Jacob Elordi Behind the scenes Saltburn (2023) dir. Emerald Fennell

❝    the    only    reason    why    it’s    messier    is    because    you    don’t    trust    that    i’ll    fully    commit    ,    right    ?    not    surprised    ,    a    little    hurt    but    not    surprised    at    all    .    .    we    can    abide    by    whatever    rules    you    wanna    set    ,    my    queen    ,    just    know    that    i’m    fully    ready    when    and    if    you’re    ready    to    take    that    step . i’ll    give    it    about    two    weeks    ,    look    at    me    .    ❞ 

" don't word it like that, come on. it's not that i don't fully trust you. but you're you, brooks, and you have this -- this lifestyle that can have so much chaos to it. like, if people knew you had a girl ? i'd be attacked the second you decide to hard launch because look at you. if you're on tour, am i gonna' just have to sit around and wait for you to come back ? i don't want to deal with that. i trust you, but i don't trust everything that surrounds you. "

❝    i’m    not    cheating    on    you    .    .    wait    ,    there’s    a    ship    name    of    us    already    ?    holy    shit    ,    okay    ,    anyway    ───    i’m    with    you    .    like    i    said    ,    we’ve    hung    out    but    nothing    more    .    the    cameras    catch    everything    and    if    there    was    then    that’d    be    first    page    news    .    i    might’ve    played    into    it    a    couple    times    ,    but    there’s    nothing    wrong    with    getting    eyes    on    me    .    it’s    tasteless    but    it    brings    me    out    there    –    we    need    this    .    at    the    end    of    the    day    though    ,    like    ,    i’m    coming    home    to    you    .    ❞

" yeah ... and it's not even, like, a good ship name. it's too many syllables. but the point is that it's out there because people think you two look good together. a lot of people, brooks, and it's really hard to see constantly. --- what do you mean, you played into it a couple of times ? like, you don't mean behind closed doors, right ? "

ASHLEY MOORE 2022, ph. Kea Snow

❝    easy    ?    says    who    ?    i    can    barely    look    at    the    girl    without    gagging    ,    like    ,    fuck    ──    anyway    ,    like    i    said    before    ,    we’re    just    friends    .    .   what’re    you    worried    about    ?    ❞   

" come on, brooks. you know what i mean and you know what i'm worried about. --- okay, fuck, i guess i'm not worried, maybe, but ... there's just never been this much talk about you and another girl. the press says you're in love with her, people online are saying she goes to all your shows, and there's a ship name for you two trending on twitter. i just ... you're not, like, cheating on me with her, right ? "

❝    correct    me    if    i’m    wrong    cause    school    was    never    really    my    thing    but    .    .    but    it    sounds    like    you    listed    all    the    aspects    of    a    relationship    without    wanting    one    .    what’s    the    difference    ,    at    this    point    ?    and    that’s    a    loaded    question    coming    from    me    .    ❞  

" i'll gladly correct you, it's my favorite. the difference is that being in a relationship comes with higher expectations: remembering dates, communicating frequently, trust. and it's not that i don't think we're capable of that, because i think we can be, but it's messier. the whole thing's just messier and what we do is easy. "

❝    the    press    also    thought    my    sister    was    my    ex    ,    so    .    .    if    it’s    what    i    think    you’re    referring    to    though    ,    yeah    ,    we’re    just    friends    .    ❞ 

" --- okay, yeah, the sister thing was easy to brush off because it was your literal sister, but this ? i dunno' ... all the tabloids are talking about you and her ... "

❝    boundaries    ,    maybe    ?    like    ,    who    i    can    and    can’t    talk    to    .    .    hook    -    up    with    ,    you    know    ,    labels    might    not    be    important    but    this    information    is    .    highly    .    ❞ 

" you can't talk to your exes or anyone that makes it known they want to fuck you, you can't hook up with anyone but me. see how easy it was to lay all that down without me having to call you my boyfriend ? "

it was impossible to elude the secondhand embarrassment she felt as the other woman began to explain herself , the common denominator in all those dates was painfully obvious and yet ... nellie was still inclined to agree that it must have been all the men's fault. she wished they were somewhere else — never been big on gossip , but wouldn't mind playing her shrink for a moment or two. " i believe you . . . " she simply said , couldn't offer much without being totally unprofessional. but damn her compulsion ──── looked around to make sure her manager wasn't anywhere near before sitting across the other. " i don't mean to be unprofessional , but you're my last table for the night and i'm off in five . . . " nellie paused to catch her breath , maybe even muster some willpower to stop herself. but it didn't quite work. " and um , there's this nice dive bar down the street , it's a really good place to unwind. i don't know , i just thought you could use a friend . . . instead of the usual asshole blind dates. " it was her turn to feel embarrassed , wasn't quite sure what came over her to offer her company to a stranger. nellie stood up and winced at herself before looking at the customer almost apologetically. " but of course , only if you want to. i don't want to impose. " or tank the restaurant's yelp reviews.

had just begun to hand over enough to cover her and her date's drink --- they hadn't even made it to appetizers, how embarrassing --- along with a tip when the waitress, eleanor, if her name tag is to be relied on, sat across from her and asked if she wanted to go to a bar. evelyn can't help but blink in surprise at the proposition, and its not a bad idea at all because God knows she needs a drink or three, but still feels apprehension and something that almost leaned towards scrutiny as she asked, " are you asking me because you pity me ? " wasn't said with a tone of meanness, but she also wasn't in love with the idea of a stranger feeling that bad for her. a woman of optics and popularity, evelyn, for the first time, felt like a loser. but ... eleanor seemed nice. she seemed genuine, and maybe she wasn't asking with any ill - intentions. looks down momentarily while other rises, finger absentmindedly tracing at the condensation on her glass, and then she looks back up at her, careful but curious. " ... and does this place have food i can order ? "

" here i thought there's nothing coming between you and that olympic medal. i feel like a distraction. " it wasn't lost on him that although henri was only the person he had let himself be somewhat emotionally intimate with , there were still a lot of things they still didn't know about each other. of course , he knew the basic things — who henri's parents were , his favorite coffee shop on campus , the things he did on his free time. but ludwig hardly knew anything about the nitty gritty , and to hear that henri was carried some gratitude towards the very things that could ruin their lives was a revelation in itself. they killed someone. whether it was an accident or not , they killed someone. and yet , henri was glad for how it bonded them. he should be appalled , but all he really felt was tenderness. " i really don't know how to describe the things i feel , " much better in capturing moments on film and using those imagery to communicate , " but people say things happen for a reason. so maybe this is it ──── maybe the universe wanted cruelty first to balance out how good this will be . . . " and another kiss. sweeter and more passionate than the last. it was despicable and selfish , absolving themselves of guilt , to view a person's life as a needed sacrifice to justify the good thing that came after , but delusion was also a necessary survival tool , too. he smiled softly at henri before gazing away from his features and looking at the television , imagining memories upon memories playing on the screen. his smile faltered for a moment , always had a tumultuous relationship with memory ; so many things he failed to remember , so many things he wanted to forget yet still haunted him. " i've never told anyone before , but . . . " a small pause , rarely ever talked about this. " before i was adopted , this really old couple actually found me in the middle of a forest while they were hiking ──── i was just there. confused. terrified. alone. no idea who i am , where i came from. i couldn't really remember anything from before they found me. still don't. " maybe he'd tell henri the full story some day , how the police tried to link him to missing children cases , how every dna test didn't yield any match. it was as if he just appeared out of nowhere. but ludwig would rather just let it be a small anecdote for now. he reached for his wallet , taking out a small photo of him and his parents , sitting together on a piano bench in the middle of a room that seemed to frozen in time ; vintage decor adorned every part of the room , quaint and classic. now clearer more than ever where ludwig got his love for old movies and old trinkets. " i lived in one of those group homes for a while . . . but the old couple who found me wanted to raise me. they couldn't have children of their own so they thought it must be fate. and coming home for the first time when they adopted me , i think that's my favorite memory. "

a slow smile starts to spread across his face. " actually, you'd be really good motivation, " begins, looking at ludwig. " spectators are allowed at our practices and if you were in the crowd, i'd wanna' impress you. " was talented without outside influence, of course, but henri couldn't imagine anything making him want to hit nothing but bullseyes than wanting to do so to impress his ... crush ? friend ? boyfriend ? he wasn't quite sure of their label, or if they were ever meant to have one. " next practice is tomorrow afternoon, but. you don't, like, have to go if you're busy or not interested. --- it's not all that entertaining to outsiders, anyways, it's just a bunch of bows and arrows and targets so ... you'd probably get bored. you don't have to come. " truly did feel like he was talking to a crush with the way he disclaimed and beat down everything, the way his cheeks warmed at the realization that he was inviting this boy to his practices. for some reason, it felt more intimate than anything they'd intoxicatingly done together in the woods, more intimate than anything they'd done together since, and he almost felt embarrassed. " i don't want it to come in the way of us either, " says against his lips, almost feeling dizzy from how much he liked kissing him, " no matter what our friends decide the game plan is, no matter how much hiding and secrets we have to figure out. i just wanna' be with you. " because there was going to be an investigation --- one might already be underway and just not yet public. regardless, things weren't going to be so quiet and easy all the time, and henri wanted nothing more to go through the bad parts, the scary parts, with ludwig. they'd lie together, they'd stay silent together, and when it all ( hopefully. God, hopefully ) blew over eventually, they could go to delphi together. he'd helped kill their friend, and all henri could think about what it'd mean for he and ludwig. i've never told anyone before. he was immediately listening in fully, curiosity no doubt heightened but almost feeling nervous, at the same time, with the weight of getting such exclusive information. but with everything he felt mostly aware and happy that ludwig trusted him, and especially with what he ended up saying; henri's mind would've never been able to even start dreaming up anything close to what the other revealed. the forest, no recollection, it --- it all sounded like something he'd read about distantly, and never something he'd hear someone tell him personally. henri kept his face neutral for fear of shocked reaction making ludwig regret saying anything, but his eyes inevitably twinkled with interest, with confusion, with surprise, with fascination. leaned in to see the picture and couldn't help but smile at the sight. " look at you, " he murmured in quiet awe, eyes taking in how ludwig appeared in the photo before flicking to his parents, " and look at them. they look lovely. i'm glad you have them. " maybe it was just like he said: things happen for a reason. finally tears his eyes away from the picture to look at ludwig again, smile small and appreciative. " thank you for sharing that with me. i hope it wasn't too invasive to ask. "

it was the third time she had seen her this month and fate must be playing a prank on her with how she ended up assigned to her each time , front row seat to such a messy show. she knew how the story went by heart at this point ; beautiful girl always on a blind date but things always seem to go sour by the end of the date. " i think ──── " nellie almost felt sorry for her , almost didn't want to break it to her. but it'd probably be more unprofessional if she said what she'd tell her friends ; tell her to fuck him and hit the club instead. " i think he's probably long gone by now , ma'am. i'm sorry . . . "

familiar waitress delivers the truth evelyn had been swallowing down with now - flat soda: that a date had left her again. feels cheeks grow red with embarrassment and irritation, and she slumps back in the chipped leather of the restaurant's booth. " of course, " she sighs, almost bitter, almost sad. " well. you know the drill at this point: i'll take the bill, and i have cash. " what was worse ? constantly being set on the worst blind dates by her friends or always having a witness to it ? starts thumbing out five dollar bills as her eyes flick up to her waitress'. " ... i need you to know that it's, like, not me. " had enough confidence to know that she was a catch, and all the boys she'd been with just ... had butter fingers, she supposed. " it's them, i swear. "

" oh my god - ci , you're . . . you're nothi— you seriously want a label or something now ? who cares . "

" were you about to say i'm nothing ? --- look, i'm not trying to make this a bigger deal than it needs to be, but it's just a little fucking wild that you've been letting me fuck you on the side for God knows how long, and now you're engaged. "

"i'm not 'coming back' to you. i'm only here cause i left my sweatshirt here and it's one of my favorites."

" who do you think you're foolin', huh ? there's so many no - contact ways to send an item back to someone yet you wanted to see me in person. it's easier if you just admit it, you know. "

" because he's -- he's just a placeholder . it's nothing but status , okay ? "

" oh, okay, i see. he's the placeholder, and i'm the what ? what's my title then ? "