11 Yr Old Mercenary

he had been wondering if the concrete sprayed with blood and the shattered store window in sector four had drawn any attention to itself yet. it would be rather great if whatever street patrols that this place had recruited had swept up the mess and used some sort of magic rejuvenation spell to restore the missing chunk of glass before crowds began filing into the streets to purchase their alien magazines and chocolate-dipped grasshoppers, or whatever sector four had to offer. 

he was seated in a rickety wooden park bench, his left leg crossed over his right to avoid dropping too much weight upon it. the whole death and resurrection routine that he was familiar with still remained in affect despite being in an alternate dimension, though in addition to that issue the pain he was dealt somehow remained present, which was not something that normally happened. he simply supposed it was some sick experimental test that only applied to him. 

the only individual that he had come across in this god-forsaken place that was also dragged right out of, possibly, the smallest town in colorado was in fact craig tucker, who was a classmate and semi-friend of kenny’s. was.

Today felt like an "explore a part of Hive City that wasn't made of mile high buildings" kind of day. Or maybe a "that is one bright orange parka let's got check that out" kind of day. Either or. Details.

Christophe cocked his head slightly to one side as he slowly approached the boy on the bench from behind. He seemed to be injured, but that shouldn't be of consequence as Christophe just wanted to see why this boy also looked familiar. He'd seen a lot of other kids from South Park sprout up, so he wouldn't be surprised if this was another one.

Big Band blows into his mouthpiece, causing one of his pneumatic instruments to create a noise similar to that of an exaggerated fart.

"Oui, oui, I am odd and beautiful and the most attractive man to exist, I know."

Christophe rolled his eyes over this man's ego but payed the comments no further attention. Just who did this guy think he was? All acting like a fruit and then suddenly threatening a child like some big joke and now saying he's got to protect him?

He eyed the older Frenchman warily as he cocked a brow inquisitively. If all French were like this then maybe he regretted moving South Park, CO at a young age just a little less. Marginally. Marginally less.

Christophe is the pun master

sea-in-sky asked kocheidoodle:

☠ : Drinking/drunk headcanon

WINE WITH EVERYTHING. Wine all the time. Wine and dine. France can drink a lot of bottles of wine and be fine, but give him a decent amount of hard liquor and he’ll be gone quicker. If England is around, drunk France switches between trying to weakly punch him and trying to make out with him. So, the usual. France will streak while naked. Again, the usual.

☻ : Mood headcanon

He’s usually pretty happy and it’s easy to tell when. France smiles, laughs, is energetic, etc. When France is truly sad, not being melodramatic or theatrical, he is very quiet. He retreats and keeps to himself and when asked about it the Frenchman will smile and leave it at that.

☄: PAPA FRANCEDAD

THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING IT WILL OCCUR.

France tries to teach Christophe two things: how to bake and how to fence.

Baking goes horrendously. France tries to do the hardcore, very technical French gourmet food first and it obviously fails. France says it’s fine, Christophe is a kid, so he goes to easier French recipes. But it doesn’t help. France is trying to save the croissants while simultaneously stopping Christophe from spilling cigarette ashes everywhere. Eventually he bans him from the kitchen and makes every meal from here on out. Christophe will sometimes quietly stand by and watch him.

YO CHRISTOPHE DON’T KNOW NOTHING ABOUT FRANCE’S FENCING GAME. Christophe is all smirking, figuring the old goat would pull a muscle or try to look cool fencing and completely fail. France smirks equally as much and tosses Christophe a tree branch. Christophe scoffs, thinking this whole thing is ridiculous. Then France knocks him off his feet as soon as they begin. Again. And again. Christophe is annoyed because France is laughing but the Frenchman just thinks it’s funny that he can take his psuedo son down a notch. Now Christophe is getting a little more interested and Francis continues to teach him as he tells stories of battles he’s had in the past.

I’d rather die.

Did you hear that?

I know what I saw.

That doesn’t make any sense.

Promise me, you’ll never do that again…

Don’t touch me.

We make a good team.

What’s the news?

Do you hear yourself?

Are those wedding bells I detect?

You stole that from me

You’re joking, right?

I can’t see anything.

You’re bleeding…

Are you drunk?

Who do you think you are?

Don’t leave.

How did that happen?

Why won’t you believe me?

I want to help.

I’m not going to make it.

Tell me the truth.

You’re cut off.

You’ll come bail me out, right?