confusion

Later today I was out cleaning my car and the UPS guy came and from afar asked if the dog was inside because she usually greets him. I was like "yeah" ... "we got a new dog" and that must have sounded so weird because the conversation just ended there. I had our dog inside to keep our puppy company because she doesn't like being alone and that's why I mentioned that we got a new dog but in the context I used it I feel like it makes it sound like we replaced our dog or something. Like oh yup that one's gone, we have a new one now.

I laugh but I don't know if I'm actually amused or if I'm concerned and broken.

Later today I was standing around in volunteer firefighter training. I don't talk to the people there much. One of the guys came and stood beside me. Then it seemed like he was about to say something to me. He glanced at me and did the whole talk breath thing a few times. Why couldn't I just say "hi"? That about to talk or maybe not talk thing is so relatable, so why couldn't I just say hi. Then he talked to me and I answered and I wasn't sure if we heard each other. It was the how are you how are you good thanks thing and then silence. So then I said something random. Then he told me why he was a firefighter and it involved people dying. I didn't know what to say. I fumbled. Pause. Then he mentioned his stroke or something. We talked for a very little bit. I asked someone else a question that came up about something and then someone was kind of where I'd been standing so I moved but then I felt bad because I don't know if we were still talking and what if he thought I didn't want to talk to him. I should have asked him how it had been after his accident or something but I didn't. And that's how I leave so many things and it makes me so mad. Because I wanted to talk to him so why did I leave?

Later today the puppy pooped on the floor and someone stepped on it. Then they didn't clean it, instead they came and told me (the only available person around) that the dog had pooped as if I was some sort of cleaning duty collector. In their monologue to the air preceding that they said they weren't cleaning it. I want to be a happy to do things person but I just find myself wondering why they didn't take responsibility for that. Why couldn't they just scoop it up and clean?

I stalked my old crushes on social media today and I realized I'm not enamored anymore and it's kind of sad. They're still beautiful people but they don't look the same without the glaze my admiration provided.