i'm just chilling in chappaqua woods

my publishers didn't let me have host one of my book tours in chappaqua woods, my sincerest apologies to all my tree supporters

pokemon go to the fucking pits of hell, comey!

NASA was able to find 7 new planets but 80,000 of you couldn't fucking vote for me?

bill grab my bag, we’re going to nordstrom

still worried about my emails you fuckfaces?

should’ve stayed in the damn woods

could you imagine if all this shit about trump happened to me post election? sike you can’t imagine that because you didn’t even allow me to cough on the campaign trail. 

mozart in the jungle nominated for best comedy? what about hillary in the forest? where is my nomination?

i’m not running for mayor of NYC because i can’t afford losing to a double-parked car in queens

when i said i was going to the inauguration, i really meant MY inauguration that is happening in the forest. my tree constituents are going to make me president of chappaqua woods. 

happy 2017 my snowflake fleece turns 22 years old today!

pokemon go have fun under president trump