misguided ghosts

Trying new food is good, especially when the majority of your diet is Doritos.

Yeah, but.. can't we eat something that looks edible?

Um… I don’t know. I guess the standard kind of things? You know, world hunger, racism, misogyny, and — stuff. I once got really annoyed with someone who wouldn’t chew with their mouth closed, but I hadn’t slept the night before so I was already pretty cranky.

I meant more along the lines of bad habits; like someone chewing their nails or somethin'. But right, right, those are understandable.

Look what I found.

You look like an asshole.

I mean, I could but what would that really accomplish? Plus, you’d also have to do something that’d anger me enough to chew you out for, so maybe you should be working on that.

Okay... please list the things that piss you off.

Apart from randomly feeling nervous and jittery, I’m fine.

That should be normal, don't be ashamed about it- if you are, I mean.

Yeah you can uh..let go now.

--'Kay, just let me know if you need something.

Would it be a bad time to mention that I lost my really expensive phone and can’t find it anywhere? Oh, and my hat is still gone, if anyone would like to fess up to stealing it.

Your phone is probably long gone, man. As for your hat.. I think I might know where it went.

I feel like that may be a first. But then again, I am a notoriously kind person.

Yeah, too kind. I still want you to tell me off someday.

Appreciate me, I was just trying to make people laugh after this freak earthquake. You didn’t, though, which kinda sucked. Are you sure you’re okay?

I've been trying a bit, too. Puns just don't work in the midst of an earthquake. I have a huge cut on my forearm though, nothing too severe. How 'bout you? Have you seen Izzy, yet?

Alright, so, on this week’s episode of “Everybody Hates Gwen,” there’s this nun who feels the need to give me the ‘death glare’ everytime she walks by. I mean, okay, it’s not like I needed her to be nice to me and comfort me like she’s my grandma, y’know, after this near-death experience, nope.

You've outdone yourself this time, I have no clue how to respond to this.