Foster The World

Baby boy (after seeing a dead bug): Mom what happens after you die?

Me: No one really knows but a lot of people have different ideas about what could happen.

Yesterday from 5-8pm my 6yo ate:

-10 strawberries

-1 large red pepper

-1/2 bunch of rainbow chard sauted with garlic

-1/2 pint of grape tomatoes

-1 large peach

-4 pickle stalks + 1/4 cup of pickle juice (=nasty)

-1 large turkey feta burger

-5-6 of those little naan breads you can buy at the store

The child will eat anything you put him in front of him. It's wonderful.

Another old friend got a breast cancer diagnosis. Apparently found out June 29th and has already done round 1 of chemo. 1 more to go before surgery. Has a 6yo, 9yo, and a middle schooler. Last I saw her she had given notice at her job of 20years. Her plan was to finish the end of July. So I guess good news that she found out before? Or maybe she's on her husbands insurance? Not sure? Treatment is difficult but prognosis is good. Seems so frequent nowadays.

Motivated me to get my mammogram and colonoscopy. The last time I had a mammogram (2024 = oops) I had to get a biopsy. Apparently because of that I can't schedule one directly - which doesn't make sense. Why make it harder for someone who has a history of not clear results. My doctor has to write a referral. My doctor tells me since I have not had a check up since 2023 (again = oops) I need to come in to get a referral. Seems counterproductive to put obstacle into preventative care but here we are. Will be able to get the colonoscopy referral at the same time.

The girls flew by themselves to visit my parents. They are in Heaven. My Dad took them to their little lake so they could drive the pontoon boat. They made their own ramen for dinner and (I quote) "ate Sprite for breakfast." Good for you, my favorite ladies. Enjoy all of that MSG and whatever the hell they put in Sprite to make it so delicious.

They are headed out of town with my Mom and Aunt today. My 17 yo nephew is the sweetest and took them bowling. My 15yo nephew is a lifeguard at a public pool with water slides - so they are very excited to visit him. I hope my kids are as kind when they are teenagers.

They packed all by themselves. I double checked everything but they did pretty good. I love that my kids are so very independent/self sufficient.

They come back for two days and then we head out on our family vacation with my family. Dreamy. Baby boy's always a hot mess on vacations - despite his very, very strong desire to go. I'm currently pretending he's matured enough that he will be fine. We do have some new ideas/plans in hopes it will make it easier for him. Worse case one of us will stay behind with him on alternating days. So at least we will each get one fun day out and about mixed with one day at the Airbnb entertaining him. Historically he has still slept well - so that should not be a problem. If we could crack the code that makes vacations enjoyable for him I'd be so happy for all of us. We've figured out a lot of things for him so I do believe it will happen one day -just not confident we are there now.

Bus counselor comes off the bus to tell me that an older kid was not being nice to baby boy. What? Someone's kid is causing trouble and it's not mine??? That's wonderful news. Baby boy did the right thing and asked to move away from him. He also is not sensitive at all (in that way) and did not give two shits.

The library is right by baby boy's bus stop. Today we stopped in to get him his own library card. We have been checking out five books a day and returning them the next day. We carry our books through a beautiful wooded park - chatting away about his funny stories about camp. Then we both plop ourselves on the couch and read our books. Reading books next to my kid has always been my dream. I honestly could not imagine a better scenario.

Well only one minor change would make it better - I wish I had a real book. I've been reading on my kindle app on my phone or computer because that's where my current book is. But that's minor and at some point I will. Otherwise = perfection.

Found a new hair braiding place for Bee. The first time I had to ask her several times for a price. She said $150. Several black moms told me it was way too much. They suggested $80. I don’t mind paying a white lady surcharge so I said $100. She said okay and did a good job.

Booked her again - sent another similar style and asked if it was okay. She says yes. Arrive and she tells me she doesn’t provide part of the hair. So annoying. Clearly she should have told me that when I booked. Decide we can skip that part because apparently it’s $50. Then she says the price is $150. I try to argue but Bees on a flight to visit my parents tmrw. Neither Bee or my Mom can handle her hair not in braids. Fine I’ll pay this time. Then she starts arguing with me as if I should have known.

It’s an impressive skillset - she can charge whatever price she wants. I may have even agreed to it just to have to done. But I don’t like feeling cheated.

If it wasn’t for the flight I would have left. That would have also left her without a client for the time she booked. Or more likely she would have agreed to the $100.

Anyway she lost a customer. I don’t want to worry about what comes up next time. Now I’m annoyed I have to find another lady. This place was five doors down - so convenient.

I pick baby boy up via a walk through a wood filled park and bring him back home the same way. Another forty minutes of walking. He tells me about his day and it’s lovely. NYC knows how to do public parks. What a great use of our tax dollars.

Work is very busy which oddly means I have more flexibility. If I visit three patients in one day I don’t have to go to the office. I go to the patients home and complete documentation whenever. Less than three patients and I have to clock in and out - which means I have to waste time getting to and from my desk. I like working. I hate filling time to meet a schedule.

These Grandparents are so very sweet but how sad the campaign clearly felt the need to say "don't worry his family is WHITE." This country can be so depressing sometimes.

I liked both him and Haley Stevens. Not surprising she already committed her support. They were lucky to have two candidates who were clearly good people.

My friend who visited from California took the girls and I on a Treasure hunt. Her husband is into searching for the treasure boxes some guy wrote about in his 1980 book. He buried a little box with a key in 12 locations that match with a picture and a poem. You use the clues to search for the treasure box. If you find them they have a key you bring to the author and he gives you a jewel. The author passed away in 2005 but his estate says they will honor the hunt. So far three out of twelve were found.

My friend's family went to San Francisco and dug for them after getting a permit. They also dug in Houston. Her husband sent us info on where and why he thought it was in Prospect Park. We did a reconnaissance mission but no way to dig three feet in the ground in a big area. The girls were into it.

We've been friends since 2nd grade. This is all very on brand for her. Which I love. I like people who want to do quirky, fun things.

Here's the Treasure Hunt: https://12treasures.com/

All my worry and baby boy did great with our visitors. Clearly charming my friend. Timing worked great. My friend came on Friday night while baby boy was at a bday party with my husband. He hung out with her Saturday morning. Then the girls and I spent Saturday until 4pm with her. My husbands friend showed up at 3pm. I took baby boy at 5pm so he could have a guys night dinner with his friend. Husbands friend left the next morning around 10am.

Baby boy did so well I wondered if I don't give him enough credit. Then my husband's parents asked to stop by for a half hour before they go meet a friend. Baby boy was a perfect angel until they showed up - then immediately turned into a maniac. Climbing all over them, ignoring my attempts to stop him and on and on. Time out seemed to calm him down until one second after he got out when he went back to his antics. All my kids behave poorly around my sweet in-laws. Annoying. I had worried that's how the whole weekend would go - so very glad it was only a half hour.

Apparently at the bday party at a country club in Jersey he told the mom "this place is FANCY." HA!HA! My city kids aren't used to country clubs. The Birthday boy told him "you CANNOT do YOUR back flip." Apparently he ignored the advice and back flipped right off the diving board. Who knew he had a back flip? I was worried about a Friday night party as he's generally finished by Friday night which results in bad behavior. But the swimming pool kept him well behaved.

Today my husband got a text message that said "Hello this is XX's mom. X talks about baby boy everyday! I think he's genuinely his favorite part of camp. Please let me know if baby boy would be interested in a play date one weekend or we would love to have you guys over after camp one day for a BBQ." I almost cried happy tears. He was one of only two kids invited to the country club bday party so in general it seems like he's well liked. I know he's wonderful but worry so much others aren't going to see it because he's so impulsive/hyper.

I've been at my job for about 2.5 years, I think. Something like that. Maybe less or maybe more. Overall, I like it because it is flexible so I can still hang with me kids.

In that time period I'm on my 5th boss. Each one does things a little bit different. Not a huge deal but annoying when half of them have been annoyed/bothered I can't read their mind about these unknown to me changes in style. This is the city govt so zero things are written down. Zero. This current boss is my least favorite but I need to remember I am a strong member of the I DO NOT CARE CLUB when it comes to work.

I very much wish I could ask this women to email me instead of coming to my desk. Again, I do not care. I will do whatever they tell me. I sometimes forget this when she comes to my desk because she says things in an annoying way. I don't think I can tell her that because it would then make it very obvious I DO NOT WANT TO COMMUNICATE WITH HER. I am not good at hiding an annoyed look. Anyway, back to not caring. Must remember to smile and nod.

Despite, my earlier bitchy post about the stress of having good friends who are kind enough to make the time to visit me I am now excited my friend is coming. If baby boys a mess, then he's a mess. I'm a real life human being not just a mom. I need to make time for long time friends. We've made a schedule for baby boy that is as flexible as it can be. Also, baby boy's been great this week (minus the Trump loving shenanigans) - so maybe he'll hold it together. Maybe. If not, will pass him back and forth so each of us can also have some fun.

He has his first loose tooth that he is very, very excited about. Was making plans to catch the tooth fairy all morning. What a delight. His adult tooth is already poking through. Which is sad because I love the holes in their mouth and I don't really like the big teeth in a baby mouth phase. Bee had the holes for soooooo long. I loved, loved, loved it.

Our neighbor has been caring for a family members baby for 14 months - since the baby was four months old. In that time the mother has not had one hour of unsupervised visits. She's 16yo and has untreated mental illness. No school. In a foster home herself. Just a baby herself. She sometimes shows up for supervised visits but never stays for the full amount of time.

In mid June they said the baby is returning to the mom in two weeks. No build up to the return. Zero hours of unsupervised visits. The foster mom said she would like to support reunification but can they work toward that - with build up of unsupervised visits first. Caseworker told the birth mom the foster mom does not want her to have the baby back. Of course, the birth mom now wants nothing to do with the foster mom. So the toddler will not see her again. They put the baby in the foster home with the mom. The home has ten kids/children. Ten foster kids in one home in NYC. I do not even understand how that works??

Poor everybody. I know a long drawn out process for reunification can be torture but certainly zero hours of unsupervised visits to full time care is not great. I can't imagine taking care of ten children - let alone ten foster children with what can only be a very diverse, large set of needs.

I can understand birth families wanting to move past the experience and therefore not wanting their kids to see their foster families. In this situation it does not seem good for anyone.

The neighbor is writing the heads of all of the agencies, CPS, the Mayor, etc. I can't imagine it will help.

At least the baby had a steady, loving home for the first fourteen months of her life. Key months of growth for anyone.

My childhood best friend is in CT filming a movie. She's going to come Friday to spend the night. I'm excited to see her and nervous about having a house guest because baby boy often struggles with this. He has a bday party my husband will take him to Friday night. Hopefully, he will be asleep by the time we get back. The plan was for my husband to hang out with him alone all day Saturday. Then she leaves Saturday night.

My husband's high school best friend just called to say he is coming in town for a funeral. He's going to spend Saturday with us and then stay the night. Bad timing. I was already worried about one visitor for baby boy. Obviously, I do not want to and would never suggest my husband's best friend can't stay here.

We are big welcoming people - we want to be the house that everyone can come to. I dream of a being a good host. It sucks that we have a kid with special needs that makes it more difficult. It sucks for him, for us and for his siblings. He's also a social kid. He doesn't mean to or want to get unregulated around visitors.

My husband is worried about the same things I am. We both recognize we would never say no to either of our friends and also kind of wish we could because baby boy needs a calm weekend. Worrying about him almost makes the whole thing unenjoyable for me.

The girls will win because will give them screen time in order to account for the attention we will have to give to baby boy to try to make up for visitors.

I had another very good friend in town last weekend from Ireland. I love her and the friend visiting this weekend. I'm glad I got to see them. I also find it difficult to truly catch up in a short period of time, especially with children around.

I really want a local friend who will do a post kid bedtime drink on a regular schedule once or twice per month. I want that consistent meetup. I want it to be a few hours. The longer time frame required for out of town visitors doesn't work well with our lives, as much as I wish it did. Unfortunately, due to baby boy's needs we can't really talk with adults when he is are around. He requires one on one attention. So meet ups with our friends with kids is fun but not quality adult time.

I do have local friends. I see them but no one lives close enough or has a life that allows for regular meet ups. I have a book club once a month - which is great but not the same as a personal catch up.

Sending please, please just fall asleep on the bus ride home vibes to my kid from 4pm EST until I pick him up. If you are the praying/sending good vibes type please do the same.

Yesterday's shenanigans begin with the college kid counselor telling me that he was "Very scared. Saying he did not want to come home because you make him watch scary movies." Over the last few days we've been watching Harry and the Henderson's as a family. Per his request. He has been laughing hysterically and not scared at all. I said "He's scared of Harry and the Henderson's?" Then directly to him - You don't have to watch it if you don't want." In hindsight this 19yo kid probably has no idea what Harry and the Henderson's is.

Then she says "I don't know your political affiliation." I stare back blankly because what could she possible say next? "but baby boy has been making the other kids very upset because he says he loves Donald Trump." More blank stares back from me while I process this information. WTF Alex P Keaton has happened to my 6yo? We obviously don't discuss politics with our Kindergartener. It's the year 2026 so he's overheard us talk about our lunatic President. He def does not "love" Donald Trump - He's six! He 100% loves liking the opposite of whatever he thinks everyone thinks he should like. He claims he loves the Yankees because my husband is a big Met's fan and i'm a Cardinals fan. When all of NYC loved the Knicks he said he loved the Spurs. And on and on. None of this goes far in our house because we barely acknowledge it which means he drops it. He knows this bus counselor is not a big fan of his (understandably, unfortunately) so he's going to double down on whatever thing will annoy her. So here we are. WTF, kid. Can you just not? Anyway, let's hope he falls asleep today and every day afterward. While she's telling me at least four other little kids were happily/wildly waving goodbye from the bus. So he can't be totally disliked, right?

There's also been a flash flood warning since 9am without a drop of rain. I would really love for these dangerous weather warnings while my kid is on a bus to STOP.