What do you need to know?

The moment he spoke, or at least he tried to, she opened her eyes once more. Dreading what he was going to say. Was he going to tell her that he couldn’t be a father? That he wasn’t happy? That she had wasted her chance? She slowly began to grip onto his shirt, waiting for the final blow. 

Did you pick a name? 

Watching her go from starting to explain the name to pushing off of him to question how he felt, Grayson finally dropped his hand from her cheek, returning it to her stomach gently. "I'm feeling a lot of things right now, darling." He started, his lips curling into an uncertain smirk as he dropped his gaze to his hand. "But - angry? No. Not at you, anyway. Myself, yeah." Returning his gaze to hers, Grayson gave a soft shrug of his shoulders. The words were true, still angry at himself for the mistakes he had made. However the man shook the thoughts from his mind, instead focusing on the answer she provided for him. "Smart move." He commented, giving a breath of a laugh. "I was supposed to be a Charlie." Another small tidbit of information he rarely shared. Something stupid his mother had once mentioned offhandedly to him, making him almost thankful his eyes had been gray enough at birth to warrant a name change. "Don't want to give the kid an unfitting name before you meet him, right?"

“No.. No he’s not, I–”

Her bottom lip quivered uncontrollably. Eyes cast on him when he slowly moved his hand and pointed at his own chest. It took a couple of seconds until she finally nodded, panic setting in as she took a step forwards.

The man’s hand dropped slowly as she spoke, fretfully confirming the knowledge that the child he had felt kicking minutes ago was actually his. For quite a few moments, Grayson simply stood silently, hands by his side as his gaze lingered carefully on Hazel’s. The informant wasn’t sure how he felt about the information, especially considering somehow it almost wasn’t new information to him. As if somewhere in the back of his mind, Gray always had the slightest idea this was the truth. Puzzle pieces that he unconsciously put together but never paid attention to until the actual idea was right in front of him. 

Without warning, Grayson wrapped an arm around the frail woman’s shoulder, gently pulling her against his side, as his free hand pushed her head against his chest. Brushing his thumb along the woman’s cheek once more, the informant released a heavy breath, shaking his head slightly as if in disbelief. The man still didn’t speak as he held her, trying to sooth the constant flow of tears that feel from her tired blue eyes. Oddly enough, Grayson even surprised himself to find he wasn’t angry with her actions. A little disappointed she’d waited this long to tell him, scared even, because what if he were no better than his own father? Hell, the realization that now, not only had he nearly killed Hazel, but his own child as well weighed heavily on him. But not angry. After all, he wasn’t even sure if he’d tell himself were he in the nurse’s position. 

As soon as the kicking died out, Hazel only let go of his hand seconds after, breathing out slowly as she then smiled at him once more only to notice the look on his face, which had meant he was in thoughts, and it wasn’t a pleasant one from the looks of it.

Grayson allowed his fingers to trail over her stomach absently after she removed her own hand, only dropping his own back to his side after she spoke. His gaze met hers after a pause, noting the questioning expression occupying her features. Apparently in the months they had been apart, the woman’s ability to tell when something was on his mind hadn’t faded. “Nothin’... It’s just...” 

She hesitated, fumbling with the strap of her bag, something she always ended up in doing when he stood in front of her. “Um–” she began, looking around. “I suppose there’s one on the corner.” She spoke, her lips trembling for a short moment as she has an internal debate with herself. “I don’t know, I just–” I don’t want my heart broken again. But whether or not she would walk away now or later, it’d be broken anyhow. Especially in her state. “Okay.” She eventually said before he had a proper chance to reply.

Bright blue eyes watched her carefully as she hesitated, a foggy memory of a drunken night a long time ago that held the same type of hesitance reappearing in his mind as her hand latched onto the strap of her bag. Had the half formed sentences, and unclear look clouded her features any longer, the rat would have taken back the invitation, the words already on the tip of his tongue. The man had come here to see her, but he had been hoping it would have been a more mutual experience, not one where he was dragging her behind him. “Okay...” He confirmed, though his words lacked their usual confidence, a hand raising to scratch at the back of his neck. 

“I’ve got this condition, more pregnant women have it, the baby requires me to eat and rest more.” but she worked forty hours per week, and rest was out of the question. But she didn’t want him to know, she could take care of herself, even when it didn’t look like it. She needed the money after all.

He had caught the way she had been about to leave, no longer surprised when he felt himself frowning because of it. Ever since what had happened months ago, the man had finally begun to accept he had let himself get too attached. With the attachment would come the guilt, the worry, and the hurt. The feelings he finally realized she had been likely cycling through during their entire fling. Grayson began to say something, a small smile returning to his face for the sake of conversation when he stopped, his brows furrowing in slight confusion. “You’re not...- You’re not still working are you?” He asked with a raised brow, the question almost seeming odd if it wasn’t for the state the woman was in. “I mean, you’re on paid leave surely.” 

“We wouldn’t want that.” She softly spoke, turning her gaze from the window to turn around and face him, holding onto the straps of her bag and the second hand joined after she had brushed her hair behind her ear. Her hair had grown out, reaching to just beneath her shoulder blades.

“Hi Grayson.” Knowing how he hated people not saying hello or goodbye in the proper way, she said it with half a smile, her tired eyes resting on his posture. “You look good.”

In the depth of her mind she always wondered how he had been doing, if he had been happy, or at least happier without her around. She knew she had an influence on his life, but if it had been a good one was the question. There had been times she had wanted to go back to Fontana and tell him the truth, but the idea gutted her, made her feel sick with the possibilities of him cussing her away. If only she had been able to not feel insecure around him.

“You look...” His eyes dropped to her stomach, the smirk fading into an actual smile, appearing a lot more teasing. “...Very, very pregnant.” He finished with joking nod, a familiar mischievous glint in his eyes. However it only took a few seconds for his smile to become more concerned, a serious tone accompanying his next words. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good look on you, but you seem pretty exhausted...” 

He gave a small nod, his arms finally dropping from his chest to sit absently on his hips. “Yeah. Just a guy who needs reasonable cause to be arrested, and an excuse to see someone I haven’t seen in far too long.” He replied truthfully, his lips parting in a tiny smile. Perhaps if it had been a job requested by one of the gangs, the man would have been less open about it, however seeing as it was just a simple request from Adrian, he didn’t care if she knew. The informant could only hope that knowing that wouldn’t make her think his presence here had nothing to do with her. 

Lonesome heels clicked over the pavement of the street that belonged to a city that she now called hers. She hadn’t moved far from Fontana, it had places enough, a new hospital for her to work at, enough places to be with the baby, and even if her house was filled with baby stuff, a nursery and her family came over once in a while, she felt lonely. It had taken her a month to finally get a new number, after many calls of those she left in Fontana. Warren knew, but he respected her choice she wanted to start anew.

She had been too late to get groceries that evening, thus walking back home empty handed, her hands placed upon her belly which was full grown. It looked as if she was ready to give birth any moment, but she needed two months more, it was her tiny posture that made her seem so far ahead, if only she was as happy as she should have been, becoming a parent was a blessing. But picking out children’s names and clothing had stressed her out rather than bring her joy.

It was only when work gave him the opportunity to hop to the town over that he realized the gift that was presented to him. After all, Grayson was well aware of where the nurse had moved only a few weeks after she had settled in. He had connections after all, and they spread throughout much more than just Fontana. He’d been respectful however. He never sought to follow her, and some nights it was the thing that came to mind when he couldn’t sleep. Whether or not respecting the choice they had made after a mistake was the right move after all. 

It had been luck that he had picked the right time to walk back to his hotel, having had enough of the man he was supposed to be gathering information on. He wasn’t here for the job anyway, not in reality. It had only taken a block before someone came into his field of view, standing perfectly still while staring at a store front. It only took a few seconds for the man to recognize Hazel, the biggest thing throwing him off being the size of her pregnant belly. Something that had only been assumed words seven months ago was now a reality in front of him. Grayson didn’t hesitate to approach Hazel, standing just behind her in silence as he glanced first to the poster adorning the window, and then to the expression she wore in her reflection. The differences were all too apparent. His eyes left her reflection to glance at his own for a moment. Blue hues scanning over his own features, for once bearing no sign of injury, faded or fresh, before they rose to his hair. He hadn’t bothered to cut it again since the last time, so it remained long and slicked back like it had been when the pair had first met. 

“I’m sure Ivanna would love to tell you how we both are doing.”

She spoke, sympathising on the ‘both’ as if their points hadn’t been clear before. There was this uncomfortable feeling. On the one hand she wanted to hold him, to seek comfort the others couldn’t give her, but on the other hand she felt like she had to scream at him, hurt him for hurting her. She wasn’t sure she had it in herself to purposely hurt him.

The moment however when he acknowledged having ratted her out she turned her head away. Maybe to not be able to look at him, or for him not to see the sadness and thus weakness in her eyes. As if her battered face hadn’t been enough.

“I lied, you know.” She spoke after he had apologised. She knew he wasn’t sorry. He probably just said that to make her feel better about herself. Something that wasn’t going to work. Right now she had lost most of her faith in everything and everyone. “Jim doesn’t trust all Lost related things on me. Your instinct was right, I’m just a nurse. Whatever Ethan thought I knew, I didn’t.”

“Is that a joke?” Casting a sideways glance towards the door, as if waiting for the woman in question to burst through any second, Grayson turned back to Hazel. “She was willing to throw me to Jim because of you before any of this.” An almost venomous touch accompanied his whisper, still none too pleased about the pair’s previous conversation. You don’t get a fucking choice. “She’s the one that fucking told me about you being in the Lost in the first place. If she would have just kept her god damned  —” Cutting himself off before he raised his voice any further, Grayson untangled his hands from his lap, bringing one up to rub at his temple in frustration. He was angry at Ivanna, and himself, but he didn’t need to be taking that out on her right now. 

At her revelation however, the hand that had been massaging his temple paused for all of a few seconds. It wasn’t like he hadn’t tried to convince Ethan of that before, because he certainly had, but the man hadn’t bought it for a second. Evidently Grayson’s poker face wasn’t the best when he was still reeling from the fight they had had in his kitchen. Christ. If that wasn’t the biggest ‘fuck you’ he’s ever gotten, he didn’t know what was. 

Allowing his hand to drop back into his lap, Grayson pushed himself off the bed, his shoulders tense with a pent up frustration that had only built at her latest tidbit of information. Idiot. What good did she think would have came from that? Her jab at his honesty certainly hadn’t helped either, but it bothered him far less. The questions ate at his mind as the rat stood, still as a statue, his eyes physically burning in a feeling he hadn’t experience in far too many years. It only took a moment for him to snap, his hand clasping around the left behind book of someone’s on the bedside table, his arm forcing it across the room and into the far wall with an almost disappointing sputtering of pages. The object hadn’t even touched the ground when Grayson turned back to face the nurse, heaving shoulders dropping in disappointment, though who it was directed at was unclear. 

“This isn’t a game, Hazel! This isn’t fucking whisper down the alley where you tell me something and then see if it gets back to you. I mean, let’s get one thing straight, alright? I care about you, a whole hell of a lot more than anyone else in this godforsaken town, and obviously, I fucked that up, but I never lied to you about that much. You are more than just a good lay, that’s not even the half of it, but I am also the fucking rat, Haze. For Ethan, for Jim and Ivanna, hell, even for Warren.” Glancing down, Grayson sighed heavily, raising a single hand to rub at both his eyes. “Around here, whisper down the alley gets you killed. If you wanted to check if I was a fucking rat, you should have just asked.” 

There was no single clue about what to say. Many blamed him for telling Ethan about her link to Jim, a link she had lied about. So then was this his fault or hers? Eventually it was all on her anyway, so when she spoke, her voice wasn’t as venomous as he might have expected.

“Like a train wreck.” she softly whispered, hoping he would have trouble understanding her words as she regret them as soon as they left her lips.

“But that wasn’t the first question you wanted to ask. Was it?”

The memory of what had happened last time they were in a hospital room together clung to the back of her head, and it was the passion then that she missed now, the genuine smiles they had shared and the teasing words. Now? Now there was only a painful silence, throbbing through her veins like a cloth ready to make her seize when the wrong thing would be said. But she knew that was inevitable. She had been hoping he’d come by so that she could do the necessary.

Instead of directly answering her question, Grayson gave a small shrug. “Should I have asked ‘How are the both of you feeling...?’” His eyes stole a glance towards the woman’s stomach, before meeting her gaze once more. The question was meant to be a typically-Grayson light hearted and sarcastic comment to brighten the mood, however by the time he was actually saying the words, there wasn’t a single trace of humor behind them at all. 

Did you tell him about me. The inevitable question immediately made his gaze redirect to his lap, not being able to look into her eyes. The first argument they had ever had was fresh in his mind, as if it had only happened the day before. The fact she knew he would do this, even if he had denied it instantly. Like hell I would. Is that what he had said? Like hell he would, and yet here he was, sitting next to the broken woman, who was only here because he couldn’t put her first and keep his damn mouth shut. 

“What happened?!” Ivanna shouted, much to the dismay of Hazel, who closed her eyes as the loud voices hurt her head. “You know exactly what happened! You’re the entire reason it happened!”

“Ivanna..”

“No, Torres! Don’t you dare and stop me. You should be the furious one here!”

Hazel breathed out long, eyes opening again as they looked up at Warren in a pleading way, who caught on, but who was able to get Ivanna to stop talking when she was this pissed?

“I ám, but you’re hur–”

“Didn’t you fucking think before you would spill your beans to that asshole? You endangered not only her life here you fucking rat!”

“Ivanna–”

“I swear if the kid dies I will rip your throat out–”

“IVANNA.”

The shout didn’t come from Warren this time, but from the bruised porcelain doll in the middle of a big hospital bed, who had her eyes tightly closed until the pain had settled.

“Go get something from the cafeteria. Both of you.” She spoke, her voice light and mumbling, not wanting to open the cuts on her face. “Grayson and I need a talk.”

Grayson might’ve been surprised at Hazel’s sudden out burst if it hadn’t been for the words spoken just before that. Bright blue hues narrowed dangerously towards Hazel as she ordered the other’s out, though he didn’t quite hear the words either. 

The kid?  Not only ‘her’ life? What the fuck was Ivanna talking about? Hazel wasn’t–

Brought back to the present by a rough shove, Grayson stumbled a few more feet away from the door, obviously having been blocking off the exit, as Ivanna didn’t hesitate to remove him from the area. The pair didn’t leave quietly, voicing their disdain for the idea the entire way out the door, as well as continuing to shoot suspicious hate filled glances towards the man until the door finally closed behind them, leaving Hazel and Grayson alone in the room.  The only noise for a moment were the beeps of the machines, as Grayson turned back to Hazel, rubbing the shoulder Ivanna had dug her palm into absently. 

What could he say to a woman who looked so incredibly hurt, physically and emotionally, when the entire reason she was like that was all his fault? How does someone apologize for that? Apologize for betraying her, and for her being right about everything? Moving to sit beside her on the edge of her hospital bed, Grayson folded his hands in his lap, if only to resist the urge to reach out and hold her, before meeting her gaze directly for the first time since walking in.  

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen, I was never lying to you when I told you how I felt about you, are you fucking pregnant? So many different things to say ran through the man’s mind, however he realized there were more important matters at the top of his priority list to question first. “How are you feeling...?” He finally asked, voice remaining as quiet as a whisper, as to not cause her any more pain than he already has. 

That was the least he could do. 

Yesterday I died, tomorrow’s bleeding

Last thing she remembered was Ethan’s face, smiling down at her while she was being kicked in from all sides. Her skull felt like it had cracked open, her loins feeling like it was on fire. Never once had she feared for her own life; a life that seemed to matter little, for what was the life of a pathetic little nurse who couldn’t place her loyalty? No all that mattered for Hazel, was the life of her unborn child. Even if it was just a few weeks ago that she had discovered her pregnancy, she felt the motherly need to keep it safe; keep it hidden away. Her arms wrapped around her torso, bruised and cracking when in contact with metal pipes and forceful kicks. 

And then the pain had stopped, a shadow weighing over her as she was rolled half onto her front, curled up for as much as she could. 

“Be careful who you make your friends, and who you make your enemy, Miss Goodman.” Ethan had breathed into her ear. His voice sending shivers down her back as she tried hard not to cry when he brushed a finger through bloodied and dirty hair. “Should’ve chosen my side when you could. Now you’re nothing but a message.”

Something had intervened, or someone. For instead of choking her to death, like he had started to, a blow to the head was what had send her into darkness–

“She was lucky. Cracked skull, dislocated shoulder, a lot of bruising, internal bleeding.. Miraculously, they both survived.” 

“Both?”

“What do you mean, both?”

"Oh I– Miss Goodman is pregnant?”

Silence. 

“We’ll keep her under surveillance, as well as the child. She’s only a few weeks, but if the child can become a danger to her health.. well.. I take it one of you will make a decision?” 

Another silence. This time the deep voiced man took the silence as his queue to go. wishing the other persons in the room a good day. A door slid open, and closed again. 

“Pregnant?!”

“Shit..”

“Did you know of this Ivanna?”

“She didn’t tell me–”

“You mean she lied to–”

“Back off Jim! She probably didn’t even know herself.”

“She knew.” 

Warren. Even when not able to move, speak or open her eyes, Hazel recognized his voice from anywhere.

“How do you know?”

Short silence

“How do you know?!”

“Because it is mine.” 

“A child with a cop.. Great. I need a fucking break.” 

The sound of Jim exiting the room was the last she was aware of; darkness consuming her once more. 

They told her it had been four days that she had been found on the street, by Warren himself, no less. Her head was pounding every moment of the day. No painkillers could take it away, not that she wanted any; she wanted as less threats to her unborn child as possible. Jim had never returned; Ivanna and Warren were with her constantly, mostly Ivanna, for she had managed to get Warren to return to the police station once in a while. 

She had told them everything; about how Ethan had ambushed her; but she couldn’t remember faces; not remember the amount. Just his voice; just what he had done to her.

“You’re safe now.” Warren had told her, reaching out to caress her through her hair, and she had perhaps too rudely moved her head away. She hadn’t meant to, but it had reminded her of what Ethan had done. 

“Give her a break.” Ivanna told Warren, reading a book in the corner of the room, or at least had been, for she put it aside now. “Get some sleep. The doctor said you needed to rest. “

But her rest had been short lived; all due to an unannounced visitor.

You open your mouth to Ethan again, and I’ll make it so you’re fucking begging me to end your pathetic life, you rat fuck. 

He wasn’t stupid. The man knew exactly what Jim had been referring to the second his eyes scanned over the text, however what the message actually entailed however, that was a fact Grayson wasn’t sure about. Or perhaps it was a fact he didn’t want to be sure about. It meant Ethan had done precisely what the informant had hoped wouldn’t be done ever since he was forced to tell the man about Hazel and her affiliations. 

Within seconds, the man was out of his door, already dialing the woman’s cell in hope of the fact he might’ve assumed wrong. It was only after the fifth call went through unsuccessfully that Grayson gave up, his phone clenched tightly between whitening knuckles. Knowing the hospital was the first place he should look - get the worst case scenario out of the way - the man jumped into his car and sped off, cursing himself the entire way there. 

Grayson was becoming desperate by the time he reached the hospital’s main desk, wasting no time in asking if the nurse was indeed somewhere inside, and if so, where. Thankfully, the younger woman obviously had no qualms providing him with the room number and even a brief description of how to get there. Honestly, Grayson had been prepared to label himself as the gang member’s boyfriend, or offer a bribe if the woman was suspicious of his intents. 

The man quickly cut the corner of the wing and found the room easily, eyeing the door in front of him apprehensively before letting himself in. The sight that met his gaze made a knot twist tightly deep within his stomach, his mouth drying instantly as he walked another step in, the door swinging closed of it’s own accord. He felt himself bristle with the dagger-like stares coming at him from opposing sides of the room, belatedly realizing Hazel hadn’t been alone in the room. For a moment, Grayson stood frozen; glancing first to Warren, before his eyes moved to Ivanna silently. Both of them looked absolutely livid, and for obvious reasons. Choosing to ignore the others for now, he returned his concerned glance to the prone figure in the middle of the room. Grayson finally sighed, running a hand through his hair in absolute disbelief. 

“Jesus Christ, Haze...” 

The words fell from his lips in almost a guilt ridden slur as he continued to stare at her broken body, hesitating over each little bruise littering the uncovered areas of skin. Even though he had every idea of what exactly had caused the disfigurements along her once delicate and unblemished body, Grayson still found himself turning towards Warren, assuming he held the lesser amount of hatred towards him when compared to Ivanna. “...What happened?” Though maybe he also knew that if he would have turned towards Ivanna, she would have confirmed the fact that this was all his fault before actually telling him what had occurred. Though who’s to say she wouldn’t jump in and say that regardless, or even deck him while she was at it.