Kill her. He wants to kill her. He wants to dig his fingers into her neck until the flesh tears and she stops talking out of her fear, because maybe sheâll listen, then. She listened, once, but she doesnât listen anymore, and he hates it.
It echoes in his head again. Heâs shaking with rage, his teeth clenched so tightly together that it hurts, and he knows the voices canât even be real because his parents arenât here. They donât care. They canât care. If they cared, theyâd be here.
Rui, please donât do this again.
⌠realization washes quickly over him, coupled with guilt. The anger all drains from his body, and he â heâs suddenly aware of how small he is. Whatever burst of adrenaline had filled him is gone, and he feels so⌠tired. Heâs so tired.
Rui hangs his head to not have to look at her.
â⌠I donât expect you to forgive me,â he manages to say after a while. Sheâs right, though â everything is always about him. He doesnât know better, even now. He doesnât know what to do otherwise; he doesnât know how to properly express anything in return. Every time he tries, he fails. So he still expects â still wants â everything to work out okay. He wants everyone to listen to him and realize that heâs trying, but thatâs not realistic. It hurts. It hurts so badly that his whole body feels like itâs on fire.
âI canât change how you died. What do you want me to do? If I say anything about it, youâll find a way to make that my fault, too.â And it probably would be. He was the one whoâd ordered her away, after all. At the route of it all, it was his fault. âIâd have worded it wrong. Or youâll think I was lying.â
â⌠butâŚâ This was how theyâd all felt around him, huh? This scared? This irritated that nothing they said was good enough? Heâd thought fear was good. He didnât â he didnât like it. âBut I wish I hadnât remembered. Iâd let you have your memories instead, if I could. Theyâre not⌠good. I donât like having them. Youâre lucky, Sanae. Youâre really lucky.â He gives a soft shake of his head. â⌠I envy you, I think. Thatâs what this is, right?â
   â â Die... Die, die, DIE THEN! SHUT UP! GO DIE! â
   Venomous words echo violently within the demonâs mind as the other snaps finally, her frown increasing tenfold as he does so. Fists begins to clench tightly together as Sanaeâs eyes narrow at the boy before her, the girlâs nails now digging into her palms. Why does he keep doing this? Why does he keep pretending when the intent to murder her is so apparent within those stupid eyes of his?! She canât understand it.
   She doesnât want to.
   â ... Oh? Am I finally not feeling or reacting how you want me to, Rui? â
   â Did you expect me to smile and invite you bragging about your memories? Your newfound âhumanityâ? Is that that? Is that what you were expecting? â and though she grins hard now, her tone is akin to that of a growl.
   â ... Shut up. Donât say you âenvyâ me. What; you envy how you terrified me all the time? How you sliced me to pieces, Rui? How you chopped off my head without mercy? If you expect me to forgive you and forget everything, then shut up. Either kill me now or just stop talking, â she hadnât expected to speak back to him so much... But with his new âattitudeâ of sorts and diminished power that even she can sense, it definitely makes it much easier for the demon to do so.
   â Youâre right in one aspect; that anything you say will anger me. I donât want to hear you speak anymore and be hypocritical or offer me your false âsympathiesâ. If you really have turned over a new leaf, then leave me alone. Iâm not your sister anymore, as you said before. â