girl is a problem

You suck.

Come with me Molls.

I hate you too. I’m ruining my makeup because of you.

You fucking started it.

Well, hello there little creepy person. And how are you doing today?

I know. I’m um going to miss you, Fi.

Stop, stop it. No tears Farrah, stop it. I didn’t cry when Fallon left, you don’t get to cry now. Oh god.

Shut up, Hispanic guys are the hottest. Ugh, I hate being 16.

I lead a blessed life. Speaking of, this might be the last time you see me for a while by the way.

Lucky, it’s so unfair that I’m stuck here while you get to be surrounded by hot foreign boys. 

Hot, foreign boys with accents, never forget the accents. But whatever, you’ll survive I’m sure.

The fact that your dad is an asshole is not your fault Ram, it’s not! You may have known what he could do but you couldn’t have known what he would do. It’s not your fault, say it!

Already on it, I stole mom’s harddrive. What if he’s dead though? 

Then you visit his grave and say hola then get your ass back here. If he’s not, you’re in luck.

No, they don’t. They know a small detail about a very complicated situation and I would prefer to keep it that way. I suppose but have you ever stopped to consider the fact that I just left them with our abusive father. Can you honestly look me in the eye and really tell me that’s what a good, loving brother would do?

I think that’s what a brother with no other choice and an opportunity to have a chance at creating a better life for the sisters he adores would do -- which is what you did.

Oh, wow, a hooker joke. How… urbane.

I gotta work my way up to the really good ones, Ms. Page. How’s my favorite failed abortion doing nowadays? I heard you're next in line to be Head Plastic next year, good to know they've finally picked someone to live up to my caliber.

I think I’m going to search for him this summer. Him as in my birth dad. I feel like mom is holding out on me.

I recommend her assistant from that time period. She probably has her schedule burned into her memory. Start there and go back to the week you were, blech, conceived.

You have known me long enough to know that I’m not exactly the happy type but it’s not about them. I don’t care about them. I care about my privacy and my sisters and a few other things. They are not apart of that list. 

We get it, you’re the Grinch year round. That was wrong and I have plans for that, but your privacy is now shot and everyone knows just how life is in the Straights family home. You’re gonna get through this because your love for those adorable little girls is gonna help you finish this school year, despite what they say. You’re a good brother and everybody that’s important knows that, that’s what matters Ram.

I’ll do it tonight after he had his bourbon. Mom is a brunette, well she’s used to be one before she went blonde anyways.

Yeah but that ginger gene was strong. It had to have been two brunettes that pumped you out or else you’d end up a soulless ginger like the rest of us.

Then I suppose, I am allowed to ignore your demands and try to continue on with my life. I’m not. I don’t have enough energy for that right now. As for what happens later though, I offer no promises. 

Are you seriously going to let a group of Xanax popping plastic surgery drones drenched in Chanel No. 5 who are on the fast track to fucking their poolboy behind their sugar daddy husbands’ backs dictate your happiness?

You are not allowed to just reaper and start barking orders at me. Besides, I’m sure you heard what happened. I’m allowed to be a little pissed off. 

I am allowed to do as I please Ram, I am queen of the world. As for you being mad, I never you couldn’t be -- just don’t be mad with me.