After Ben/Rey part ways in TLJ, a desperate and yearning Ben tries to re-establish the closed Force connection with Rey; she’s hesitant and hurt, but wants to hear his voice/see him
There is a part of her, a soft, weak part, that hesitates the next time she sees him. It’s been – she doesn’t want to admit that she knows the exact number of days, even down to the hour, but she does. Two weeks, three days. She’s been dreading this moment. Hoping for it.
It’s proof that what is between them cannot be so easily shattered.
He stands with his back to her, shoulders hunched and fists clenched at his sides. And at first there is nothing, no indication that he has felt the connection flare, that he senses her only several paces behind him. She thinks her hesitation has gone unnoticed, then. The way in which she can’t quite make herself turn away just yet, the way her body leans forward-
A shaky sigh cuts the air, his posture relaxing infinitesimally, and she realizes that of course he sensed her – how could he not, when it is her and him as it seems it always had been? He was just waiting. Holding himself still.
And she had hesitated. He must have taken that as a good sign.
Rey considers fleeing, turning around and bolting anywhere else – but she will not run. Not from him.
Still. She doesn’t want to speak to him yet. A very large part of her wants to throttle him. But the other part – she really shouldn’t listen to that part.
When he turns, his face is carefully neutral. He looks intent on being careful. Controlled.
Or, maybe he’s simply still waiting, watching to see how she will react.
The frown comes easily to her. Breathing does not.
That stupid, ridiculous part of her is waiting, too. Waiting for him. To see what he will do. To hear his voice. Will he try and turn her again, to get her to leave everything she has decided to fight for in favor of being with the only person-
Kylo swallows, and she watches his throat bob. He looks as if he has not slept in a long time.
They are not the words she expected from him. They confuse her for a moment as her brain processes the way the low timber of his voice cut through the silence. Then, when she finally realizes what he said, his words enrage her. She sucks in a breath, and her hands ball into fists same as him.
“Nowhere you’ll be able to find us. The Resistance isn’t-”
His carefully constructed neutral mask cracks, thin and brittle, and for a moment the blazing flame that he has held inside of him as long as she has known him bursts forth. “I don’t mean them,” he snaps, then clamps his mouth shut. Tries to keep himself calm.
Rey does not know why he tries. He cannot fool her, not anymore.
After a tense, drawn out moment, he takes a careful step towards her. He is being so, so careful. Trying to keep things – civil. It is not lost on her.
She still wants to throttle him.
Rey decides that she is tired, that it’s tiring to see him and feel the twist in her gut and the stutter in her heart and the ridiculous skip it does whenever she hears his voice. It’s exhausting and she doesn’t know what to do with it, anymore. She wants to hold onto her anger towards him. Her hurt. Disappointment.
But all she feels is tired.
Rey sighs. She gives him something. “I’m somewhere safe.”
It feels like more than she should give him. More than he deserves. Yet, she doesn’t want to keep her silence. She wants to give him an answer.
She wants to talk to him.
Kylo takes another step forward, something flickering in his eyes that is neither a mask nor a blazing flame, but something else entirely. He looks at her the way he always looks at her, in that private, hypnotizing way.
“You should stay there for a while,” his gaze travels over her face, “somewhere safe.”
It is not said to be patronizing. It is not even a warning.
“You don’t have the right to tell me that,” she says, just a statement of fact. They both know that he gave up that right – the possibility of ever having that right – back when they stood alone in a burning throne room. Still, his jaw clenches. A muscle ticks.
His eyes flicker to her lips.
Her breath lodges in her throat.
She says, “You look tired.” The words spill out of her mouth without any real thought. She hates how quiet the words are, how breathless she sounds.
Kylo takes another step forward, and she has to tilt her neck back a little to keep eye contact with him. She has allowed him much closer than she swore she ever would again.
This close to her his hands unfurl, and she thinks that might mean something. His tone is soft when he speaks.
