FIND THE APEX

Well not my actual vision, I can see just fine. It's my photography vision I'm losing sight of. The vivid colors of life have shifted to monotones. Things just seems so dull lately. That fire was once there seems nearly extinguish. The excitement is hardly there. Things aren't the same being behind the camera. The weird thing is I still look at photography related things. I'm currently watching a video on YouTube about fashion photography. Why? I'm not even sure. Out of habit? Old habits are hard to break I guess. Hell I even want to buy a 200-400mm. Of course it'll be used, who can afford one new? Well I can if I win the lotto but that's for another time. I don't want to sell my stuff right now. But I'm not sure where I want to go with it. I have a promise to fulfill then who knows. I want to take photos out of helicopter too. Simply put I don't know anymore. -Matt

Everyday I lie to people.Do people really want to know how I'm doing or how "I'm doing"? Because the real answer is rather depressing. The answer I always give is "I'm alright" and move about my business. This has been a tough year for me. I can't handle any more bad news. I've become numb and just go through the motions. Sleep/rest eludes me constantly, I just get so tired I pass out until the alarm goes off. Taking a break won't help since I can't escape these thoughts. Some days are better than others but it's too far in between.

I've been in a serious funk and lost any will to do much of anything. Just when I thought things were turning around, it's been one thing after another. Today was just the cherry on top of it. That little glimmer of light that once was there is now gone. Normally photography pulls me out of most funks but this is too much. I really don't want to pick up a camera for awhile.

What's in my bag? This is how I pack for a day trip! I have my D800 with a 35mm,85mm and SB-700. My Polaroid spectra loaded with color with additional packs of color and b&w. Not visible but I have spare batteries and memory cards. All of it fits in a #lowepro #transit350. @loweprobags @nikonusa

And here's the final result of my #Polaroid #camera upgrade with @impossible_hq frog tongue.

I've been waiting to use up my first pack of film to make the tongue upgrade. It was quick and easy, nothing broken nor glue used. Time to try out color film!

The workhorse #Nikon #nikkor @nikonusa

Can't sleep so I'm working on my next blog piece for the website. How I came about owning my first #Polaroid #camera and going through my first set of film.

Test shot number 2 is successful! I'm beyond excited that I have a functional Polaroid camera. That leaves me with 6 more, let's make them count.

My last clip of #nodrft round 1 of @bmsdrift and @ryanlemons . I may have to invest into a gopro. #drift #drifting #bmw #lexus #sc300

@bmsdrift and @ryanlemons going at it again. #drift #drifting #nodrft #bmw #lexus #sc300

I was given a Polaroid spectra 2 for my birthday. So I bought some #impossibleproject #film that arrived today to give it a try. Got to use the b&w first, it expires in a few months. I hope everything works! Because I'm really excited to have an actual Polaroid camera.

Part two of @jasonevers vs. @ryanlemons #drift #drifting #nodrft #nissan #s13 #sc300 #240sx #lexus

@jasonevers and @ryanlemons doing a tandem #drift run. #drifting #nodrft #nissan #s13 #240sx #lexus #sc300