Just another sad blog, carry on

I’ve had to tell myself that. Especially after I checked her blog and saw that she said something along the lines of, “For someone who walked away and said shit like “never again” you sure still tryna hit me up.” And for what, I don’t even know. Did I like one of her posts by accident or something? Because it wasn’t showing up on my activity log/s when I went back to check.

Regardless, even if I did—

—okay, and? The fuck?

I’m not going to pretend I stopped loving you just because you did, or because you’re choosing to pretend.

Yes, I understand that the healthy thing to do is to NOT check. You will almost always find something you didn’t want to see.

That might simply be the fact that they have good things going on, or major life changes, and you’re no longer privy to that experience like you used to be.

That might also be seeing them talk shit to you, about you, etc. and you’ll find yourself feeling worse and asking yourself why you even bothered missing them.

Healing is not linear. You cared about them. You checked on them all the time as a friend. You still feel like you could be their friend, so you check and see how they’re doing.

You loved them. Still love them.

There’s nothing wrong with that.

You just start back on fighting the urge and forgive yourself if you relapse. Again and again until you don’t even remember what their handle is anymore, because that’s how long you haven’t checked.

I’m still trying to get there.

Please understand if youre mentally ill and physically or emotionally fatigued, that is not you being lazy! It is your body and brain being tired of fighting your illness! You are tired because youve been fighting.

if it makes you unable to think straight: you’re not faking it

if it makes you unable to brush your hair in the morning: you’re not faking it

even if you’re still able to work and smile during the day but unable to sleep or move later that day because of it: you’re not faking it

if it effects you in any way: you are not faking it

Can I have some decent motivation over here?

Can I take pleasure in the things that caused me pleasure previously?