kiss ur local lifter

shoplifting advice, from someone who has never ever lifted 500+ dollars worth of stuff, from:

w@lm@rt (never going there again. got caught recently. they dont play and donated to trump)

u!t@

b0x!unch

h0tt0pic

r0ss

m@rsh@lls

k0h!s

d0!!ar tree

five be!0w

t@rget

c<s

and probably more that I can't remember

anywho, ground rules:

chain? free reign

small shop? full stop.

if shoplifting will put someone you are with in danger that they did not agree to, don't do it. especially if you are with a minority.

ok, baseline advice:

alarm goes off? keep. walking. act nonchalant. I've had alarms go off on me - I just kept walking. nobody said anything to me.

be confident, but not cocky. I have walked out of shops with full carts and nobody said a thing. more on this later.

don't be rude or overly chatty. if you are rude, anyone who sees you is way more l likely to tell someone. being overly chatty can make you seem suspicious. be careful asking for the location of things - depending on how large the store is, they may watch you til the register. I've seen some advice saying to ask for an object, have them walk you to it, and pretend to be displeased with it and walk out.

don't dress sexy or alluring. do not draw attention or leave any of your tattoos visible. if you have on a really short skirt, don't lift. weirdos may be looking at your ass and noticing you lift. it's unfortunate, but it's true. try to dress like a 'normie', people are less likely to pay attention.

tips and advice in no general order:

if you don't have a cart, bring a reusable shopping bag, and just stick shit in there. you don't have to be as sneaky about this, because if anyone notices you can just say you didn't have the hands for all your items, and you were going to pay for it all when you arrived at checkout. I've never been caught stashing anything, but the less suspicious you look the less suspiciously they're likely to treat you. (occasionally i just carry things until i can't hold them all, pretend to be frustrated, stick your shit in the bag to help you carry it.)

employee entrances and exits into the back rarely have cameras, making them great places to stash if you can avoid the employees. I especially like the toilet paper and paper towel roll isles, so i can sit down and take a break, as well as stash some stuff. never stash near a tech area. i did so recently and got caught. go to the kids isle or another area without cameras.

if they try to stop you from going into the bathroom even though you just saw someone else go in, you've been caught. ditch your shit or pay for it and leave. quickly.

if you plan to just walk out with a large basket, it's best to do it somewhere large, with more than one customer exit. if you are leaving the store with just your bag, this matters less. again, confidence is key. wear a mask and make sure your car isn't on camera - depending how much is in your cart, they can track the license plate.

if you do get caught, say you were overwhelmed and have an anxiety disorder, and simply 'forgot'. apologize profusely, and offer to pay for the items. however, if they take you into the back shut the fuck up. do not say anything, give them anything you took, and ask if you are free to leave. I've never tried this but put your personal items in one bag and your shopping items in a reusable bag. if someone questions you or tries to stop you, drop the lifted items and keep walkin.

sometimes if i genuinely get overwhelmed and think I have everything I need, i just walk out quickly - someone stops you? you are overwhelmed and overstimulated, even better if you have headphones that are on. It is really unlikely anyone will touch you, and if they do, flinch. Better if you tear up. I'm autistic so this reaction would likely be legit from me. ymmv.

I recommend masking for the safety of yourself and others, but it also makes you harder to identify. If you don't mask, vary wether you do or don't. normally, people who mask do it all the time, so going between wearing a mask and not wearing a mask may also cause confusion.

If an employee speaks to you, be kind. If they hand you a basket, hold it the same way you do your stash-bag, and put things you don't want in your basket, and things you do want in your bag. leave the basket near the exit, and walk out.

If you fear you have been caught or noticed, stop stashing, buy something small, and leave. however, sometimes taking the time to buy something will get you caught, so choose whether to pay for something or just leave. look at the exits and who is standing there, and look at the register area. if anyone official is standing at the checkout or door, choose wisely. you can also just put things back. stashing in and of itself is not a crime.

Try not to frequent the same places, and try not to steal every time. (I've broken this rule and been fine, but the point stands.)

christmas time is one of the best times to go shoplifting - it is busy, and staff probably won't look at you too closely if you leave without purchasing something

if you have a bag from a store in a mall that is also in another mall (barnes and noble is in a lot of malls, for example), bring that shopping bag with something small in it, and carry that around to make it seem like you've already spent money. put items in that bag, stores are unlikely to search a bag from another store.

some malls have security that cannot stop you unless you leave the store you are in without paying, and their LP will stand outside the store and wait for you to leave or trip an alarm. be mindful.

most staff don't get paid enough to care all that much what you do. don't be a nuisance and don't bother them and they probably won't gaf.

if you are carrying a phone or waterbottle, put your items in the hand holding the object, then put them both in the bag at the same time.

its ok to shoplift from goodwill. they suck balls. they also cant do anything about it :)