flightlessleaf

idk if quiet bpd is actually a thing lmao i dont rly care but learning abt it made me think that maybe the doctor that diagnosed me w BPD wasnt too far off bc thats exactly how i act, i never ever go off on people. i people please to manipulate others into liking me. i refuse to be honest about my emotions because my emotions are my own burden and itd be fucked up to expect other people to have to deal with them. typical impulsively (lots of random sex, over spending, self harm etc), i leave only the most sublte indicators of my intense emotions for my fp to find and magically come to the conclusion to ask me whats wrong, just so that i can play it off like "oh, no, im perfectly fine, always." and when he doesnt ask me whats wrong i just take it as a sign that he does not care and hate myself for it. its all calculated and manipulative and i am a very evil person who wants everyone to think they are a good person

Still growing.

Still learning

You ever be so hurt and mad by someone that you switch off all emotions for ✨survival mode✨ and can’t figure out how to turn them back on? So you experience days of disassociation where you feel like what you do doesn’t even matter? Or just me?

wikihow article for how to accept that grief fundamentally changes you as a person and that there is no normal to get back to 

no one could ever hurt my feelings like I do