As the World Falls Down...

“You feel the bulge in his pants” - implies that you are feeling some guy’s penis, may be sexy depending on context

So I had a job interview today and there was a dude in the waiting room who was chatting up every AFAB person in the waiting room whether they responded or not, and kept going “Hey I’m real good at Origami Swans you want one?” and then writing his number on sticky notes before making paper cranes and handing them to his latest target before turning his attention to the next lady in his vicinity.  A little sad, a lot annoying, but unlikely to be dangerous.  Whatever.

Dude gets to me.  We have half a conversation where he asks me personal questions and I don’t look up from my phone.  I get my “Swan”.  I’m the last AFAB person in the room so he’s kinda sitting there.

I get to a post about a friend needing moral and/or spiritual support before a medical procedeure, so my ADHD ass goes Oh hey, we have an animal effigy we could sacrifice to the relevant gods! So I take out my lighter and burn the swan roughly 23 seconds after the dude gave it to me, and crush the ashes in my hand because I belatedly realize there’s no sink for me to throw this in.  Oh well.  Purell the ashes off.

I look up.  Dude, and everyone else in the waiting room is staring at me.

“You, uh.  Smoke?” Dude tries.

What I Meant To Say: “No I just carry a lighter as a holdover from survival camp as a kid, and if I’m wearing synthetic fabrics that start to ravel, I can use the flame to melt them a bit so they stop.”

What I Actually Said: “No I just have one in case I need to set something on fire.”

I put the lighter away.  The hiring manager comes out and calls my name.  I go back and have what I think was a reasonably sucessful job interview.  I come back out.

Dude, and half of the other candidates are GONE.