I feel suicidal, but I don’t wanna die.

I’m a waste of space, but I need my air to breath.

I love with my all my heart, But a knife is tearing it apart.

I’m physically here, yet I’m invisible to all around me.

What’s the pint in me. Why am I here. I can never do anything right for anyone. All I ever do is fuck up. I can’t do this anymore, it must be true that I am a waste of space. I didn’t deserve this life that was given to me as I haven’t done any good.

I am sorry for all I have ever done and I am sorry for entering your lives. I know I’m a fuck up and a mess. I’m sorry I can’t be the person you want me to be, the perfect person that you’ve dreamt of.

Everyone does and says things they don’t mean to horrible and not so horrible and I guess that I’m just a complete fuck up.... and I am sorry about that.

What is the point. We live then we die. They say we “learn” and grow “wise” and once we’ve done so we don’t have long left to live... what’s the point in learning once it’s too late. Some of us can grow wise young but it’s rare, and others dont. But those with old souls are different... I’m 19 and I m wise not fully but I am wise for my age compared to most... yet I’m seen as a child.

We go through a life of emotional attachment and all it does is destroy us little by little yet it’s suppose to make us stronger... but it doesn’t really. It makes it harder for us to get emotional attachment to the next person who comes along. You can get hurt over and over and once you find someone who’s good for you, you don’t treat them how they should be pushing them away when they are good for you and your life. Then they end up more hurt than you are because they put everything into you.

Suffering is good?? How, how is this statement even able to be put together. It’s not I have turned inside out and continue to do so because life is a load of shit that keeps getting worse. More and more painful everyday.

The worst thing in life is letting go and not holding on. If you love someone or something don’t let go keep hold for as long as you can. If you can be given the chance to make things right then make them right. If I could go back in time there are many things I’d do differently or change or no to do, I hope one day I get the chance to show that I am not the person that has been out to play recently and the real me, the old me if still here and she’s not left... please give me the chance to show that I’m here and I want to make a change...