” she smiled sadly “…i’d spend the rest of our relationship wondering whether you only chose me because you couldn’t bear to lose me.” her bottom lip trembled.

“i don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering if someone else still has part of your heart.”

she reached up again, cupping y/n’s face gently “i deserve someone who’s certain.”her thumb brushed across y/n’s cheek “and so do you.”

fresh tears spilled down y/n’s face “i was certain.”

manon closed her eyes for a heartbeat “…i know you thought you were.” when she opened them again, there was no anger left, only love and acceptance.

“figure your heart out.” the words were barely more than a whisper “don’t do it for me.” another gentle stroke of her thumb “don’t do it for megan.” she held y/n’s gaze “do it for you.”

she smiled through the tears “because until you know where your heart actually is…” she swallowed “…none of us are ever going to be free.”

manon let out a slow, uneven breath, she stood there looking at y/n as though she were trying to memorise her all over again.

“…come here.”

y/n didn’t hesitate, she closed the small distance between them almost instantly.

manon lifted both hands, cupping y/n’s face again so gently it was almost painful.

they stood there for another second, neither of them moved, neither of them seemed willing to be the first person to admit this really was goodbye.

manon sighed, it sounded like she was letting go of something she’d been holding onto for years.

then she leaned forward and their lips met softly at first, hesitantly like they were both asking permission for one last moment.

y/n answered immediately, her hands found manon’s waist on instinct, pulling her closer until there wasn’t even the smallest gap left between them.

the kiss deepened naturally just impossibly desperate. every second lingered because neither of them wanted there to be another after it.

y/n felt manon’s fingers tighten slightly against her cheeks, she kissed her as though she was trying to remember everything at once.

the way y/n breathed, the way she tilted her head, the familiar warmth she’d spent years calling home.

a quiet sound escaped somewhere between them, neither of them could’ve said who it came from.

tears slipped freely down both of their faces now, they tasted salt every time they kissed again. every time they tried to pull away, one of them found the other again before they’d managed more than a breath like neither of them quite knew how to stop.

y/n’s forehead rested briefly against manon’s before she found her lips again.

one last time, holding her a little tighter. trying, somehow, to pour every apology she’d never managed to say into a goodbye neither of them wanted.

eventually…their breathing forced them apart, only by an inch, foreheads still touching and eyes still closed.

both of them crying too hard to speak for several seconds.

manon laughed quietly through a shaky breath “…we really are terrible at saying goodbye.” y/n’s lips trembled into the smallest smile “…yeah.”

manon opened her eyes first, she looked at y/n for what felt like forever “…i’ll always love you.”

y/n’s face crumpled all over again “…i’ll always love you too.”

manon nodded “…i know.” she brushed another tear from y/n’s cheek “it just…” she searched for the words “…it might not be the love we started out with anymore.” her smile was impossibly soft.

“…but it’s still love.” she swallowed “i don’t think i’ll ever stop caring about you.” her thumb lingered against y/n’s cheek.

“i just…” another quiet breath “…don’t think we’re in love anymore.”

y/n closed her eyes, the words hurt because somewhere deep down…she’d already begun to fear they were true.

manon leaned forward one last time, instead of finding her lips again, she pressed a slow, lingering kiss against y/n’s cheek.

she gave y/n’s hand one last squeeze, looked at her one final time then turned without looking back again, she walked towards the club entrance.

the heavy door opened, music spilled out into the alley for a brief moment, purple light washed over manon’s figure for the briefest second then it closed behind her.

leaving y/n standing alone in the silence.

she watched manon’s back disappear towards the club entrance, every step feeling impossibly final.

y/n stood there for another heartbeat, staring at the closed door as if she could somehow will it to open again. her chest tightened so violently she instinctively grabbed at it “…fuck.”

the word came out strangled, she couldn’t breathe. her knees gave out before she even realised they had, her back hit the cold brick wall as she slid down it slowly, the rough surface scraping against her jacket until she landed on the damp concrete.

she folded in on herself immediately, one hand stayed clutched over her chest, fingers digging into the fabric of her shirt like she could somehow hold her heart together.

the other covered her face, a broken sob escaped through her fingers.

she’d lost manon, not in the way they usually lost each other, not another breakup followed by promises and apologies and finding their way back.

this…this had been goodbye.

she buried her face deeper into her hands, every memory came crashing over her all at once.

their first date, every “i love you”, every fight, every time they’d chosen each other.

and now…every time they never would again.

what she didn’t realise was that the whole interaction was being watched.

megan.

she’d gone looking for y/n almost as soon as she’d disappeared from the dance floor. at first she’d told herself it was just to make sure she was okay, that anyone would’ve done the same then she’d spotted them from the end of the alley.

y/n and manon.

close together, she’d watched just long enough to see manon’s hands cradle y/n’s face, watched y/n step into her, watched them kiss.

it hadn’t looked uncertain, it hadn’t looked like goodbye from where megan had been standing…it had looked like two people choosing each other.

she’d felt something inside her quietly give way, there hadn’t been any anger, no dramatic reaction just a dull, familiar ache settling heavily in her chest.

of course.

she’d been stupid to think it’d be anything else, she looked away before they pulled apart before she could see the tears, before she could hear a single word that followed before she could see manon walk away and before she could see y/n collapse against the wall because she’d already seen enough.

she turned back towards the club entrance, blinking hard against the sting in her eyes.

“…come on.” adela’s voice drifted faintly from somewhere inside, megan swallowed and forced the smallest smile she could manage “coming.”

then she disappeared back through the door. completely unaware that the girl she’d just convinced herself she’d lost…was sitting only a few metres away on the other side of the wall, crying because she’d just lost someone too.

y/n didn’t know how long she’d been sitting there. time had stopped making sense somewhere between manon disappearing through the club door and the moment she’d found herself on the ground.

the alley door creaked open again, soft footsteps echoed against the concrete before stopping a few feet away.

“…y/n?”

daniela.

y/n slowly looked up and daniela’s expression fell almost immediately.

she’d passed manon on her way out, she hadn’t needed an explanation, she’d seen the tears on manon’s face then she’d found y/n like this.

it hadn’t taken much to put the pieces together.

“oh…” she crossed the alley in only a few steps before crouching down in front of her “hey.”

y/n couldn’t speak, she just looked at her before another tear rolled silently down her cheek.

daniela’s heart broke. without saying another word, she reached forward and gently brushed the damp hair away from y/n’s forehead.

“come here.” she didn’t wait for permission, she wrapped both arms around y/n, pulling her carefully against her chest.

y/n folded almost instantly, all the effort it’d taken to stop crying disappeared the second somebody held her. another sob escaped her as she buried her face against daniela’s shoulder.

“i know…” daniela whispered, one hand rubbing slow circles across her back “i know.”

the alley door opened once more and lara stepped outside. she looked from daniela…to y/n…still crumpled on the ground. her face immediately softened but before she could even take another step-

“lara…” y/n’s voice cracked so badly it barely sounded like her, she looked up through swollen eyes.

“please…” she wiped at her face with the sleeve of her jacket, failing miserably “i know i messed up.”

her breathing hitched “i’m sorry.” she shook her head over and over “just…” another broken breath “…please.” she looked at lara almost fearfully “i can’t hear what you have to say right now.”

she laughed weakly through another sob “please don’t…” she couldn’t even finish the sentence, she genuinely thought lara had come outside to tear into her, to defend manon, to tell her she’d ruined everything.

daniela looked up at her girlfriend and their eyes met, she didn’t say anything, she didn’t need to as lara understood immediately.

she let out a long sigh then slowly walked over before crouching down beside them.

for a second she simply looked at y/n, at the bloodshot eyes, the shaking hands, the girl who’d made a mess of everything…and looked completely destroyed by it.

lara reached out without hesitation, she pulled y/n sideways into her too. one arm wrapped firmly around her shoulders as she tucked her against herself.

“…hey.” her voice was much quieter than usual. she pressed a gentle kiss against the top of y/n’s head “you’re my friend too.” the words hit y/n almost as hard as everything else that night.

another sob escaped her immediately “i’m so sorry.”

“i know.” lara tightened her arm around her “i’m still pissed at you.” she admitted it honestly “and i’ll probably stay pissed at you for a while.”

she rubbed y/n’s shoulder gently “but i’m not going to leave you on the floor of an alley crying by yourself.” y/n cried harder.

“that’s not how this works.” lara rested her chin lightly against the top of y/n’s head “you’re an idiot.” a tiny, humourless smile tugged at her mouth “but you’re our idiot.”

daniela reached over, quietly taking one of y/n’s hands.

y/n’s breathing came in uneven, painful gasps, she couldn’t seem to stop crying. every time she managed to catch her breath, another sob tore straight through her chest.

she buried her face against daniela’s shoulder again “…i think…” her voice cracked so badly she had to stop. she swallowed hard, trying again.

“…i think i just lost the love of my life.”

daniela’s hand continued rubbing slow circles over her back, her own eyes beginning to sting.

lara stayed quiet for a moment, she looked at y/n carefully then she sighed “…or…”

both girls looked up.

“…you just realised she wasn’t actually that.”

the alley fell silent, y/n stopped crying completely, it was so sudden even daniela’s hand froze halfway across her back.

“…lara?” daniela whispered, looking at her girlfriend in disbelief.

lara didn’t look away from y/n, she knew the words sounded cruel but she also knew y/n needed someone to say them.

y/n stared at her blankly her breathing had slowed, not because she’d calmed down…

because her brain had completely stalled “…what?”

lara’s expression softened “a love of your life doesn’t leave you wondering if someone else has part of your heart.” the words weren’t harsh, they were heartbreakingly matter-of-fact “that’s not taking anything away from what you and manon had.”

she shook her head “what you two had was real.”

“it was.” y/n’s voice came out almost automatically.

“i know” lara nodded “i know it was.” she reached forward, brushing a strand of hair back from y/n’s face.

“but loving someone…” she paused “…and them being the love of your life…” another small shake of her head “…they aren’t always the same thing.”

y/n just stared at her, she felt something shifting something she’d been refusing to look at for weeks, months, years.

“…m-megan?” the name escaped before she’d even realised she’d thought it.

she slowly leaned back, looking directly at lara, confusion, fear and dawning realisation all crossed her face at once.

lara held her gaze, she didn’t smile or “i told you so.” she looked at her with an almost unbearable amount of sympathy “…yeah.”

it was barely above a whisper, y/n felt her stomach drop. all at once, dozens of moments she’d buried away came rushing back.

every time she’d looked for megan first, every time she’d wanted to tell her something before anyone else, every dream, every ache she’d tried to convince herself was just guilt, every conversation with daniela and every warning she’d ignored.

“…oh my god.” the words left her in a breath not because she’d fallen out of love with manon, she hadn’t. she loved manon and she probably always would.

but for the first time…she understood why letting her go had felt like grief and why losing megan had felt like losing herself.

the realisation settled over her so heavily it almost made her feel sick “…oh my god.” she whispered it again.

y/n’s breathing quickened again, every thought she’d been trying to outrun over the last few weeks suddenly slammed together into one impossible conclusion.

“…i need to find megan.” she lurched forward as though she was about to stand.

daniela caught her wrist immediately “hey.”

y/n tried again “i need to-“

“no.” there was no hesitation in daniela’s voice.

“i have to tell her.”

“y/n.”

“i have to fix this.”

“no, you don’t.”

y/n looked at her in disbelief “what?”

“not tonight.” daniela held onto her wrist, not tightly, just enough to stop her bolting back into the club “for once…” her voice softened.

“…you need to stop running to the next person before you’ve even understood what you’re feeling.”

y/n’s eyes filled again “but what if-“

“no.” daniela shook her head “you don’t get to have this realisation and immediately sprint after her.”

“you owe yourself more than that.” she brushed a thumb across y/n’s knuckles “…and you owe megan more than that.”

lara sighed beside them “…it doesn’t matter anyway.”

y/n looked over “why?”

“because she already left.”

y/n’s stomach dropped “what?”

“adela said they were heading home.” lara looked at her sympathetically.

the air left y/n’s lungs, she looked back towards the club door instinctively, as though megan might somehow still walk through it.

lara crouched a little closer “daniela’s right.”

she waited until y/n looked back at her “you need to-“

“figure my heart out.” the words slipped out before lara could finish.

y/n wasn’t looking at either of them anymore, she was staring at the ground hearing manon’s voice all over again.

figure your heart out.

her chest tightened, this time not with panic with understanding. she let out a slow, shaky breath “…she told me that.”

daniela exchanged a glance with lara but stayed silent.

y/n gave a small, broken laugh “she knew before i did.” another tear rolled down her cheek “she’s been waiting for me to realise it.” she covered her face with both hands “…and now i’ve hurt everyone.”

the three of them sat there in silence, no one tried to tell her it wasn’t true because it was.

but for the first time…y/n wasn’t trying to run from it.

~~~~~

the weeks that followed were quieter than any she’d experienced in years. there were no dramatic revelations, no sudden rush to fix everything, no desperate late-night phone calls.

for the first time in what felt like forever… y/n listened. she listened to daniela, to lara, to manon and, eventually…to herself.

it was harder than she’d expected because sitting with her feelings meant she could no longer distract herself from them.

she couldn’t hide behind another argument with manon, she couldn’t convince herself she was just feeling guilty about megan. she couldn’t throw herself into work or nights out or anything else that stopped her thinking.

so she thought. constantly.

she replayed years of her life over and over until moments she’d never questioned before began looking completely different.

she remembered getting good news and instinctively reaching for her phone, not to call manon but to text megan.

she remembered walking into crowded rooms and automatically searching for one face before she’d even realised she was doing it.

she remembered every stupid inside joke.

every drive that somehow turned into four-hour conversations.

every time megan had looked after her when she’d been too stubborn to admit she needed someone.

every fight with manon that somehow ended with her sitting on megan’s kitchen counter eating takeaway while megan quietly let her talk.

she remembered the dream and, for the first time…she stopped telling herself it was just a dream because dreams didn’t create feelings.

they exposed the ones she’d been too scared to acknowledge while she was awake.

that was the hardest part, realising it hadn’t happened overnight. there hadn’t been one single moment she’d fallen for megan.

there hadn’t been a kiss or a confession or some dramatic shift she’d somehow missed.

it had happened slowly, so slowly she hadn’t even noticed.

friendship had become dependence.

dependence had become comfort.

comfort had become home.

and somewhere along the way…

home had become love.

without her ever allowing herself to think about what that meant because thinking about it would’ve meant admitting something impossible.

she cried when she realised that not because she’d fallen out of love with manon but because she’d finally accepted that loving her and being in love with her were no longer the same thing.

manon had seen it long before she had. she hadn’t been fighting megan, she’d been fighting the inevitable.

and megan…megan had never asked for any of it. she’d simply been there.

patient, kind and loving y/n quietly enough that she’d never demanded anything in return.

y/n thought back to everything daniela had said in her kitchen weeks before.

you need time apart from both of them.

no manon.

no megan.

just y/n.

she smiled sadly, daniela had been right. again because if she’d run straight after megan that night…she would’ve done exactly what she’d always done.

jumped from one feeling to the next without ever understanding either.

instead…she sat with it, day after day until the answer stopped feeling confusing, like guilt and like panic.

until one morning she woke up and realised there wasn’t actually a question anymore.

somehow…without her ever noticing, without her ever letting herself imagine it could be true.

it had always been megan.

and she suspected…deep down…it always was going to be.

it took her four days after the realisation. four days of starting her car before turning it back off again, typing messages she never sent, hearing manon’s voice every time she reached for her phone.

figure your heart out.

she had but that didn’t make this any less terrifying.

y/n pulled up outside megan’s house just after nine.

the street was quiet, washed in the orange glow of the streetlights, most of the neighbouring houses already dark.

she turned the engine off, her fingers stayed wrapped around the steering wheel.

“…fuck.” the word slipped out on a breath, she looked towards the house. one light was on upstairs another glowed softly through the front window.

she could still leave, nobody knew she was here. she reached for the door handle, opened it and one foot hit the pavement. she immediately climbed back into the driver’s seat again.

“…nope.”

her heart was beating so hard she thought she might actually throw up. she rested her forehead against the steering wheel “okay.”

a deep breath “you just…” she stared through the windscreen “…you tell her the truth.”

“hi, megan.” she winced immediately “no.”

she rubbed both hands over her face “hey” another wince “that’s worse.”

she let out a frustrated groan before climbing out of the car again. this time she actually closed the door behind her, she made it exactly two steps towards the front gate then stopped, turned back around and got back in again.

“…fuck.” her hands found her jeans instinctively, rubbing nervously against the denim before she started wringing them together instead.

“okay…” she muttered to herself “i’m sorry.”

she shook her head “no.”

“i know i hurt you…obviously.” she sighed “great.” she was talking to herself in her car.

“i love yo-“ she stopped herself so abruptly she almost laughed “jesus christ.”

a sharp knock against the passenger window made her jump so violently she nearly swore.

megan stood beside the car, wearing oversized pyjama bottoms, a faded t-shirt and a hoodie thrown hastily over the top, like she’d pulled it on while walking downstairs. her hair was messy, she looked like she’d been halfway through getting ready for bed.

confusion was written all over her face but beneath it…sadness.

y/n hurried out of the car almost automatically, they ended up standing opposite each other, the bonnet separating them.

megan broke the silence first “…what the fuck are you doing?” she shifted her weight awkwardly, arms folding loosely across herself against the evening cold.

her eyes searched y/n’s face, taking in the red eyes, the nervous hands “…y/n?” another beat of silence “…why are you here?”

y/n opened her mouth and as usual nothing came out. everything she’d spent four days rehearsing disappeared the second megan was actually standing in front of her.

“…i-“ she stopped, shook her head and started again “i know you’re probably wondering why i’m here and i just… i needed to see you because i… i didn’t-“ her words tripped over each other so quickly they barely sounded like sentences anymore.

she ran both hands through her hair before immediately dropping them again, starting to gesture helplessly as though she could physically arrange the thoughts that refused to come out properly.

“i’ve been thinking and i know what you saw because adela told lara and lara told me and i know how it looked but it wasn’t-i mean it was, but it wasn’t like…” she squeezed her eyes shut “…fuck.”

megan just watched her, she’d never seen y/n like this usually she always had something to say, always knew exactly how to explain herself now she looked completely unravelled.

“i’ve made such a fucking mess.” y/n laughed once, but it came out sounding more like another nervous breath.

“i hurt you.” she pointed vaguely towards the house before dropping her hand again “and i hurt manon and i…” her voice caught.

“…i didn’t even realise what i was doing until it was too late.”

megan’s expression barely changed. she shifted her weight, pulling her hoodie a little tighter around herself against the cool night air “…y/n.”

y/n looked up immediately “i don’t really have time for this.” she took a small step backwards towards the path leading to her front door “if you’ve come here because you feel guilty-“

“no.” y/n answered so quickly she almost stumbled over the word “that’s not-“

“because i’m really not interested in being the person you apologise to after you’ve chosen someone else.” another step backwards. she couldn’t do this, not again. she’d spent weeks convincing herself she’d imagined what she’d felt then she’d watched y/n kiss manon. whatever hope she’d secretly been holding onto had died in that alley.

“megan, wait.” y/n hurried around the front of the car without even thinking, stopping herself a few feet away from her “please.”

megan looked at the ground “…don’t.”

“please just let me explain.”

“i don’t need an explanation.”

“yes, you do.”

“i really don’t.” another step backwards.

y/n felt panic rise so suddenly it made her chest hurt, she could see her leaving, could see this ending before she’d even managed to say the one thing she’d come here to say.

“…i didn’t choose her.” the words escaped louder than she’d intended.

megan froze, her eyes lifted slowly back to y/n “…what?”

y/n’s breathing had become uneven again, she shook her head desperately “mei- megan, i…”

megan turned around slowly, she didn’t walk away she just…turned. the porch light caught her face now, soft enough that y/n could finally see the exhaustion she’d been trying to hide.

y/n swallowed, this was it. she’d driven here because she’d finally figured it out and now that she had…she suddenly had no idea how to put years of feelings into words.

she took a tentative step around the bonnet of the car then another carefully like any sudden movement might send megan back inside.

“i know what you saw.” her voice was quieter now “and if i saw what you saw… i’d think the exact same thing.”

y/n stopped a few feet away “i know you think i chose her.” a lump rose in her throat “but… i didn’t.” she shook her head “i couldn’t.” her eyes filled again “because she chose for both of us.”

the words seemed to catch megan off guard, her brow furrowed slightly. y/n let out a slow breath.

“she ended it.” she took another step “and do you know what the last thing she told me was?”

megan’s expression softened despite herself, she didn’t answer.

“she told me to figure my heart out.” y/n laughed quietly, a broken, disbelieving little laugh “and i remember thinking… what the fuck does that even mean?”

she rubbed at her eyes with the heel of her hand “i thought i already had.” she smiled sadly. “i thought i knew exactly who i was.”

another step, the bonnet was beside her now instead of between them, only a couple of feet separated them “then i went home.”

she looked down at the pavement “and i did exactly what she asked.”

“i sat with it.” she shrugged faintly “for the first time in my life i stopped running.” another shaky breath “i stopped trying to fix things. i stopped trying to distract myself.”

“i just…” she looked back up at megan “…thought.” her eyes were glassy now “and everything started making sense.”

megan’s fingers tightened inside the sleeves of her hoodie, she still hadn’t spoken it was she was almost afraid to.

y/n smiled sadly “do you know what the worst part was?” she laughed softly through her nose “realising it wasn’t new.” she shook her head “i kept looking for the moment it happened, the day, the conversation just…fucking something because i needed there to be one.”

she slowly took another step, close enough now that megan had to tilt her chin up slightly to keep looking at her.

“there wasn’t.” y/n’s voice cracked “it just…” she searched helplessly for the words “…became you.”

she looked away for a second, laughing at herself because even that sentence hadn’t come out right “that sounds ridiculous.”

she rubbed a hand over the back of her neck “what i’m trying to say is…” she looked back at megan “…it happened so slowly i never even noticed.” her throat tightened “you were just…always there.”

“when i had good news…i wanted to tell you, when i had bad news…i wanted you, when i was angry…i came to you, when i was happy…i looked for you.” she felt tears spill over again “and i never questioned any of it.”

“because you were my best friend.” she smiled weakly “that’s what i kept calling you…i hid behind those words because i was terrified of asking myself why losing you hurt differently.”

megan’s eyes had begun to shine too but she said nothing. y/n could see the conflict all over her face, hope trying desperately not to exist.

“i loved manon.” she said it without hesitation “i still love her” the honesty hurt “i always will.” she swallowed “she gave me years of my life, a version of myself i’ll always be grateful for and she taught me what love looked like.” her voice softened.

“but she also saw something in me…” she looked down briefly “…that i refused to see.”

“she knew.” a tear slipped down her cheek, she smiled sadly “before i did.”

megan finally spoke, barely above a whisper “…why didn’t you tell me?”

the question shattered whatever composure y/n had left “because i didn’t know.” she answered immediately “i swear to you…” her voice broke completely “…i didn’t know.”

she laughed through tears, frustrated with herself “i thought i was guilty, i was grieving or that i just scared of losing my best friend.”

she shook her head over and over “i had every explanation in the world except the right one.”

now they were close enough that neither of them had to raise their voices “and by the time i understood…” she closed her eyes for a second “…i’d already hurt you.”

when she opened them again, she held megan’s gazes “i’m not here because manon and i ended.” she spoke carefully, making sure every word landed exactly where she wanted it to “if we’d never broken up…” another tear rolled down her face “…i still would’ve had to face this.”

she took one final breath “i’m here because i finally understand why every road i took somehow ended with me looking for you.”

y/n’s shoulders slumped, everything she’d been carrying for months suddenly felt unbearably heavy.

“i’m not asking you to forgive me tonight” she said quietly then she managed the smallest, saddest smile “…i just couldn’t let you keep believing i chose someone else…” her eyes never left megan’s “…when, somewhere along the way…” she took a shaky breath.

“…my heart had already chosen you.”

y/n stood there with her heart somewhere in her throat, every second stretching impossibly longer than the last.

she’d said it, all of it, there was nothing left to hide behind now.

she watched megan’s face, trying desperately to read it, trying to work out whether she’d just made everything worse.

megan hadn’t moved, her arms were still folded loosely around herself, sleeves pulled over her hands. she was looking up at y/n with an expression y/n couldn’t quite place, there were tears sitting in her eyes, her breathing had quickened but she still hadn’t said a word.

the silence became almost unbearable

“…say something.” y/n’s voice was barely audible “anything.”

megan blinked once and another tear escaped, tracing slowly down her cheek. she laughed just once almost in disbelief, she shook her head.

y/n’s stomach dropped “…okay.” she nodded once, already beginning to step backwards.

“i’m sorry.” her voice cracked “i just… i needed you to know.” she forced herself to smile, even though it barely held together.

she turned slightly “…i’ll go.”

“y/n.”

she stopped immediately. slowly, she turned back around. megan was smiling now, not a big smile but a tearful one.

she looked at y/n for another long second before letting out a breath that sounded like she’d been holding it for months.

megan’s words barely had time to settle between them “…took you long enough.”

y/n just stared at her, she genuinely thought she’d imagined it “what?”

a watery laugh escaped megan as another tear slipped down her cheek.

“i said…” she shook her head, smiling through tears “…took you long enough.”

before y/n could even begin to understand what she’d meant, megan reached for her.

her fingers caught in the front of y/n’s shirt, gripping the fabric tightly enough to crease it beneath her hand.

then she pulled, y/n stumbled the last half-step towards her.

their lips met.

it wasn’t hesitant or careful, it was years of longing colliding all at once.

the impact stole the breath from both of them, y/n’s eyes slipped shut immediately, her heart pounding so hard she was sure megan could feel it through the space that no longer existed between them.

the kiss softened almost as quickly as it had begun, the urgency gave way to something slower, something neither of them wanted to rush.

megan’s grip on y/n’s shirt loosened just enough for her hand to flatten against her chest instead, feeling the frantic rhythm beneath her palm.

y/n’s hands moved almost instinctively. one settled gently at megan’s waist, drawing her a fraction closer. the other lifted to her face.

her fingertips brushed so carefully against megan’s cheek as though she still couldn’t quite believe she was allowed to touch her.

megan leaned into it without thinking.

the kiss lingered, neither of them seemed willing to be the first to let go.

they’d pull back just enough to breathe before finding each other again almost immediately, as though every tiny bit of distance suddenly felt unbearable.

y/n felt megan smile against her lips and she couldn’t help smiling back. the tiny movement made them both laugh softly into the kiss, the sound shaky and broken by emotion.

another tear rolled down y/n’s cheek and megan felt it.

without breaking away completely, she lifted her free hand, brushing her thumb gently beneath y/n’s eye.

their eyes met, close enough that neither of them had to search for what the other was feeling.

it was all there, relief, heartbreak, hope and years of loving each other in silence.

megan looked at her like she’d been waiting for this moment for years “…come here.”

it was almost funny, they were already impossibly close and yet y/n leaned in again without hesitation.

this kiss was different, slower. megan’s fingers slipped from the front of y/n’s shirt to the back of her neck, gently threading into the hair at the nape, holding her there as though she was afraid she’d disappear if she let go.

y/n’s hand remained against her cheek, her thumb tracing tiny, absent circles over skin she’d spent so long pretending she only wanted to touch as a friend.

every time they separated for a breath, they stayed impossibly close, noses brushing, foreheads resting together and their breathing mingling in the cool night air.

finally, they pulled back just enough to actually look at one another, megan laughed first, a proper laugh this time “…you’re such an idiot.”

y/n let out an equally breathless laugh “…i know.”

“you really made me wait for that.”

“i know.”

“years.”

“i know.” she shook her head, smiling so hard her cheeks hurt “i’m really sorry.”

megan looked at her for another long second. then reached up, brushing one last tear from beneath y/n’s eye.

“…don’t be…it only took you like a million years but…” she smiled “you got here.”

~~~~

megan couldn’t stop smiling. she unlocked the front door, pushed it open and immediately glanced back over her shoulder just to make sure y/n was actually still there. she was, standing awkwardly on the doorstep.

megan laughed “you coming?”

“yeah.” y/n stepped inside, closing the door quietly behind her.

she’d been in this house hundreds of times, she knew where everything was, it had always felt like a second home.

tonight…it felt completely different.

megan wandered towards the stairs, kicking her shoes off halfway there before looking back again “well?”

y/n was still standing in the hallway “coming.” she followed her upstairs.

every step somehow made her more nervous.

megan reached her bedroom first, pushing the door open before walking inside without another thought she turned around a second later.

y/n was still standing in the doorway, completely frozen.

megan blinked “…what are you doing?”

y/n rubbed the back of her neck “uh…” she looked into the room then back at megan “…can i…” she let out an embarrassed laugh “…come in?”

there was about half a second of silence then megan burst out laughing. she doubled over slightly, covering her face “are you serious?” y/n groaned

“you basically lived here for half your life?”

“i know.”

“then why are you asking permission?”

y/n looked everywhere except at her “…because” she shrugged awkwardly “…it’s different now.”

that made megan stop laughing, her smile softened into something impossibly fond.

she crossed the room until she was standing right in front of y/n “come here.”

before y/n could respond, megan hooked a finger through one of the belt loops on the front of her jeans. she gave it a gentle tug and y/n stumbled the tiny distance forward with a surprised laugh.

“hey-“

“shut up.”

megan grinned then she leaned up and kissed her, it was quick and soft. she was still smiling when she looked back up at her “see?” another small tug on the belt loop “you’re allowed in.”

she stole another quick kiss, still holding onto y/n’s jeans, she took a few small steps backwards.

y/n followed almost automatically until the backs of megan’s knees bumped lightly against the mattress, she sat first, never letting go of the belt loop.

the gentle pull brought y/n down beside her.

for a moment, they just looked at each other, no words. just quiet smiles neither of them seemed able to stop.

megan reached out suddenly.

pinch.

“ow!” y/n pulled her arm back “what was that for?”

megan looked completely serious “making sure this isn’t a dream.”

y/n stared at her “…aren’t you supposed to pinch yourself?”

“yeah” megan nodded thoughtfully “…but you also deserved that.” before y/n could react-

pinch.

“megan!”

“yep.”

“what is wrong with you?”

megan laughed so hard she nearly fell sideways “nothing.” she was still laughing.

“you’re just…” she looked at y/n again, her smile softening “…actually here….and you deserved that”

the laughter faded into something quieter, more vulnerable. she reached over, gently smoothing an invisible crease from the front of y/n’s shirt.

“i’ve imagined this so many times.”

y/n’s heart squeezed “meg…”

before she could finish the sentence, megan leaned forward again. she smiled against y/n’s lips halfway through it, and y/n couldn’t help smiling back.

when they finally pulled apart, megan didn’t move far, she rested her forehead lightly against y/n’s.

“…definitely not a dream.”

y/n laughed quietly “positive?”

“mm.” megan nodded “but…” she reached over one last time, giving y/n’s arm the tiniest pinch.

“hey!”

“…now i’m positive.”

~~~~~

the first few days were…strange. nothing felt wrong but everything suddenly felt allowed. there was no second-guessing whether a hug would be taken the wrong way, no pretending a lingering look didn’t mean anything and no pulling away from touches they’d both secretly wanted for years.

they didn’t have to hold themselves back anymore. which, y/n discovered very quickly…had been a mistake because megan had apparently been suppressing an unbelievable amount of affection.

she wanted to hold y/n’s hand everywhere, if they were walking, her fingers found y/n’s almost immediately. if they were sitting, she was somehow leaning against her.

if y/n stood up…

“where are you going?”

“the kitchen.”

“okay.”

“…why are you getting up too?”

“’cause.”

“‘cause’ isn’t an answer.”

“i missed you.”

y/n looked at her “megan.”

“what?”

“i’ve been gone for three seconds.”

“worst three seconds of my day.” she said it completely seriously, then slipped her hand back into y/n’s as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

she became shameless about kisses too.

before, she’d always had to stop herself now…she absolutely didn’t.

if y/n walked past her, kiss.

if y/n handed her something, kiss.

if y/n laughed particularly hard at something, kiss.

half the time there wasn’t even a reason.

“what was that one for?” y/n asked one afternoon after megan had interrupted her mid-sentence just to peck her lips.

megan shrugged “felt like it.”

“…that’s it?”

“do i need another reason?”

y/n couldn’t even argue with that.

one evening they were lying across megan’s bed, music playing quietly through a speaker while y/n scrolled absent-mindedly through her phone.

it rang, she answered without thinking.

“hello?” there was a pause “nah, bro, i can’t come tonight.”

she glanced sideways at megan, who was already looking at her “sorry.” a smile spread across her face “i’m with my girlfriend.”

megan froze.

y/n carried on talking, completely unaware “yeah, another time.” she laughed “alright, see you.” she hung up.

the room went quiet “…what?”

megan was sitting bolt upright, staring at her wide-eyed and completely speechless.

“…what?” y/n repeated.

“you…megan pointed dramatically “…you just said…” she looked genuinely overwhelmed “…girlfriend.”

y/n smiled “yeah.”

“you called me your girlfriend.” another pause “…i am your girlfriend.”

“you are.”

megan’s smile somehow got even bigger. “i’m your girlfriend…” she laughed in complete disbelief “…and you’re mine.”

“yes, babe.” y/n barely got the words out before megan launched herself across the bed.

“mei-“

she was immediately cut off by a flurry of kisses. one on her cheek another on the corner of her mouth another against her forehead.

“okay!” y/n laughed, trying unsuccessfully to escape “i get it!”

“my girlfriend.”

another kiss.

“megan!”

y/n wrapped an arm around her waist before she could escape again, laughing as megan buried her face against her neck with the biggest grin she’d ever seen.

“…i like the sound of that.”

“i can tell.”

“say it again.”

“absolutely not.”

“please?”

“no.”

“baby.”

y/n kissed the top of her head “my girlfriend”

~~~~

a couple of days later, the four of them ended up back at lara and y/ apartment.

it felt oddly familiar except this time megan was tucked comfortably against y/n’s side on the sofa, her legs draped across y/n’s lap without a second thought.

daniela looked between the two couples and smiled “you know what?” everyone looked at her “we should go on a double date.”

megan looked up immediately “yes.”

y/n nodded “i’m in.”

daniela grinned “see? that’ll be fun.”

all three of them looked towards lara, who had been quietly sipping her drink, suddenly found herself the centre of attention “…what?”

“well?” daniela asked.

lara sighed dramatically “i don’t know…”

three pairs of eyes continued staring at her.

she looked at each of them in turn before the corner of her mouth slowly lifted “…yeah.” she smiled “…that’d be nice.”

daniela immediately leaned over to kiss her cheek “i knew you’d say yes.” lara rolled her eyes, but she was smiling too.

across the room, her gaze met y/n’s, there was an understanding there that hadn’t existed a few weeks ago. lara had been angry and rightfully so. y/n had hurt one of her best friends but she’d also watched y/n do the hardest thing she’d ever had to do.

she’d watched her finally stop lying to herself, lara gave the smallest nod y/n smiled back, a quiet, grateful one

lara returned it then looked pointedly at megan, who was still practically wrapped around y/n “…you know she’s capable of sitting by herself, right?”

megan frowned “why would she want to?”

lara snorted “yeah.” she leaned back into daniela with an amused shake of her head “…this one’s never getting rid of you now.”

“good,” megan answered without missing a beat “that’s kind of the plan.”

y/n looked down at her, unable to stop smiling.

~~~~~

a week later, y/n had discovered that dating megan came with one unavoidable side effect.

personal space no longer existed.

“left! left!”

“i know!”

“behind you!”

“i know!”

“shoot her!”

“megan, i know!” y/n laughed despite herself, one hand on the keyboard while the other rested loosely around megan’s waist to stop her sliding off her lap.

their gaming setup had somehow become a two-person activity.

y/n sat in her desk chair, headset on, completely focused on the valorant match.

megan sat sideways across her lap, facing the monitor like she was part of the team, watching every movement with an intensity that suggested she thought shouting at the screen genuinely helped.

“come on…” she bounced excitedly “come on…”

the enemy rounded the corner, y/n reacted instantly. click. headshot.

“yes!” megan practically launched herself upwards. she bounced excitedly in y/n’s lap, clapping both hands together.

“i knew you’d get her!”

“baby-“

she bounced again “that was so good!”

y/n groaned through a laugh as the chair rocked beneath them, she finally wrapped both arms around her middle, holding her still against her chest.

“sit.”

megan looked over her shoulder innocently “…i am sitting.”

before y/n could answer, megan reached up and lifted one side of the headset off y/n’s ear.

“my turn.”

“what?”

“my turn.” she carefully slid the headset off y/n’s head and placed it on her own before leaning forwards towards the keyboard.

megan stuck her tongue out without taking her eyes off the screen. y/n shook her head fondly instead of trying to take the controls back, she relaxed into the chair.

her arms found their way around megan’s waist again almost automatically, she rested her chin lightly on her shoulder, watching the screen over it.

from this close, she could smell megan’s shampoo. she smiled to herself, tightening her arms just enough to pull her a little closer until she was resting comfortably against her.

without really thinking about it, she pressed a light kiss to the top of megan’s shoulder, then another closer to her neck, another against her cheek when megan turned her head slightly.

megan’s concentration lasted all of ten more seconds “…i don’t wanna play anymore.” she reached over and clicked out of the game.

“hey!” y/n laughed “i was winning.”

“you’re winning in real life too.” megan turned around carefully until she was facing y/n properly again, one leg tucked either side of hers on the chair. she looked at her for a second and just smiled.

“…what?” y/n asked.

she reached up, gently taking y/n’s face in both hands “for years i had to pretend i didn’t want to kiss you every five minutes.”

y/n’s eyebrows lifted “every five minutes?”

“minimum.”

they both laughed. megan leaned forward, brushing a soft kiss against y/n’s lips.

when she pulled back, she stayed close enough that their foreheads almost touched “…i’m making up for lost time.”

y/n smiled, brushing a loose strand of hair behind megan’s ear “i’ve noticed.”

“good.” megan kissed her once more before settling comfortably against her, resting her head beneath y/n’s chin.

~~~~~

the little bell above the café door chimed every few seconds as people wandered in and out, escaping the cold outside.

it smelled like fresh coffee and pastries, the quiet hum of conversation filling the room as music played softly overhead.

megan was tucked into the booth by the window, scrolling absent-mindedly through her phone while y/n sat opposite, one foot nudging hers beneath the table every now and then just because she could.

“for y/n.”

“that’s us.” y/n stood, giving megan’s knee a quick squeeze as she passed.

“come back quick!”

y/n laughed, shaking her head as she made her way towards the collection counter.

the barista smiled, sliding the tray across!“thank you.” she picked it up carefully, balancing both drinks before turning around and froze.

manon.

she was only a few feet away, standing at the register reading the menu above the counter, almost at the exact same moment, she looked away from it.

their eyes met and both of them stopped. clearly neither of them had expected this.

for a second, the noise of the café seemed to disappear then manon’s expression softened she smiled, the kind of smile that held no bitterness anymore.

“hey”

y/n blinked, suddenly very aware she was still holding the tray “h-hi.” the word stumbled out more awkwardly than she’d intended.

she shifted the drinks in her hands, suddenly unsure what to do with herself.

manon smiled a little wider “how’ve you been?”

“good.” y/n nodded a little too quickly “yeah… good.”

manon’s eyes drifted past y/n’s shoulder towards the window towards megan, who had looked up when she’d realised y/n hadn’t come back yet, she wasn’t interrupting just quietly watching.

manon followed her gaze for another second before looking back at y/n “…you two look good together.”

y/n felt her chest tighten “manon, i-“

“did you order yet, mahal?”

another voice joined them.

sophia appeared beside manon, naturally slipping into the space next to her. as she did, her hand settled comfortably around manon’s waist, absent-mindedly rubbing her side before she looked up at y/n “…oh.”

y/n’s eyes immediately dropped to sophia’s hand then back up to manon then back to sophia.

the pieces came together almost instantly “…oh.”

manon watched the realisation spread across y/n’s face and couldn’t help smiling.

y/n looked between them again, still processing it “you…” she gestured awkwardly with the drink tray “…two…”

manon nodded, a little bashful now “same way…” she glanced across the café towards megan before looking back at y/n “…you two are.”

y/n stared for another second then let out a short laugh, shaking her head in disbelief “…right.”

they both laughed quietly, it wasn’t awkward anymore, it was strangely nice.

after everything they’d been through, somehow they’d found themselves standing here, smiling at each other over coffees.

manon glanced between sophia and megan before looking back at y/n “…it’s kinda funny.”

y/n tilted her head “what is?”

manon smiled to herself “best friends…” she laughed softly under her breath “…am i right?”

that earned a proper laugh from y/n, she lowered her head for a second, smiling to herself before looking back up.

“…yeah.” there was a warmth to it now, an understanding, they both knew exactly what she meant.

they’d both fallen in love with the person who’d been standing beside them all along.

y/n adjusted the tray in her hands “…it was nice seeing you.”

manon nodded and her smile never faltered “…you too.”

for another brief moment they simply looked at each other, not with regret or longing just gratitude then y/n gave her one last smile before turning back towards the booth.

she slid into the seat opposite megan, placing the drinks on the table, megan looked at her carefully “…everything okay?”

y/n glanced back once, manon was laughing at something sophia had said, leaning slightly into the hand still resting around her waist.

she looked happy.

y/n smiled to herself before looking back at megan “…yeah.” she reached across the table, taking megan’s hand.

“…everything’s okay.”