Untitled

I had the most amazing weekend with my boyfriend and the kids (to them he is just a family friend); we celebrated his birthday, went camping on Saturday, and spent a lot of time together. My spouse was on a trip to North Carolina for the weekend, so it was just us. Everything this weekend made it feel like this is how it was supposed to be. But, we had to hide our affection in front of the kids and in public almost as if we are ashamed.

If I could cry, I’d be a weeping mess right now. He went home about an hour ago and I miss him so much already...

I watched a movie last night (if you know the reference in my username, you know which one); it got all the emotions brewing and left me feeling confused. So here I am.

I am 36 and gay. I am married to a lady and have two kids. I have a boyfriend and am only out to my wife and brother. None of my friends or colleagues have a clue. Wife is supportive (at least she acts like it), and boyfriend is here for me.

Sounds like the perfect set-up right? Well no. I have not ever been able to be me, my whole life is a lie, one carefully planned move after another. I’ve been left wondering what would have happened if I had chosen a different path. I'm confused as heck.

Well until next time...