I have no idea what I'm doing

( sorry if this gets into a rant but this is the most recent case that's been bothering me ) I went and saw the Project Hail Mary movie with a friend recently. I went in thinking about the main character being AroAce ( big reason why I wanted to see it anyways ) and there's a scene with him sitting alone at a bar watching people celebrate and it really got to me. I had never before seen something capture that feeling of just being on the outside. I have been that character sitting there and just people watching everyone and knowing that I won't be able to feel that connection in the same way. It even cuts to him watching a couple embrace and touch each other and he kinda awkwardly looks away when they notice him looking. I'm not sure if that scene was intended to be like that, but for once I felt like I had a regular experience of mine reflected back to me! It made me really sad but kinda in a good way, but when trying to explain that to my friend, they just couldn't get it. They started with "well maybe it was him happily looking out at everyone" and yeah I don't think he was overtly sad in that scene, but I got so upset that they were trying to take away the sadness of it all. Yeah you can still appreciate the presence of others, but there's always this sort of wall. I couldn't explain to them why it made me so sad. They then asked if it was like FOMO and I said "yeah a fomo that never goes away" and then the conversation quickly died.

I've had many other situations in trying to discuss or joke about something being AroAce and it's like other people only try and make it into something "good" or at least something comfortable for them to understand. Like sorry, being AroAce sucks sometimes, it's hard to navigate a world that is structured towards romance/sex and I want that experience reflected back in media and I want other people to see it as well.

Anyways, ramblings over I guess. I wonder if anyone else felt this way during that scene or if I'm just looking too much into it. I would just love to one day have an actual conversation about what it's like to be AroAce and have people actually listen and understand, not just deflect the bits they don't like.

Love this blog and everything you do! To all my fellow aro-ace people, I love you and you're all amazing!