Forgettable Beth

My mom is fighting small cell cancer she’s already over $40k in medical debt.

All I do is trying to get what she needs and keep her from suffering.

I’m also a domestic abuse survivor who left the monster who mentally physically and s3xually abused me for ten years.

I’m a parent with disabilities and long covid.

It’s been hell beyond hell trying to rebuild my life help keep my mom alive and try to survive in this world that is to expensive to even exist.

I have anxiety and panic attacks always In flight or flight mode and it’s been a horrible week.

It’s been a horrible everything I lost my sister unexpectedly on my birthday.

Lost my dad awhile back to Covid.

It’s all been so hard so traumatizing so heartbreaking.

I know it’s asking a lot but I need support.

My moms ongoing medical bills copays med supplies my only transportation broke down rent is more then my income barely even breathing.

😩 praying and manifesting humanity shows up.

I have lots of art poetry and short stories also in my kofi shop.

Forever and always grateful for any and all support of any kind.

Boarder walls = profit to sell green cards.

Medical = outrageous don’t matter who dies as long as they get paid.

War= profit.

Everything has been capitalist and every life has profit put above it.

High above the silver mountains and the quiet rivers lived a dragon unlike any other.

They had no gender, no title, no need for a throne.

They were simply beautiful.

Their scales shimmered emerald green, catching sunlight like living jewels. Their piercing blue eyes held the depth of oceans and the calm of ancient skies. When they flew, the wind bent gently around them, as if afraid to disturb such grace.

But what made them truly rare was not their beauty.

It was the two hearts beating inside their chest.

Two steady rhythms.

Two endless flames.

Two chances at forever.

The dragon was immortal so long as both hearts beat.

One evening, as twilight spilled lavender across the world, the dragon glided low over a quiet village. From above, they heard something fragile thin as a thread.

A human child lay by a small cottage window, pale and trembling. The dragon’s ancient senses felt it immediately.

The child’s heart was failing.

It fluttered like a dying ember.

The dragon landed softly in the meadow beside the cottage. The earth did not shake; even the grass seemed to bow.

They pressed their glowing chest against the thin glass. Through the barrier of worlds, they felt the child’s fading rhythm.

One heart inside the dragon pulsed strong and steady.

The other beat warm and wild.

Immortality hummed within them.

They could fly forever.

Watch centuries bloom and collapse.

Never know sickness.

Never know ending.

The dragon closed their ocean-blue eyes.

For the first time, one of their hearts hurt.

Without a sound, they opened their chest not with pain, but with light. Emerald fire flickered as they lifted one of their two glowing hearts into their claws.

It shone like a star.

They slipped through the wall like mist and knelt beside the child.

The dragon placed the heart gently against the small human chest.

For a breathless moment, the world stilled.

Then, High above the silver mountains and the quiet rivers lived a dragon unlike any other.

They had no gender, no title, no need for a throne.

They were simply beautiful.

Their scales shimmered emerald green, catching sunlight like living jewels. Their piercing blue eyes held the depth of oceans and the calm of ancient skies. When they flew, the wind bent gently around them, as if afraid to disturb such grace.

But what made them truly rare was not their beauty.

It was the two hearts beating inside their chest.

Two steady rhythms.

Two endless flames.

Two chances at forever.

The dragon was immortal so long as both hearts beat.

One evening, as twilight spilled lavender across the world, the dragon glided low over a quiet village. From above, they heard something fragile thin as a thread.

A human child lay by a small cottage window, pale and trembling. The dragon’s ancient senses felt it immediately.

The child’s heart was failing.

It fluttered like a dying ember.

The dragon landed softly in the meadow beside the cottage. The earth did not shake; even the grass seemed to bow.

They pressed their glowing chest against the thin glass. Through the barrier of worlds, they felt the child’s fading rhythm.

One heart inside the dragon pulsed strong and steady.

The other beat warm and wild.

Immortality hummed within them.

They could fly forever.

Watch centuries bloom and collapse.

Never know sickness.

Never know ending.

The dragon closed their ocean blue eyes.

For the first time, one of their hearts hurt.

Without a sound, they opened their chest not with pain, but with light. Emerald fire flickered as they lifted one of their two glowing hearts into their claws.

It shone like a star.

They slipped through the wall like mist and knelt beside the child.

The dragon placed the heart gently against the small human chest.

For a breathless moment, the world stilled.

Then a new rhythm began.

Stronger, Brighter, Alive.

Color rushed back into the child’s cheeks. Their tiny fingers curled with warmth. Their breathing steadied like a calm tide.

Outside, the dragon felt something change.

One of their own flames had gone quiet.

They were no longer immortal.

They were no longer endless.

But they were still beautiful.

Still emerald.

Still piercing blue.

And now…..

They were something greater than immortal.

They were mortal with meaning.

The dragon lifted into the sky once more, slower now, feeling the singular beat within their chest. It was enough.

Because somewhere below, a human heart beat with dragon fire.

And that would live on long after scales turned to legend.

The dragon with two hearts had given up forever.

And in doing so They became eternal.

A new rhythm began.

Stronger, Brighter, Alive.

Color rushed back into the child’s cheeks. Their tiny fingers curled with warmth. Their breathing steadied like a calm tide.

Outside, the dragon felt something change.

One of their own flames had gone quiet.

They were no longer immortal.

They were no longer endless.

But they were still beautiful.

Still emerald.

Still piercing blue.

And now They were something greater than immortal.

They were mortal with meaning.

The dragon lifted into the sky once more, slower now, feeling the singular beat within their chest. It was enough.

Because somewhere below, a human heart beat with dragon fire.

And that would live on long after scales turned to legend.

The dragon with two hearts had given up forever.

Some days depression feels like gravity has changed its mind about me.

Like the air is thicker in my lungs. Like my bones are filled with wet sand. I wake up already tired not the kind of tired sleep fixes, but the kind that sits in your spirit and refuses to move.

Grief did not knock politely when it entered my life. It broke the door down. It rearranged the furniture of my heart. It left fingerprints on everything. Losing pieces of my family, watching life unravel in slow motion it traumatized me in ways I am still discovering. I am not who I was before. I am softer in some places, shattered in others.

And then there is my mom.

Watching your only parent fight cancer feels like standing on train tracks, seeing the light coming, and being unable to move. I sit beside her and memorize her face when she isn’t looking. I measure her breaths without meaning to. I try to be strong in front of her, but inside I am screaming. I wish I could take it out of her body and put it into mine. I wish love alone could heal cells. I wish prayer could rewrite lab results.

Instead, I watch her suffer.

my kids need dinner. They need help with homework. They need hugs. They need a mother who is steady and warm and present. I try. God, I try. But long COVID still lingers in me like a shadow. My body aches. My chest burns. My brain feels fogged and slow. Anxiety hums under my skin every second of the day what if we lose her? What if I am not strong enough? What if I fail my kids?

And all of this happens in a world where simply existing costs too much.

The rent climbs higher. Utilities rise. Groceries double. Medicine is priced like a luxury instead of a lifeline. The medical system feels less like care and more like a bill waiting to bury us. I fight to survive. And still it feels like the ground keeps shifting beneath my feet.

It is exhausting to be this strong.

It is exhausting to love this hard in a world that feels so broken.

Some nights I sit in the quiet after everyone is asleep and let the weight fall fully on me. I cry for my mom. I cry for my kids. I cry for the version of me that used to feel hopeful without trying so hard.

But every morning, somehow, I get up again.

I wish I could just clear my head so I could get some rest.

Up off and on all night long then woke up with my heart pounding 148 bpm.

Not sure if it’s from my blood sugars being all over the place this week or if I had another bad dream.

I have been having lots of bad dreams and nightmare since losing my sister.