Ethereal Place of Me

My world up there is getting colder, louder, and messier

While my heart become weaker every single time

I tried, but it doesn't end right

I talked, but nobody understand

And because I must live for my beautiful two,

Happy hello everyone !

OMG, its been a while since the last time I spent my time here. So many things happen and it was overwhelming 😂 I can’t even tell you those

But, one big moment was ….

We have a beautiful-baby-gurl 🌸

Don’t forget to say Allahumma baarik of course.

Honestly, I can tell you that I had super hectic and exhausting days after gave birth. You know, it feels like deja vu. Again once more : Sleep only for 3-4 hours at night, breastfeed my baby, diapers and all those stuff 😅

But yessss, we are soooowww happy. We are 4 now, and gonna be super-solid team. She is amazing and cute, thats why we call her Calia 🧡

(discl : this article written on Sept 2022, but I just had the guts to upload it in here today lol) Happy hello semua !

Jadi hari ini aku mendapat kesempatan untuk belajar tentang salah satu jenis tindakan Bedah Jantung, yaitu CABG, atau Coronary Artery Bypass Graft yang secara simple sering disebut dengan operasi Bypass Jantung. Aku bersama beberapa rekan menjalani diskusi tentang CABG ini dengan pakarnya bedah jantung yakni dr. M. Alfa Fery Santoso, MD, FRCS, FCF, FIHA, Sp. BTKV bersama dengan dr. Rudy Yuliansyah, Sp.An, KAKV dari Jakarta.

First of all, aku akan menjelaskan sedikit tentang CABG secara umum. Jadi CABG adalah suatu prosedur bedah jantung terbuka yang bertujuan untuk mengembalikan aliran darah normal pada jantung yang terganggu akibat adanya sumbatan/obstruksi. Bahasa kerennya itu untuk Revaskularisasi. Caranya adalah dengan mengambil sebagian pembuluh darah arteri yang sehat dari area lain tubuh kita (mostly menggunakan Saphenous vein di area kaki) untuk nanti digunakan sebagai jalur baru aliran darah di jantung. Jadi yang awalnya jantung kita itu sirkulasinya nggak bagus karena pembuluh darahnya tersumbat, setelah dibuatkan jalan baru tadi, harapannya bisa lancar lagi. Sehingga jantung kita bisa dapat nutrisi dan oksigen yang cukup untuk bekerja keras memompa darah ke seluruh tubuh.

It was exciting, of course. Karena belum ada Rumah Sakit Swasta di Kota Malang yang bisa sampai melakukan prosedur ini. Terlebih lagi aku dan tim General Wardku akan bertanggungjawab dalam proses perawatan pre dan pasca operasi pasiennya, bersama dengan tim dari Operating Theatre  dan Intensive Care.  Takut pasti, khawatir kalau-kalau ada yang terlewat dari banyaknya list yang harus kami lakukan. But, it’s quite  challenging, yet so fun, at least buat aku pribadi.

So, wish us luck !

Semoga operasi bedah jantung ini bisa berjalan dengan sangat lancar, dan kedepannya makin banyak pasien-pasien yang membutuhkan intervensi ini, datang ke rumah sakit kita. Hehehe. It’s not always about money, tapi semakin banyak pasien yang ditangani dengan berbagai macam kondisi, tentunya semakin memperluas pengetahuanku dan juga teman-teman disini. Hail to the long-life learning !

Today I left home for work with indescribable feeling

Both excited and anxious for my son’s first day school, miserable for something that isn’t meant to be mine, and eagerly arrive work in time, by hurry-driving in a cloudy morning

Despite all of those emotions that fighting inside my head,

I dare myself to be Kind however the day will be.

Always share a smile and say nice words to anyone, no matter how cruel they are, no matter how terrible their works are.

Believe it or not, within my 3-4 hours of work, I feel better. So much better.

Everything that I need, came effortlessly to me. More than that, I didn’t feel guilty at all. Because I asked nicely, I spoke politely, and listened patiently. Never think my day would be this better just because one single doctrine “Be kind!”

So, from now on, I proudly choose kindness over cruelty.

Kita adalah pemeran utama dalam dunia kita masing-masing, pun kita juga pemeran pendukung untuk cerita orang lain Tidak perlu menunggu harta berlimpah untuk mengulurkan tangan Tidak perlu memiliki jabatan untuk bisa menciptakan rasa nyaman Cukup dengan sedikit senyum ketulusan, kita mampu menumbuhkan benih kebahagiaan

Tersenyumlah, walau kaki serasa tak mampu lagi berdiri tegak Tersenyumlah, walau kerasnya dunia seolah menahanmu untuk bergerak Tersenyumlah, walau hati dan pikiran penuh dengan tangisan sesak

She carries a mountain on her shoulders

yet she couldn’t enjoy the breeze or the scenery

No matter how long she fights in harder battles,

You are so lovely, while I’m feeling ugly

No one knows this story but I enjoyed it baby

Shouldn’t think this must be easy for me

Locked inside a golden cage,

neither you stay, nor get away

Want to get full rampage,

Flying with hopes,

falling into deep holes

Instead of cruising the ocean of roses,

Its been a year and 3 months since I became a mother. I have 15 months-old baby boy who made me realize, that being a mother is not easy. Not because he is a fussy baby or something, instead, he is so cute, adorable yet very clever. Then why is this difficult?

1. Judgement

"You should do this ... "

"I was ... you should try to ..."

"Their mother is too busy, thats why her kids are troublesome"

Well, every mother is different. Maybe we could face the same storm, but not everyone is inside warm and strong ship. One is struggling to work because she's the only one can do the job, one another is trembling in the house cause she forgot when was the last time she have meals. And another mother is in a steady financial, good health, and a lot of baby sitter to support her, but who knows that his husband is cheating on her.

We all have our own battle. And eventhough you think it isn't hard for you, don't belittle it, cause it might cost a world for someone else.

2. Insecurities

Since I became a mother in this digital era, I felt afraid to get into social app. I'm afraid that I might watch another mother do some stuff that I can't do. I'm afraid that I might watch another baby can walk and talk faster than my baby. I'm afraid that I might get jealous to other people's life.

I don't know, but at that time I was thinking like "These people just wanna show off", whereas, they just wanna share their happiness, right?

That insecurities need to be cured by support, whether in words or actions. And of course, the positive seeds need to be grown inside our own heart.

3. Dedication

One of my dream, I can visit Nepal or Switzerland by my self before I turn 30. My another dream is getting master degree abroad. Thats why I like to read, to watch, to learn anything about it. My hobbies are reading books, going somewhere by myself, make friends from another country. But now, since I have family, I must prioritizing everything, and I bet a lot of mother would do the same thing. 

But maybe, not every partner understand this. Trust me, a husband still have their hobbies or at least they can do what they want to do with no guilty, as long as they work well, support their wife and their kids. But a mother? Always in a rush. Go to work in a rush because before she leaves the house, she needs to make sure the breakfast for whole family is ready while she prepare for herself too. Moreover, another mother will take her baby bath first. And then after work, no time for play or hanging out, she needs to get home fast. After arrived at home, "works" are not done yet. They work 24/7, thats why many of them know no more about hobbies.