finding independence

They say it takes 60 days to form a habit.

One month, twice over. Four times. Four times over, you’ve ingrained yourself in me. I’m four times deeper than I ever thought I would allow myself to fall.

None of this is a time I want to return to.

At the same time, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

You pull me away from myself I catch myself writing words to you when I am trying to write them to me

I am an unwavering force in all aspects of life when it comes to you I am derailed in an instant

You make me feel like nothing and everything Sounds cliche, it is

I think we live in a world where the only people who can strike the indelicate balance of self-awareness and required cool to blend are hiding within themselves

We will not find them because they don’t believe that they know themselves

We don’t know how to be our own we spend so much time thinking about how we are our own that we brand ourselves by the things we wish we were instead of what we are and call it self love

Who knew how easily I could be derailed

Here you are again back knocking on the walls of my mind I’d almost locked the door but I could hear you breathing and I couldn’t bear to know that you exist in my world without letting you in just a little enough to know that I am worthy of your time but worry it’s for the wrong reasons

What are the wrong reasons anymore

I have to be someone, I tell myself to make the fact that I can’t be sure of your love right with my mind

as if the fact that you don’t love me is the only reason I have to become something

but I always wanted to be something