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Ok wait Shane and Ilya go camping Shane and Ilya in a three person tent but all crammed in together because the size of two hockey players is not small. Sharing a sleeping bag (both of their sleeping bags zipped together to make one big one) because Ilya had literally wined to Shane that Shane was putting him in a straight jacket so he canât touch him and that he might die !! If he canât touch Shane. Shane had been secretly pleased despite the dramatics of it.
They wake up in the morning and itâs cold and their stiff from floor sleeping and ilya is laying on top of Shane, flopped over him. Shane wakes up with a groan, half because Ilya is On His Organs, but also because theyâd had some beers around the small fire Shane had made last night, and he was a bit groggy and desperately needed a piss. Shane poking at Ilyaâs hip, hand scratching at his back to wake him. Ilya wakes with a huff, half sitting up and he looks crazy, curls stuck down to one side of his head, squinting.
Ilya just stares stares stares at Shane as his brain is coming online and after a thick swallow, Shane gently pushing some strays curls out of Ilyaâs eyes, thumb brushing his brow.
âWow. We are alive. Bears didnât eat usâ Ilya exclaims after a moment, voice dry and low and rumbly.
âI need to pissâ Shane just replies and Ilya is slumping his head sleepy head into Shaneâs palm and Shane is like âIlyaâ and Ilya all âwhaaaatâ and Shane is like piss and Ilya is like âShane not in the nice sleeping bags!â He replies and Shane pokes Ilya hard on the side of his head and then bites at his chin and when Ilya just keeps slumping back into Shane going heavy with sleep again Shane deploys his final tactic. He tickles, up Ilyaâs sides and Ilya is thrashing off him immediately with a shriek. Shane scrambles out to pee, thank god, by a tree nearby- has a minute of two of peace before Ilya is tumbling out of the tent- wolf whistling and cat calling Shane for public indecency.
cliff sends ilya porn links and i assume ilya sends cliff porn links as well. one time when ilya was still in boston he texts cliff a link to gay porn video. it was a stupid mistake, mixing up which tab to copy paste from. he freezes in terror for 7.4 seconds before texting a follow up 'đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł' because he's too panicked to communicate in english but knows his only hope is to play it off as a prank.
cliff texts back 'lmao đđđ' and ilya sends one more 𤣠emoji in return and that's that. they never speak of it again.
except for when cliff brings it up to ilya at the hollanov wedding reception, just after they do a round of tequila shots. cliff jokes about how he should have guessed about ilya back then. ilya laughs but it's a bit forced until cliff casually mentions now that ilya's out he can start sending *all* the best vids cliff's way. ilya chokes on his own spit when cliff adds 'i mean that one with those two guys were hot, you have good taste.' before slapping him on the back and wandering off to try and unsuccessfully flirt with rose landry.
yuna getting really lovely, thoughtful, sometimes extravagant mothers day and birthday gifts from ilya never really understanding why hes going through all this effort even if she does appreciate it and thinks hes so so sweet for it all, even after the boys tell her and david about ilyas mother and the irina foundation it doesnt fully click for a while. it only comes together on some random day, ilya has a game later that night and heâs had lunch with yuna and david planned for a while and he shows up with the good vodka david likes and this small package of candies that ilya hands to her very shyly for the first time probably in his life, definitely since shes known him, and he explains with shaking hands that they were his mamaâs favorite, and it was her birthday today.
yuna feels her heart break a little bit when he tells her that she would have been younger than her, maybe too young for how old her children are considering he had an older brother, but he thought about his mama when he was happy in the hollander home, and wanted to share his mamas favorite candy with the woman who was mama to his favorite person in the world. like they got to meet, in a way. and yuna realizes very suddenly that he does the birthdays and mothers days for both her and irina because she is the closest thing he has to a mother, and she looks at him and realizes with it that he is in some ways still 12, finding his mother, and she has never met a little boy so tall and tired when she pulls him into a hug and doesnt let go till david suggests they get inside for lunch.
Can we talk about Shane Hollanderâs inherent kindness for a sec. Him introducing himself to Ilya trying to make him feel comfortable. Constantly asking him questions about himself and wanting to soothe his pain. Making space for Ilya in his home. Displaying his love for him openly in front of his parents. Heâs so endlessly empathetic and I just love him ok
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happy suck him off Sunday Iâm thinking about the first time shane swallows which I believe has to be during the my moon my man montage. itâs a night where they have to be quick, the game ended in a shootout and Ilya has a very early flight but of course they make time for Something. And so there is no pretense when Ilya texts him, theyâre bolting up the back stairs, on each other the second the door shuts and they donât even make it into the apartment past the foyer before shane is on his knees and yanking Ilya out of his pants.
and Ilya is so enthused to just take it, to spot him on the back of the head and thrust lightly into his mouth until Shane pulls off for a precious second and says âdonât be gentle. Iâm serious.â And that makes Ilya fucking feral. And suddenly Shaneâs hair is being pulled at the root and Ilya is fucking his mouth as deep has he dare go, because shane has yet to cross into deep-throating territory, but he thinks he will soon.
And Ilya is so far gone, heâs not gonna last, and he groans out, âHollander, pull off, Iâm gonna come.â And shane just looks up at him with a look in his eye, and just keeps bobbing and sucking and twisting his hand at the base with his residual spit as if to say, âlet me take it from you. Let me take all of it from you.â And Ilya reads the message loud and clear, and he is fighting for his life to keep his eyes open and his gaze down so he can watch shane take every drop of him. Which he does, he comes with a loud grunt, squeezing his hand in Shaneâs hair and pulling a moan from him in kind as he shoots into his mouth with shane so determined to swallow him.
And as he twitches out the last of it, shane is smiling around his cock and slipping off carefully, just kind of holding it all in, unsure of what to do, unsure if Ilya wants to see it. But he answers that for him, pressing a thumb onto his chin and dragging down. He opens, and there Ilya sits, pearlescent on his tongue and so fucking hot.
âSo good for me, Hollander. Do you want to swallow it?â
And shane nods with his tongue still sticking out, some of his spend dripping out of the corners of his mouth.
âLet me see,â Ilya prompts.
And Shane obediently swallows it all, licking at what spilled out, and swallowing that too.
âFuck, Hollander. So fucking hot.â
And Shane is slightly bashful, but so fucking turned on, dragging his tongue across the roof of his mouth to maintain the taste of him.
âMy turn now,â Ilya says, dropping to his knees and knocking Shane back onto his ass and his hands. He lays on his stomach right on the foyer, pulling Shaneâs cock out as Shane balances back on his palms. Ilya glances up at him and says, right before swallowing him down, âSince youâre so hungry for come tonight, maybe this time Iâll let you see what you taste like in my mouth.â
between shane's neurodivergence and ilya's bisexuality neither of them know how to sit normally. put them next to each other for more than 10 minutes and they will inevitably start playing twister. they are coming up with positions you couldn't even conceive of. the centaurs have an entire shared photo album dedicated to pictures of them sitting in positions that Can't Possibly Be Comfortable but they somehow maintain for an absurd amount of time anyway. the most crucial part of this is that it's entirely subconscious and it takes several different people pointing it out to them before they even realize they're doing it
the first time ilya takes shane to the club after they get married, he shaves beforehand, puts on a tight black tank top and sprays himself with his fuckboy cologne from the hookup era. shane is already horny for him even before they leave the house â crucially, he loves fuckboy ilya, because come on, heâs been fucking this man for years when he looked exactly like this.
at the club, ilya buys out the entire dj set to only play 2010s club anthems all night long. he wants to give shane the ultimate 2010s clubbing experience he never had, but also make up for all those nights ilya had to spend dancing and making out with strangers and not the one person he wanted. but now he gets to do all this with his husband! who is delightfully hard for him by the way, because shane finds sleazy club slut ilya absolutely irresistible. ilya is gripping his hips, grinding against him, licking his neck and whispering the dirtiest filth into his ear, and shane gets dizzying butterflies he imagines all those girls got back then. and he isnât even retroactively jealous, because now his ring is on ilyaâs finger, and oh god, he gets to be taken home by ilya rozanov! he gets to have all his attention now and get railed stupid by him later!! in their shared home!!! shane is living his dream life, and ilya is right there with him.
Ilya who gets such intense cute aggression at the pictures of fat baby Shane that Yuna shows him, that when he goes to find Shane prepping dinner in the kitchen, he actually bites his cheek. And when Shane's like "Hey, the fuck was that for?" (half annoyed, half turned on) Ilya's just like "You know what you fucking did."
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like in the spy au of course ilya is the sexpot who is really good at seducing his targets and shane is the silent and lethal killer who like murders SO many people with like clinical precision. but shane's way too awkward to do any of the social aspects of spy stuff like you know. subterfuge. seduction. disguise.
and for ilya up until this point shane just seemed like this scary but also boring monotone asshole who has no emotions or weaknesses - like this total like prim and proper killer ice queen. except suddenly sex and seduction stuff comes up and suddenly shane's like blushing and stammering his big brown eyes are all like shiny and clueless and he confesses that like he's maybe had sex with like. two people. and both times it wasn't particularly great. it was like okay. so like he doesn't know why or how doing something that's only just okay gets them government secrets.
and now ilya's all smirking and bravado because now they are on his turf right. and he's like oh. well i can show you. and he like telling shane everything he does to seduce a target while he's getting really close to shane and touching him and stuff.
and let me stress again that ilya has seen shane pop a rando for just being in the wrong place at the wrong time or complete garrote someone's throat with like chicken wire and now this ice cold killer is just like backed against the wall and is all open and vulnerable pliant for him.
but of course right when things are going to get too heated ilya backs off. before you know. they cross a line.
except shane then is like. well. i think you should uh. help me practice. so i can get better at it. for the mission of course.
and ilya's like oh. okay. of course. and they have sex. again. and again. and again "for practice." except of course ilya never lets shane test his "training" out on the field. and the second shane tries to ilya just swoops in and just makes up an excuse like "it's just easier if i do it" or like "you're not ready" etc. etc. and ilya just keeps sleeping with targets just so he wouldn't have to watch shane do it, and it's complciated because ilya doesn't know why the idea of seeing shane sleep with other people makes up him so upset. meanwhile shane is watching ilya sleep with just like person after person and is also getting unreasonably upset, and doesn't know why.
and anyway they keep having sex for "practice" until one day they actually almost die because of some really fucked up mission and they are actually skidding down the road barely escaped by the skin of their teeth and the car ride is COMPLETELY silent the entire ride back until ilya kills the engine. and he turns to shane. and without saying a word they both like leap at each other and are actually tearing each other's clothes off and they have this like crazy "i can't believe we almost died" sex right in the car. and that's the first time they sleep together not under the pretense of "practice."
anyway also somewhere along the way they fall in love and also topple the american government.
i see you shane likes to feel a bit small with ilya guys but i think the opposite is true. i think shane fucking LOVES it that they're the same size, roughly the same weight, definitely matched in strength. the fact that ilya can pick him up and carry him, all of his 200 pound solid muscle, so easily makes him so hard he loses function in his limbs. it doesn't make him feel small, it goes to show how fucking strong ilya is, and shane always gets so worked up that it's some of the best sex they have every time it happens.
Ilya is so lucky that Shane proposed. Ilya would have been a nervous fucking wreck for the entire day beforehand. Wake up in the morning. Look in the mirror. Today's the day. Sob. Breathe. Okay I'm good! Turn around and Shane's hair is all in his face, still asleep on Ilya's pillow. I am NOT good. Cold shower. Breakfast that Ilya does not eat. Morning jog wherein Ilya runs like someone is chasing him. Lunch that Ilya does not eat. Drive out to the cottage. Make Shane pull over because Ilya needs to dry heave on the side of the road. "Baby we don't have to drive out today if you're not feeling well." "NO WE HAVE TO." Get to the cottage. Immediately send Shane on some kind of extended fool's errand. Shane wants to stay because Ilya is SHAKING and he is so worried. "No my love I'm fine it's just the breeze off the lake haha." It's thirty fuckig degrees Celsius. Shane finally gtfo's. Yuna, David, Rose FUCKING Landry all descend to help Ilya set up. Well. Ilya is supposed to be helping but he is standing on the deck fully dissociating. Yuna brings him tea. "Are you going to throw up the tea?" "Yes probably." Yuna takes away the tea. 800 electronic tea lights on the deck. In a parallel Ilya has no way of understanding, he both puts on and takes off a suit. Yuna fixes his curls into the hockey boy quasi-mullet that magnetizes Shane's fingers to Ilya's hair and says, "Oh, you're so handsome!" Ilya cries big fat tears. David tells a story about how his proposal to Yuna almost didn't happen because David went to the hospital for heart palpitations that morning. Thank You David That Does Not Help Even Remotely. Ilya slav squats on the lawn for twenty minutes. Shane's car pulls up in the driveway and everyone hides while Ilya vibrates in the entryway. Shane has no less than thirty grocery bags hanging from his arms, still complaining about why the grocery service cancelled their delivery last minute. Ilya leads Shane and all thirty of his grocery bags onto the deck. Shane is doing his favorite thing (bitching) and his second favorite thing (Follow Ilya) so he doesn't notice his own mother tiptoing behind him collecting the grocery bags he drops like breadcrumbs. There is an Oscar-winning actress hiding under his sofa and Shane does not notice because Ilya takes him on the deck and drops to his knees and Shane is like, "Haha, right now?" and then he sees that Ilya has a look on his face like he's just been told the sun is never coming up again and he has his hands on Shane's knees and he is saying, "Shane. Please?" and Shane puts his hands on his head and says "Oh my God baby what's happening to you" as Ilya melts and melts and then from the depths of the cottage someone who sounds a lot like Shane's very own father is whispering "The ring the ring" and when he looks back down Ilya is fumbling a ring box out of his pocket. The first picture of their proposal is Shane glaring into the middle distance with a hand cradling Ilya's curls like a baby while Ilya ugly sobs into his knee.
I love the idea of Shaneâs chirps just being observations.
It started when he was a kid and he was trying to help everyone get better at hockey including the opposing teams players, he would say something like âyour stick grip is weakâ or âyouâre slow on your rightâ (idk i donât know hockey very well ESPECIALLY little kid hockey) but he says it totally deadpan because little Shanebug doesnât understand tone yet.
This makes the other teams so mad! They try and fight him constantly! Little bitty baby hockey fights and then Yuna sits him down in middle school after the first fight that he actually gets hurt (black eye and bloody lip) and asks him what he is saying to make everyone fight him?
âNothing mean I swear mom!!! Iâm trying to be nice and help correct their formâ
And suddenly Yuna gets it and explains to Shane that not everyone but especially not the opposing team likes to have their flaws pointed out to them even if itâs coming from a good place and how that could be seen as chirping.
So he stops for a while, then his coach for world juniors tells him to try and piss off Rozanov enough that they can draw a penalty. So Shane does what he does best and points out a flaw at each face off. Jokes on him though because Ilya is actively changing those things and getting better every face off because he is taking it for what it is, advice.
Which pisses Shane off, he thinks his chirping tactic wonât work now that he is older. So he points out at his first scrimmage at practice in Montreal that the center who has been there for years (who he is probably replacing) is favoring his left side is staying too far left to compensate (again I donât know hockey so I am trying to translate things I know about soccer lol)
And the center loses it on him! Immediately yelling about the lack of respect and how a rookie makes it to the MLH and thinks they are hot shit.
So Shane realizes his chirping DOES work just not on rozanov and becomes a menace he studies game tape specifically to find holes in his opponents game and pre prepares chirps and it fucking works because all these men are so far up their own asses that they just get mad instead of using the advice.
Idk I just needed Shane Chirping but in a very Shane way. Like he really just wants to play hockey but chirping is part of hockey so he studies chirping but doesnât want to do any of the âclassicâ chirps (your mom! Your wife! Your girlfriend! Youâre gay! Type of stuff) so he invents his own chirps out of his amazing mind
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Need a reaction to the Jane/Lily aliases where the person (Hayden probably) is like "wow that's not great, I'm shocked you got away with it for so long, who came up with that?"
Shane: we were 19, give us a break
Hayden: 19????
Shane, ignoring him: 𼰠Ilya was so smart coming up with code names 𼰠he wanted to see me again so bad đĽ°
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