5.1.96.4.8.12

10 years have passed since i started this blog as a sophomore in high school, and now, being a fully functioning (?) adult. what with elon musky ass fcking up twt, i thought it’d be worth logging back in for the first time in 4yrs (!!), and if nothing else, opening my time capsule back up at the end of another year to reminisce. 

reading my posts from years back, i feel so fond and protective of my past self, and more than a little wistful. i wonder what she would think of the current me...my personal posts then had consisted of worrying about the future, feeling inadequate academically and socially, and the occasional movie review. now, i still worry about the future, and still love talking and writing about my thoughts on movies. i’m more self assured now tho, in my loneliness, in who i am, knowing i can take care of myself both financially (!! thank fucking god) and emotionally, it gives me confidence and tentative hope for the future. it makes me emotional typing that last sentence out because for most of my life, i could never view the future as something to anticipate. 

i’m so grateful for this function of the internet, in that nothing can ever truly be erased from it, all the good and bad and the embarassing. i don’t keep a traditional diary, so this blog has taken place of archiving of all my thoughts that aren’t in my memory, but typed out here. 

i look back with wistfulness, even though i wouldn’t ever, ever want to go back. i ache for my past self, because i wish i could tell her not to worry, that everything would turn out ok. 

i know no one is reading this, but if you are, and you can relate, i hope you give yourself grace and LOVE!!!! and i am rooting for you.