▒ ╳ UNWINNABLE WAR. *ᵃᵘᵗᵒᵖˡᵃʸ

you know what frustrates me? When you’re always there for people, you love them, support them, give advice. Every day people ask me for help or comfort and support if anything i i notice that something is wrong and help them. But once, just once I want someone to ask what is wrong, to ask whyi’m so sad, to pester me, to help me. Ask me until i finally tell them what my uncle did, so i can tell them how im scared to sleep at night, or how i get flashbacks or how im afraid he’ll find me. How i see him in my dreams trying to open the door to my room while im sleeping, him following me around, sending me messages, giving me money to shut me up, sitting next to me whispering ‘lets go outside’ , it hurts that, my dad knows what happened and he told me to keep quiet for ‘family honour’ it hurts how the grandfather i was so close too is dead and how i feel so vulnerable, so ashamed of myself that i have trouble not being paranoid. honestly i hate the fact that ive got to rant on tumblr because i cant stop crying and i just wish i wish i could explain and i wish i could do something but i feel so ashamed of myself and who i am that i feel like im drowning i cant even write anymore i cant even think because i can save people drowning but fuck my life because i cant even swim. im going back in december and hes going to be there and fuck i cant stop being scared as hard as i try i cant help it im sorry fucks sake just someone ask me if im oK just ask me i dont care just mean it please