His stomach takes a sharp, screeching left. His heart stalls and then shifts into gear, zero to 180, every tired tract of him seizing and squealing to go, run, leave.
“Hey, I found him,” Tony says, finishing a conversation Ilya wasn’t in, easy like all conversations without Ilya are. Easy like the world isn’t ending. Like Ilya isn’t standing there, wishing every time he tried to self-destruct or kill himself had worked.
Greasy black hair. Sallow freckled skin. A turned head and horror-widened eyes taking in the big bad monster who finally arrived onscreen.
“Shane, Ilya; Ilya, Shane,” Tony says, totally oblivious. “You both like hockey, right? So that’s something in common. I’ve got to take lunch, but I’ll check in on you both before my shift is over.”
Nobody knows if Ilya Rozanov tried to kill himself before the draft. Nobody sane goes first overall. And nobody knows if Shane Hollander is going to survive another mediocre season with the Boston Raiders.
Isn’t it funny how a single nick in the ice can change the entire game?
shane/ilya, E, 31k | canon divergence based on the novel by ned vizzini | banner by me
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it's kind of a funny story is fucking amazing and hits especially hard for me as someone who was recently institutionalized for a month. it reminds me a little of променад by макулатура, which i feel is very ilya in this fic. here's the translation
AH holy cow it does
Wow. Yeah that hits hard. I hope you’re doing okay and that you’re getting the support you need ❤️❤️❤️ I’m glad you’re here and sent me this ❤️❤️❤️
hey flawless assholes. I’m so sorry u got targeted by some fuckass bigwig shithead. Fuck that bastard for blaming you for his own fuckup, and fuck him for not owning up to it too.
Stewing in anxiety and pressure is like living in a pressure cooker while also mentally preparing to be run over by a bus.
Salute to you badass for taking a day last week and standing your ground. Hope your monday is so so chill. U really deserve it.
Feeling pressured genuinely sucks ass in a bad way. I apologize on behalf of your cadre of readers for bestowing pressure on you. Fuck that!
Just knowing that your fics exist and will be updated at some point in the future gives my soul a flutter of anticipation and excitement. I can’t wait to know what happens next in the flawless assholes universe. These guys give me minor hope that happiness can exist. Thank fuck for fics!
Thinking about watching F1 seasons because ricciardo is such an icon. I’m new into F1 and cannot believe how every week feels like both a clusterfuck and a shitshow. Is that normal in F1? What is even happening? These men are driving the vehicle equivalent of a car in the ozempic craze Their cars work about as well as the alleged digestive systems of those abusing ozemic as well.
Anyway. Go be unhinged. Update whenever. Fuck ‘em. You’re Flawless Assholes!
I’ve kept this in my inbox bc it made me so so so happy and then just never responded but like wow i really needed this 😭😭😭
The overwhelming feeling I’ve had post-screamgate is isolation and i was talking with some colleagues today and they’re like oh yeah he screams all the time I’ve heard that he treats his team like shit etc etc which is NOT good but does make me feel less alone!!! #solidarity
I DID finally pick back up writing ch. 4 of bite the hand but it’s a slow process!!!! Your excitement makes me excited!!!!
Re: f1 it’s… complicated. It’s always been a shitshow, but usually a much less manufactured/forced shit show? Regulation changes always bring chaos, but this issue this time around is that this racing is really made for the lowest common denominator of newer fan. The cars STILL need to be smaller (you’ll never believe how tiny they were even ten years ago!) and Daniel will haunt the narrative until the end of time. TBH I really recommend getting into motogp! A lot more exciting, a good dose of chaos, and the riders serve so much more cunt. I always say motogp is your favorite f1 driver’s favorite sport! And that’s true for Daniel!
i find the character of fat eric bittle to be wildly annoying but i love the fact that fatness continues to not be seen as diversity or unattractive. imo rr actually stood on business and made something interesting with harris and that’s just not important. it’s like casting a white man as shane. fatness shouldn’t be erased. its all celebrating diversity and representation until somebody doesn’t have abs, isn’t it.
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it's ilya's first morning waking up at the cottage. he's all drenched in soft golden light and warm along his left side, the press of shane's skin against his in the delicate, hazy morning sunshine is a heady thing. shane's body is lax, all his tissues like butter, soft and maleable, his skin dimpling where ilya presses his fingers into muscle. he's never had shane beside him quite like this. in boston he'd come close. waking up with shane trapped in the cage of his embrace but that had been a short nap, and shane hadn't been warm like this, he hadn't smelt like this. all sleepy and a little sweaty and a little like the smoke from the fire last night and a little like his eucalyptus shampoo. and it's the best he's ever slept. pressed along the soft line of shane's sleeping body, his bicep pinned beneath shane's head, and even when he wakes up and his arm is numb and a little sore at the elbow where it's been bent all night it's the best he's ever slept. it's also the best wake up ever.
shane is looking up at him when he blinks his eyes open. he gets an eyeful of puffy-faced, sleep rumpled shane. all big brown eyes and freckles and mussed hair and swollen pink lips -- from kissing, from all the kissing they did yesterday, their mouths drawn together over and over and over throughout the day like they just couldn't stop. ilya wakes up to shane murmuring 'good morning' all gravelly and low, soft and sweet. his voice like honey. and ilya says 'good morning' back and his accent is a little thicker than normal but he doesn't feel self-conscious. shane smiles at him and ilya melts. shane gets these lines just beneath his eyes, dimpling into the skin of his cheeks when he smiles like that, and his mouth stretches puffy and red and lovely and ilya is helpless but to confess 'i like you' and shane's eyes are so so so tender when he says 'i like you too'. ilya stares at him, moves his hand to card his fingers through the mess of shane's hair and he wants to kiss him so bad but shane is moving, nuzzling into his touch, smiling as he settles back against ilya. and ilya turns his face to press his nose into shane's hairline, breathing him in, swallowing around those other words sitting in his throat.
it's quiet for a while, shane just breathing deep against him as the forrest outside wakes up, birds chirping and bugs buzzing in the rising heat of the morning. ilya wonders if shane's fallen back asleep but then shane is rolling into him, pressing his mouth to the underside of ilya's pec, smearing his mouth over the moles dotted there and he's making that sound that's something like a purr and makes ilya want to eat him. ilya turns his head down and watches shane as he nuzzles his face into ilya's pecs, as he kisses over ilya's breastbone and heart. his fingers stay in shane's hair, gently tugging on the strands as shane presses tight tight tighter to his side until they're plastered together, shane's leg between his, half of shane's body on top of him.
and then shane is lifting his head and ilya is cupping shane's chin, pressing his thumb to the corner of shane's mouth, tugging on his pretty swollen lips. shane's face tilts into the touch and his tongue sweeps over his bottom lip, catching the tip of ilya's thumb. shane's hands are tucked around ilya's ribs, fingers making circles over sensitive flesh. and then ilya is bending awkwardly, stretching his neck to capture shane's mouth in a searing kiss. he doesn't care that the angle hurts his neck or strains his traps. he wants to kiss this beautiful sleepy version of shane that's nuzzling into him and purring like he's some big, heavy cat. and shane's mouth tastes like stale morning breath and his lips are sloppy and a little over sensitive but ilya doesn't care. the kiss is perfect. he licks into shane's mouth and drags shane closer until shane is sitting on his stomach and bending down over him, his big hands now on either side of ilya's head and holding him in place. shane's thumbs rub over his earlobes and ilya breathes a sigh of relieve -- the touch soothes the parts of him still lingering in the impossibility of this all -- and ilya grips shane's face back, thumbs pressing into the hinge of shane's strong jaw and urging him to release, to slacken, to let ilya press his tongue into the depths of shane's hot mouth. shane relents to the touch easily, of course, jaw slack and breathes panting in increasingly higher whines and ilya bites at his already sensitive lips and sucks on his tongue.
the makeout turns to rolling over the mattress, limbs tangling together, hands shoving briefs aside so they're entirely skin-to-skin. ilya's hands find the meat of shane's ass and his fingers dig in, kneading the flesh, pushing them closer together. shane's hands mimic the movement of ilya's and he grins as shane squeezes his ass and drags their hips tight together in a uncoordinated inelegant rhythm. rolling waves of pressure and closeness in each sliding press of their swollen cocks together. and shane is breathing a little shaky and his mouth has dropped open and his lashes are fluttering and his cheeks are pink and ilya is dropping kisses over and over and over, all across the skin in reach. a kiss to shane's jaw, his chin, his cheeks, his nose, his forehead, his eyelids, his brows, his lips, his lips, his lips. and he wants to swallow shane whole and he wants to look at him forever and he wants to fuck him and he wants to hold him and he wants to kiss kiss kiss him.
"please fuck me," shane's whispering, shivering when ilya presses his fingers between his cheeks and feels where shane is still relaxed and tender from yesterday. they'd fucked once, twice, three times before the end of the day. unable to help themselves. the first time a rush of pushing biting scratching shoving with shane on his knees. then with shane on top gripping at ilya's chest and riding ilya so filthy, so fast, so fierce it had made ilya's brain melt out his ears helpless but to grasp at shane's hips and grunt with each skilled roll of the man's body. then with shane on his back, legs locked around ilya's hips and their fingers tangled, pressing into the mattress above their heads as they kissed and moved lazily in the soft glow of the lamplight. and between that they'd kissed, and kissed, and kissed. kissed tangled on the couch after dinner. kissed by the firepit with ilya's hands cupping the back of shane's head. kissed in the shower pressed against the cool glass. kissed after they'd brushed their teeth, breaths minty, shane sitting on the counter and wrapping his legs around ilya's hips, keeping them close together.
and then shane's pleading, again, "please, ilya, fuck me." and ilya is humming, nodding, pressing shane down into the mattress and pushing his knees back to open him up. he's staring for a moment, thumb brushing over where shane is sensitive and clenching around nothing, begging to be filled, and then he's moaning and dragging his tongue over the hot flesh, kissing and sucking and prodding into shane's body with his slick tongue. and he stays there between shane's legs until his chin is slick with saliva and shane is writhing and tugging at his hair. when he pulls back shane is all blushing neck and flushed chest and sweat slick forehead and wide blown pupils and he's so so so fucking pretty. he's so fucking pretty and he likes ilya. he's so fucking pretty and he wants ilya to fuck him. he's so fucking pretty and he wants to relax with ilya, for once. and ilya is crawling back up his body and kissing him again and shane is moaning and biting at his mouth and arching up to rub his cock into ilya's hip and he's cupping ilya's balls with one hand and shoving the other in ilya's curls and gripping tight and saying "i like you so much" and ilya is grinding his body into shane's touch and then he's gasping and fuck did he just...?
shane's hips still and ilya squeezes his eyes shut and lets out a long, self-admonishing groan, head dropping down to the crook of shane's neck, hiding himself there in the warmth of shane's skin. and shane is giggling and ilya is pinching his side and shane is just giggling harder.
"did you just...?" shane asks and ilya is growling "shut up" as shane is tugging on his hair trying to get him to look at him. when he pulls back -- finally -- he expects to see maybe disappointment but shane is grinning wild and wide. his eyes are all crinkled and his freckles are bunched up around his nose and his mouth is stretched in a smile ilya has never seen before and he puffs a breath as he looks at this pretty, beautiful, perfect man. who likes him. so much. of course he just...
"sorry," he mumbles and shane shakes his head and nuzzles their mouths together, dragging lazy kisses over ilya's slack lips. "no," he's saying "that was hot" and ilya is making an indignant sound. it was definitely not hot that he just came from shane barely touching him and talking to him all sweetly in his deep morning voice. "you really like me," shane teases and ilya groans "you like me so much you came before i even did anything" and ilya is muttering "shut the fuck up" and shane is laughing again but it turns to moaning gasping whimpering when ilya wraps a calloused palm around shane's dribbling cock, thumb pressing meanly into the sensitive head.
and then he's bullying shane onto his stomach and yanking his hips up and spreading his cheeks with his hands and pushing his tongue back into shane's hole. eating him out ferociously, rough and sloppy, morning stubble dragging a little painfully over sensitve skin. and he won't touch shane's dick. he won't let shane come. he won't let shane touch himself. he's indulging in sucking and kissing and tonguing at shane's pretty wet loose hole until he is hard again and then he's fucking shane long and slow and mean. not quite giving him enough to come, driving him over the edge of over sensitve, holding him down between the shoulder blades and making him take it. ilya's come once now he can go on and on and on. and shane is whimpering, tears spilling over red cheeks, by the time ilya finally picks up the pace, adjusts his angle, and gives shane what he wants. fucking into shane hard and brutal and precise. cock dragging over that perfect spot on every press in and on every drag back out. still he doesn't let shane touch himself and shane is hiccuping, gripping at the sheets and clenching his teeth around pathetic little mewls by the time he is finally coming. handsfree. shaking beneath ilya's hold. ilya pulls out and tears of the condom and jerks himself off furiously until he's coming all over shane's ass, painting his skin in sticky, thick cum. shane's gasping at the sensation and his spent cock dribbles more between his legs as he whimpers, reaching back for ilya's hand, fingers clenching and unclenching begging for connection.
and ilya's slowly turns shane over and slides their fingers together, bring shane's knuckles to his mouth, kissing over the thick, boyish knobs of his knuckles. and then he's slumping over shane and kissing all over his face and murmuring "i do really like you" and shane is smiling, dopey and fuckdrunk and angling his face into each kiss like a sunflower seeking sunlight. "i really like you" he's mumbling and their noses nudge and their lips smear and that's how ilya wakes up on his first morning at shane's cottage.
anyway back to this blog’s actual purpose. Ilya would love to find any way to say ‘six seven’ at their hockey camp & get every child around him chanting SIX SEVEN SIX SEVEN
inspired by a rant i was going on elsewhere bc someone tweeted something very stupid and uninformed about hamlet and it got my back up as someone who took two single-text-focus english literature courses in college and they were on wuthering heights and hamlet, i now put it to all of you on here:
what's "your" shakespeare play?
hamlet
macbeth
the tempest
merchant of venice
midsummer night's dream
twelfth night
richard iii
othello
julius caesar
king lear
another not listed (specify in tags) (i really just put my own top 10 here nbd)
i have no particular feelings about any shakespeare play/results tag
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This is the most niche thing on the planet I can relate to. I used to work at the men’s store in town that he came to a lot and one time he came in chose a ton of clothes, left to get a haircut and grab cash on the way even though it was a massive purchase, then came back and just laid down on the rug and played with the owners dog while highschool me was fangirling so fucking hard (this was like a decade ago). This man had all his clothes out and ready to be bought but spent an extra 20 minutes baby talking to the service dog and asking me about college apps then tripped getting up and made a joke about being a professional athlete in a dangerous sport but almost breaking his jaw off the boutique desk