ᅟᅟthere's a word in german: fegefeuer which means purgatory or place of purification or fire as purification . . . .
. . . FLMED : private. selective. original character: JOHANN DREYMAN, a study of unwanted legacy, ember ignites ashes, fabricated lies &. memories, saturn devours the son, medea sacrifices the son; who am i, if not a sin. inspired by various media including kafk.a's letter to his father, references to historical events, &. political beliefs - religious traumas, etc. . . . HIS REIGN ENDS, KAISER ( he / they. twenty5. gmt plus seven ) commission blog @kaisources . multimuse @brokenheirs
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his wife is young ─ perhaps too young to be dealing with all this like him and his friends . any man can have a lover before they get married , any woman even ! akina's paranoia is triggered by a mere thought of losing him because her youth will fade away .. what matters is the heart . she's found , he has more things to talk about when they meet his older friends , he laughs more at their jokes . now , seated around their empty breakfast table at the balcony , akina lazily accuses him of being secretive about a certain subject ; the maids have gathered mostly everything , settled a small vase of purple flowers and a pair of turkish coffee cups for them . his kiss does its job , distracts her from her accusation . the sunlight isn't as harsh as other days , a few clouds spread like thin sheet over the blue of nine o'clock sky . ‘ hmm .. jo ? do you think i'm entertaining ? or ─ funny ? am i a funny girl ? ‘ her head moves insistently to allow her to meet his gaze from where it's tucked under his chin . then a hand presses on his chest so akina can pull away a little , search his face with her eyes .
THE ABRUPT CHANGE OF HER DEMEANOUR STAGGERS HIM A LITTLE⸺always been unpredictable, however those little questions were snares to disarmed him from bigger issues she would never voice in front of him, but rather to descry through her reactions from his contemplative answers . . . IT TAKES A SECOND, she stats to squirm from his lap to scrutinize him evidently, with bore eyes bear unprecedented terror to be discarded; abandoned at its weakest as to be loved by someone, and being in love with someone⸺her apprehension is almost illusive, as a sweet simper painstakingly appears with expectations, but amiable enough to invite him to be frank, but he fathoms: NO MATTER REASSURANCE HE COULD OFFER, SHE ALWAYS SEES SOMETHING ELSE,
❝ entertaining? yeah, you're a fun girl to be with, but funny? you have this eccentric humour about death and ghosts ... people like me would laugh about it because we don't believe it, thus we laugh, BUT I KNOW YOU TAKE THAT SERIOUSLY, ❞ vague hand gesture to the air as if he were pointing out upon the spirits that may listening to their conversation; anyone knows that his wife is a peculiar being, probably there was a rumour that he may have married her because he had to do it⸺which fuels her insecurity about their relationship ( albeit it is partially true: he has to protect her, as it is also to protect him ) thus he shifts, avoiding her piercing gaze upon him to be brutally honest &. to shield himself from blatant reaction from her, ❝ sometimes, i still can't understand you. ❞
JOHANN DREYMAN X BYANKA STARKOVA, a complete zine information regarding their relationship ( @ionzhar )
THE BOOK OF STOLEN GLANCES: prelude, the eyes bear witness. their first encounter happened during his fleeting visit to HƯƠNG NGUYỆT VÂN / LOUISE's apartment where he caught a glimpse of BYANKA / BIANKA within the apartment——he has never seen her beforehand, as he fathoms that LOUISE'S requires solitude within her personal space thus her presence was rather unexpected, almost jarring because within briefest moment, he knows her from somewhere in passing, written within classified files: she has intrigued him from the beginning.
arc one, curiosity. their second encounter would be yet another fleeting, unexpected rendezvous within inauspicious circumstance; he had to fetch an owed money from an eliminated client, which amounted to millions. blood smeared within the place had been meticulously cleaned whilst he walked out from the building——merely to encounter her yet again. he fathoms that she sought for the client as people had been looking for him for their money, however he slipped through from her fingers merely because she found his existence to be annoying because he kept coming back to LOUISE'S apartment to no fail: his lunch offer had been turned down, however it is merely the beginning of his curiosity to find her clients &. her past.
arc two, valentine. johann has become a constant nuisance lurking within the apartment——purposefully linger merely to take a glimpse of her once again, even when it is brisk or fleeting, he just needs a moment to have a conversation with her. perhaps she knows him thus she tried to avoid him evermore, but a quick text of mere greet lead to a date he audaciously invited her upon merely because he had planned it before extending the invitation. he behaved gentlemanly; making sure that she enjoys his company than loathing him for simply lurking, &. it succeed: there'd be following dates around the parks, the shows, &. the dinners——it almost happened rather quick, just like mere glance from her before.
arc three, partnership. they have become closer than before within LOUISE'S absence; entangled 'tween sheets or sofas or floors or walls——physically attracted with each other whilst their conversations escalate from constant teases &. banters to uncharted territory of her vulnerability. she has been honest to him, within her limited words she could convey——he extends the same favour, regardless of how untruthful or truthful it could be; she becomes too close to him, without a title borne from their relationship; he was hesitating, for it may have been too much for her. a simple jest taken into contemplation, she says otherwise &. he confirms their relationship——partnership, as lovers.
arc four, where do we go from here? unexpected circumstances will make them question themselves &. others: where do they go whilst the sky is vast, &. they are still stagnant. regardless of her meltdown from a prevelant issue, they are still together, almost cautiously opening up, &. blurring the affectionate embrace into steadfast love.
arc five, the surprise. days have become shorter, nights have become everlasting——their love is a burning fuse with inexplicable intensity; arguments, making outs, doubts, celebration, a creation. her birthday become a sacrament, awaits within the dark until an unfortunate accident occurs; fear turns into an instant happiness, intertwined with unexpected disbelief because of her veiled circumstance——she thought it was impossible, &. he thought it was too fast to have it after three moons have passed above their heads; overjoyed &. overthinking, with solemn convince solidifies the seed: he was afraid of losing her &. she was afraid of it is their only chance. the surprise, become an understanding; they are having it.
arc six, the engagement. everything feels predestined, a constellation of happenstance become a happening. each days the baby becomes stronger within her, &. each days his love becomes full that it slowly pouring into his hand as he tries to pick the best reflection of his love between her finger——at the back of his mind, the little rational mind whispers it is too soon for everything; to have a family, to have a lifetime partner, however heart takes the lead as he kneels in front of her, with the cathedral built from love &. the vast - deepest sea behind it; drowns, &. yet saved, with the flick of her cold finger into his stubbles, a kiss to seal their love. he wants her to wait, but she is his nonetheless.
arc seven, the birth. there is nothing that can describe his life is starting to slipping away from his eyes as the fire engulfing them; even one of the strongest person in the planet is succumb to the cruel ember of vindicated revenge——with blood he spew from his lips, as soft call reminding him to stay awake, but lullaby becomes softer, &. slow, until darkness plunges into his subconscious . . . a scream, a beep, a light; woken up with machine into his lungs to breath, with delirious mind staring at blurry visions——death sounds imminent, knocking at the door, waiting to be allowed to come in, however a jolt sends him to the surface, with a tube between his lungs, &. a finger tries to points at the decision to save either one of them; the baby or the mother——death has slithered away from him, only wants to embrace one of his loves, &. he has to play a god for them whilst god could take both of them instantaneously. he didn't even choose, for belief sounds ridiculous but she is one of the strongest person in the world; she would survive, so is their child. a soft cry, delirious plea, a small body on an almost unconscious lady; they survived, but neither would get to see him until life decides to. until she recovers, only few days, &. he is still on breathing tube.
arc eight, always. doubts, fights, urgencies are their bane——with each days feel heavier than the last; recoveries, baby, lovers spats between texts &. conversations . . . he didn't think he was ready to solidifies it, everything is happening too fast, with urgency that they can lose it in one evening, or a day hangs on his tail; love feels like a plunge, but also a comfort. but marriage within a couple of months feel like an exaggeration to their timeline——a year, he had planned, but she knew, everything can change in instant &. she is afraid. convictions, rationalising, conclusion; she is right. he loves her, even the time sounds like a leap into finality. at the break of dawn in quaint chapel, with two witnesses anchors their matrimony, an always etched to their rings, with a kiss seal their union; marriage doesn't so scary, or too abrupt, but a perfect timing to begin their lives,
arc nine, forever. &. forever, spoken earnestly to her lips, with their hands are interlock to walk upon the path they have forged; a life that is beginning to incised ahead, another wedding on the summer where people can witness they have become a lifetime partner for the first time in front of them, but the second time for them. a life, where nobody knows where it shall lead, but two or three or five years down the lane will be discussed for living on another continent for the sake of their child, or the home they have built just now in the city where they met. neither have known, but either have a lifetime to figure it out. always, and forever.
Happy pride month to everyone, especially the ones that are still living in the shadow, whatever your circumstances is, you can always celebrate quietly because most important thing is to be yourself
ROLLING HIS EYES FLIPPANTLY WITH THE CIGARETTE IS DANGLING BETWEEN HIS LIPS⸺he doesn't say anything to counter @pinkman whilst he is hiding inside of the stall behind him whilst johann is washing his hands instantaneously after relieving himself . . . the unprecedented connection shared inside a run-down gas station's bathroom with the goods are being taken by jesse to the stall, which naturally makes johann become apprehensive because it is indisputable he knows that jesse is still a user &. there is a possibility that he is doing it right now. JESSE MAKES A QUIP ABOUT IT, & for a second johann stops his relieve to hold his cigarette to raise his voice; threatening because the stuff is for a client ... and at some point, he worries about the man's relapse, of which laughter arises from the other man. staggers him; should've known he merely jokes about it thus abruptly taking out the disposable tissue near him as his back is facing to the bathroom sink, he listens carefully to any suspicious sound coming from the stall before a question arises from him, with his nose is scrunching to smell the stench, ❝ are you kidding me? are you shitting right now!? ❞ pacing to the bathroom stall as the thunderous knocks are blaring against the door, the man raises his voice to make his annoyance to be known, ❝ give me the goods, don't you dare flush them out down the toilet! is it on your pocket? don't you dare lose it ! ❞
JESSIE SAID, I'M JUST FUCKING WITH YOU, MAN FROM BLOOD IS THICKER THAN ... ; ACCEPTING.
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HIS BREATHING IS STILL RAGGED WITH VIVID BAFFLEMENT SEEPING THROUGH HIS NOSTRILS⸺almost emitting a derision, albeit being held with shaking hands sweeping his sweats from his forehead . . . SPOTANEOUS KILLINGS, WITH THE VICTIMS ARE SPRAWLING ACROSS THEIR FEET, lifeless, with blood splattered through the floor to their shirt. spontaneity perhaps justified if it is meant to protect each of them, however by the look of silent elation lacing through @parieur's eye speaks differently. Johann knows that the man can be a sadistic murder, however sloppy? hastily? isn't his style. perhaps it is why he says it is spontaneous; an act of self-defense, however johann is still staggered, as he wipes the blood from his shoes to the nearest victim .. the man softly murmurs through his disgust,
❝ yeah, sure, i can see that, ❞ sardonically tossing his jacket to the ground as it is besmirched by the victim's bloods; consciously separating himself from the situation and reaches for his own firearm from behind: he had prepared to pull the trigger in anytime, however the other's spontaneity forces him to become a bystander of the closeted carnage against four people that were ambushing them for even existing in one place . . . AN UNFORTUNATE SET UP, OF WHICH EITHER COULD GET KILLED IF CHIFF WASN'T SPONTANEOUS ENOUGH, ❝ this isn't exactly your style, but i appreciate that you had my back, bruder. ❞
LE CHIFFRE SAID, I'M STILL SITTING THROUGH THINGS, BUT THE KILLINGS WERE SPONTANEOUS FROM BLOOD IS THICKER THAN ... ; ACCEPTING.
⁽ ¹ ⁾ gigi perez lyrics, * ﹝ @flmed. ﹞: I know you've seen a lot of things.
IT WASN'T THAT SERIOUS REALLY, SOME COMMENTS AND PHYSICALITIES BYANKA HAD QUICKLY DEALT WITH. No matter what though their date night out had been ruined by people not keeping to themselves. She'd tried to shrug it off, brush it from her shoulder like it were a speck or dust of dirt, and yet whence they'd come back to his apartment she still felt. ... Off.
Shrugging the jacket off her shoulders, Byanka dragged it off and eventually hung it on the hanger in the entrance to Jo's apartment. HOWEVER MUCH HE'D COME TO THINK HE KNEW HER, THE TRUTH WAS AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT THING. However much she'd come to enjoy his company, there were still so many things he didn't know about her ⎯⎯ her entire passing as a regular human being was one of them. Many people had their own opinions on mutants and their belonging in modern society, or even in this world. Mutantism wasn't exactly a topic they'd crossed over the few times they'd spent in each other's company, however it was undoubtedly one that was bound to come up sooner than later.
“ Sure. ... I guess I have. Still, he was drunk and a fool. I did not take it to heart, I assure you. ”
A MERE DRUNKEN MOMENT HAS RAISED HIS SUSPICION⸺it didn't sound like a hearsay anyone would speculate out of the blue when so much of unexpected prejudice directed towards her .. it had caught him off-guard, with earnest confusion laced within his visage as she ushered them away from the drunkard smelling her with bile. if it had been about random misogyny upon her clothes⸺he would have .. protected her, however it wasn't a direct violence towards her feminity, but it is something else they barely mentioned in passing. of which makes johann become unsettled, disturbed in silence without relieving it to her . . . he has never expected it to be it, but now it is possible. albeit it is difficult to see with naked eyes, as her alluring appearance telltale otherwise⸺the mutants he knows from the news or television have distinctive features, &. her only lucid features are her toned-arms.
❝ but still, i didn't expect it would happen to you, ❞ enunciates what happened beforehand whilst putting his jacket to the rack &. ambling to the kitchen to fetch them the wine &. glasses⸺in distant johann can see she is standing passively; ruminating about what had transpired, &. slowly disassociates from the conversation . . . JOHANN HAS SEEN THIS MERE DAYS AGO, when he jibes about her apparent feelings towards him as an off-hand remark; the quiet contemplation, with her hands are clenching on either sides of her clothes⸺drifting, almost lifelessly. he approaches her, with two glasses on his hands &. cautiously nudges her with his arm, ❝ don't think much about it. anyone can say anything towards women because they are assholes⸺even using the most degradative term they don't even understand ... i mean, mutant? is that supposed to be degradation? you aren't even that. ❞
LIPS ARE PURSING INTO A THIN BEAM OF APPRECIATION⸺a solemn hum dispersing silently as his hands are slowly retracting away from her shoulders, with dark jacket is bestowed upon her trembling body from unprecedented freight of her life, where people suddenly hunt her down for a sport, of which neither had expected until @per6e's name is on the list . . . HIS HELP IS A MERE FAVOUR HE NEEDED TO RETURN from years of secrecy they kept from each other, with bloodied hands had been washed whilst he stood there with a gleam of reflection foretold his presence during her recovery; observing the life he chose not to know because it would essentially fracture the delicate trust they both have on each other ..
however, tonight is an exception, regardless of the circumstance that brought them together now, with head is tucked into the shadow, questions trail each steps she takes, but a quiet gratitude abates the perturbation from his eyes as he veils her away to his vehicle, from unwanted seek for revenge on her, ❝ i can't guarantee that you will be save with me, ❞ a murmur against the closing door behind her as he glances to rearview mirror to meet his driver's eyes; quietly signaling to him that they need to drift before anyone notices her ... andrei ( his driver but also his bodyguard ) locks the vehicle to shield them away from unwanted attacks from either side of the doors &. start to drive, with cautious eyes watching the potential threats from either ways, which makes johann instinctively reaches for a firearm underneath his seat just in case, ❝ don't thank me just yet. ❞
PERSEPHONE LARKE SAID, THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING FROM BLOOD IS THICKER THAN ... ; ACCEPTING.
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#FLMED : you were moulded, with vigour, noise &. fits of rage · ࣪ 𓍝 ཻུ۪𖠄: * ind. priv. sel. original character. criminal + law + spy / fandomless. major suicide attempt mention, death, murder, etc. minors dni. his reign ends, 𝖐𝖆𝖎𝖘𝖊𝖗.
whatever that book is about , akina wasn't listening to half of the things he said ─ apparently the lines were as exciting as reading shakespeare as if she's read shakespeare before . it's not the book itself , not really , it's the ring in her pocket . heavy , almost burning . she hums vaguely as he speaks , sipping on her sweet milkshake , the straw chewed between teeth . when it goes quiet again , he's put on his glasses to search through the pages to show her something . that's when akina clears her throat ─ earns her a brief glance . no luck . she has to reach across the small desk and close the fucking book , eyes on his brighter ones ; long nails tap on the book cover twice before she straightens and fixes the end of her crop top . ‘ uhh .. do you wanna marry me ? ‘ quickly , she pulls out a box and puts it on the desk . eyes unreadable , chinned up high .
JOHANN DIDN'T EXPECT THAT HE COULD SPEND THE WEEKEND AT HOME, LEISURELY⸺an extensive bank holiday has forces them to be cooped up in their apartment because they figure the streets would be swarmed by people to savour their holiday &. neither wants to trade their free time to be surrounded by strangers, of which johann appreciates as akina learns that he is old with no desire to indulge into her silly requests but rather be with him in his library, sitting across him whilst he recites the book he found recently in his errand; nothing particular interests her, however he fathoms she likes to listen to him, or even to see how giddy he would become, as he considers the book to be worthy of purchase ( as if he minds about money, but rather the time ).
HOWEVER WHEN SHE TAKES THE BOOK AWAY⸺his eyes instantaneously searching for her eyes; demanding an explanation for her abrupt interruption when the exciting things are begin, however her composure shifts into something serious, of which staggers him unexpectedly, because akina has never been a serious one, because she is a playful one, with a smirk &. jabs, not intertwined fingers to calm herself &. reaching for a small box underneath the desk; she isn't supposed to be a serious one. a hesitant, almost unsure pronunciation; as if she hadn't prepared anything for the moment regardless of the fact she has bought him a ring.
no romantic phrases articulation, a stern straightforward inquiry; something he likes if he had anticipated it beforehand. of which makes johann slightly uneasy, shifting uncomfortably on his chair &. palm assuring his apprehensiveness on the nape: SEEKING COMFORT without appearing uncomfortable, nonetheless .. he knows, he has to answer, because her eyes speak none but expectations, of an answer she desires. he bargains, with his charming smile, as he takes her hands into his, disregarding the ring that sits patiently in front of them; a plea, to restore his dignity, ❝ . . . that isn't your place to ask, that is my job to ask you to marry me. ❞ a slight choke, he clears his throat, ❝ you can't wait anymore, can't you? ❞
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DEFLECTING FROM @2pistols' TOUCH WHILST AVOIDING HER WORRIES INFLICTING TO HIS PSYCHE⸺the genuine concern is palpable within her voice; professing her unexpected sentimentality to him despite been trying to feign it . . . WITHIN A QUIET QUIETUDE, the tension bubbles as he deflects away even more, a touch feels like a burn to marring the embarrassment furthermore; THE INABILITY TO PROTECT HIMSELF, an amateur with an ego, bruised knuckles &. bloodied cheek .. he fathoms his mien telltale his defeat, but a confrontation to someone who is more superior than him on that certain inability ACHES HIM EVEN MORE thus he quietly walks away from her, fetching the ice-pack from the refrigerator &. impulsively putting it on his face, regardless of the fact the tingles elevate his pain, ❝ ... none of your business, i'm fine. ❞
LARA CROFT SAID, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE? FROM BLOOD IS THICKER THAN ... ; ACCEPTING.