Son of a bitch

donut didn’t want to be a girl he decided one day on the farm while doing his daily chores, though he liked “feminine” things. “sissy” things, his dad would say. he wanted to be the princess not because he wasn’t a prince but because he was tired of only being allowed to do princely things. he wanted to be protected by someone one day not because he couldn’t protect himself but because he didn’t want to always be the strong macho protector he felt people expected him to be. that his dad expected him to be.

—

red.

he sipped from his mug. “the blood of my enemies” was what this one said. the only blood he’d seen on the job was when the intern had a nosebleed in the break room. until now. sarge examined the hefty paper cut. his grandfather sure as hell had worse than this on a good day. he died a hero and his office-working grandson was too chickenshit to follow his glorious warpath. he had a family to support… what if he left and never came back? got caught up in the thrill?

if he put one foot out of his current march he’d have nothing holding him to what he was supposed to do. a stable breadwinner for the fling that turned into a newborn and expectations of a life he never wanted. would she understand? would she pull him closer and constrain him, or encourage him to go? maybe she’d get back that red flush in her dimpled cheeks she had before they settled down into the stagnant life they had. back when she smiled. she’d be the fiery woman he’d gotten stiff for at the school dance so many years ago. and she’d find a life that kept that flame going because the life with him sure as shit wasn’t lighting either of their fires.

were these excuses? should he bother with explanation? he was itching to change his name and start a new life in the stars, fighting in memory of his grandfather. a sergeant, and a hero. he could be too

—

orange.

‘not yellow, orange,’ grif told his sister, who shrugged and said, ‘same thing.’

it really wasn’t. he’d never fault kai, she was colorblind, but they were extremely different.

yellow was the tacky suitcase dad carried in when he got back from one of his ‘business trips.’ and the hot wheels car that looked like it was found in a ditch, all scratched up, because dad spent the family’s money on himself until mom got fed up after one too many loans and kicked him out.

gold was mom’s leotard at the circus. shiny and reflective under her dark beard. it attracted attention, it was her job. she could do better. grif was sure of it. but she was afraid to take a leap out of the comfort of the familiar. she came home at varied hours in varying moods and grif loved her but he was tired. so tired of never knowing what to expect. the most routine he had was school, but the rest of his life was being pulled every which way. so so tired.

orange was the apron in the kitchen. the walls in his and kai’s bedroom, their retreat from the world to rest and hang out. the best sunsets over the ocean that made you forget everything else for a while.

orange was the best parts of life.

-

yellow.

what even was color? like obviously color was color but like, seemed kind of overrated. kaikaina got by just fine seeing the world in shades of grey, smutty reference absolutely intended. for real though, people were SO OBSESSED with color. thinking of things ‘in black and white’, fucking racism and colorism too, like even rainbows apparently set some people off.

yellow was supposed to be happiness, for some reason. but it was also the ‘icky’ parts of life. yellow made people think of piss, which was gross— unless you’re into that but kai wasn’t although she gave it a try with that one guy from Kentucky— but also so real, y’know? kai liked to look on the positive side of things but also she craved the real. the gritty grossness of being human. passion wasn’t all butterflies and kisses in the moonlight. for her it was going to the edges of her limits, finding new things to love about sex, love, life.

she wasn’t the girl she was in high school. it started as wanting to prove to herself… something. that she was enough or something. but she left that first experience wanting more. wanting to feel every body shape, learn the best ways to have a good time, to connect with people emotionally and physically, one or both, to feel and feel and feel.

yellow was bright. yellow was in your face. yellow was the girl dismissed as frigid and not beautiful enough, but yellow didn’t care because yellow celebrated life.

—

blue.

earth was a blue and green and white marble up there in the sky. blue skies. blue oceans.

blueberries! bluebirds!

blue was out of reach for a long time. special and rare.

blue raspberry slushie for a special field trip!

blue was sadness too. probably to balance out all the happy great things that were blue.

blue was special. caboose loved blue

-

blue?

it didn’t feel right.

like he was trapped?

yeah of course he fucking felt trapped it was a fucking suit of power armor, no shit.

but taking it off felt… worse? strange.

he didn’t like seeing his face. it felt like he was looking at a completely different person. maybe it was that uhhh imposter syndrome? yeah something like that.

his heart mourned his girlfriend. his rotten bitchy girlfriend that he must love a lot to miss so much. he can’t remember when the last time he saw her blue? brown? eyes and… brown? blond? hair. sometimes it felt like he remembered things in two slightly different ways at once. he wasn’t sure how else to put it.

bluetooth. blue screen.

didn’t feel right. strange. trapped.

-

blue

it felt right. sure gamma and iota were already… well maybe that was why.

——

Was going to do drawings of blue team over time. might add one of two more if i feel up to it so i can include Tex and Kai. I still want to finish this… so we’ll see.

The first sketches for the priorly mentioned concept. Also some sketches after I heard that animators in the industry who drew the eyes first got both more dynamic and faster character art. If anyone is wondering, both of those cat kiddos were intended to be Jordan (specific) haha. Though the laying on the grass one really gives Shadow vibes.

Some sketches of OCs— with some fun lettering for their names. The “(maybe)” is because I was so focused on drawing Jordan’s body proportioned correctly that I didn’t think ahead of time about which alter I was drawing, and the facial expression doesn’t immediately make me think of anyone in particular. So. idk it’s someone i guess lol

More practice with body types.

Revamped some characters I haven’t done anything with since high school. Premise is basically these people representing concepts that people value (love, fear, nature, etc) have powers and protect the multiverse. The story basically begins that a few of the Guardians were killed, so new chosen ones must be trained in to take their place… But the threat that took those lives is still at large, and these new Guardians in training must figure out how to embody these roles that they don’t feel suit them.

Human version of Niffty from Hazbin Hotel, unfinished.