For Want of Asking

the specialist: this author has a favorite kink or trope and has written 80% of the content in that tag. you know exactly what you’re getting. they have A Brand™️. no matter what other traits they display, dedicated rare pair authors belong here.

the chocolate box: essentially the exact opposite. this author will try anything once. they have 80+ works in the fandom with no discernible pattern. the shortest one is 268 words and the longest is well over 100k. this breed of author may or may not be related to:

the renaissance fan: they’ve written three things in your fandom: your favorite fic, your notp, and a bizarre crossover with a show you’ve never heard of. you hit “expand fandoms list” on their author page and have to scroll down twice to reach the bottom. whenever you curse the fact that you can’t legally commission fic writers, this is the author you’re thinking about.

the horn dog: they’re here for one thing and one thing only. if someone’s dick is not in another character’s mouth within 500 words, they apologize for it in the author’s notes. they have one (1) g-rated fic.

the rookie: this writer is usually young, new to fandom, or just got a beta-reader for the first time. their fics are a little all over the place, quality-wise, but you’re excited whenever their name pops up because their unique voice gets stronger every time. you feel a personal investment in their development, like you’re an old man reading the local high school sports page and saying “this kid’s the one to watch.”

the live streamer: the most prolific author in the fandom. their works are all over the front page when you sort by kudos. you have no idea how they generate this much work, and have seriously wondered if they have access to an extra-dimensional time portal. their stories are usually un-beta’d and the characterization varies wildly, but their best works are inspired and you’ve read them 30 times.

the cryptid: this one comes out of nowhere every two years, drops the best fanfic you’ve ever read, and disappears. fifteen months after you left a three paragraph comment about how they changed your life, you get a message in your inbox that just says “thanks.”

the novelist: we talk about “filing off the serial numbers” when someone reworks their most popular story to pitch it as an original novel; this author somehow does the reverse. their fics are excellent, usually long-reaching multi-chapter AUs that have almost nothing to do with the on-screen characters except their names. i’d like to extend my personal thanks to this breed of author because it’s the closest i get to reading an actual book.

the reunion tour: this author wrote some of the most popular works in the fandom, but either moved on to k-pop or burned out when canon took a turn for the worse. they put out one new thing a year, often an old draft that’s been haunting them from under the floorboards. their last six author’s notes all say they never thought they’d write this pairing again and “this will probably be the last time.”

Me: *slams desk* That's it! That's my wife!

SO you've lost power and fucking freezing? First things first. You're going to grab literally every blanket and pillow and cushion you can find.

Grab some newspaper or other papery material, it's insulation.

Next, you're going to build yourself a motherfucking blanket fort. Keep it small but with enough space you won't feel like death.

Put the newspaper on the floor, put cushions and pillows, then your blankets. Build it up.

Any form of light source will also help (just please don't light anything on fire). Keep that there.

As for clothing, you need to layer it up. Keep moisture wicking material as a base, then build it up. You might look like the Michelan tire man or Pillsbury Dough Boy but you'll be warm.

If you have pets that are susceptible to the cold, put one of your shirts on them and bring them to the blanket fort.

KEEP YOUR TAPS DRIPPING SO THEY DON'T FREEZE.

DO NOT OPEN YOUR FRIDGE OR FREEZER UNLESS YOU HAVE TO. The temperature there will not protect your food enough.

If you have to go out at all, look for shiny patches on the road. That is black ice.

If you hit ice, don't panic, don't hit the pedals, lightly take your foot off the gas, steer into the skid to gain control again (do not over steer) and then straighten your wheel. Look where you want to go and then start slightly steering that way.

Pack clothes and blankets. Cardboard, shovel, and cat litter if you have it. This will help if you happen to get stuck.

IF YOU GET STUCK IN THE SNOW for the love of God do not just gun it. That will damage your vehicle and dig you into a bigger hole. You need to either wait for help or "rock" your vehicle. Hit the gas a little, then back off of it. Do this in a steady rhythm so that your car rocks. Rock with it.

Lawn equipment like shovels (laid flat, sharp side to the ground) can jimmy under wheels enough to get your car out of frozen soil.

If you have to drive, do it primarily in a low gear. Even on automatics, you probably have the option to force it into 1 or 2 (on the vertical shift, it’s usually the part at the bottom you never used). Try not to use the gas and instead allow your car to pull itself forward, occasionally steadying/slowing the speed with your brake.

Saranwrap/Clingwrap and tape over your window can help insulate without taking blankets from elsewhere.

If you have a gas stove, you can use a lighter/match/long, lit candle to turn on a burner by turning to the “light” (you’ll hear clicking) and putting your flame by where you usually see it on the stove. Highly recommend longer items for this: the candle, a grill lighter, a rolled up piece of paper you lit on fire with a match. If you’re new to this, you’ll want the extra distance to get used to it.

If you’re not sure what to do about your pipes, try to fill some containers with water, at least, so you have that in case things freeze or your water service goes down.