I was fine before you left.

e una piccola cicatrice bianca.

I see her close beside me with silent lips sad and tremulous.

holding you until you fall asleep and it's just as good as I knew it would be

― Verdena, Nera Visione

I've been thinking about this post so much, that whatever words I may use from now on will sound nonsense or useless. Ahah. So I'll just let it out without thinking that much about it. Since I deleted all the previous stuff and left just a couple posts about loneliness that I wrote months ago, I felt like I should give my followers (7 people are actually following me, I'm impressed!) an explanation. Something like "why I suddenly disappeared and eventually came back here". The truth is, there's no reason why. Or, maybe, I want to believe that. I didn't abandon this page on purpose, I suddenly stopped being sad (unbelievable, isn't it?) for reasons I'm not willing to explain at the moment. But, guess what? I'm back here! I was able to fuck it up again. So, I guess you'll have to put up with me sharing super depressing thoughts and complaining about my life for a little while :)

I tried to remember the exact moment I started to feel this way; I couldn't. I think I always felt like this... Maybe I was just pretending to be happy in order to protect myself. I feel so sad, so empty.

I have spent so much time for so long trying to help others, that I forgot to help myself first. I can't remember when I started feeling this bad... Is there a way out?