โโ seven. that's how many times noah's palms collide with kelsey's chest, how many times kelsey stumbles backward, how many times he pushes forward again. seven, seven times. teddy's eyes are refusing to look at him, teddy's shoulders hunched in defensive shame, teddy's voice giving him an explanation. at first, he doesn't want it. he doesn't want an explanation, doesn't want any answers, he just wants to be angry. he wants to scream until he's red in the face, wants to kick sand into watery eyes, wants to turn around and walk away... but he won't, and he knows that. they both know that.
"it was. it is fucked."
this is spat out at the sand, too, the same patch of sand that they're both talking to right now, rather than at each other. kelsey is the meek one and noah is the harsh one, for a change. kelsey is the one with the bowed head and noah is the one with the balled fists, with the fire behind his eyes. he's the one feeling betrayed now, and honestly? he's thinking maybe he deserved it, a little, but not to this extent. he didn't deserve thinking this man, the man he'd been a half-hair away of admitting he was in love with, had died. he didn't. he didn't.
"so you just... stayed gone." his head shakes, bewildered, as the shoving stops and his chest starts to rise and fall a little slower, emotions regulating by some small degree. "you didn't... you didn't call or text or... or leave some kind ofโ some kind of note?" angry, still, hurt, still. "it's been years, and you didn't think that maybe you could eventually come back?" to me is in there, somewhere. tacked on, nonverbal, at the end. you didn't think you could come back to me? trust me with this? try and face whatever demons you have after you, together?
no, of course not.