forget how to speak

i can't touch him, but he's at peace.

i really should be sad

but i was there and i helped instead

and now that i'm alone

all i feel is like

i am stuck in limbo

just waiting for something

to change

for something

to snap

for something

to be heal

for something

while you try and i try and we both fail

i am so angry I want to throw things and blood boils out of my head

when will this be over and done

when will this be over

when

when

when

when

when

why can't you ever say you're wrong?

why do you always try to pretend you know what's going on and ignore what she says?

why do delay and delay and delay

tell her she feels pain because she's "anxious" and not because she has fucking flesh growing in the wrong places

why is it that you put in her files that she's a "drugseeker" without her ever asking for drugs?

why do you tell her that visiting the doctor frequently is drug seeking behaviour when the reason she visits frequently is because her illness is not being treated?

if she really did have problems with addiction, why haven't you tried to remedy that? is addiction not an illness?

why do you send her to physiotherapists who treat sports injuries and not disease?

why don't you know how your system works? why do you send her to people that you say can do this or that to help her, but when called they explain that those things are completely out of their power to command?

why why why why?

all the scars left behind by your ignorance are growing and growing and growing

i worry about you and i just can't pretend

i wish you could talk to me and i wish i could hear

to stop all your pain and all of your fear

i'm hungry and hungrier when will it end

when you feel out of control, you control me more

it's why you make up rules that i have broken without knowing, why

you tell me i am wrong and you are right for reasons i don't understand, why

each day took a little out of me and each day took even more

i don't know where the end is and even if it'll come

when i think it's done it starts all over again

when did i stop doing things as a favour and start doing them to avoid arguments

i think i worry too much about how i appear to others but also not enough and so i do these foolish things, but are these things good things just hard, but i don't know how much i should trust myself and how much i should reign myself in, so i am

at

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