show me how to live

“I’d be alone, probably just as messed up. God only knows where I would’ve ended up...I still would’ve ended up in some kind of gang situation knowing me. I just...wouldn’t have dragged a kid into it. In the end of it all though, I’d be alone. Whether life continued the way it did and I ended up like I am now, or it took a completely different course, I’d still be alone. And that’s the worst part of that thought, which is why I hate the idea of it.” 

“what the fuck?” 

it was easy to feel a bit concerned as it became evident that jess was in her wheelchair, but she tried to stuff that concern to the back of her mind. the closer the pair got, the more effie wanted to know that she was doing alright - which usually came across in the multiple texts a day that she would send. “hey,” she returned the grin once the door was open, making her way inside as she let out a small chuckle. “that’s fair enough, honestly. don’t blame ya’.” the brunette gave the dog a scratch as she nestled herself down beside it. she looked over at jess for a moment. “any genre you’re particularly in the mood for? i’d hate to force my horror loving self on you,” she laughed.

Using her good leg, Jess lightly kicked the door shut behind Effie, rolling up and clicking the lock. Dumb move right now, maybe. For all she knew, the delivery person was right down the road but...force of habit. Rolling around the back of the couch, she locked the wheels before she maneuvered herself onto the couch on the other side of the dog. She chuckled. “My ass. Pick what you want. I think I chose the last three...you’ve got at least four turns to pick the movie.” She handed over the remote. “But I swear if you subject me to the Saw franchise I will ban you from my house.” 

She smiled and nodded as she saw the unsure look on the woman’s face. “Okay! Is… this your first time in a comic shop? I could help, if you’d like? Maybe find something that sparks your interest? People always think that comics are just Marvel or DC and all about super heroes when thats not at all the case. There are comic books and graphic novels for just about any taste and any genre. What do you normally enjoy reading? Just like… with books? Or movies? I bet I can find you something.”

She loved newbies because that meant another person was interested in stuff she’d loved since she was little. They had rules at her shop and that was to not be elitist, help newbies, do not discriminate based on gender or outward appearance, and make everyone feel included.

“I mean...first time in a place with a crowd bigger than a small waiting room sure. I think I’ve been to a comic shop or two before though, way back when.” Jess offered a small shrug. She had to have been in one with her grandpa, he always did love comics. “Help would be awesome. I can’t...alright let me just be honest here.” She seemed so nice, so wanting to help...Jess didn’t want to hide under false pretenses in case she ended up having a panic attack and trying to bolt for the door, or hiding behind a shelf. 

“My therapist says I need to get out more, stop hiding away from the world, try new things. Personally I think she’s full of shit, but...maybe there’s a poin? Plus, I can only replay the Tomb Raider reboot video game series so many times. But I guess...I’ve got a bunch of video games, random genres. Books...classic literature, mostly. Jack London is a favorite author. Movies...not ashamed to admit I’ve lived vicariously through thrillers and action movies since Halloween happened.” 

﹃﹄

paperwork was a part of armande’s life, she spent years buried in mountains of it for work, fell asleep in smaller piles, only to wake up with sheets stuck against her cheek. but this was different. the words printed in fine print involved her, and wasn’t something she could push aside in her mind when she was done. it wasn’t someone else’s problem when the clock struck 5:30. “i won’t.” armande smiles gently, letting her gaze rest upon jess, lips curling in the corner of her mouth. she hadn’t seen jess since the grafting of her shoulder. spent tucked away in home, armande wasn’t in much of a social mood. she still hadn’t found the confidence to wear anything short sleeved out of the house, spending her mornings staring at the scars with great displeasure. “you remember my sister, ivy? she, uh, she had a kid a while back.”

--

A small smile dared to tug at the corners of Jess’s lips. “Good. It’s a fight you can’t win this time anyway.” It had been a while since she’d seen Ara...she couldn’t place a finger on exactly when. Maybe when the skin grafts happened, she had tried to be near Ara’s side for most of the theater fallout, as much as the lawyer would let her, and backed off when she knew she wasn’t wanted. That was a perk, Jess supposed, of their relationship and everything after; now she knew when to go away. “Yeah, I remember, she gave me the name of a decent ortho guy.” She’d probably talked to Ivy...four times. If that. One was a text message. One was a...serious enough conversation and two were in passing. She wouldn’t ever say she really knew the younger Ivashkov, but she at least knew of her existence. “A kid?” Jess whistles. “Well...didn’t see that one coming.”

HE LETS IT SLIDE with the roll of his shoulders for now—jess is just lucky she caught him in a good mood, otherwise she’d be working nine to five without a monetary incentive. “ deal. if you were a better bargainer, you could have gotten at least a hundred out of me. i thought you were in the mafia, jess, when did you turn so soft ? ” the orange juice calls to him from its place tucked inside the fridge door, and he answers it, taking a swig out of the carton and offering it up to her. he figures nothing in the fridge is sacred, anyway. “ does that mean you can take me on a ride along ? i’ve always wanted to see what cops do all the time. sure as shit aren’t doin’ much for chicago. ”

“I wasn’t taking my chances. Knowing you it could’ve led to me working all day without pay. Listen,” She watches him move to the fridge, almost wanting to make a joke about something calling for him.  “When you lose a limb you get a little soft. Start thinkin about life and all that bullshit. Makes you both appreciate life and also more eager to pull the trigger when asked.”  She eyes the carton for a minute before she sighs, reaching out and taking the carton, taking her own swig. Nothing was sacred in this house, much less the fridge. “If you’re a good boy, maybe I’ll set up a ride along for ya, sure.” 

﹃﹄

custody papers. her sister had sent them, from wherever in the country she was, all tabbed and ready to go for armande’s signature. she half expected ivy to forge the signature to get the process done and over with, cut out the middle man of her older sister now baring the burden of the child ivy refused to acknowledge. somedays, armande could of screamed at her, watching her sister deny the opportunity to be a parent, while the lawyer is close to forty and running out of time to biologically be one herself. but then again, god help any child that had to grow up with ivy. it was better samara be with someone that wanted to care for her, rather than seeing her as an unwanted consequence of sex. hence why upon being asked to take the teenager on, armande said yes.

armande’s arm is bandaged, propped up in a large bandage that covered most of her shoulder as well. it still hurst, a lot. the medication she gets from the doctor only really does so much since the skin graft. armande glances up towards the familiar brunette — eye’s widened. “hey.” in a moment of uncertainty, she considers sliding a spayed hand over the papers from jess’ view. she’s not quite sure how to explain it, taking on a responsibility on such a whim. but then, with a faltering smile, she thinks of of hope. out of anyone armande could confide in, maybe no one would understand as much as jess, “you won’t believe what im about to do.”

---

It was a lot of paperwork, and Jess was curious, but she didn’t try to look other than glancing at the amount of places that seemed tabbed off. Most of it was probably stuff she wouldn’t understand-that’s how she always remembered Ara’s stacks of paperwork being, a bunch of words she barely understood-and it wasn’t her place anyway. Even if the stack, the tabs, did seem...oddly familiar.  She settles down in the seat across from her, for a moment just taking Ara in. She looks tired, arm still bandaged though that wasn’t a shocker. Something was on her mind, Jess could still see as much. Gently, she moved the coffee an inch closer and nodded. “Don’t fight me. I’m already paying for your refills. Humor me.” 

It’s almost comical how Jess’s eyes immediately spot Armande when she walks into the café. How something in her stomach just tells her that it’s her, and how the feeling’s proven the closer she gets to the counter and gets a better look. 

She really had to stop frequenting this place after physical therapy. 

Whether it  was habit or it was genuine concern for that amount of paperwork sitting in front of her ex, Armande’s usual order was quick to slip out alongside her own as she slid her card into the chip reader. “Any refills she wants, I’ve got them, despite whatever fight I know she’ll put up.” 

Sliding the card back into her pocket, she grabbed both drinks, tentatively approaching the table. This probably shouldn’t have been as awkward as Jess felt, but hell. 

“Pass...she knows too many of my problems. I’ve told her too much.” 

“I’m not going to lie...I’d probably smash.” 

“Have you seen her? Smash.”