forst and foremost

Berlin, Germany. 1 July 2016. @rorwanbadass

Happy birthday, Liebling.

I can’t be with you today, but I hope this goes at least some of the way to make up for that. I’ll make up for the rest tenfold when I get back home. God, I haven’t even left for the conference by the time of writing this, but this is already making me miss you. How pathetic is that, huh?

Speaking of pathetic: I’m so sorry to be the one to tell you this, but it turns out your boyfriend is a huge dork. I decided to make you a little treasure hunt for the day to keep you entertained. Your presents are all hidden around my apartment, unless you already snuck in and looked for them after I left. In that case… you know their location better than I do, and I just hope that you’re enjoying them.

walking back into the house, backpack swung over her shoulders, raia made her way to room #8 - a place that had become somewhat of a haven, as the name would have it. a few weeks ago, she’d received a call from her mother; a call she hadn’t wanted to answer, but her mom never called, so she’d answered it. it was about her father - he’d been incarcerated for what seemed like the millionth time in her life, but this time was different. this time, he’d killed the two men that had assaulted her before she’d fled for SH, and she’d been called to stand trial to defend him. it wasn’t something she wanted to get into now, or ever, really. everything had come back up - all the feelings she’d had that night. but damn, was she glad to be back here.

looking up towards the doorway as she sensed the body that had turned the corner, she gave a sweet smile. “hey.”

Vic’s whole face lit up when he saw his favorite Virginia Woolf fan girl, "I thought I saw you! Through the window. Not that I was... watching you or anything... I was just making coffee...” He rambled on for a moment, then smiled at her sheepishly and gave up with a shrug. It had been a while since he’d seen Raia, and he was just so excited to be talking to her again. At least he knew that she already knew much more embarrassing things about him, which was both comforting and disconcerting all at once. “It’s good to have you back,” he finally managed to say somewhat normally, and it really was. Vic was aware that Raia was a big girl who didn’t need him to worry about her, but he couldn’t help doing so. He just always worried a little when people left the house. “How was your trip to... was it back home to Chicago or am I just making things up?”

Letting out a soft laugh as he asked again, “I’m fine. Just a little buzzed. Don’t worry. If I do get piss drunk, I can usually find my way back so don’t feel like you have to worry about it.” And that was the truth. She never passed out and she always hoped that she never would. Kylie didn’t want to get too drunk anyways, she knew that if she drank too much she would start overthinking and all the feelings would finally hit her. She wasn’t ready for that. Especially when she was now with someone who she didn’t want to scare away with an emotional break down. “Thank you, Vic. I can call you Vic right?” She asked. After all, she knew some people had nicknames they hated.

His question caused a smile to appear on her lips. “I think people heard about us and they ran off because I haven’t dealt with any recently. If anything, I think I’m the biggest Arschlöcher around. But I don’t really favor the idea of me punching myself.” She admitted. Her inner thoughts have become a battle between her and herself. She began having problems with feeling like she could enjoy herself. She didn’t want to be having fun because that’s NOT why she was here. She was here because she was a coward. “I’m glad you feel safer, thanks to you I feel safer too though. You’re not the only one.” She said, taking another swig from her whiskey.

“Well, we’re kind of going in the same direction, so it would be silly for us to leave by ourselves now, wouldn’t it?” He smiled at her, hoping he didn’t come across as too pushy. Her company was such a relief for him, especially tonight, and he would like to keep it for as long as possible. “Of course you can call me Vic. It’s better than Theo, who's gotten into an awful habit of calling me Vicky,” he chuckled, “I know you’d never do that.” Not that he really minded anyway, as long as it was not ill-intentioned. Victor was just happy to have some actual friends in the house. It kept him at least somewhat sane.

His brows furrowed when she spoke so poorly of herself, that definitely wasn’t the Kylie he knew and trusted with his secrets. A lot of questions came to mind, and he had to ask them all at once: “Why would you ever want to punch yourself anyway? What happened? Did you get in trouble?” Victor looked at his friend with concern, trying not to just imagine upsetting scenarios himself. The alcohol wasn’t doing much to calm down his imagination, though. “Look if you need me, I’m here. Whatever it is.“