Arriving in the kitchen, you grabbed a glass and your hidden bottle of the best scotch the world had to offer. Filling the glass up you moved to sit on the couch in the common room.

Humming some melody, you threw yourself on to the couch and took a big swig of your drink. The delicious burn warmed your body up and made you feel at ease. Some may say you had a problem, but honestly when you see so much horrible shit every day, you need to let loose some way. And your way had become drinking a glass. Maybe two.

After sitting there for a couple of minutes, relishing in the taste of the scotch, a sound coming from the kitchen made you look up. Moving forward to get a better look of what was going on, you almost choked on your drink when you saw the newest member of the team preparing a tea.

She was dressed in short pants and an oversized sweatshirt, similar to yours, and her hair was open and falling down her back. In short, she looked beautiful for two in the morning.

While you were watching her, your eyes landed on her face. She looked terrible. Almost like she was crying. A loud sniff confirmed your suspicion and it made you think. Should you walk up to her and ask her what was wrong or should you hide and just continue drinking.

Normally you would have chosen the last option, but not with her. For some reason she had pulled you in. You had only known each other seven or eight months but for some reason it felt like it had been forever.

The first time you talked, after she joined the team, you were adamant on being a bitch to her. She had caused a lot of pain within the team, and you almost feared her and her powers. But after working with her, training with her and getting to know what a nice, soft, and kind person she was, you were a goner.

You would spend a lot of time together, sometimes just sitting by each other doing different things. The closer you were the better. But not too close.

Even though you felt that deep connection, something stopped you from doing anything more than a casual hug after a mission. Every time you would be sitting next to her on movie night, your hand would itch to take hers, touch her in any way, just being closer. But you couldn’t.

Thinking about her made you want to go over there, so you quickly got up and moved towards her in the kitchen. “Hey Wanda,” you whispered because you didn’t want to scare her.

She jumped anyway and looked at you with big eyes and a hand on her chest. “Oh god, you scared me. What are you doing here?” Subtly she tried to move her hands to wipe away the remaining tears on her face.

“I couldn’t sleep, and I needed a drink. What about you?” you saw her eyes move towards the bottle in your hand and she started frowning.

“You shouldn’t be drinking alone. I don’t think it’s healthy.” her soft voice carried through the room and it warmed your heart. Normally, when someone would talk to you about your drinking, you got defensive and started arguing. But for some reason, hearing her say that made you place the bottle on the counter and move it away from you. “It’s a bad habit.” That’s the only thing you said.

It was quiet. You realized she hadn’t given you an answer to your question, but she kind of didn’t have to. It was clear, she couldn’t sleep as well. She was upset, maybe about her brother, maybe about something else. You didn’t care what it was, you just wanted it to stop hurting her.

“Do you want to watch something together? Or maybe just sit here and, y’know, be? I know it’s stupid, but it could help.” You scratched your neck and looked down.

A light shuffle made you look up. Wanda was standing a lot closer to you now and you realized she had poured herself some tea. She shook her head, “No,” she started, “it’s not stupid at all. I would like very much to just be. Do you want to come to my room maybe? It’s more comfortable.”

Your heart started beating. Her room. Alone. With her. It sounded like heaven and for once, maybe it was the alcohol, your brain didn’t stop you and you eagerly nodded your head.

Making your way up to her room the two of you were quiet. You didn’t speak, but it was in no way awkward. It was calm. Like you could relax and just exist without feeling any pressure to say something.

When you arrived on her floor, she led the way to her room and let you enter first. You had been in here before, but for some reason it felt a lot more intimate now. It was dark and the only source of light was the moon outside.

She sat down on the bed looking up at you expectantly. After keeping eye contact for a second her lips formed into a small smile. “You can sit down if you’d like.”

Slowly you made your way to the other side of the bed and sat down. Again, you didn’t talk. It was completely quiet except for Wanda sipping on her tea occasionally. Both of you were breathing slowly and both of you felt completely at ease.

Time went on like that, your thoughts were still whirring in your head but not in an uncomfortable kind of way. When hours passed, you suddenly felt something hit your shoulder. Looking down, you could see the face of an angel. Wanda had fallen asleep, and she looked so peaceful. Beautiful, with the moon shining on her face.

You felt yourself lean in. There was no way to stop yourself. Even when your lips touched her forehead, you didn’t move away. Her warm skin felt like home on your lips and it took everything in you to move away again. “Goodnight Wanda.” you barely whispered, not wanting to wake her up.

Without waking her, you moved her head from your shoulder onto a pillow and got up. Looking at her again when you left her room, your heart felt full. It was a feeling of complete content, but deep down you felt something else. A yearning to hold her, touch her, kiss her, be there for her.

After tonight, you couldn’t go back anymore. Every time stopping yourself from getting too close to her had been a fight on its own, and now since you lost that fight once, there was no way you could ever win it again.

---

It was the next morning and you walked into the gym wearing your workout clothes. You had slept okay last night. After you got back to your own room, you fell asleep with Wanda on your mind. It was a peaceful couple of hours, more than you had gotten in the last few weeks.

You were refreshed and ready to start sweating. Making your way over to the treadmill, you stepped on it and started running. Normally you would run outside, but it was raining and you hated the rain. It was cold, uncomfortable and simply annoying.

After running for about twenty minutes you heard two voices coming from the entrance to the gym, one of them you recognized immediately. And even just hearing her voice caused your heart to speed up. You didn’t turn around to greet her. You weren’t ready. Last night was great and you loved every second of it, but the kiss at the end threw you off. You couldn’t stop thinking about her warm skin right beneath your lips, her head on your shoulder. You wanted more, but you couldn’t let that happen.

Caught up in your thoughts, you didn’t realize someone was walking up to you. When that beautiful face entered you line of sight, your breath got caught in your throat and you had to grab the handles of the treadmill to stop yourself from tripping.

Looking up, you saw Wanda with a hand covering her mouth and a light laugh coming from her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I did say your name, though.”

A smile formed on your lips. And you answered her “Oh, don’t worry. I’m fine, just zoned out a bit.” Figuring there was no way for you to continue your run, you turned the treadmill off and took a swig of you water.

“You disappeared on me last night. I hope you didn’t feel as though you had to leave. You could have stayed.” She almost sounded disappointed. Did she not want you to leave?

Clearing your throat, you looked at the ground feeling embarrassed for some reason. “Uh, thanks. And I just didn’t want to overstep.” Her hand touched your arm and you could feel the goosebumps spreading all over your body. From a simple touch.

“You’re always welcome in my room. Maybe the next time you can’t sleep, you can come to me instead of turning to your friend Mr. Scotch.” her soft smile let you know she wasn’t being judgmental but simply honest and it threw you for a loop.

Scanning her face, all you wanted to do was pull her close and never let her go. You wanted to know what her lips felt like and how it was to wake up next to her. But all these things couldn’t happen.

There were several reasons for that. You were teammates and it would throw of the entire team dynamic, also you were a major fuck up and allowing any of this to happen would just end up hurting her. And you would lose her completely. You didn’t think you’d survive. Just seeing her everyday was enough, it had to be.

“Yeah, uh, that’s nice of you. Listen, I have some reports to finish so I’ll see you around.” Quickly you left the room, before you could see the look of worry and disappointment on her face. You knew you weren’t being fair, you weren’t even being a good friend but staying in the gym, so close to her would have led to you losing yourself in her eyes and then who knows what would have happened.

Walking away from the gym you made your way towards your own room, you had to get your mind off her and so you decided to actually work on some reports.

---

It was 2 a.m. and here you were again. Awake, laying in your bed trying to fight the urge to walk over to Wanda’s room. Pathetic. You didn’t need her to be able to sleep. You just had to wait until you were tired enough and then you’d sleep alright.

One hour later you were ready to cry. You were fucking tired but every time you’d close your eyes, they would spring back open. Your thoughts wandered back to Wanda and her offer. Maybe you could just walk over there real quick, sit with her and calm down and then go back to your own room and go to sleep.

Yes, that would work. You left your room and quietly walked towards her room. Stopping in front of her door it took no convincing to knock. Knowing she was probably sleeping in bed, with her hair spread on her pillow and soft breaths moving some strand that had fallen in her face, you couldn’t wait to see her.

Shortly after knocking, you heard her getting up and walking to the door to open it. The sight you were met with had your heart spasming. She looked absolutely stunning, even though she was still half asleep, and her bun was falling apart.

“I thought I would take you up on your offer. I hope that’s okay with you.” your voice was soft; it was like you were scared she would reject you. Maybe you were. Your thoughts calmed when she smiled softly and opened the door a little wider so you could pass her and enter the room.

“Of course, that’s okay.” That’s all she said, and that was all you needed to hear. The two of you made your way to the bed and Wanda immediately laid back down. You were hesitating, this was more than last time. Last time you only sat next to each other but now you were going to lay there. In one bed, next to each other.

When she patted the empty space next to her, you lost another fight. The way she looked up at you had you weak and you were sure, if she’d ask you to murder anyone right now, you’d do it in a heartbeat.

Slowly, you crawled into the bed. Far away enough, so your bodies weren’t touching. “Come closer, the blanket is not big enough.” It wasn’t a question and you did what she said. Shuffling closer to her, you felt her hand come up over your chest, tucking you in. When she moved her hand back, you wished she would just lay it on top of you. Your breathing was shallow, and you were trying not to break.

“Goodnight, Y/N” with that she pulled you out of your thoughts. When you looked to your left, you saw her already having her eyes closed with a content smile on her face. She was close. Her head almost touching your shoulder while you were laying on your back.

You were mesmerized by her, how could you not? She looked like a beautiful creature, which was too delicate to be touched. You were not sure how long you had been watching her, when small sounds started coming out of her mouth. At first you were worried, that she had nightmares, but after intently watching her, ready to calm her down if she were to wake up, you realized those were just sound she made while being asleep.

It warmed your heart and you realized that happened all the time she was close. Everything she did and everything she said, got to you.

You couldn’t control your body anymore; she was simply too close. You moved your head slightly and leaned down so your lips could touch her forehead once again. Leaving them touching her, you didn’t have the energy to move away. That small touch made you feel too many things you hadn’t felt for a long time. After longing for Wanda for so long and fighting with yourself to not get too close, you realized you had lost this battle. Your feelings were too strong, there was no turning back.

Closing your eyes, a small smile grazed your lips, when in your head you admitted to yourself that you had fallen in love with the woman lying next to you. Still, you may have lost the battle, but there was no way you would ever tell her. No, it was simply not possible, too much was at risk. You were happy with just being close to her.

---

After that night, something changed. All of a sudden, you actively searched for Wanda’s company. Whenever you could, you would spend time with her. At night, when you couldn’t sleep, the thought of alcohol never even crossed your mind. The only thing you were thinking of was her. And just like that it had become a habit to knock on her door at night and sleep in the same bed as Wanda. Every single night, you would wait for her to fall asleep, so you could press a soft kiss on her forehead.

Every night you did that. Of course, only when you were sure she was actually asleep. Sometimes you wondered, if she’d even be okay with that but you quickly realized that she would. Over the day, when you were not laying in the same bed, she would always initiate some sort of physical contact. Whether that was touching your hand when you’d pass her something or touching your shoulder when she way trying to get passed you in the kitchen.

She was a touchy person, so you figured she wouldn’t mind. You relished in those short moments, when the warmth of her body transferred on to yours by the simple connection of your lips. It made you happy, that little moment of peace. That little battle, you’d willingly lose every single night just so you could be strong enough to win the war.

---

Wanda was standing in the kitchen when you entered, “Hey y/n, how was the meeting.” she smiled at you and you couldn’t help but smile back.

“Boring, as always.” you rolled your eyes and Wanda giggled at your antics. It made you happy, that you had that effect on her. She was so beautiful when she smiled, and she needed to do it more often.

“Well, if my company is not boring to you, how about we watch a movie together tonight?” you stilled. Was she asking you out? No, can’t be. You always hung out together, this was just a friendly movie night. Nothing more. You could do that.

“Sure, your room?” you smiled at her, how could you not. Giddily she moved towards you and engulfed you in an unexpected hug. Your arms moved around her waist on reflex. And when you moved your head and inhaled the sweet smell of her shampoo, you couldn’t let go.

That feeling of happiness and belonging spread through your body. It felt so, so good.

“Yes, my room.” It was a quiet whisper right next to your ear. Wanda slowly pulled away but kept her hands on you shoulder. Scanning your face, you had some time to stare at her as well. When your eyes locked, electricity was pulsing through the room.

You were hypnotized, but as you felt yourself move in slightly, alarm bells started ringing in your head. Nope, no. Not happening.

As if you had been shocked you quickly took a step back. “All right, see you tonight.” And with that you practically ran out of the room.

---

You were pacing in your room. It was about eight and you knew you had to show up at Wanda’s soon. But should you? After the little incident in the kitchen you weren’t sure if you should just tell her you weren’t feeling well and needed to sleep.

Then again, she would immediately know you were lying and maybe skim through you head, figure out your feelings for her and then everything would be fucked up. No, no. You had to go. You just had to control yourself and not be a complete idiot and almost kiss her again.

Taking a short breath, you shook your head and made you way to Wanda’s room. Before you could knock on her door, it opened to reveal a smiling redhead.

“It’s about time. I thought you bailed on me.” Inviting you in, she closed the door behind you. Stepping towards the bed you looked at her. “Never.”

For a moment it felt like back in the kitchen. Just the two of you, looking at each other taking each other in. Quickly, to calm your nerves, you cleared your throat “So, what should we watch? Please no Rom-Com, unless you want me to throw up on your bed”

A smile worked its way on to Wanda’s face “You can choose whatever, I’m sure I’ll like it” she plopped down on the bed and padded the space next to her while also turning the TV on. With a deep breath you moved towards her and sat down as far away as possible without it seeming uncomfortable.

She tossed the remote in your lap “alright, choose”. You grabbed the remote, happy to be occupied with something and searched through Netflix. Your relief of being distracted didn’t last long though, while you were looking for something to watch, Wanda seemed to make herself more comfortable and that apparently meant moving close enough so your shoulders were touching.

As soon as she came in contact with you, you held your breath. And when she leaned over you to grab a blanket from the side of the bed you were sure this was how you died. Your body completely stilled and all you could hear was the beating of your heart and the rustling coming from beside you.

After what seemed like eternity Wanda moved back up and sat back, throwing the blanket over both of your legs. When she realized you weren’t moving, she put a hand on your arm and worriedly looked at you. “Hey, are you okay? What’s happened?”

“Uh nothing. Nothing, I’m fine.” You laughed awkwardly, subtly trying to move away. But Wanda wasn’t having it, she grabbed your forearm tighter “You’ve been acting weird lately, are you sure you’re okay? You can talk to me, y’know.“ Her thumb moved in circles along your skin and goosebumps were spreading all over your body.

Trying to suppress a shudder you looked her in the eyes and tried to sound as convincing as possible. “I’m okay. Promise” she studied your face a second longer, not entirely believing you but figuring she wasn’t getting anything out of you, she smiled softly before turning to the TV.

“Alright then. Chose something?” Finally, being able to breathe again you pressed a button on the remote to start some random action film you absolutely did not care about. Wanda appeared to be okay with your choice though and focused on the screen.

You on the other hand were a complete mess. With every second you felt Wanda lean more and more into you while you stayed as still as possible – not moving an inch. The movie kept going without having your attention. The thoughts in your head were going crazy, all you could think about was wrapping your arms around her and relishing in Wanda’s presence, but the rational part of your brain kept you from doing that.

After a while, you don’t really know how long it’s been, you felt a heavy weight drop on you shoulder. Looking down you could see Wanda with her head on your shoulder, asleep.

Admiring her face and the way she breathed, you felt as if you had arrived home. Her warmth on your shoulder and where your legs touched spread through your entire body and made you feel as though there are no worries in the world.

It may sound a bit creepy, but her being asleep and you having the freedom to just look at her without having to be subtle has become the best part of your life. Seriously. How couldn’t it be.

Slowly and unhurriedly, you moved your lips towards her hairline and lightly pressed a small kiss on her head. Staying close and breathing her in, taking what you could get, the only thing you could get.

“Why do you always do that?”

SHIT!

SHIT SHIT FUCK SHIT

This can not be happening. She was asleep, what the hell.

That’s it then. Friendship over. Being a part of the Avengers, over. Being close to the only person that made you feel normal, OVER.

While your internal freakout was happening, you didn’t realize when Wanda moved her head to face you. Seeing the look on your face, she herself began to panic.

She moved her hand towards your face and tried to calm you down. “No, don’t panic please. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have scared you like that. Sorry, please try to calm down.”

It didn’t even register what she just said. You were in shock. Closing your eyes, you tried to calm down and prepare yourself for what’s about to come. Breathing deeply in and out, you slowly opened your eyes. When you saw her face though, no words left you mouth. Nothing came out.

You weren’t sure what you wanted to say. Apologize – you probably should, after you have violated her privacy and trust more than once, but then again you weren’t sorry. Maybe you should just leave. That’s probably the best.

Trying to move away Wanda strengthened her hold on you, by moving her hand to your neck and pulling you back. “Don’t leave. Please. Y/n. I’m not mad. I just…I like it, I like YOU. Please calm down.”

You stared at her. What? She liked you. Well, you knew she liked you, you were friends. But the tone of her voice almost seemed as though she meant more than friends. No. That’s just your imagination….right?

“Y/n, can you say something please?”

Without thinking you blurted out the first thing that came to mind “I like you, too”

With the smile that formed on her face you couldn’t help but smile slightly back. She was beautiful. You could feel her move in. slowly and carefully and before you knew it her lips were on yours.

Whatever you felt before about feeling at home or shit like that, none of it compared to what you were feeling now. All of your intentions – not getting too close, just being friends and not losing the “war” of your feelings and all thoughts concerning the team or friendship just vanished from your head. None of that mattered.

With that thought, you finally snapped out of your stupor and kissed back. Pushing against her, needing to be closer. Grabbing her waist and pulling her in while both of her hands framed your face and pulled you just as close.

When you felt her pull back slightly, you chased her lips and let out a desperate “no” while pulling her back towards you. You had lost. Your fight was over and now your refused to ever let go.

She moaned out when you grabbed her and moved her onto you lap. Her tongue shyly asking for entrance which you granted without hesitation. The sounds that came from either of you, spurring the kiss on even more. Her hands grabbing your neck and you slowly moving down to grab her ass and move her impossibly closer.

There was a desperation to the kiss. As if you were both relieved you had finally let go.

Needing air, you slowly pulled back but stayed with your forehead to hers. Breathing each other in, not saying anything and just being in the moment. Existing. With each other.

After a while you felt her lips move against yours in a whisper. “Maybe now you can do that when I’m awake and I get to kiss you back.”

Knowing she was probably in the kitchen making herself a cup of tea, you removed the blanket from your body, shivering at the sudden cold, and made your way towards the sounds of soft clinking.

Wanda was standing in front of the kettle staring at nothing. Not wanting to scare her, you made you presence known by clearing your throat quietly and moving your arms around her waist.

You felt her take a deep breath at your touch, leaning into you. “Why are you awake my love?” her voice was almost inaudible. “My wife has left me alone in a way too big of a bed, so I had to go and fetch her for some cuddles”

Moving to kiss her neck you relished in her breathy chuckle. Seeing her smile, even if it was a small one, still made your heart go crazy.

She didn’t say anything, and you didn’t expect her to. With a soft sigh you grabbed her waist and turned her around to face you. Wanda moved her hands up your arms around your neck without lifting her eyes to look at you.

Waiting patiently, you ran you thumbs underneath her shirt to massage her hips. After a long couple of minutes her beautiful green eyes moved to meet yours. “I feel like….I don’t….I’m not sure what’s going on.”

Tears were staring to form in her eyes and your heart broke for the woman you loved. Slowly you moved in to softly peck her on the lips, then her cheek, then her neck. Feeling her hold on you strengthen, you pulled her closer.

“That’s okay. We’ll figure it out, yeah?” with a soft encouraging smile you slowly guided her away from the kitchen counter, subtly removing the kettle from the stove and turning it off, and moving the two of you back to your bedroom.

Without much of a protest from her, you laid your wife down on the bed and quickly joined her. Holding your arms out for her to move her head onto your chest, arms coming around her and landing on her back.

“I love you Wanda, no matter what.”

She moved even closer to you and placed a kiss on your chest, right above your heart. Her way of saying it back when she didn’t have the strength to use her words.

Worth it (light angs with fluff at the end)

protective/jealous Nat at one of Tony’s parties

Hickeys (fluff)

based on the prompt “This is so high scholl! We are grown ass women for Christ’s sake”

Home (domestic fluff)

based on the prompt “Wil you stop pouting! I can’t focus when you’re doing that”

Series

Obeserve and Evaluate (discontinued)

R works for SHIELD and has to evaluate new member The Black Widow. At first R judger her and only sees her as an assassing but maybe spending more time with her will change her mind about that

“Well, what can I say?” You started getting in position. “getting punched in the face by an assassin is just not really motivating.” A smirk grew on your opponents face and the feeling it caused in your gut made you blush a little. God, there was nothing she could do that wouldn’t be absolutely fucking hot.

“Show me what you got and maybe I’ll allow you to have dessert.” she winked. She winked at you. The flirting between the two of you had been going on for a while. Ever since your first mission together, in which you had gotten to know each other on a more personal level, there was always something in the air.

You couldn’t decipher whether she meant what she said or if it was simply fun to her. But what you did know, was that it had caused you to fall head over heels for the woman. Not that you would tell her. Or anyone for that matter.

Refocusing on the fight ahead of you, you lifted your fists to somehow cover your face. Jumping back and forth on the tip o your feet, you prepared to make the first move.

You had learned quickly that if you would wait for her to start, the result would be a lot more painful. So, to avoid any broken bones you went for her face. Of course, you hit the air, you don’t think you’ve ever actually gotten her. Not even close. But that didn’t bother you, she was still the freaking Black Widow and you were a simple Agent.

The two of you exchanged some punches with almost none of them landing, until suddenly Natasha stopped in her tracks.

“All right let’s have lunch” she moved her hand towards the exit of the gym, and you were confused. Looking at her skeptically, your fists slacked, and your posture slumped.

“Uh,” you started uncertainly, “okayyyy. Let’s go…then.” slowly, really slowly you moved your back towards her only breaking eye contact once it was physically impossible to keep it. She was planning something, you were sure. You don’t remember a single incident when she would stop a fight just like that. Without a winner. No, something was going on here.

And just when that thought left your mind you were pulled back while you tripped backwards over her legs. Landing with a harsh sound on the floor. Her face came into view and she was smirking.

“Remember, always be aware of your surroundings!”

This time you rolled your eyes. “That was totally unfair, and you know it. No real enemy would just stop in the middle of a fight and then pull some shit like that.” you huffed when she outstretched her hand and pulled you up.

“Life is not fair. You and I both know that.” With a smile she dropped your hand, and you immediately missed it. She turned away from you and picked up her water bottle.

While she was drinking you took her in. How her neck moved when she drank the water, how there was a little more sweat now and one or two drops rolled down her neck and disappeared in her shirt. Your eyes moved down her body, her shoulders her arms, her butt…

Quickly you averted your eyes. You’re not a creep. It’s not normal to stare at a friend like that and you needed to stop. It wasn’t going to get you anywhere. Shaking yourself out of your stupor you went to grab a towel and your bag.

“I’ll take a shower real quick and then I’ll meet you in the common room, yeah?” Sending her one last smile you left the room while taking a deep breath. Walking away, you missed her eyes wandering down your body until you were out of her sight.

------

After a quick (cold) shower, you got dressed in some comfy clothes and made your way downstairs. You were one of the few simple agents that lived in the facility. But since you had literally nothing and no one, your job was your life and therefore it only made sense to live there.

When you proposed that to the other Avengers, they were happy about it. You didn’t really work with them much, except maybe Clint and Natasha but over time you had become great friends with them, and Tony was more than willing to design a room just for you.

Walking in the kitchen you saw Natasha already sitting at the counter, her hair up in a loose bun with some strands falling in her face. You kind of wanted to move them behind her ear so they wouldn’t bother her while reading the file in her hands. The file. You almost didn’t see that. Making your way over to her you asked,

“What’s that? You got a mission?”

She looked up at you and smiled softly. “No, we got a mission. It’s an easy one, but we’ll have to stay at a safe house for three days. We’re leaving tonight” staying at a safe house with her made you nervous. It wouldn’t be the first time you would have to do that, but since your feelings have only gotten stronger you were unsure how this was going to play out.

Swallowing your nerves, you plastered a big smile on your face. “Sounds like fun. But on to more important matters, what’s for lunch.” Eliciting a laugh from the redhead you couldn’t help but smile at her.

You loved her laugh. She didn’t do it very often, but it made your heart melt every time. It felt special when you were the one causing it. Smiling to yourself you turned around and made your way to the kitchen with Natasha following you closely.

 -----

“Ugh, this is the worst.” huffing you threw your bag on one of the two beds in the safe house. “How can we have so much money and our safe houses look like this.” exasperated you flopped down on the bed and moved your arm to cover your face.

“Oh, c’mon. We’ve had worse, don’t you remember Louisiana last year?” she asked with a slight smirk on her face.

“Oh god, don’t remind me. You’re right, that was the worst one, but this right here is a close second.” you moved your arm away from your face and your eyes searched the room until they landed on Natasha. She was unpacking some of her stuff.

For a moment you got lost in her movements. It was always mesmerizing to watch her do anything. She was never unsure of a single move and everything looked so elegant yet so lethal.

You groaned internally, she was only putting away some of her clothes and that’s what you were thinking? How can someone be so obsessed with another person?

Trying to distract yourself, you got up and made your way to the kitchen. “Hopefully, they filled the fridge. I’ll make us dinner and then we can go over the plan for tonight.” Not waiting for an answer, you opened the fridge and saw an acceptable amount of food. You were sure you could make something nice and immediately your thoughts were completely enraptured by your cooking plans.

After a couple of minutes of cooking, you felt the presence of the other woman behind you. She was quiet, which wasn’t new to you. While you considered Natasha a good friend, talking about deeply personal things was never something you had done. Not that you weren’t both interested but knowing how much both of you had on their plate, it just didn’t seem to be an easy conversation.

That’s why her next question surprised you. “So, what exactly got you to move into the Avengers facility?” she sounded so nonchalant, it took you a minute to figure out what to say.

Sensing your hesitation, she quietly said “You don’t have to answer that. I’m sorry if I overstepped.”

You turned around, and when you saw her looking at you intently your lips quirked up a bit. She looked beautiful in this light and you couldn’t help but just stare at her. She didn’t seem to mind because she did the exact same thing to you.

In this atmosphere you felt extremely safe. You always did when she was around, so you wanted to tell her everything about yourself. You just wanted her to know you and your story.

“I don’t have anything but this job. My father was an asshole and my mom died when I was very young. I lived with an aunt, but we never really got along, so I moved out when I was 16 and took my chances. I applied for this weird program that would assure you a job and financial help, you just had to pass some test. I passed it and just like that I was in the middle of S.H.I.E.L.D. It took me a while to climb the levels because I struggled with my social skills. I basically failed every single test about undercover work.” a light laugh left your mouth and when you looked up you saw green eyes focused entirely on you and what you were saying.

“Anyway, a while later I was introduced to one Clint Barton. He was great and we got along very well, but he was in the special division and I was not. So, we didn’t have a lot of jobs together.  But we hung out and stuff. Until he was called on this highly secretive mission in Budapest. I think his job was to exterminate an enemy but instead he brought her into S.H.I.E.L.D and she became one of, if not the best Agent. I’m not sure if you know her, she can be quite annoying.”

A washcloth hit your face and you started laughing. “You’re an idiot.” shaking her head, Natasha moved around you to get the dishes for the table. When she was right next to you, she paused and lifted her head.

“Thanks for telling me that. I appreciate it.” it was barely a whisper. She was so close, and it wouldn’t have taken much for you to kiss her. Two, maybe three inches and your lips would have touched hers.

Instead, you cleared your throat and moved away. “Well, uh you’re welcome. Set the table, I’ll bring the food in a second.”

Natasha looked at you for a while longer and then decided to just do what you had said. It almost seemed like she was reluctant to move. When she left the kitchen, you leaned against the counter and let out a long sigh. Slowly, you moved to get the food and carried it to the table, where the redhead was patiently waiting for you.

 ----

After dinner it was time to get ready. Both of you put your suits on and attached all the necessary weapons to it. You had some guns, but your favorites were always the knives. It was easier to move with them and quite honestly, you were also fucking good at it.

When you were finished, the two of you left the house and made your way towards the building you’d have to infiltrate in order to get some intel on some rich dude selling alien weaponry.

“Okay listen, we’ll go in, get the intel and get the hell out of there. No unnecessary fighting and no casualties but also, no captures. Someone comes for you, end it. Try not to die and we’ll be fine.”

A dry chuckle left your lips and you looked over at the redhead, “Wow, Nat. Your pep talks are almost as good as Steve’s.” She didn’t look at you, but you could see that small smile you liked so much. It made you happy and you couldn’t help but smile as well.

If only you could see that more often. Yes, the two of you spend a lot of time together, but there always seems to be some kind of barrier. There were moments in the past, when you felt like you were getting even closer, but every time she would pull away and not talk to you for a couple of weeks, finding excuses as to why she couldn’t train you that day.

Right now, you were in a good space. It had been a couple of months since that last happened and you had to admit it was the worst one. She wouldn’t talk to you; she wouldn’t look at you. It was hell and that was the time you realized your feelings were a lot more than just a crush.

You had made a plan to not let her back in if she decided to come back with an apology, but when she knocked on your door in the middle of the night, nervous as you’d never seen her, you couldn’t help yourself but forgive her.

So now, here you were. On a mission with you constantly thinking about her, knowing you were in love with her and not being able to keep your eyes off of her.

----

“The hallway is clear.” you whispered into your comms. Getting into the building was surprisingly easy and both of you were a little suspicious. But the mission had to be completed, so you continued to be careful.

“All right. Come back here and cover me while I retrieve the data.” you could here her voice in you ear. Nodding your head, you quietly walked back to where she was. Locking eyes and nodding in confirmation that the two of you were fine, you entered a room that looked like a control room.

While Nat put her gun away and walked to one of the computers, you turned around and made sure no one was coming. It was quiet. Too quiet. You were beginning to get concerned, checking the hallway again your turned around to her “Something feels off, Nat. Maybe we should go.”

Just when you finished your sentence, you heard a loud bang coming from the other side of the hallway. You were about to say something else when you heard Nat moving. “All right, got it. Let’s get the hell out of here.”

Getting your guns out you made your way towards the exit. No one was in your way. There were no soldiers or agents or weapons. It was weird and that feeling in your stomach wasn’t dissipating.

“Nat, this is weird.” You turned your head to look back at her and that’s when you saw him. A lone Agent with a freaking sword in his hand, charging towards the two of you.

Without thinking you stepped in front of Natasha and were about to shoot when the sword lodged itself into your side. There was no pain and you barely registered the sword, until you pulled the trigger and it was removed by the body falling to the ground. All that happened within a single second.

“Y/n!” Nat was quick to catch you, before you fell on the ground. Her gun still raised she inspected your wound with a shaking hand. She was panicking.

“I’m fine Nat. I don’t think it hit anything vital. It just hurts like a bitch.” groaning, when she put pressure on your wound, you tried to reassure her.

She was frantic in her movements. You don’t even think she heard you or registered that you were talking. To calm her, you reached up to touch her cheek. “Nat, I am fine. Let’s just go, so nothing else happens.”

That helped and suddenly she stopped moving and looked down at you. Leaving was easier said than done. Just as you were about to move the sound of footsteps made you halt your movements. Locking eyes with Nat you both knew that there was a change of plans.

“Nat, we need to leave. Now.” Your hand was wrapped around her shoulders while she held on to you, trying not to touch your wound.

“They are probably blocking our point of entry. We can’t just go there with you hurt like that. Do you remember another exit?” she was nervous. You could feel her heartbeat from being so close and her hand on your waist kept squeezing in a rhythm almost as if she was trying to ground herself through your touch.

“There is no other exit, but I have an idea. If we get close enough, we can just blow them up and get out of here. I have three grenades on me.”

“You brought grenades? Are you fucking kidding me? You know those things are unpredictable, what if you get blown up while fighting hand to hand?” she whisper-screamed at you. Her face was set, and she was in full trainer mode. You rolled your eyes, wincing when you moved your body a little bit.

“Give me a break. Now is not the time. I have a fucking sword wound, I am losing blood and you want to lecture me about grenades? Just grab them and blow these assholes up so we can leave.” At the mention of your wound Nat’s face turned to a worried frown again.

“Okay, okay. Let’s got.”

With a groan, caused by the pulsating pain in you side, you walked towards the exit as fast as you could. Before you turned the corner, Nat guided you to the ground.

“Hey, hey what are you doing? Help me back up!” you couldn’t stop her from pushing you down, it was simply too much pain.

“You can’t fight, obviously. So, I’m going to throw the grenades and take care of possible survivors and then I’ll get you.” She was about to stand up, but you pulled her back down by her arm. Fear enveloped you heart. You didn’t know how many people were out there and there was no way you’d let her fight all of them alone.

“No! Nat, listen. We don’t know how many there are and what if it’s too many, what if the grenades don’t do shit. I can’t let you go alone.” At this point you were desperate for her to listen to you, but she was already reaching around you to get the three grenades.

Before she pulled away completely, she put her hand on your cheek and looked at you as if you were the most precious thing on this planet.

“You can’t help right now. I got this; I promise. So, you just sit here and be pretty and let me handle this, okay?” her eyes pierced yours and there was nothing but sincerity, love and a little bit of worry in them. Enraptured by her beautiful eyes you leaned into her touch and nodded slightly.

With one last look at you, she stormed off. All you could do was lean your head against the wall, put pressure on you wound and hope to the gods, that the woman you were in love with would come back to you.

After a couple of minutes of silence, you were almost happy when you heard the grenades go off. At least that meant she was still alive. Now you just had to wait a little while longer.

You listened closely, trying to make out any sounds; guns, fighting, anything. But it was completely silent except your own shallow breath.

‘This is taking too long. Something is wrong’ With a loud groan you moved to get up, just as you were about to try and stand up, a pair of warm hands landed on your shoulders. You looked up and there she was. Covered in debris but still beautiful as ever.

Seeing her made you realize how scared you really were. Tears started gathering in your eyes, you closed them and took a deep breath.

The two hands helped you up and one of her arms sneaked back around your waist. Leaning your head against hers you quietly whispered, “Thank God.”

The way back to the safe house took longer than expected, since you still couldn’t walk properly. But after what felt like hours, you were finally back in the warmth of the house and you couldn’t help but be glad to be back in this dump of a place.

“Come on, we need to clean the wound.”

Her voice seemed to be very far away and you realized you almost dozed of on the way here. She almost carried you at this point and you felt bad, so you quickly shifted your weight back on your legs.

In the bedroom, you sat down with a hiss. Her hands left your body and she quickly walked to the bathroom to get some stuff for you wound.

“Take your shirt off please and lay down.” You heard her voice a little clearer now and you did as you were told. Laying on the bed you mind drifted back to the moment you got stabbed. Even though it hurt like a bitch, a small smile grazed your lips at the thought of having saved her life. Honestly, you’d do it again in less than a heartbeat.

A dip on the side of the bed, made you open your eyes to look at Natasha. She was focused on cleaning you wound, as soon as the disinfectant touched your tender skin you couldn’t help but draw a sharp breath in.

“I’m sorry, but we have to clean it. I’m sorry.” Nat sounded terrible. Well, her voice was still beautiful, but it was laced with worry. You couldn’t help but scan her face.

Her brows were formed to a frown and her lips kept moving, apologizing repeatedly. Moving your arm without thinking, your fingers settled between her brown and smoothed the skin there.

“It’s okay. It just hurts.” You tried to reassure her, and it seemed like your touch was working. Her hands stilled and she moved into the touch of you hand. After two or three long breaths, her eyes moved to your face.

“I’m done. You should get some rest now and tomorrow we’ll clean it again.”

“What about you? Are you hurt?” you couldn’t see any wounds but you had to be sure. With a soft smile she answered.

“Just a little dirty from your grenades. I’ll take a shower and then go to bed as well. Rest, your tired, I can see that. Close your eyes, okay. Good Night.”

And with that she got up, gathered all the medical equipment, and moved away from the bed. Sighing you gave up the fight and finally closed your eyes to fall into a deep slumber.

 Opening your eyes, you looked around. It was still dark outside and you could see Natasha sleeping in the bed opposite from you. Realizing you woke up because you had to pee, you started moving into a sitting position.

A soft groan left your lips, but quietly so you wouldn’t wake up Natasha. Moving fucking hurt. After getting your left leg off the side of the bed, you slowly moved the rest of you body to follow. A couple of hisses later and you were standing, albeit shakily, but you were standing up.

“What are you doing, y/n?” Hearing sheets ruffle, it was only a couple of second later, that warm hands found their way to support you.

Guilty, you looked up “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you, but I uhm…I have to, you know, pee.” Your were thankful it was dark, the proximity of the woman was bad enough but her trying to help you use the toilet, which you were sure she would do, made you blush like an idiot.

“Alright let’s got.” She said matter-of-factly.  Without meeting her eyes you nodded and started walking towards the bathroom. You dreaded what was about to happen. You didn’t want this woman to see you pee, that was a 5-year relationship step.

To try and make this a little less awkward, you tried to crack some jokes. Honestly, you just wanted to hear her laugh. She was quiet, and not the “I am tired”-quiet but the “I feel guilty because you got hurt because of me and now I’ll help you however I can”-quiet.

But she didn’t even move her lips. There was no amusement, and she was definitely not in the mood to laugh. It made you a little sad but also you were worried. Natasha needed to know that you did not blame her in any way. It was not her fault.

The rest of the torture of using the toilet was spent in silence. Just when she helped you lay down, did you grab her hand before it moved too far away.

“Nat, this isn’t your fault. Stop beating yourself up, okay. I’ll be fine. And just so you know, getting sworded was on my list of ways to get injured anyways, so check.” Your thumb drew patterns on her hand but she still didn’t look at you. “Nat, please. Smile. I really need you to smile right now.”

There was no reaction. She didn’t look at you and she didn’t move either. You realized your words wouldn’t get through her thick scull so you did the only thing you could.

You shuffled towards the other side of the bed and pulled her with you at the same time. She was hesitant, but she slowly followed your lead and laid down beside you.

There was no touching except your hand on her lower arm, still drawing patterns. It was silent except for the sound of both of you breathing.

You felt at ease, there was no pain. All you could feel was her laying next to you. That was everything you have wanted for the past year. But this was not how you imagined it. You didn’t want her to feel guilty or sad. You wanted her to enjoy it, just like you did.

“Why did you do it? You could’ve let him just stab me. Why would you jump in the way?” her voice way quiet, hard to hear.

Now you were angry. Was she serious? It was not like you expected her to know about your feelings for her or the fact that you would literally die for her, no. But you did expect her to know that she means something to you and that you would protect however you could.

“Are you serious, Nat? I mean all these years of training and you can’t figure out why I took a fucking sword for you? I did it because I’d rather die, than see you get hurt. There is literally nothing on this fucking planet that I wouldn’t do to protect you. And if you haven’t figured that out by now, you are stupider than I thought possible.”

Okay, whew. That was maybe a little over the line. But you couldn’t help it. At this point, she should’ve known that you would do something like that.

Movement to your left startled you a little bit, especially when all of a sudden you were looking up into those beautiful eyes you regularly dream about.

“I know why you did it, because it’s the same reason why I’d do it for you. I can’t see you get hurt, okay. Especially for me. That is not an option, because if you think that you would die before something happened to me, I would murder every single human being on this planet to make sure you wouldn’t get hurt.”

You didn’t know what to say. Did she just say, she felt the same way? Wait, did she just say she would annihilate the human race to protect you?

“Wow Nat, every single human being? That is a lot of people, you know. Need some help with that?”

Finally, you saw her lips move up in a smile. Finally, she was responding and fucking finally you felt like this might be the beginning of something. But before you could say anything else, she took the word.

“You are an absolute idiot.” With a final smile, she moved to grab you face and softly pressed her lips to yours. It was a soft kiss; she didn’t want to hurt you. But you could not get enough. It was like a fire erupted in your core and you moved to pull her even closer.

Pushing up, the kiss got more forceful. It was like a year of pent-up emotions all pouring out into this one kiss. One of her arms moved down your side, careful to not touch your wound, as she slowly pulled away.

Keeping her as close as you could, you smiled brightly at her.

“This was awesome, can we do it again?” with a soft chuckle, Natasha pressed another soft peck to your lips, before moving away again.

“As soon as you’re all healed up, okay. For now, let’s just sleep.”

“okay” you whispered softly. Slowly Nat moved to lay her head on the same pillow you were laying on. Taking your hand and intertwining your fingers she pressed a soft kiss to your cheek.

“And don’t think just because this is going on, I’ll go less hard on you in training. This has no influence on any of that.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Deciding not to think too much, knowing it wouldn’t help you in any way, you moved to get up. As soon as your feet touched the ground a wave of dizziness hit you. It seemed your little stunt got to you more than you thought it would.

After taking a couple of calming breaths you finally made your way towards the co-pilot seat. Literally falling into the chair, you closed your eyes again. Breathing evenly and slowly, exhaustion took over once again and you felt yourself drift off.

Before you could actually fall asleep, the soft voice from beside you started talking. “Why did you do that? I thought you weren’t allowed to interfere.”

You looked over to her with an exasperated look on your face. “Seriously?” That’s all you said. At first you thought she made fun of you, not thinking she was genuinely confused.

Turning your body a little more towards her you said “Listen, I may have only been assigned as your babysitter but I wasn’t going to let you die, ok? God knows I’m not keen on having any blood on my hands.”

Looking at her you waited for a reaction, but like all the other times you got absolutely nothing. With a huff you turned your head back and closed your eyes again.

After a long pause a quiet whisper disrupted your thoughts. “Thank you.” It was so quiet you almost couldn’t hear it over the humming of the jet. You were surprised. Never would you have expected her to sound so vulnerable. It sounded like a little child, that was afraid to talk too loudly, and you couldn’t help it warming your heart a little.

Not knowing what to say you slowly whispered back “You’re welcome.”

You moved your head slowly to look at her, your eyes met and what you saw made your heart flutter once again. The soft look on her face caught you off guard and you held your breath. She looked at you for what seemed like hours and you simply couldn’t look away.

It felt intimate and it confused you because that’s not normally something you feel when looking at someone you don’t even like. But for some reason you felt safe.

Clearing her throat, she looked away. “It should take a couple of hours until we’re there. You can rest some more.”

“Sure.” You couldn’t help but continue to watch her while she was flying the jet. It just wasn’t possible. Every time you tried; your eyes found their way back to her face. You were pretty sure she could feel you staring but honestly, you were way too exhausted to care.

---------------

“Y/N, we’re at S.H.I.E.L.D.. Come one, wake up.” Grumbling you opened your eyes a little. It took you a second to realize where you were and who was waking you up. As soon as it hit you, you sat up straight, groaning when you felt pain in your neck from sleeping in the chair for several hours.

Massaging your own neck, you moved your eyes to the red head. She was standing next to you. Her eyes bored themselves into yours and you weren’t sure what to make of it.

Awkwardly you got up. “Uhm, ok so I guess Fury will let us sleep for the night before we have to brief him so…I’m gonna head to bed now.”

Standing there you waited for her to move because she was blocking your path towards the exit of the jet. It seemed though as if she didn’t plan on moving any time soon, so you squeezed yourself past her and made you way outside.

When you looked back, you saw her still standing in the same place staring off into the distance. You didn’t know what to make of that. For months you had been full of hate and distrust but now, after meeting her for some reason all you felt was confusion.

Still feeling unbelievably exhausted, you walked towards your room. You were one of the few agents that actually lived at the headquarters. Without family, you didn’t have a reason to live alone or in the city.

Your work was your life, so when you asked Fury if you could turn one of the offices into a bedroom, he went even further and basically built you your own apartment within the building. On days like these you were thankful you didn’t have to ride home but could simply take the elevator to your level and just fall asleep. So that’s exactly what you did.

--------------

A loud blaring sound coming from your right pulled you out of your deep sleep. Groaning you blindly moved your hand to turn that thing off and move to get up. After a long night of sleep and the additional couple of hours you got on the jet, you felt awake and ready to start the day.

First on the agenda was the briefing with Fury. Thinking of Agent Romanoff and the mission yesterday made you stop in your tracks. For just a moment you felt a weird flutter in your stomach, but you quickly dismissed it, blaming it on the fact that you hadn’t eaten in a while.

After you finished getting ready, you made your way to the kitchen to make yourself some coffee, a fleeting thought entering your mind about how Agent Romanoff would like hers, and moved on to the briefing room.

The briefing was short and ended with Fury telling you that he hadn’t made a decision yet, since your report was invalid because of your interference. Therefore, he made you her official supervisor with the job to keep an eye on her. Discreetly, of course.

Great. Seems like babysitting was still gonna be on your agenda.

Currently you were on your way towards the common room, where you would have breakfast with Clint. It was a tradition to eat together whenever the both of you were in the building. Honestly, you were looking forward to it. Simply spending some time with your best friend and forget about the redhead for a moment.

Your good feeling was short lived, when you saw her sitting at the table with Clint. Rolling your eyes you walked towards the two of them. “Y/N!” he got up to hug you quickly. “I heard the mission went well, and now that you saved her life I thought I could officially introduce you two, since, you know, you don’t hate her anymore.” he whispered the last part.

Moving your eyes to catch the bright green ones you met yesterday, you started feeling a little guilty. In this house rumors spread like wildfire and she had probably heard about you talking shit about her.

Not feeling the slight tension, Clint told you to sit down and moved the food towards you. “Eat up. Well, Nat this is Y/n and Y/N this is Nat.” he moved his hand between the two of us.

“Nice to meet you. Again.” you awkwardly smiled at her and her only answer was a slight nod, which pissed you off by the way. But the small, almost not there smile did give you a warm feeling.

Surprisingly, breakfast was not awkward after that start. Only because Clint would not shut up, but to be honest you preferred that to tense silence.

After finishing, the three of you went your separate ways. Clint had a meeting; Romanoff went to spar and you simply walked to your room to work on some reports.

It was a boring day that ended with you in your bed, thinking about a certain someone. During the day you had tried to get access to classified parts of her files, but no chance. You had clearing to many files but there were some only Fury was allowed to read.

It gave you an uncomfortable feeling. She seemed to know a lot about you. Did she know everything? How you came to be a part of S.H.I.E.L.D? or why you refused to kill anybody? With these thoughts in your head you fell asleep.

“Do it. Kill him. If you don’t do it, you’ll be punished. It’s going to hurt y/n, and you don’t want that, do you?”

“No, please don’t.” a quiet whimper, nothing more.

“Kill him. NOW!”

You woke up with a gasp. Breathing slowly, your turned towards the clock on your bedside table and realized it was barely even the next day. Sighing you laid back down and tried to go back to sleep. But to no avail.

You left your bed and made your way through the building. Wandering around, you landed on the roof. You came up here often. It wasn’t a particularly beautiful roof, but it was quiet and that calmed you down.

Turning the corner, you stopped in your tracks when you saw someone else sitting there, with their legs dangling down. “Uh, excuse me. The roof is off limits.”

“Well, then why are you up here?” you almost choked on you own spit when you recognized the soft voice. Why the hell is she here?

Debating on what to do, you decided to take a step towards her. Leaning against the railing a couple of feet away from her, you answered quietly.

“The roof is not off limits, but I say that to the newbies so they don’t bother me when I’m up here.”

A soft chuckle left her lips. It sounded sweet and it made you smile. Looking down across the city, you enjoyed the calm breeze.

“So, do you genuinely hate me, or do you just distrust me?”

It caught you off guard. What the hell were you supposed to answer to that? I do hate you, but also when I look at you, I fell a weird flutter in my stomach and your voice is really beautiful, as are your eyes. Yeah, no.

Moving to look at her, you weren’t surprised to see her already staring at you. Her face was serious but calm and maybe even a little curious. Seeing her like that was like losing your filter and you answered truthfully.

“Honestly, I don’t know. I used to hate you and now I can’t tell anymore.” It was almost a quiet confession and you were a little taken aback by it.

Humming she nodded slowly. “I understand if you’d hate me. Many people do. But most of them have an actual reason.”

You thought about that. What was your reason? Because she was an assassin? Yes. Because she killed people? Yes. But Clint has killed people, too. Just like many of the Agents you worked with.

“I think I hate what you do more than who you are if that helps. I mean I don’t even know you, but I know what you do, what you did.”

Almost as if she felt ashamed her eyes cast downwards and she moved her head away from you. Guilt made its way through your body and you felt like you wanted to make her feel better about herself. But that wasn’t your job, was it?

“I hate all of that, too. Is that why you don’t kill? You don’t want to be like me? A cold-blooded murderer?”

Again, you were surprised at her directness. Everyone here knew you didn’t kill. Well, you tried not to. You were not innocent, you had taken lives, especially on this job, but every time it pulled you into a deep hole that you always had a hard time coming out of.

But had you been too hard on her, ultimately you had to admit the two of you were fairly similar.

She was taken as a child, didn’t have a chance to not become an assassin. You may have not been trained to become an assassin, but you had been taken at a young age. You had been traumatized too, in a very different way but you were sure, both of you knew what pain was.

“I don’t kill because I’ve seen too many lives being taken for no reason. I refuse to become like that. I know sometimes there is no other way, it’s your own life or the other one. But before that moment comes, I’d rather just knock somebody out and lock them away. Who am I to just kill somebody? And who am I doing it for? For me or for someone else? Why kill, when there’s another way?”

Silence. You didn’t think you had given Clint an answer like that ever. It was the closest you could get to explaining how you felt without saying too much.

You had always questioned why people were so obsessed with killing others. Starting from the first time you had seen him, your “father”, just shoot the only person you had called family in the head out of pure lust, your disgust for people like him started growing.

“I don’t think there is an answer to any of that. But what I can tell you is that I agree with you.” At that your head snapped to your right. Excuse her, she agreed with you?

“Don’t look so shocked, why else would I be here. I am good at what I do but I don’t want to do it the way I have in the past. Y/N,” she looked at you “this is my only chance. I need to be here. Clint sees that, why can’t you?”

Her eyes were wide, they refused to let you look away. Could you see that? Is she telling the truth? Maybe this is her only chance.

“Okay.” You swallowed. Okay what? You answered without thinking about it. “I’ll give you a chance.”

Agent Romanoff closed her eyes and let out a long breath.  Your brain was yelling at you, that you made the wrong decision.

You still knew nothing about that person. What if she lied. And now you agreed to let her stay and put in a good word with Fury? Well, you didn’t say that specifically, but those things went hand in hand.

But all this doubt was washed away the second she opened her eyes again and smiled at you like she hadn’t before. She looked so endlessly relieved and you swore you could almost see some tears shine in her eyes.

“Thank you, Y/N. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome”

That was all you could say. You were completely overwhelmed.

Making your way downstairs to the lab you passed two women that, apparently, hadn’t been in the common area for your announcement. “Carol, Natasha, hey.” Both women smiled brightly at you.

They were always very nice to you, helping you when you got lost in the compound or inviting you to watch a movie with the team. They had made you feel welcome since the first day you started working in Tony’s lab. It made you happy, knowing you had such good friends.

“Hey there Dr. Y/L/N. Were you looking for us?” A low chuckle left your mouth at the suggestive brow that lifted on the redhead’s face.

“Actually, I was. You need to come down to the lab in a couple of minutes. We are ready for the tests.” With a quick smile you hurried along the hallway back to the lab so you could check on everything once more. Quick footsteps coming from behind you made you lift your head from the files in your hands.

“Or I can just come with you right away. I just want to make sure nothing happens to you on your way downstairs.” You turned to look at Carol, catching her smile when a hand on your shoulder made you turn your head.

“Yeah, I’ll come along, too. If you don’t mind.” The typical half smirk covered Natasha’s face. You just laughed at the antics of the two and continued your way. When you entered the elevator at the end of the hall, the three of you stepped inside silently.

It didn’t feel awkward to you. Actually, you preferred silence, it was just easier. Your head was always filled with thoughts about new projects, these thoughts were loud and sometimes even annoying; keeping you from sleeping peacefully.

Seems like the two ladies had other plans, though, when they started a conversation. “So, what exactly are we doing in the lab? Do you need help with anything?”

“Actually, no.” you shook your head lightly. “I just need you to test the new suits we made for you, like I said. We built in the new communication system so you can be in contact with the whole team even when your fancy ass is flying trough space.” You didn’t look at the blonde, you were focused on your files – as always – making sure you didn’t forget anything.

When the elevator binged, you were the first to step out missing the glances the other two shared. They knew you were very focused on your job and it didn’t seem like you were up for a relationship or anything but that didn’t stop either of them. They weren’t in love with you, God no, but some flirting never hurt nobody. Especially when the possibility of getting you out on a date wasn’t zero.

Upon entering the lab, you walked straight towards your working space. Your desk was filled with papers and different blueprints for various projects. You put the files you were holding on top of a pile and turned around towards the two women.

“Alright.” You clapped your hands once. “I guess you can start putting on the new suits, the others should be down here soon.” You made your way past Natasha and Carol and walked to the other side of the room, where you kept the new suits.

After passing the suits to the other two you pointed to a door behind the them. “Over there is a room you can change in.”

“Oh that’s not necessary. We’re all women here, right?” With a smirk Carol started taking her shirt off with Natasha following quickly. You couldn’t help but blush. There was no denying that these women were beautiful and absolutely hot, there’s a reason everybody wanted to be with them. But not you. You mind drifted to another body you had gotten to know in the past couple of weeks, they just didn’t know that.

Not wanting to stare you brushed passed Natasha and Carol, who were currently dropping their pants, and made your way to your desk trying to find something to occupy yourself with.

A ding! from the elevator made you lift your head and greet the group of people. “Hey guys, your suits are over there put them on please. Wanda, Thor and Bucky you can come to me.” Nodding, they did as you told them. With one part of the group putting on their suits and the other three making their way to you.

You locked eyes with Wanda and sent her a soft smile, letting her know you were happy to see her. When you passed them an earpiece and a microphone they could hide easily, you heard Carol screaming over to you asking for help. “Hey Y/N, do you mind helping me put this on. It’s really tight.” You could practically hear her smirk and the roll of Wanda’s eyes confirmed it.

Sending a soft smile towards to Wanda you turned around to see Carol already looking at you with a big smile on her face. Taking a few steps in her direction you reached around her and pulled up the zipper in her back. “Hmm, it really is tight. I’m going to make some adjustments so next time you won’t need any help.”

“Oh don’t worry, I don’t mind you helping me.” Again, that smirk. You really liked Carol, but the flirting was starting to make you a little uncomfortable, especially with Wanda in the room. Sighing you made your way back to your table, where Wanda was still standing.

“I don’t think, that’s what she wanted to hear.” Natasha quietly sang to herself, making sure you couldn’t hear but Carol definitely could.

“Shut up, Romanoff. As if you could do any better.” Rolling her eyes, Carol challenged Natasha.

With a smirk, the redhead answered confidently. “Oh just watch and learn, my dear.”

Making her way to you, she caught Wanda staring at her angrily. “What do you want, Nat.”

“Whoa, calm down tiger. I just want to talk to y/n real quick.” But Wanda intervened and stopped Natasha’s hand from touching your shoulder. Feeling the tension around you, your eyes left the checklist in your handy and moved towards the two women.

Quickly, you realized what’s happening. “Whoah, okay guys. Uhm, Nat would you please go outside and test the new comms with Carol? Have her fly to outer space for a sec and then report back to me.” you raised your voice so the others could hear as well. “Everyone else, go in the training room and spar. Test the suits and the comms and report back in an hour. Wanda you stay here.”

After everyone left the lab including Nat and Carol, who tried until the very end to have you join them, you moved closer to Wanda, who still had an angry look on her face.

“Don’t turn all red on me.” moving your hand to brush some hair out of her face, her posture immediately softened, and she leaned into your touch.

“I don’t like this. They’re always flirting with you; they even make it a competition. I heard them talking about it. I want them to stop.” the little pout on her face was endearing. It melted your heart and you couldn’t help but lean in and carefully kiss her lips.

She immediately moved her hand around your waist and pulled you closer. The kiss got deeper but stayed sweet at the same time. It was crazy how you had only been dating for a couple of weeks, but everything already felt so familiar.

The ding! of the elevator made the two of you jump apart. “Hey y/n, we need your help with…” Carol stopped talking, when she bumped into Natasha who had a confused look on her face. “What’s going on here?”

You looked at Wanda who had a completely red face, and you were sure you didn’t look any different. You brain was working a hundred miles an hour trying to come up with an explanation. But it seemed like Wanda had different plans.

She put her arm back around your waist and pulled you back in. “Y/N and I are dating. So, you two need to stop flirting with her or I’m going to do something bad.”

The threat, albeit not one to be taken very seriously, seemed to cause the other two women to snap out of it. Lifting her hands in surrender Carol was the first to speak: “Whoah, we didn’t know. Congrats you two, that actually makes a lot of sense.”

You let out a breath of relieve when you realized they weren’t mad or anything. A smile came onto your face and you buried it in Wanda’s neck for a second. “Thank you. And don’t get me wrong. The two of you are great, but I’d prefer being friends.”

Wanda placed a soft kiss on the side of your head. A smile broke out on Nat’s face and you knew that you had both of their support.

Moving to take Wanda’s hand you walked towards the elevator. “All right. you two. Let’s go test the comms. And hey, since the two of you are always flirting with everyone, why not do it with each other. I think that would make a lot of sense”

With a wink you pressed the button in the elevator and when the door closed you could see the two looking at each other with a smirk on each of their face.

While some people seem to have recovered pretty easily, others had a hard time dealing with what happened. Wanda was mourning her brother and Vision made it his job to help her recovering. Tony spent most of his time in the lab working on something, you had no idea what exactly. Steve was out and about training new recruits and Thor was back on Asgard. Clint would spend most of his time with his family and only occasionally came to visit. Bruce was gone. That’s all you knew.

Everybody seemed to go on with their lives, and then there was Natasha. She acted like she always did, and it took you a couple of weeks to even figure out something was bothering her but last week, when the two of you were sparring with each other, Natasha zoned out in the middle of it. Just like that she stopped moving. You had been so focused you couldn’t react soon enough and hit her square in the face. Hard.

Ever since that day she had been avoiding you. It made you look back at the weeks before and you realized her behavior had been odd for a while. Every once in a while, she would completely zone out. She would just stare blankly ahead and not react to anything until someone shook her out of it.

It scared you to be honest. You had known her for a while and she has never showed any sign of that before. And you knew because of how much attention you paid to her. It was pretty clear from the beginning that you had not just a simple crush on her but actual feelings. You were also pretty sure she felt something similar.

You were aware of it but didn’t act on it. You knew Natasha wasn’t up for anything and honestly you weren’t sure either. Life was stressful and you had enough things you had to worry about.

A crack coming from your left interrupted your train of thought and you quickly turned into defensive mode. Focusing on the trees you looked around carefully, after a couple minutes of silence you sighed and continued your way along the treeline.

It was weirdly warm, but you enjoyed it knowing winter was coming soon. You came to a stop and looked around. You loved nature; it had been your second home for a very long time. When you grew up you would spend most of your days in the woods running around and climbing up the tallest trees. One day you even spent the night on one and to this day it was the best night of your life.

“Enjoying the last warm day of the year I see.” A smile came on to your face at hearing the soft voice from behind you. You turned your body towards the person standing there and you couldn’t help but just look at her.

Your eyes scanned over her red hair that had already grown out a bit, down to her face. She looked calm, content. It was nice to see.

“Yeah, I’ve missed this the last couple of weeks. I just wanted to enjoy sometime away from everything.”

“Oh is that your way of telling me to piss off?” You saw her raising her eyebrows, but you knew she was just joking. Natasha knew you would never tell her to leave you alone, you felt calm when she was around.

You didn’t say anything back but simply chuckled, turned around and moved to walk towards the compound. Soft steps behind you confirmed the redhead following you. It wasn’t long until you felt her arm brush yours and the smile that hadn’t left your face yet, got even bigger.

“How are you?” you tried. This was the first time she had voluntarily talked to you in many weeks and you just had to ask even though you knew, you probably wouldn’t get an honest answer.

With a soft sigh she surprised you. “Honestly I don’t know. Things are weird and I don’t know why.” She sounded sad almost. It made you stop walking and turn towards her. You waited until she looked you in the eye and said, “Nat, you can talk to me. You don’t have to, but you can.”

After making sure she understood that you meant it, you continued “also, you don’t have to avoid me, y’know. It’s not cool.”

Guilt became visible on Natasha’s face and as she tried to come up with an excuse or an apology, you interrupted her.

“Don’t apologize. It’s okay, just don’t do it again.” Without waiting for an answer, you turned to start walking again. Looking back, you saw her still standing in the same spot, staring at the ground.

“Hey, are you coming?” You saw her shaking her head and looking up at you before she took of towards you in a light jog. When she was by your side, the two of you simply continued your way home. It was silent all the way but the feeling of someone warm next to you was calming.

Upon arriving at the entrance Natasha held the door open for you and guided you inside. No words were exchanged but you both knew where you were headed.

It had become tradition, that the two of you would spend time together in your room whenever it was just the two of you. Natasha once explained, that she liked your room more than hers because it felt homier. Back then you had simply laughed and told her she was always welcome. Ever since then it was normal for her to walk in whenever.

When you were in front of you room, you opened it and entered, Natasha was behind you. She shut the door and locked it; a habit she couldn’t seem to let go of. You didn’t mind, as long as she felt safe.

Taking your soft jacket off you made your way towards your bed and plopped down with a sigh. Turning on the TV you were waiting for Nat to join you.

When you looked up you saw her still standing at your door. One hand on the handle and her head leant against the door, her eyes were closed and she took deep breaths. It concerned you but you didn’t dare move, not knowing how she would react.

Just when you heard soft sobs coming from her did you move and quickly made your way towards her. Putting one hand on her arm, you tried to stay calm. “Nat, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

All of a sudden you felt her pull you towards her in a tight embrace. Her arms made their way around your back and her head was nestled in you neck. You were completely taken aback, but it didn’t take long for you to reciprocate the hug and put your arms around her.

“It’s okay, Nat. I got you.” You whispered calming words into her ear and rubbed her back, trying to calm her down. You realized; you had never seen her cry before. You had barely even hugged and now she had a full on break down.

Slowly you felt her sobs subside and her grip on you lessened, but she never completely let go. After some time of just standing there hugging, you slowly removed yourself. Not far though, you didn’t want to leave the embrace. You moved your hands up to her face and made her look at you. Your thumbs softly wiped away the remaining tears that still spilled from her eyes.

“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” Her green eyes were shining more than ever when she looked up at you. Locking eyes, she didn’t give you an answer immediately. You were patient though and just waited, knowing she needed some time to organize her thoughts.

You got so lost in her eyes you didn’t even register soft lips touching yours. Completely wrapped up in the feeling of her lips, you almost forgot to kiss her back. Just when she went to pull away, probably scared shitless that she messed up, did you pull her back in.

Lips moving in sync, you realized you had never felt anything like it before. It wasn’t fireworks and it didn’t feel like you’ve never really kissed before. It simply felt like coming home. Like having been lost for so long and this is the first time you ever truly found your place.

She looked up at you, stilling her movements. “Shouldn’t you just watch me and not interfere? Isn’t that what you said?” She sounded annoyed and turned away from you.

“Well yeah, but –“

She turned around and raised her eyebrows at you, successfully shutting you up. You were standing there staring at each other, her face impassive and neutral, as always. You seemed like that to the outside, too but your heart was pounding in your chest. She was challenging you. Challenging you to continue talking, or moving, or doing literally anything, but you refused to give her any kind of satisfaction.

After the staring contest had gone on for a while you cleared your throat and started talking, without moving your eyes away from her.

“There’s a camera in your bag. Put it on so I can see what you’re doing. I won’t come in with you, but I need to keep an eye on you. So, if you would be so kind...” With that you turned away, sitting down in the pilot seat and turning on the computer.

You heard some shuffling behind you and assumed she was getting the camera. When the screen in front of you flickered a second before showing you your own back in the pilot seat, you turned to look at her. “Don’t give me a reason to fly away and leave you here, Agent Romanoff. Good luck.”

There was no answer from your companion only the sound of the woman leaving the jet. You leaned back and kept your eyes on the screen in front of you. You were genuinely interested in how this was going to go. You had no doubt that she would complete the mission and retrieve whatever information she was there to retrieve; your question was how she was going to do that. More so, how many people would have to die.

________________________________________________________________

As you predicted it didn’t take her long to get the intel. Turns out it was about some underground smuggling ring. They weren’t very big or very important, that’s probably why this was her first solo mission. If she’d messed up, it wouldn’t have been a very big deal.

You currently watched her in the computer room of the building working her way through the files and downloading everything she deemed important. On her way there she didn’t take anyone out, which surprised you.

Granted, she had only passed two people and they were unaware she was even there. They were knocked out within seconds. Surprisingly they were still alive. While you were watching you had been preparing yourself to see her stab them or shoot them, but all she did was take their guns before she continued walking down the hallway.

Maybe she was in a hurry. Or maybe she didn’t want you to see. You couldn’t imagine this was how she’d have acted had she been alone. Everything you ever heard about her made her out to be a cold-blooded assassin that enjoys taking lives left and right.

Once again Clint popped into your head and what he said about judging her. You sighed and shook your head.

Back on the screen you could see Agent Romanoff making her way to the exit and back to you. When she passed the place where the two bodies should have been the movement halted. You just saw the screen moving from left to right rapidly when suddenly it stopped.

First you thought the screen was frozen but movement from the end of the hall caught your attention. A group of men came closer with their guns raised, pointed at you. Well, not really you, but The Black Widow. It didn’t look good. They were too many for her to take on by herself.

Quickly you moved to get in contact with her over the comms. “Do you have another way out?” The screen started moving left to right indicating the woman shaking her head. “All right. Try to fight them off as long as you can. I’m on my way.”

Without waiting for any form of answer you made your way outside and ran towards the building. Upon entering you felt the familiar tingle on your skin. Being invisible would give you a huge advantage. Moving quietly you walked the same way Agent Romanoff did when she came in.

You could hear gun shots at the end of the hall. The loud sound made you spring into action, running towards the source. As soon as you turned the corner at the end of the floor you were surprised to see the redhead fighting off several men at the same time. She moved flawlessly and knocked out one after the other. But when you looked closer, you could see sweat on her forehead and a deep frown on her face. She was getting exhausted.

Quickly you made your way through the crowd of men, kicking them across the room and knocking them off their feet. Confusion was evident on their face and The Black Widow used the momentum to overpower her current opponents.

Analyzing the situation, it was clear that the two of you had no chance to win. So, you did the one thing that would help the two of you escape. You grabbed one of her hands and screamed. “Close your eyes and hold your breath. It’s gonna get uncomfortable for you.”

Without questioning you, she did what you told her. You focused on her and spreading the tingle over her body. To you it seemed as though time has stopped. Getting someone else invisible was hard. It was exhausting and it needed a lot of concentration on your side.

After a short second, she was gone. The only evidence that the she was still there was the warm hand clasped around yours.

You felt her tug on your hand, pulling you away from the scene. You were too focused on getting her to stay invisible, you had no idea where you were. You decided to just trust the assassin in getting the two off you out of here and on to the quinjet.

________________________________________________________________

As soon as you stepped outside you couldn’t hold it anymore. Exhaustion taking over, you tripped over your own feet, letting go of the other woman’s hand, therefore breaking physical contact and making her visible again.

You saw her stop just a few feet ahead of you. Turning around she whisper-screamed. “Where are you? Come on, Y/N. We have to get going.”

You closed your eyes and let go, feeling yourself become visible. Panting you looked up into green eyes. “Give me your hand, I’ll help you up.”

You remembered reading in her file that she used to dance ballet. That was one of the very few things that hadn’t been blacked out in her report. Most of what she did and who she is, seemed to be classified. That didn’t calm your mind in the least. Only bad things are classified.

After another two hours you became a little antsy. You didn’t mind flying at all but the fact that you had to stay invisible for the rest of the mission made you worry. You hadn’t read the file that Fury sent to your room, you were simply too exhausted. So, the length of this mission was unknown to you. You didn’t even know where you were going exactly.

Looking around the room you tried to locate a file somewhere in here. You could probably move it without being spotted by the red head, but unfortunately you couldn’t find it anywhere.

Defeated you sat back down and moved your gaze back to The Black Widow. Looking at her like that was interesting. In no way would you ever think she’d be able to do something terrible, yet that was probably on purpose.

You started getting bored when all of a sudden Natasha moved to get up after turning on the Autopilot. She made her way over to a bag she brought with her and took two bottles of water out. Taking one with her back to the pilot seat and leaving the other on a small table in the corner.

“That’s for you in case you’re thirsty.” You froze. You even stopped breathing for a second, shocked at what just happened. Your gaze went from the water bottle to the red head. If someone could see you, they would probably laugh at the look on your face. Your heart was beating fast.

Looking down you checked if maybe you had been too unfocused and became visible, but there was nothing. No movement. Panic started creeping up, how the hell could she know you were here? Or was this just a test? Should you answer?

Before you could make a decision the unbelievably soft voice made it for you. “I read your file. I knew they wouldn’t let me go on a solo mission after nine months without any supervision. You can show yourself.” She didn’t even look back; all she did was taking another sip from her bottle. The look on her face completely neutral.

You swallowed hard. Thoughts whirring in your head trying to understand what was happening. Finally, after nothing else was said, you did something you’d probably regret in the near future. But it seemed like Agent Romanoff knew you were here, so why keep hiding? It was getting exhausting anyway.

With a deep breath the tingle on your skin returned and your body came into view. Without saying a word, you made your way over to the bottle of water and took a sip while contemplating if you should get out your gun. But then you remembered that technically you were on the same team.

So instead of being hostile you quietly made you way towards the co-pilot seat and sat down with the bottle of water clasped in your hand. There was still no reaction, she didn’t even look at you.

“Did you really know I was here or was that just a test?” You frowned at the lack of an answer. Her eyes stared straight ahead, focused on the outside while you scanned her face from up close this time. You couldn’t make out a singe flaw on her skin. Neither could you make out a single emotion. Her face was completely stoic.

“It’s rude not to answer.” You silently cursed at yourself for sounding like a child. But that seemed to get a reaction out of the other woman when you saw the corner of her mouth lift ever so slightly.

“The answer to that question is irrelevant. You’re here. End of story.” You didn’t know what to say to that. Her voice made you feel things. It was so soft, and it flowed just like her movements. It fascinated you that this woman was one of the deadliest assassins in the world.

That thought pulled you back to reality. Again, you got lost in that woman and forgot who you were talking to. It seemed to become a habit, but you couldn’t allow that. Your job was to figure out if she was trustworthy and all you did right now was watch her and get distracted.

Shaking your head slightly you put on a stoic face, just like her, and said with a strong voice. “Here’s how this is gonna go. I’ll watch your every move and you simply do whatever it is you have to do. I’m not going to interfere in any way. But if there is one single movement, a single thought or the smallest decision that makes me doubt your honesty –“

“ – then what? You’re going to kill me? We both know that won’t happen,” she said the last part a little softer. You were taken aback. How much did she really know about you and why was she so sure you wouldn’t kill her?

At your silence she turned to look at you for the first time since you started talking. Still stoic she said “I know a lot about you. More than you know about me. You can distrust me but don’t.threaten.me!”

You didn’t know what to say. You weren’t scared for some reason; you knew what she was capable of but something in her eyes calmed you down. You were confused. How can this one woman, that you couldn’t stand, cause you to react like that? This has never happened before.

She moved her head back forward without another word, leaving you to your thoughts. Your eyes were focused on the bottle in your hands while a frown was etched onto your face.

A while later you leaned back and moved to look at her again. You remembered what Clint told you about not judging her and, in that moment, watching her focused on flying the jet, you decided to listen to him. Slowly you reached your hand out towards her, causing her to look over and down at your hand. Raising one eyebrow, she looked back up at you.

“My name is Y/N Y/L/N. Welcome to S.H.I.E.L.D.” She didn’t move, she just kept scanning your face, looking at you so intently it made you a little uncomfortable. But you refused to look away and show any form of weakness. It seemed like she found what she was looking for when her hand slowly moved into yours and squeezed it lightly, causing you to shiver.

“Natasha Romanoff.” With a court nod her hand left yours, leaving a cold feeling in its place. You didn’t know what you expected but that was not it. You almost missed the feeling of her hand in yours and you caught yourself wanting to reach out and take it again. Thankfully you were able to stop yourself just in time.

Your eyes were still locked with hers, and it almost seemed like she felt the same way you did. Or maybe you just imagined it because as soon as that thought crossed your mind, the moment was over. She moved back to take control of the jet and you were left to stare ahead as well.