glowing ghoul

When III got up, he already felt off. Dizzy and sweaty, but at the same time he was freezing and shivering. Still, he dragged himself down in the kitchen, where the other where already sitting. Vessel looked up from his tea, brows furrowing at the sight of III. II, who sat with his back towards the door, turned around and his gaze turned full on worried. IV, next to Vessel looked worried as well.

When he pressed out a shaking "M-morning guys", II was already up on his feet next to him. "God, III, you look horrible..", he states and III huffs lowly, dragging a hand through his messy red hair. "Thanks, I love you too.", he murmured back and looked at the small drummer. "Shut it, III. I mean it, you okay?" He countered back and looked at III with a worried gaze.

III shrugged, then shivered violently. "Yeah, no.. I don't know... Feeling like I'm getting a bit sick." II raised a brow at that. "You're not 'getting sick', you are sick, my dear." III couldn't stop IIs hand when it raised to his forehead, wrist pressing against his skin. "You are burning, love.", IIs voice turned soft and his gaze too.

"Come on, get up and we'll get you back to bed." III looked up with raised brows and then turned to look at the other two men on the table. "You guys could say something too to that, or it he the boss now?", he said, pointing at II next to him. But Vessels brows were still furrowed and IV pressed his lips together. "You really do look like shit, III. I think getting back to bed would be the best..", IV lowly stated and looked apologising at him.

Vessel mustered him a moment longer, his brows not moving a inch. "II said you're burning. Means you're having a horrible fever. Nothing to sit around with here. Go back to bed, III." At that, III groaned and let his head drop back in his neck. Which was, to be really honest a damn stupid thing to do, because now everything was spinning. He groaned again. "Alright.. fuck.." He squeezed his eyes shut. "Got it, got it, I'm leaving."

II held out a hand to him and smiled softly. "Come on, love. I'll get you tugged up." This made III huff lowly, but he took the hand and got up with IIs help. "I'll bring you some tea.",  IV offered and already got up  from the table to make some tea ready. III only nodded and let himself be lead by II.

He sat down on the edge of the bed and took off his trousers again. When he wanted to pull off his shirt too, II stopped him. "Leave it on. You need warmth." III scrunched his nose at that. "I'm already burning up and you  tell me to get heated up even more?", He grumbles, even though he knew II was right with that.

"Don't  start discussions, lay down. Don't think I didn't notice  you swaying on the way here.", II commanded and pressed III down on his shoulder. With a sigh, he let himself be lead and laid down. While II started to tug him under his blankets, he huffed lowly. "You're bossy. And short..", he mumbled, already tired from this bit of moving he did and feeling more and more dizzy from the fever. II looked up at him and shook his head. "And you're a idiot. But I love you."

Gently, II brushed some sweaty curls of hair from IIIs forehead and smiled softly at him. "Now sleep, you need it." IIIs sighed frustrated, but laid still as told, watching II open the window a bit and then leave him again.

He closed his eyes, but even though he was tired, he couldn't sleep. But not long after, IV came in with a thermos bottle and a cup. "Hey love. Your tea." He sat it  down on the bedside table and looked down at III softly. "You look tired. Try to get some sleep."

That made III sigh frustrated. "I am tired. Just.. don't feel like  sleeping.." He looked up at IV for a long moment and then reached with one hand for the guitarist. "Stay with me?" He asked lowly and IVs expression softened incredibly. "Oh dear, of course." He sat down on the bed next to III and leaned back against the headboard. With a smile III nuzzled his head against IVs thigh. "Thank you..", he murmured, closing his eyes.

IV smiled softly and reached for the book on IIIs nightstand. The book he always read out to  IIIs. "Want me to  read something to  you?", he lowly asked and III  only nodded. IV could feel how heated up his skin was through the fabric of his trousers and suppressed a low sigh. He just opened the book, holding it in one hand, while his other found it's place on IIIs shoulder.

II didn't notice at first. Didn't see any change at their singer. He never was one of the loud ones, so it wasn't unusual for Vessel to be silent every now and then.

But one day, II saw it. Not the change, not the silence or the way Vessel moved, but the small flash of white under Vessels sleeve. He blinked, but the next second, Vessels sleeve slipped down further again and II looked away again.

He didn't speak up immediately, only watched. That was when he noticed more and more. How Vessel always pulled his sleeves down, how he always put on long hoodies, preferable oversized. How he preferred to sleep alone again, even though he usually hated it, because when no one was there, the nightmares came back. It had worried II there already, but he didn't want to pressure Vessel too much, because he knew Vessel needed space sometimes.

But when he saw that flash of white? Something in his brain clicked. But he prayed that the thought that was lingering in his head now was wrong. He prayed it wasn't what he thought. But to be sure, he had to find out, he had to ask Vessel about it. He had to make sure he was wrong, just to calm his mind.

In the evening, he knocked at Vessels door. It took a few moments, then Vessel called him in. When II stepped in, they blinked at each other for a moment in silence, then II stepped closer and set down on the edge of the bed, close to Vessel, but not crowding him. "Can I ask you something?" IIs voice was rough, only from thinking about he could be right.

Vessel looked at him for a long moment in silence, before he slowly nodded. His legs were crossed, his hands placed in his lap. "Can I see your arms?" II asked. There was no way to talk around it, to make this pretty, there was only asking and going into this head first.

Vessels eyes widened, then he tried to mask his reaction again and shook his head. II sighed and swallowed. This reaction already told him more than enough answer for II. He looked away for a moment, then looked back at Vessel and he couldn't mask the sad gaze in his eyes. "Ves, I saw.." He said, throat tight now.

"II, it's not-", Ves starts, but II shakes his head. "Don't give me that. Don't lie to me just because you think that would hurt less. I prefer the truth, no matter how much it hurts.", II interrupts the taller man and looks at him serious.

Vessel swallows, then nods. He looks down at his hands in his lap, then slowly pulls his sleeves up. II presses his lips together, then lets out a long breath as his eyes cast over Vessels bandaged forearms. He knew that's what he already expected, even though he hoped to be wrong. But he didn't expect <em>both</em> arms.

"II, look. I'm sorry. I'm trying, I swear I am. I-" II interrupted Vessel by taking his hand gently in his own. "Vessel. Listen. I'm not mad, god, how could I ever be mad at you for your mental state?" II traces his thumb gently over Vessels hand. "I only want to help you. I want to be there for you, please."

They stare at each other for a long moment, then Vessel nods and shuffles forward to lean against II in a tight hug. They sit like that for a long moment in silence, until Vessel lowly speaks again. "I.. uhm... I was about to rebandage them.." II hugs him a bit tighter and nods. "Let me help?", he whispers lowly back and after a moment, Vessel nods.

They don't talk in the process. They just silently get to the bathroom, Vessel sits down on the edge of the bathtub, II gets the first aid kit, the hum of the bathroom light the only thing filling the silence. Slowly, he unwrapped the bandages, then pulled away the compresses. He didn't flinch at the sight. Not because it wasn't bad, but for Vessel. It wasn't the first time he did this for Vessel, it wasn't the first time he saw that. But even though it hurt him to see it, he didn't flinch, because Vessel needed calm support, not someone stressing him out. He also didn't react on Vessels breath catching when II pulled away the last bit of coverage from the wounds to show them to the drummer. He stayed silent, even as Vessels breath shuddered.

II gently cleaned the wounds, some older than the others, his eyes slowly tracking over them. Still, he kept his mouth shut. Vessel didn't flinch, didn't say anything either. Not when II cleaned the wounds, not when he treated them gently, not when he put new compresses on them and wrapped new bandages over them. Silence was all that filled the room and just when II was done, Vessel lowly whispered: "Thank you."

II looked up at him, gaze sad, but still a soft smile on his lips. "Not for this." Then he stepped between Vessels legs and wrapped his arms around the other gently. He placed one hand on the back of Vessels head, the other on his back and pulled him gently against his chest, while the singer wrapped his arms around IIs hips.

They stayed like this for a long time in silence, until II spoke up again. "Let me stay with you tonight? Please?", He asked lowly in the silence and Vessel nod against his chest. They moved silent again to Vessels room and in his bed. II let Vessel decide how they settled, then followed lead when Vessel laid down and slipped on the bed next to him.

Vessel hid his face against IIs chest again, II wrapped his arms around him again. "Tomorrow, I'll do it again, yeah?", II whispered lowly and Vessel nod silently. "Please don't leave.", he only answered and II shook his head.

IV swallows roughly. His eyes were fixed on the door in front of him and his hand halfway raised for a knock.

He had to apologise to III. He had to. He had been a shit earier and now he felt like shit.

He had felt off the whole day. He burned dhis fingner when he made breakfast eggs, he slmost tripped over his guitar wires in the rehearsal room. III noticed that his head was elsewhere in the morning already, he had noticed him stimming, legs restles and fingers twitching.

And as always, III was just acting like the caring boyfriend he always was. He asked IV if he could help, if everything was fine, if he could do something. IV knew III only meant good, he always did. Cause if there was one thing III could never stop, even if he wanted to, it was caring.

But today? It was too much for IV, too much care, too much III shuffling around, too much attention.

Up until the point where he snapped and glared at III. "God dammit III, just leave me alone for a second, alright?! I don't need your shit ass care, I need peace for once!" He had snapled at III.

And god, this look in IIIs eyes. The pure hurt. IV knew this was one of IIIs most vulnerable points. Because III knew he could be much. But he showed his affection in physical touch and the way he cared. And getting told he should stop caring, that just made him feel like what he did and feel was invalid. That his care was not valid.

But IV was too much in his own head, too overwhelmed and stressed, so he couldn't think about that in that moment. He just snapped and then lelft off stomping away, the last thing he saw was IIIs lip trembling and eyes watering. But in that moment he just couldn't care.

But now, a few hours later, he did care. And now he was standing in front of IIIs room, hand still hovering useless in the air, eyes starri g at theh wood of the door. For a moment he wondered if he was even allowed to knock at this door right now. If he, who was responsible for IIIs pain, was seven allowed to gegt to him now. He took a deep, grounding breath, then another. He had to. He had to reach out to III. He owed that to III.

Finally, he knocked.

There was sno answer. He knew he deserved it. But III didn't, he didn't deserve what IV had said and he didn't deserve to be left alone now.

So instead, he knocked again, this time immediately saying something himself. "III, please. I- can I come in?" Still no answer.

This time, he pushed the door open a bit. Only far enough to peek into the room and see III on his bed with headphones on. 'Course be didn't hear the knocks. Noise cancelling headphones and probably on full volume, he wouldn't hear anything through them.

Slowly, IV stepped in and closed the door behind him. He swallowed at the sight in front of him, it made his heart clench, especially because he knew this was his fault.

III sat against the headboard, legs curled tight against his chest and face buried against his knees. His fingers were tangled tightly in his hair and the silence was deafening in the room. There was no body wrenching sob and no sniffle. And that made it even worse.

Because IV knew, all that had happened already. Now followed the silence. The time where the thoughts where eating away at III and he just tried to silence them with even more noise.

IV knew III was struggling with himself sometimes and that he went spiraling pretty hard. Especially when someone said something like that to him. And it was not the first time IV was reason for it. When he came here, he had been overwhelmed by III more than once. Bht he learned to accept his care, learned to lean into it even. Except for days like today.

IV swallowed roughly and sat down on the edge of the bed, making it dip under his weight and III notice his presence. His head snapped up and he stared at IV.

His eyes were big and glassy and all IV could see was hurt, so much of it, it hurt him too.

He looked away for a moment, down at his hands in his lap and then back up. III had turned off his music and pulled down his headphones.

They stared at each other in silence for a moment, before IV took a breath. "I'm sorry III. I'm- I acted like shit."

III huffs lowly and looks at IV even more broken. "I wanted to help you..", he whispered lowly and IV pressed his lips together. The wag IIIs voice quivered, then cracked, the way he looked at him. God, it broke IV.

"I know that, III. I know that. God, I'm so horrible. You're not wrong for caring, you never are." He rubs his hand over his face and blinks at III with glassy eyes on his own now. "I just- everything was too much today. I felt so.. off. I.. I just didn't know what to do with my own feelings. And this is a shit apology for my behaviour but I'm sorry III. I swear you, I'm sorry."

III starred at him for another rlong moment in silence, before he slowly spread out his legs on the bed and untangled his fingers from his hair. "Can- can I hug you?" He asked lowly.

A sound left IV at that, almost a sob, almost a whimper and he nod immediately. "Yes, fuck, yes."

He slipped closer on the bed, now kneeling next to III and wrapping his arms tightly around him, while the bassist does the same, burying his face against IVs shoulder. IIIs brearh shuddered against IVs shoulder when he finally was allowed to wrap his arms around the smallertm one, when he finally was allowed to hug IV and it made IVs heart clench again. "I'm sorry III. I'm so sorry. I didn't want to make this day shit for you too."

And III? He just nods and sniffles lowly. "I know. You didn't mean it, not your fault my brain doesn't understand that sometimes." His fingers gently trace over IVs back and the guitarist sniffles too now. "Thank you for coming here."

"Thank you for having me." IV murmurs back and III just huffs lowly. "You're great for caring, y'know? Even if I can't always accept it."