commit this to memory

Lea watched Xion lift her hand and scratch at the back of her head. He nearly asked what was bothering her, but she was looking directly at him as she did it, the expression on her face more curious than anything else. It only took a moment to realize she was mimicking the exact gesture he’d made only moments ago.

Axel’s words- that it was great to see her- truly touched the girl, and made the hesitant little grin bloom into a full on delighted smile across her porcelain features. Even better so, he didn’t get mad at the hug. She had a lot to thank him for, as she did Sora and Riku and Kairi, especially now as he said he wanted to check up on her. In castle oblivion a bit but more so in the mansion of twilight town, Namine used to have little wants of spending days up on the clocktower with those three. Even if they didn’t acknowledge her to just…be there.

More so it stemed from her desire to be wanted, to be cared for, as more than just property or a means to an end.

“I’m…really glad…~” it made her emotional too, seeing the soft smile Axel would give his friends now aimed in her direction. A single tear fell showing so, but quickly dropped off her cheek to hit the cobblestones bellow.

Who better to listen to her confusion about herself indeed.

“It’s all so different, yet so similar. Everyone is nice to me, and I even genuinely enjoy Aeleus Dilan and Ienzo’s company. Even’s more reserved which I can respect, but he never seems upset by my presence. He doesn’t just treat me like a successful experiment either which…I’ll be honest I’m surprised he doesn’t.” Maybe that was due to too much time spent around Vexen.

“But, even with this pure light inside of me, the light I’m keeping safe until she returns,” Namine was sure she didn’t even have to specify who ‘she’ was considering all the time he’d spent with her, little knowing that at times like Roxas with Sora Namine would peek through and feel his warm company for just a few moments in the guise of her other’s form. “There’s one person I….I can’t completely forgive. Well, there’s three, but I have yet to see the other two. When I’m around him, or I even think of them…I feel like I’m in a room that’s shrinking every moment, and I’ll do everything including scream and kick the walls to stop it. That’s not…me. And its certainly not how a princess is supposed to behave, let alone one with a pure heart. I just don’t know what to do Axel…”

Lea’s eyes widened upon seeing her shed a tear, and his hesitance at being there disappeared, replaced by a guilty feeling. He should have come here sooner. He would’ve, if it weren’t for the way returning to Radiant Garden made him feel. That wasn’t fair to Naminé, though. Everyone else had other friends looking out for them and making sure they were okay, but the closest friends Naminé had were either MIA or busy dealing with lost friends, in Riku’s case. And then there was him.

This wasn’t about him, though. Lea listened patiently as Naminé explained her feelings about her situation. It was good to hear that Aeleus, Dilan, and Ienzo were being kind to her, and that Even really was making good on his desire to make up for everything he’d done. Becoming a Nobody had twisted everyone in the Organization into their worst selves, but Lea was still relieved to know that they were all capable of changing if they chose to.

The only person in the castle who didn’t have that excuse was the Master, and the more Naminé spoke, the more the more Lea’s concern at not coming sooner grew.

“You don’t have to forgive people who hurt you. It doesn’t make you any less pure to be scared.” He really hoped that was something she’d been mistakenly telling herself, and not something someone else had told her. “Besides, telling yourself how you should feel won’t make those feelings go away. It’ll just make 'em worse. Trust me.” He’d forgotten that fun little aspect of having a heart, but man, did he remember it now. And as he said it, the words rang a familiar bell in his memory—they were like something his mom used to say, though he couldn’t recall the exact words she had used, only their sentiment.

Questions for the Mun // accepting

force my muse to spill their secrets // no longer accepting🖤- For something they secretly wish they could do with your muse🙃- For a lighter, slightly embarrassing secret

Lea scratched the side of his face in thought. “If I tell you it wouldn’t be a secret. But I guess...” He could share, if she really wanted to know. “I wish we could... forget, for a little while. About everything we’ve been though. And just be those kids in Radiant Garden again.” Before any keyblades or Heartless or any of that. It wasn’t possible, but that didn’t mean Lea didn’t dream about it sometimes. 

He shook his head. “Sorry, that... was a little heavy.” He looked down for a moment before lifting his head again, a wide grin on his face. “Hey, want to hear about the time Merlin turned me into a bird? He said it was part of my training but I don’t know how much I got out of it. You’d think he’d at least make me into a hawk or something cool, right? But no-o.”

force my muse to spill their secrets // no longer accepting👁‍🗨- Talk about someone/something you like, but pretend to dislike

Lea sighed, rolling his eyes as he thought about the answer. “I’m never gonna hear the end of this, am I? All right. Fine. I sometimes, on occasion enjoy…” He drew in a deep breath and then spit out the rest of the statement in a rush, “Keybladetraining?”

force my muse to spill their secrets // accepting👻- For something that scares or disturbs them, but they refuse to tell anyone

Lea looked down, abruptly overwhelmed by possible answers. If he was being honest, there was so much that scared him now. All of his friends had their own worries, though. He didn’t want to burden them with the way his mind—and worst of all, his heart—made him feel like everything he had could be gone in the blink of an eye and there would be nothing he could do to stop it.

And… as much as he cherished his heart, sometimes it felt so full of worry and feeling and pain that Lea couldn’t help but want it gone, if only for a moment. A part of him said he’d been better that way. Things were so much simpler without emotions getting in the way, after all. He could fake them when he needed them and discard them when he didn’t. It would be easy to go back to that.

But when the moment passed and the pain eased and he began thinking clearly once more, he found himself terrified all over again by his own rationale. He never wanted to be a Nobody again. He never wanted to hurt his friends again the way he had as Axel. But if he owned up to having those thoughts, would they all think he hadn’t really changed at all? If they were afraid of him… if they wanted nothing to do with him… Lea didn’t know if he would be able to handle those emotions. Not without doing something he wouldn’t have the emotion to regret later on.

force my muse to spill their secrets // accepting

“Let’s see. I got my friends back, my heart back, a keyblade, and everyone who wanted me dead is toast. What more could I want?” he asked, flashing a self-satisfied smirk.

“I guess the only thing left is…” He trailed off, taking a second to actually consider the question. He’d made no secret about wanting to be a keyblade master. It wasn’t like he’d tried to hide how much he wished things might’ve worked out differently for he and his friends, ether; he’d apologized enough that he was pretty sure everyone knew he had regrets about his past actions. Isa knew he still wanted to help find Subject X and none of them wanted another keyblade war or anything like it, so. What else was there that was a secret? Something he wanted but hadn’t told anyone...

force my muse to spill their secrets // accepting🍻- For something bad/mischievous you did as a child or teen that your parents don’t know about

“I mean, there was the whole constant breaking and entering thing Isa and I did in the castle. Mom and Dad only knew about the times we got caught.” And their reaction had been to sit him down and have a stern talk about how they knew he didn’t mean any harm but that Master Ansem was an important man who didn’t deserve to be the victim of silly pranks, and how he should have more respect for his friendship with Isa than to drag him into trouble too.

Well, they were half right, at least.

“Aside from that…” Lea paused, trying to remember anything else that might’ve gotten him in trouble if his parents had known about it. He had a reputation to uphold, after all—couldn’t have Xion thinking he’d been a well behaved little kid, now could he? Though it was hard to compare the sorts of mischief he used to be involved in to the stuff she and Roxas had done.