Untitled

ever find it hard to stay strong?its my struggle everyday.to act like im ok, that go on throughout the day acting like my problems dont bother me .but they do. and when i do this, it usually hits me when im alone. thats when my problems start to consume. even when people think they know everything, it turns out they dont know half of whats going on through my mind. the fear that everyone will leave, that has been there for years. because everyone that i trusted or relied on did.so i think everyone else will. which is why i dont say EVERYTHING. its a lonely life, having NO family to rely on,to care for you. i look around and see all these happy families and the worst question i ask is ''why dont i have that?'' so i close myself off. i started to believe in hope last year, with a person that i thought i wouldnt leave and would always be there but he left. after that i cant trust. i thought i could begin to trust but after him he showed i couldnt. even the people i feel i can, i cant. because the idea still stands i my head, they will leave. but hope they wont.

theres nothing worse than feeling alone and worthless. finding it really hard to trust people. it seems in my case that no matter how much people say ''ill never leave you" ,they always do. so i find it hard to trust people. even the people that i feel that i can say anything to, i still have a fear that they will leave me. 99% of my family did. my best friend is gone. so its hard. to keep a smiling face. to keep going. i feel like im a jigsaw and a piece is missing. so ill never be complete. and i hate showing this. so i put on a brave face. and smile. but not for myself. i dono why im posting this. but awell sure . 

always hold on to the people who u trust and love so much <3