maybe she was dreaming . it wouldn’t be the first time she’d conjured him up in her imagination , kind smile and all , especially considering how sleep deprived she'd been since returning to new york . surely this wasn’t actually happening , because otherwise , this would be way too surreal . five years was a long time to go without seeing someone , long enough that you realize you can’t quite recall their features like you used to … but this likeness … eyes widening when their fingers brushed as she robotically took the offered cup from his hand , she nearly dropped it in her surprise . no , this was beau — real , tangible , here — looking at her like they’d never been apart for a day . she should say something , really , because standing in the middle of a cafe with the most ridiculous shell - shocked look on her face was getting her nothing but curious looks from passersby . finally opening her mouth to respond , unfortunately , all that her brain could come up with was a forcefully cheerful smile and a pathetic , “ thanks for the coffee ! ” before she turned on her heel and sped from the store . she turned the corner into an alleyway , pressing her back against the cool brick and she tried not to let herself start panicking . what was wrong with her ? running into your ex shouldn’t render a person completely incapable of rational thought … even if they are that ex , the one she’d so desperately tried replacing with all the others ... though , clearly , with no lasting effect .