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I’ve noticed this same feeling across MANY self-shippers in the community. And it’s a symptom of an emotionally abusive environment.

Don’t get me wrong here!!! I love self-shipping. I think the entire concept can be very helpful and supportive.

But tumblr (and social media in general) can be an absolute boiling PIT of poisonous behavior.

And you know what else I see at the same time this rage is happening?

A lot of loneliness.

Because people get SO violent about upholding their DNIs, other people are afraid to approach them.

Because people get SO irate and vicious about raising their torches and pitchforks against other users who THEY deem as “predators” just because they like a villain F/O, eventually running those users off of the platform entirely, they wind up with very few people to interact with. Because people wonder, “Will they turn against me next?”

I can’t tell you how many messages I’ve received that label me a predator because I said ONE thing they didn’t agree with. And if you read my blog for one second, you KNOW I will not stomach predatory behavior. I’ve dealt with my fair share of shit. I’ve seen enough of it at workplaces and in daily life.

I highly recommend watching the Youtube video: Cancel Culture is Toxic by Crappy Childhood Fairy. She talks about the rabid behavior of the internet, how people turn into mobs at the slightest provocation, and how it actually does more harm than good.

Social media can be a useful tool for connection. Tumblr can be fun.

But it can also be abused and misused, spreading negative and damaging thoughts/behavior.

I’m NOT saying don’t use DNIs. Feel free to use them if that’s what makes you feel comfortable. 

But getting SPITTING MAD if someone violates them is not cool. Sometimes people just don’t see them. Sometimes people don’t realize they’re violating your DNI. It doesn’t automatically make them a bad person. 

Feel free to restate your boundaries as needed. If someone continues to ignore you, block them!!!

If someone doesn’t ship what you like, BLOCK THEM. Report them if you think it’s really harmful. Tumblr will take care of it. You DON’T have to interact with them.

There are PLENTY of things in this world to be angry about. There are REAL predators out there who are people you need to stay far, far away from.

Self-shippers who explore fiction are NOT those people. 

The more these “predator” labels are thrown around, the less seriously they’re taken because we’ve cried wolf too many times.

Stop looking for reasons to be angry and hate someone. 

Start looking to create a positive environment of understanding and patient education. 

When you stop thinking everyone is a bad person for ONE mistake or ONE thing you don’t agree with, you might realize that you can have a more impactful presence on someone’s life than immediately getting in their face and telling them, “YOU’RE WRONG. YOU’RE A PREDATOR. YOU’RE A BAD PERSON.”

Stop doing that. You’re not being helpful.

I also recommend:

If someone is SO eager to think poorly of you without actually taking the time to know you, just because of one little misstep (i.e. violating a DNI), it’s okay to say, “we are not compatible at this time and I think it’s best if we went our separate ways” and you block them.

You’re not being mean. 

The other person has made it clear they don’t want to interact with you. 

And this is an online community where YOU curate your experience. You don’t HAVE to interact with that person. So it’s perfectly okay to block them. That’s why the block button exists! :)

he isn't real