filippa håvold

Where this comes as a severe detriment is when neurotypical people then reward us for being “so strong” and assume that we are capable of overcoming extreme adversity - even if they don’t know that we are neurodivergent. This then leads to ridiculous expectations we put on ourselves or feel like other people put on us of what we are capable of “handling” or “surviving” and puts us in a mindset of “well, I got through this before, so I should definitely be able to manage this task, even though it’s very overwhelming and causing me a lot of anxiety to think about, let alone accomplish”.

And then those expectations become too much and there are too many tasks that accumulate, leading to overwhelm. Then our coping mechanisms stop working effectively because they can’t handle the mental load of it all, and our whole world starts crumbling around us. 🔥 As a result, we’re so overwhelmed and can no longer mask our symptoms, wherein basic existence and survival becomes traumatizing again and voilà,

✨ burnout ✨

My ability to appear functioning is really good. I'm really good at masking so until i reach my breaking point people just don't see it. Well some do i guess, but if i need to keep going and if i need to 'work' i will keep going and then crash later in private, on my own. Or with some text support from my friends

Why? Why why why this is so exausting and I've been so stressed for weeks and I've been tired for weeks and months now and I've been saying i can't handle all this stuff in my life but i kept going anyway and now I'm just really unstable and have emotions™ and I'm so tired

And then I start and after a few days I can't function at home. I can't make or eat food, I am nonverbal most of the time apart from when I'm forcing myself to speak at work, I can't manage showering or brushing my teeth or managing my space. I become a zombie outside the masking hours of work and can't look after myself.

And then I burn out, have to quit, take months and months to recover, start to feel ok and then a few weeks later I start the cycle all over again.

I haven’t accomplished anything since I graduated high school. In 2009. And I didn’t even graduate from a normal high school, I had to graduate from an alternative school because I had so many issues. I feel like I see all my weaknesses so clearly, yet I can’t see any strengths in myself. I didn’t get any of the positive aspects of being autistic or having adhd. I only got the struggles.

I’m not twice exceptional. I don’t have any talent, but I do have a learning disability. I am entirely debilitated by my neurodivergence. I don’t have anything to make up for the struggles either; I’m constantly fatigued and fighting through brain fog. My executive dysfunction is so extreme that it often takes me hours of trying to hype myself up in order to just get ready for the day because the process feels so daunting. I often skip meals because I can’t get myself to go through all of the steps to make it. Sometimes I can’t even get myself to get up and get takeout until everything is already closed, but I can’t afford the extra charge for delivery because I can’t seem to hold a job for more than 6 months without getting fired for my forgetfulness or social difficulties. Sometimes I’m just frozen, and I can’t do anything. All I can do is sit and spiral like I am now, because I’m aware of how profoundly dysfunctional I am, yet there is nothing out there to help me, and I can’t stop being me.

I like to write, yet I can’t seem to organize my thoughts into anything cohesive. I jump around. I change subjects. I can’t explain how I tie one idea to the next. I’m wildly intuitive, but I’m so socially awkward that I have trouble being personable with clients during my tarot readings. I have so many ideas that I just simply don’t have the skills or artistic ability to do anything useful with. I feel trapped inside myself, like I have no potential because any potential that I do have is crossed out by my particular brand of adhd and autism, like I have no capability to show any of it to the outside world, no matter how many times I try and try and revise and adapt and try again, it all results in failure and burn out.

And honestly, it isn’t anybody’s fault but it feels so alienating even in the adhd and autistic communities because it seems like everyone else is at least able to TRY to function. It seems mostly everyone has a job that they’ve been able to keep, that they’re financially independent, that they can manage their money on their own, follow a schedule or a routine, or at least have the physical and mental energy to pursue their own thing. Everyone else in the community seems to have some special artistic or intellectual ability that helps them stand out or fend for themselves in a neurotypical world.

Adhd and autism both exist on a spectrum. They are each their own cluster of traits/symptoms, and those exist in varying degrees based on the individual. Are there aspects to adhd and autism that are advantageous? Absolutely, but we can’t pretend that they exist in an advantageous way in all of us. Some people do have the “right” traits, dialed up to the “right” intensity, and that might allow them to take advantage of their neurodivergence in a way that helps them succeed.

That isn’t to say that they don’t also have struggles due to living in a neurotypical world as an adhd’er or autistic, but they might be able to overcome it. Another person may have all the adhd or autistic traits dialed up to 100, to the point that it’s too debilitating for them to take advantage of any positives that might exist. There are high support needs autistics, for one example, who regardless of whether they had to work to afford to live or not, would still need help with living. Help cooking, cleaning, bathing.

I have “severe” adhd and while I don’t have an official autism diagnosis, I know I am autistic. I never related to the energetic, social, novelty-seeking picture that is painted of people who have adhd. My autistic traits cancel out the “positives” of having adhd, while my adhd traits cancel out the “positives” of being autistic. I’m too burnt out and exhausted all of the time to put forth much mental energy. I freak out when things aren’t predictable. I can’t function if the room is too cold. I can’t eat if my food is too cold, too squishy, too chewy, doesn’t have the right sauce available, doesn’t have the drink I like with that particular food, etc. My interests are very narrow so I don’t have the typical adhd love of variety. Yet I also can’t stay organized or follow a routine. I can’t recall information properly when I need to. I’m not patient. I forget things that just happened 30 seconds ago. I can’t plan to save my life.

This also ignores that some people have no comorbidities or they only have one or two. Some have several to contend with. Some of us have learning disabilities. We aren’t all former gifted kids that just can’t follow traditional structures or sit still in class or at the office. Some of us are legitimately debilitated in all aspects of life. Some of us aren’t just struggling with going to a 9-5…some of us can’t even keep a 9-5 because of our symptoms.

Hey Anon! Sorry I took so long to answer this–I wanted to do something more in-depth over just a ‘ok draw a circle now MAKE IT AWSUM.’ I also tried to recall from other tutorials stuff in them I didn’t feel like they spoke about.

also–I’m very sorry I don’t have more advice to give about ears. I am not completely confident with them yet! Gotta keep practicing.

As always, I am not 100% correct on everything, so feel free to use what you want and ignore what you don’t want!

Here’s some more tutorials on noses and ears that might be helpful, if this one isn’t:

Step-by-step coloring nose tutorial

Another nose tutorial!

Ear tutorial by the same artist. This artist has TONS of other useful tutorials too, btw!

FIGURE DRAWING

Kids

Babies

Human Figures & Their Proportions

Arms & Hands

Backs & Shoulders

Clothing

Chests / Upper Body / Torso

Drapery & Folds

Legs & Feet

Necks

Figures in Action & Motion

Figures in Groups or Crowds

Figures in Landscape Drawings

HOW TO DRAW THE FACE

Capture People’s Likeness

Draw Portraits

Eyes

Eyebrows

Eyelashes

Caricatures

Facial Expressions

Female Eyes

Noses

Mouths

Teeth

Lips

Hair

Curly Hair

Straight Hair

Ears

Wrinkles

TUTORIAL BY PSCS5; How to make this text effect

Windows

Photoshop cs5 extended was used 

TV Show: Teen Wolf

Random coloring was made for the cap

Font: Georgia in Italics

Link to the example that was provided: here

Keep in mind that all of this communication is happening in e-mail, which means they can read and re-read it at their leisure, if needed.

E-mail conversations I have actually had many, many times at work:

Me: I need things A, B, and C. Don’t do X. Them: Okay. Me: How are things, A, B, and C coming along? Them: Oh, I thought we were waiting for X. We’ll get right on that. Me: How are those things coming along? Them: *delivers things D, E, and F* Me: … Me: I needed things A, B, and C. Them: Oh, right. We’re on it. Them: *finally delivers things A, B, and C*

Me: Here’s my understand of our status. *gives list* And here’s a question. *asks question* Them: Yeah, that sounds right. *asks question* Me: *answers their question* Me: *waits* Them: *silent* Me: *repeats question from first message* 

Me: Here are instructions on how to do the thing. Them: *does the thing, skipping three steps* Me: Hey, so you skipped steps 2, 4, and 7. Those are necessary. Them: Oh, sorry about that. Me: *waits* Me: Have you done the thing with  steps 2, 4, and 7? Them: Oh, sorry, didn’t realize you wanted it re-done.

Them: I need thing X. Me: Here it is. Them: Thanks. Them: *two weeks later* Hey, we need thing X. Me: … Me: Here it is.  Them: Thanks. Them: *two weeks later* Hey, we need thing X. Me: … Me: … Me: Here it is. Them: Thanks. *uses the thing*

I don’t understand it, I really don’t. I keep going back and re-reading my messages to see if they’re confusing somehow, but they aren’t. They are totally clear. 

It’s infuriating, to the point that I had to call my dad, who has ~50 years of high level business experience, and ask him what to do about this shit. He said that he tends to be like me, but that the best manager he knows gets things done right the first time by his people because he micromanages the shit out of them. Like, every day asking where they’re at, have they done step A, do they remember that step B comes next, etc.  I’m working on developing both this skill and a tolerance for using it.

Bullet point everything.  EVERYTHING.  Two-thirds of my emails are a series of introductory sentences with clear, short bullet points.  So for your first email, it’d be:

 Good morning!

I need the following:

A

B

C

I do NOT need the following:

X

Thanks!

Judicious use of formatting.  When I need a more complex list of things, or I want to ask a question, I make sure that I bold what I need.  I also break up every possible separate thought into small paragraphs.  So your second email would be:

Here’s the current status of the project: things A, B and C are done.  D is scheduled to be done next week.

Before D can be completed, I need to know the following: why is the sky blue? 

Copying and pasting – and calling attention to it.  People get embarrassed pretty easily.  When you point out that they’ve missed something, or that they already had something, no matter how gently, they realize they don’t like getting called out.  So, for the last email:

As provided in the email sent 8/15 (third down on this email thread): here is X, again:  [copy and paste from original email].  

Very very explicit directions and deadlines. People assume they do not have to do work, even if you report an error.  If you tell them they did something wrong, they will assume you are saying you will correct the issue.  So, for your second to last email: 

What you have provided me is incomplete.  You did not provide the following:

Step 2 Step 4 Step 7

Those must be completed.  Please complete this process again, following the instructions provided to you in the previous email:

[obvious copy and paste of the instructions]

Please notify me when you have completed this process with all steps.  This must be completed by [date] for my work to be completed on time.