I'm so tired why do I always lie to myself I just want to believe things will get better..honestly how could they. I'm so tired of what you do to me. all day I just sit and think and think wondering how to forgive you how am your victim and vindicator forced to follow your cycles you will never stop finding reasons to hurt me and I just let you . What do I even want I want to not be punched my throat not be crushed slammed all around my jaw pressed with your knees my legs and arms bent hair pulled gagging me when you choke screaming in my ears for hours dragging me all across the floor when I don't listen spitting in my face bending my fingers back while I'm driving hitting me when I drive dragging me out the car into the mud leaving me stranded on the freeway repeatedly cursing me out in front of random strangers ripping up my clothes throwing my things in the woods always mocking me always spiteful popping blood vessels in my eyes constantly cheating i could say a million more things it's so painful to remember but I have no choice forgetting always leads back to you and back to these same cycles back to this very morning I simply ignored you I was minding my own business and I accidentally knocked something on a table but I was confused on where I knocked it from so I didn't instantly rush to grab oh know a pair of headphones that were knocked to their side not even on the floor your staring at me waiting I pick it up you storm off you say you're going to work I think it'll be fine you'll be gone I can prepare for work nope..... I stood up once you stood up to go out the door then booooom grabbed my neck and that was that I'm so tired but I must go on I don't even know why I'm writing this I guess it's finally time to tell the truth
