...this changes how I view and would write the character but I am going to elect to ignore it bc I'm having fun writing Japanese pick me girl nagito who's (sort of) aware of social norms and is a bitch for the sake of it

also I know nothing about frontaltemporal dementia I'm ngl and the thought of him having x years to live makes me sad, plus I've factored in some of his weirdness being mental illness bc no way that man Is healthy in the head so imma just write what I know lmao but WOW.

Cw: mature themes, sex jokes, (not cruel) gaslighting, reader gets embarrassed a bunch,

also you can either chose to believe that reader is staying in grape hall because theyre lumped in with the women or because like hajime they were overflow and had to stay there bc strawberry house was full. or we can just pretend they werent gender segregated at all. also reader is staying in the crummy room bc i said so. :)

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You're not sure what you're doing here. Your life seems to be ruled by that nowadays, "not sure," ever since you got trapped on this godforsaken island: you aren't sure why you've been trapped here, you aren't sure who you can trust, you aren't sure if you're ever going to get out of this stupid fucking eyesore of a "funhouse" or if you're going to starve to death first. …You aren't sure which fate is worse.

But currently, the thing you're most unsure about is why the fuck you came here, to Strawberry Hall in the middle of the night all alone. You know what you were thinking when you left your room- a combination of the fact that your crummy little bedroom over in Grape Hall was starting to make you feel claustrophobic, the fact that being trapped in a house that's just one big garish LED is painful on the eyes, and the fact that that the lights on the wall of Strawberry Hall kind of reminds you of a the night sky. If the night was pink and only visible in front of you and not above. That, and you really just couldn't look at anymore fucking green.

But all of those reasons fall flat and lost their persuasiveness when you walk into Strawberry Hall and lay down on the floor to pretend the twinkling of the berry red walls are stars. Unfortunately, the longer you look at them, the already not very night-sky like walls look less and less like the night sky the longer you look at them, and because the lights are on the walls and not the ceiling your gaze keeps getting drawn upwards, to the dark shadow that exists where a roof should be but isn't.

It's disconcerting, and truly unfortunate because the gaping black hole of a ceiling above you is quickly becoming more and more all-consuming the longer you stare into its depths and you just can't seem to tear your gaze away. It seems to stretch on forever and ever, somehow seemingly getting bigger the longer you stare, swallowing more and more light as it leaks out of the walls and almost mocking you with its ever-expanding, never actually moving darkness.

Any remnants of a positive attitude you might have been able to salvage get quickly subsummed by the whispering voice in the back of your mind claiming that this is all your future is now: a big black hole that sucks in all light and leaves you uncertain if there's ever going to be a way out. So really, you don't know why the fuck you came here because it's only serving to make you feel worse.

But still you can't help but focus on the feeling of despair curling up and clogging your chest. Tears prick at your eyes and slide sideways down your cheeks, dripping onto the floor with a gentle patter that you barely notice because of how fixated you are on how terrible everything is. You sniffle, mentally cursing that you didn't have the foresight to bring tissues or even a shirt with sleeves that you could wipe your nose on.

'It's not like you to be wandering around at night on your own, have you finally changed your mind about killing someone? That's wonderful.' Nagito's voice cuts smoothly through the blistering melancholy of your thoughts and you startle, flinching at the sudden intrusion on your private moment. You were not expecting to see anyone else in this room at this hour, it's two in the god damn morning for fuck's sake.

To add insult to injury, Nagito continues talking, saying, 'I'd have preferred if you'd filled me in on the plan beforehand but I suppose I can overlook it and help you out anyway. Have you picked who you're going to kill yet? I'm presuming it isn't me otherwise you would have told me first so I could help.'

Sniffing quickly, you sit up. Angling your body and your face away from Nagito, you wipe your eyes and paw at your face ineffectively with the backs of your hands to try and hide the fact that you were crying from him. You don't want to hear whatever smartass reply that's going to come out his mouth if he sees. You curse under your breath as your hands slide off your face smoothly, the wetness from your mouth and nose just diluting along your arms rather than disappearing like you want it to. Why oh why didn't you wear a shirt with sleeves?

'Hey, are you okay? Were you crying? Did something happen?' Busted. Of course he noticed. A hand touches your back and you flinch, curling futher into yourself to try and hide your face from him.

'No.' You say convincingly.

'Wow. Maybe you shouldn't kill anyone. I hate to say it but you'd get caught for sure, even with my help. You're bad at lying.' Nagito says, voice far too chipper for the words coming out of his mouth.

'Fuck off,' you tell him. You're not in the mood to be made fun of. Nagito sits down across from you, crossing his legs and leaning back on his hands while surveying you with a placid smile. You shuffle your feet sideways huffily, annoyed by how fake his expression is and not wanting to see him right now.

'What? Don't tell me you're still angry? You laughed at my jokes yesterday!' Nagito says, voice exasperated.

You cut your eyes sideways to glare at him for a second before deliberately turning your head further away from him as you sniff, 'that wasn't a laugh, I had something caught in my throat.'

'Really? That's odd. It sure sounded like a laugh to me.'

You're both simultaneous grateful and incredibly ticked off at Nagito's consistent feigning of an authentically ignorant nature. It's a surefire nightmare in class trials when he never says what he means, only giving hints and causing confusion, but right now you're not going to look a gift horse in the mouth: if Nagito isn't going to call you out directly for laughing at him teasing the others then you're going to continue to pretend it didn't happen. Ever. Not even once. Certainly not multiple times that resulted in you having to leave conversations in order to hide your insuppressible giggles. Nope.

It's so obvious when he's subtly being a dick now that you can't believe you once thought he was genuine. So not only are you apparently bad at lying, you're also stupid- or at least gullible. Not anymore though, unfortunately- no, fortunately, since the wool was ripped from your eyes all those weeks ago you've started to hear Nagito's voice for what it truly is; sarcasm, hidden behind the pretence of being startled into a realisation.

Unfortunately, it turns out you find Nagito's true voice incredibly funny, which makes your whole plan of 'ignore him until he goes away' a total failure because you're too busy snickering at his comments and Hajime's hapless face to feign disinterest. It doesn't help that Nagito has a tendancy to appear out of nowhere and speak before you notice he's there. …It also doesn't help your case that the more you inadvertantly hang around him the more you find yourself wanting to see him. In short, you're screwed. But that doesn't mean you can't pretend not to be.

You flip around to face him, scowling, 'what do you want, Nagito? You here to kill me? You get fed up of waiting for someone to feel "hopeful" enough to try killing in order to escape so instead you're gonna push your stupid fucking agenda on someone? You gonna kill me so the rest of us can "overcome you as an obstacle together with hope in our hearts"?' Your voice is mocking, mean, raising in volume with each word you speak until you're shouting at him, chest heaving as you expell each word with with a rage you didn't know you had.

'Wow, you sure have a scary look on your face, I really thought you were gonna try hit me there, that's a good first step! However, you shouldn't get a boy's hopes up like that, but… if you were thinking about doing something to me, that would be wonderful. I'm totally up for it. I don't mind at all.' Nagito grins at you, a totally cheesy smile that's all teeth and the sight of genuine joy on his face makes your heart stutter in your chest as your thoughts seize and swell before you manage to get them under control by steamrolling over them with:

-He's talking about you killing him. He's talking about you killing him. He's talking about you killing him. NOT SEX. He's talking about you killing him. He's talking about you killing him-

When you fail to say anything Nagito tilts his head to the side, sizing you up with his eyes before he says, 'you don't have to be so cautious you know? I already told you I'm not going to do anything to you. And if you're so worried about being killed, why are you walking around on your own at night? You're staying over in Grape House right? That's a long way to walk for someone who's so worried about being murdered.'

You shrug, looking down at your knees and reaching to fiddle with the edge of one of your socks, 'couldn't sleep. Got fed up of looking at the grapes just looping and looping and looping.'

'So you came all the way to Strawberry Hall? Why not Grape Hall? Why not stay in your room? Unless… did you come all the way over here to see me?'

'No!' You say too quickly, far too quickly, even as the suspicion starts to creep up on you that maybe his words have more truth to them than you'd realised because Grape House is certainly an eyesore, but Strawberry House actually makes your eyes sore. It's something about the specific shade of red interspersed with all those white cut outs, it's far harsher on your eyes than the green and it hurts to look at for too long. But… you could have gone to Grape Hall; it's closer, and you'd certainly have felt safer, so why didn't you?

Nagito's eyes widen, startled, before a laugh creeps out from between his lips, 'I was only joking. There's no way someone like you would come over here just in hopes you'd run into someone like me. Actually, I expected you to be way angrier at my interruption when I saw you in here but I just couldn't help myself, I had to come in and see if you were okay. That's the power that hope has. It overrides everything, even when I know right now you hate me, even my own inner knowing that someonw like me doesn't deserve you.'

That's- … a lot. And it's a lot that you're not equipped to deal with right now, you're already feeling unmoored in your own emotions, you don't have the energy to spare trying to wade through Nagito's and convince him that maybe spending every second of every day thinking he's trash is not conducive to his mental health.

So instead you chose to ignore all of that and answer his previous question, because no matter what your dumb brain is whispering, you did not come here for Nagito. 'I didn't want to stay in my room because I'm in the crummy one, remember? Not all of us are so lucky to win the deluxe room in a random draw. It's cold as shit in there, there's some kind of draft that I can't find the source of; it's like it's coming from all the corners at once but there's no visible gaps. And I didn't want to sit in the lounge, I can't take anymore green, it's hurting my eyes,' you grumble, wrapping your arms around your knees and hugging them to your chest with a shiver because now that you've put voice to it, you can feel the chill in this room as well.

'It is a bit of an eyesore, isn't it? Monokuma sure has bad taste,' Nagito agrees with you, moving the conversation on without so much as a blink and the way he says it is so blasé, so non-accusatory even though your own brain is currently blaring accusations at you that you unfurl a little bit unintentionally.

You take a deep breath, pulling at a loose thread in your sock until it's tight enough to snap right off. You don't really want to confide in Nagito but at the same time you don't think you could withstand the insecurity of everyone else, or deal with them telling you 'we'll get through this', or, 'there has to be a way out without killing someone', without proof, or, worst of all, them saying some variation of, 'I don't know, I feel hopeless too'. You feel far too fragile to withstand that right now.

So you open your mouth and tell Nagito how you're really feeling, words all coming out in one heaving rush, 'I couldn't sleep because I was so cold and I'm so hungry, so I left my room. And I know we've been trapped this whole time, that the whole island is just on big trap but at least we could see the sky. This building is so claustrophobic, and the constant repeating of grape upon grape upon grape just looping was driving me insane. I couldn't take it anymore, I can't take it anymore.

'So I came down here, hoping that maybe I could pretend the lights are stars but the whole room is the wrong colour and the stars are on the side so I just ended up staring into the gaping mass of a ceiling and thinking about how that's all my life is now, a gaping mass waiting to be filled with death. I feel like a rat trapped in a cage and I'm just waiting to be killed. Someone is going to kill. There's not- there's no way that we all just wait around until we starve. I just feel so hopeless.'

You look over at Nagito, hoping that somehow he'll make this better but instead of sympathy on his face he just looks confused.

'How could that make you feel hopeless?! If someone kills then that means we'll get out of here!' Nagito states like it's something to be happy about.

'But I don't want anyone to die, Nagito! You're so smart, how can you not get that through your thick head? Why would that make me feel hopeful? I don't want out friends to die! And what if they kill me? I'm not the Ultimate Lucky Student, there's no way I make it to the end of this thing alive.'

'You don't have to worry about that, you're not going to die,' Nagito says, and he sounds so sure, like he already knows that your heart drops.

'…Is it already in motion?' You barely whisper out, looking up at him with fear clutching your heart.

Nagito looks confused for a second before you see him put it together in his mind and then he laughs, amused, and you're about to throw a fit when he says, 'that's not what I meant, no one's taken me up on my offer of help yet. I don't need to kill to serve hope this time, it'll happen with or without my help. It's like you said, someone is going to kill sooner or later. Hunger is an excellent motivation.'

If Nagito isn't planning on killing, or on helping someone get away with killing, then how was he so sure? Like usual, the longer you talk to Nagito, the more confused you get. 'So what? You gonna protect me? Mr. "I will kill or be killed in the name of hope?" You?' You say mockingly, peeved that his blasé attitude extends to this too.

'That's not my point. Why does everyone misunderstand me? You're too worried, you should chill out! You don't need my protection. …Although,' Nagito puts his hand on his chin, finger tapping his lips like he's thinking as he says, 'I suppose if you consider my worthless talent then actually you already have it. Huh. That's a good way to think about it…' Nagito trails off, like he's thinking out loud to himself rather than talking to you, which is incredibly annoying when you know he's already thought this entire thing through and isn't actually thinking out loud at all, just trying to provoke a realisation within you. Especially because you have no idea what realisation he's wanting you to have.

'Nagito, you're speaking in riddles again, spit it out,' you say, annoyed he won't just get to the point.

'I'm the Ultimate Lucky Student, so wouldn't you say it's bad luck that I've ended up in this killing game with all of you?' Nagito says instead of answering any of the questions you have.

'For anyone else? Yes. For you? No. Because you're nutty as a fruitcake and seem to be enjoying yourself watching us all "find hope" and by find hope I mean be terrified witless.'

'You're getting too hung up in the details! Let me put it this way: if you got in a car accident on the way to work, that alone would seem pretty unlucky, right?'

'…Yeah, I guess,' you say, hedging your words because you're wondering where he's going with this.

'There's no guessing about it. But if, while at the hospital, you meet a cute nurse and end up falling in love and spend the rest of your life with that person, then that good luck cancels out the bad. It happened for a reason, the bad luck was all in order to orchestrate the good. Anytime anything unlucky happens to me I know it's in preparation for even better luck that's coming down the line.'

Wow. Wow. Nutty as a fruitcake is an understatement it seems. Everything bad that happens to him is secretly good? That's like saying 'I deserve to be treated like shit if it means in the future I'll be double as happy when I'm treated normally'. Oh. Oh. …Suddenly Nagito's self-deprecating nature is making sense to you.

In order to showcase how ridiculous you find his line of thinking you inject your voice with as much derision as you have and say, 'and you think that applies here? In a killing game? Ran by a bear with a clear and consistent, almost erotic penchant for sadism? How in hell is this gonna "turn into good luck"?'

Nagito stares at you blankly for a moment before shaking his head in a "what can you do?" sort of gesture. 'You really don't get it, do you? I thought the hospital metaphor would have made it obvious.' He sighs, propping his head up on his hand, 'am I really gonna have to spell it out for you? Though I suppose you've not eaten in five days so maybe you're having some trouble connecting the dots.

'The bad luck has already turned into good! I met you! We make true hope, remember? That's why you don't have to worry about dying, it wouldn't be good luck at all for me if you were killed. I didn't understand it at first, why you were interested in someone as trash as me, but while my talent's undeniably worthless, it is still a talent. I'm lucky because I get to experience the love of an Ultimate, even for short while, but I'm even luckier because I'm here to be your stepping stone to hope! You might not agree with it yet but you're going to end up killing me, one way or another.' Nagito looks so earnest when he says this, eyes wide and bright, smiling so sincerely that it makes your stomach turn.

 …Somehow, Nagito is somehow coming across as crazier than he ever has, and yet what he's saying is finally making a certain kind of sense to you. Not logically- his argument is riddled with contradictions all because he has such low self esteem that he can't fathom that you're interested- might have been interested in him once upon a time because you found him attractive and charming. But it makes sense in that it makes Nagito start to make sense; his talent is so antithetical to how the world really works that it's warped his sense of reality; that's why he's so unafraid to die- in his mind, everything that happens to him is lucky, so if he ends up dying then it must also be lucky.

That is- …so fucking stupid. The kind of stupid you can't combat without a minimum of a couple hours of preparation because you're so busy thinking about how stupid the argument is to argue against it. So instead of trying to fight him on a hill that he's literally prepared to die on, probably has been prepared to die on for many years to get to this point, you decide to set the record straight on how you feel about him now- because even if he was right earlier and your stupid gullible heart does still like him- evidenced by the fact you can't help but laugh at his constant sly antagonisation of the others even when you don't want to- it doesn't mean your sensible head does.

'What happened to your crappy self esteem? Or is that all an act too? Listen, Nagito, I think you might have misunderstood me, just because I laughed at some of your jokes and brought you breakfast one time when you were tied up doesn't mean I like you, it just means I don't want anyone else to die. I thought the whole avoiding you like the plague business would have gotten that point across already.'

'That's funny, you say you were avoiding me but weren't you the one who looked after me at my lowest? When I'd apparently stopped caring about hope because of the despair disease? In the hospital I mean.' Nagito says slyly, eyes twinkling like he's caught you out but it doesn't matter because you prepared for this. You've had your story straight since before the trial so you already know how you're going to refute his statement.

'That doesn't count, I also had despair disease. You might not remember that much from when you were sick but we went over it at the trial, remember?'

'Oh right, I can't believe I forgot such a vital detail! You had the caring disease, didn't you? The one that makes you care so much you end up putting yourself in danger, right? So you ended up looking after me because at the time you thought I was the least trustworthy. Or at least, that's how it was explained at the trial.'

'Not "at the time", you're still the least trustworthy,' you cut in.

'If you really believed that then you wouldn't have stayed in this room alone with me. You already know I'm not going to hurt you, you've got nothing to worry about!' Nagito's smiling again and it takes everything in you not to roll your eyes.

'Nagito, you're a known liar.'

'That's pretty rich coming from you,' he narrows his eyes at you and you sense a trap but you're not sure where- you covered all your tracks and didn't tell a soul, no way he knows.

'Excuse me? When did I lie?' You scoff.

'Let's go back to the topic of your despair disease-'

What? Wait. …Does he know??? No. He couldn't- you didn't tell anyone. He's bluffing. There's no way.

'So, to recap, the despair disease makes people act in ways that are opposite to their true personalities: Akane became a coward, Ibuki became gullible, and apparently I stopped believing in hope, therefore it's safe to say that despair disease makes you do things you normally wouldn't do.'

'Exactly. Things I wouldn't normally do, don't get it twisted and start thinking I actually care about you or something,' you tell him snootily.

'So it would be correct to say your despair disease made you care for me, both saying and doing things that made it seem like you held affection for me?'

'Yep.' You say, popping the 'p' on the word to emphasis how not-necessary you're finding this conversation.

'So how come, at the height of my fever when I couldn't sleep for more than a few hours at a time, I have a distinct memory of you sitting in the chair beside my hospital bed telling me how much you hate me? I was so addled by the fever that I didn't even know you had despair disease, so it made complete sense to me at the time- of course you would hate someone like me, I'm nothing!

'I thought that you were there to kill me and I was overjoyed,' Nagito's arms wrap around himself in mimicry of a loving embrace as he rocks back and forth slightly, eyes wide and blank in a way that gnaws at your heart with worry. No way that expression is healthy, no way.

'I knew in my heart it was right, that I was going to be the stepping stone to your greatness, to your hope! That's why I remember it so well, I thought the time had come for me to serve my purpose. But you didn't kill me, you just refreshed the wet towel on my forehead whenever it got too warm and talked about how angry I made you.'

No. No, no, no, no, no. Nagito should not remember that- Nagito doesn't remember that- he can't. He can't!

'Then when I got out the hospital, everyone was saying you were sick too, and that how terrible it was for you that you hated me so much your sickness took the form of doting, loving care for your supposed enemy. But what I want to know is if you were really sick with despair disease, then how come your symptoms suddenly disappeared way before Ibuki and Hiyoko were killed? It just doesn't make sense, I thought it over from every possible angle and I couldn't figure it out. The only scenario where your actions make sense is that you were lying the whole time! That you weren't sick at all, you were just pretending to be so you had a reason to look after me!'

Nagito looks estatic as he speaks but it's not a good estatic- it's crazed and unhinged, eyes flared wide with tension, grin pulling at his lips until almost all his teeth are bared and you're more scared than you are angry but still you try defend yourself.

'People were already so mad at you! Monokuma said the disease was the motivation this time and I thought maybe he meant that you'd be too sick to defend yourself. I couldn't just leave you defenseless, and- and sick, and suffering all on your own! Mikan had two other patients to look after. Anyone could have crept in your room and finished you off in your sleep! Lord knows you've pissed off enough people! And I was right. I was right to be worried. Mikan killed Ibuki because no one was around to protect her! What if she had picked you? What then?!'

You chest is heaving by the time you're done, rising and falling as you pant from words you didn't know you were keeping inside being expelled with the force of your fear that you've been sitting on ever since Nagito first got sick. You should probably feel embarrassed, caught out now that Nagito's caught you out and bared what you'd rather have kept hidden for you and him to see but instead you just feel lighter. Almost as if keeping this big secret had been weighing you down and you didn't even notice.

You're so caught up in how better you feel now that takes Nagito speaking for you to realise the position you've put yourself in: somehow, inadvertently, during your shouting you unfurled, sliding up onto your knees and advancing on Nagito in your anger; so now you're left leaning over him, kneeling so close to where his legs are crossed that you're practically in his lap, your hands still stretching out towards him from when you'd been gesturing violently to get your point across. A shiver winds its way across your shoulders and down your spine and you don't know if it's from the chilly temperature, the position you've found yourself in, or the look on Nagito's face.

Nagito is leant back slightly, head craned back as he watches at you with an expression that can only be considered wonderment as he breathes, 'amazing. You put yourself in harms way to save a piece of trash like me over everyone else,' while your brain stutters as you mentally take stock of the position you've put yourself in.

Blinking slightly to refocus, you look down at him and try to scoff, 'n-not over everyone else,' but it comes out stuttering and flustered because the image doesn't change; you're really looking down at Nagito while almost sitting in his lap, watching him watch you with an almost religious level of devotion.

Nagito nods, reaching out and taking your hand in his own to interlink your fingers as he says, ' you chose me over Ibuki and Akane. You said it yourself, I was alone and defenseless when I was sick, so it stands to reason that you'd view them the same way. Of course, you can use everyone hating me because I'm a terrible human being as an excuse for why I might plausibly be targeted, but at that time no one knew Mikan was sick, so it was reasonable to expect she would be checking in on me the same as for the others. We were all under an equal level of threat; you picked me over them, even when I was apparently, "making you so angry you didn't know whether to smash my face or to kiss it".

You go from staring at your entertwined fingers in a blank sort of shock, unable to process that this is really happening, to looking at Nagito in blank-er shock. Your mouth opens and closes, moving with no sounds coming out as you feel your face getting redder and redder as you flush with heat. That's- that's not fair, he can't know that! That's illegal- he was sick! Sick! Too sick to remember any stupid and potentially embarrassing thing you said! That's why you felt comfortable saying it in the first place! It's- no. No. It's a fluke. He made a very good guess, that's all.

He doesn't remember anything else, why would he remember that- and that's when it clicks. Your stomach turns and you scramble backwards, yanking your hand out of his grasp desperately to huddle on the floor a couple of meters away with your back turned to him out of embarrassment because of course he remembers: he's the Ultimate Lucky Student. And wouldn't you say it's lucky to remember the person you have a crush on confessing to you while you were supposed to be too sick to remember anything?

'Don't tell me you're embarrassed, I'm honoured that you would want to kiss-slash-hit my face. The only embarrassing thing about that is that you want to kiss someone as trash as me. It just proves that there really is no accounting for taste- not that I'm complaining, I'd take anything you give me, whether that's kissing or hitting. I'm grateful for it all. Are you really not going to turn back around? I never expected someone like you to be so shy!

'I have to say, you have the strangest reactions to things. Next you're gonna act like it's embarrassing that you wondered if Monokuma would still consider it murder if it was a crime of passion- which he definitely would. Motivation doesn't matter, a killing is a killing just in case you were wondering, but then again you were pretending to be sick with despair disease so I'll let that one go. Hey, hey! Don't turn further away from me, we only just established that you're in love with me, and weren't you the one that said I have crappy self esteem? What if I never recover? What will you do then?'

You could not be any more mortified if you tried. Those were private thoughts! Private thoughts that you were venting under extreme duress to a very sick Nagito who Mikan was worried might not make it through the night! And you'd bet with your luck (and his) that Nagito probably remembers every single embarrassing thing you said.

Closing your eyes you tuck your head as low between your raised knees as you can get it, cross your fingers and pray to any god listening that the ground opens up and swallows you whole as soon as possible. There's a faint rustling behind you but you're too busy praying to pay it any attention, what you can't ignore though is the brief pause in cold air on your back before the sudden warmth of something settles securely around your shoulders and over your arms.

Raising your head it's immediately apparent that Nagito has given you his jacket, the one you've quite literally never seen him take off, not even that time you stayed over at his cottage. There's no mistaking it, a glance at your shoulder shows the iconic red box pattern on his jacket clear as day, but more obviously, Nagito is back in your eyeline, sitting across from you in just his t-shirt and jeans and smiling wide, his eyes crinkling shut in joy as he leans back on his hands.

Subconsciously, you raise a hand to your shoulder, almost in disbelief as you look between yourself and Nagito, too busy trying to process this to ask the question but he answers you anyway with, 'you looked cold.'

Weakly, you fumble out, 'oh, okay. Thank you,' one hand clutching the fabric at your shoulder as you stare at Nagito while trying to understand how you ended up here. He's an ass. A problematic asshole that seems to take great joy in getting under everyone's skin- including yours- who you've spent the last five days trying to avoid. And he's the worst kind of problematic asshole because everytime you think you've finally sorted your feelings and no longer want anything to do him he pulls shit like this and you're confused again.

It's not healthy, you know it's not healthy but you can't seem to bring any part of you to care as you look at Nagito smiling so genuinely because you're wearing his jacket and your stupid fucking traitor heart skips a beat. It's really not that different from how he usually looks but still your heart does a stuttering one-two-four at the sight of him.

Maybe it's due to the PG-rated nature of (the non-violent parts of) this school trip that's being enforced by Monomi- such as the fact you can't change in the beachhouse, or maybe listening to Kazuichi wax poetic about how horny "Miss Sonia" makes him day in and day out has finally corroded your brain, or maybe you're just more dirty minded than you'd previously considered yourself to be because it's just his arms- it's just his arms but they're bare and slender and wired with muscle and you've never seen them before.

It feels taboo, wrong, dirty, inappropriate. Like you're watching something you shouldn't be but you can't seem to tear your eyes away. You have to actively swallow the spit that's pooling in your mouth as your eyes track the line of his muscle up and over his shoulder, all the way along the worn fabric of his t-shirt to where it's wrinkling and pooling over his collarbone, showcasing a slightly bigger slice of skin than normal. The material of his shirt is so worn that it clings to slight swell of his chest, thin enough to display everything as your eyes slide down to the faint crease underneath where his chest meets his ribcage and the lean the line of his stomach and-

You're rudely awakened from your musings by the sound of an awkward laugh, only made worse by the addition of Nagito saying, 'we better get you something to eat, huh? You looked like you were considering eating me there. Not that I'd object, I'm happy to do whatever you want to do but cannibalism doesn't really seem like your thing. I really wouldn't want you to do something you might regret.'

You're too embarrassed at being caught out like this that you don't even have a response to Nagito's teasing, instead you maintain a guilty kind of silence that makes it more and more obvious what you were thinking about the longer you don't speak. Luckily for you, you don't have very long to be embarrassed before Nagito's up on his knees and crawling towards you.

You freeze, panicked, and then hold that position for five very awkward seconds, your heart racing double time as Nagito roots around in a pocket that's sewn into the inside of his jacket. You don't spend the entirety of those seconds staring at his mouth and thinking about how close he is to you, and you definitely do not feel disappointed when he pulls away without kissing you. You're confused for maybe ten seconds before your rational brain catches up with your eyes and you see that Nagito has pulled half of what seems to be some sort of shelf stable, nutrient dense food bar out of the inner pocket of his jacket and is now holding it out to you.

'You should eat. It'll help you feel less cold,' Nagito says as you take the food from him without thinking.

You stare at the package in your hands for what feels like forever as your brain tries to process that yes, there really is food in your hands. Food that Nagito has apparently had this whole time. You look up at him, then down at the food bar in your hands, and then back up at him speechlessly before finally you settle on an emotion other than shock. You reach over and punch him not-so-lightly on the arm- not hard enough to actually hurt him, but hard enough to get your point across as you shout, 'you've had food this whole time?!'

Nagito's hands come up in a 'surrender' position almost immediately, face pinching at the brows with an awkward expression as he says, 'I only had the one bar, I was saving that half for emergencies but it seems like you need it more than me. It's not like there was a point in telling the others, it would have just made them hungrier.'

As you stare down at the half a… food bar- it's not immediately apparent what it's made of and the ingredients are all in a foreign language. Your best guess is it's some kind of on-the-go breakfast alternative or a protein bar for exercise enthusiasts- you begin to realise that as much as you hate to admit it, Nagito does have a point.

You can picture it in your head now: people arguing over who gets it; everyone deciding to split it evenly and no one getting more than a mouthful; someone making a selfish argument over why they specifically deserve more; a fight breaking out; or the group reaching an impasse and deciding to leave it until tomorrow, waking up the next day and it's gone and then a fight breaks out. Or, worst of all, someone gets murdered over a fucking breakfast bar- or whatever this thing is.

'Sorry…' You say, glancing up at Nagito, 'you're right, it wouldn't have solved anything, just made things worse.'

'You don't have to apologise to someone as terrible as me! I'm happy to accept any treatment you give me, even if it's as your punching bag.' Nagito smiles so genuinely, so earnestly, expression so completely vacant of any kind of discomfort that immediately you feel terrible; it's like your heart has cracked in two right in your chest. What on earth did Nagito go through that's made him like this? It can't just be the luck thing.

'No, that's not- …Nagito, it's-' You start and stop several times, not sure of what to say or how to fix a wound that Nagito doesn't even seem to notice he has- that, or he doesn't care. Eventually you settle on, 'I shouldn't have hit you, sneaky food hoarder or not, you're a human being and you don't deserve violence. I'm sorry.'

'Wow, you sure sound serious. Would it make you feel better if I accept your apology?' Nagito says like it's not that big a deal, which only makes it clearer to you that it is- or at the very least it should be. But sensing that this might be the best you can get from him at the moment you nod seriously, silently making an even more serious vow to yourself that you won't hit him again, not even as a joke.

'Then I accept your apology and you don't have to feel bad anymore.' Nagito sounds so sanctimoneous when he says it that you have to fight the urge to giggle. You know he's putting on a show for your sake- and it's a funny show- but your comfort doesn't come before his safety.

So you nod seriously and say, 'thanks, Nagito. Uhm, I'm gonna eat this now, and it's probably not gonna be pretty. You might wanna,' you make a little spinny motion with your hand to indicate for him to turn around.

Nagito smiles so wide that his eyes crinkle with it as he says, 'no thanks, I'm good right where I am.'

Fucking asshole. Every time you start to feel bad for him he gives you another reason not to. Shooting Nagito a not-so-serious glare- he did just give you half of the only food he has, so you can't be too mad at him- you scoot round so your back is to him. You try to eat the food slowly, you really do try, but as soon as it touches your tongue every inch of the part of your brain focused on survival that's been screaming at you to eat for days now activates and you practically inhale the bar.

You hear a snicker from too close and turn your head in wide-eyed terror to see Nagito sitting far closer than he was before, watching your every move while laughing openly.

'Wow, you really were hungry, huh? Guess it's a good thing I gave you that then, who knows what you might have eaten if I didn't come to your rescue.'

'Nagito! I turned around for a reason!' You whisper-shout, not wanting to come across as genuinely mad for something so small in comparison to other things (like his penchant for suggesting murder) but still wanting to reprimand him because you did turn around for a reason.

'You've got nothing to be embarrassed about; I actually think you're really cute when you swallow like that. Without chewing, I mean.'

…Is that an inuendo..? …Did he really just-? He did not- oh you are starting to really regret that whole 'not hitting him' vow you just made to yourself. 'You did not just say that to me. Tell me you did not just say that to me!' You practically shout at him.

'Say what? Is there something wrong with what I said?' The face Nagito makes is so inoocent you might have been inclined to believe him if you didn't already know he's a liar.

'Do not play dumb with me! I know how smart you are, I've stood directly across from you in class trials while you herd everyone towards the correct answer and pretend that's not what you're doing! Cute when I swallow? Cute when I swallow? You, Nagito Komaeda, are a pervert! I'm just trying to live my -'

'Hey, hey, a pervert? That's a bit of a logical leap, what did I say that would make me a- ah, I see,' Nagito makes a face like he's just figured it out, 'I get it now. Wow, you really do like to take things the wrong way, don't you? First, you make me a part of your weird voyeuristic sex thing with the sandwich, now you're claiming that I'm thinking of that just because you ate some food in front of me.

'If I'm being really honest, I'm starting to worry about your brain, this is the second time you've accused me of thinking about sex because of food. Are you sure you're not into food and you're just too embarrassed to be honest about it, even with yourself? You shouldn't repress your true nature, you know, it'll leak out in normal activities and that's way worse than just giving into it.

'You don't want to accidentally make others uncomfortable because your way of thinking has gotten warped due to sexual repression. And clearly you're already tipping over that line because no reasonable person would assume that's what I meant, not everything's about sex, y'know? But, if it makes you feel better, I'll rephrase, you looked really cute with your cheeks all puffed up like a hamster and chewing aggressively.'

'I am going to kill you,' you grit out between your teeth, annoyance flaring more the longer he spends on his little monologue.

'Do you promise?' Nagito's voice is light, husky in the way it usually is but also incredibly affected, injected with a kind of euphoria that makes your skin crawl as he leans towards you with an odd expression on his face that you're afraid to categorise. Okay. That's another thing you're making a vow not to do again, largely because no matter how much you don't want to categorise it your brain is stuck on the way his expression is a disturbing cross between vacant and excited and it's freaking you out.

'Uh, no. I don't promise. In fact, I retract. I'm not going to kill you, that can be your punishment because you're far too gung-ho about this for me to be comfortable with it.'

'Aw. You got my hopes up and everything. Well. Come on, let's go.' Nagito climbs to his feet, stretching his arms above his head and yawning. His t-shirt pulls with the movement of his shoulders, exposing a small slice of his midriff and the checkered pattern on the waistband of his boxers as they peek over the line of his jeans. It's only as you watch his hand slide into view to tug it back down that you realise you've been staring. You look up at Nagito's face, knowing you've been caught yet still hoping otherwise even as you see him looking at you while hold back a laugh.

Pouting, you reach up and shuck his jacket back off,, holding it out to return it to him but Nagito doesn't take it. Instead he just looks at you with a confused smile on his face, 'what are you doing?' He asks, like it isn't obvious.

'Uh, returning your coat?' You say.

'Why would you do that?'

'…Because I'm going back to my room?'

'Don't be silly, my room's much better than yours, it's the obvious choice for us to stay in. Plus, I'm not sure we'd both fit on the futon in your room.' Nagito says so casually that for the first second you do feel silly for trying to go back to your room but after another second of thinking about his words you realise he's just trying to trick you again. A sweet trick, but a trick nonetheless.

Trick or not, you really don't want to impose more than you already have what with making him sit with you during the small hours of the morning and eating the only food he had left, so instead of accepting you brandish the jacket at him and say, 'you don't have to do that. It's fine, I'm fine. It'll be easier to stay warm now that I've eaten. …Thank you, for that by the way.'

'Okay. I'll make sure to tell Monokuma that your death was an accident when I next see him then so we don't have to do a class trial when we find your frozen corpse in the morning,' Nagito sounds so cheery, a stark contrast to how dark his words are and it's just the motivation you need to silently put his coat back on and slip your hand into his.

'Oh, did you already change your mind?' He asks like he doesn't already know.

'Nagito, shut up, please and let me lick my wounds in peace.'

'As long as it's not another one of your weird sex things-'

'I swear to God, Nagito! In peace!' You snap. Nagito snickers, and you can't stay mad at him when he's laughing like that so instead you ask him, 'have you been in the Final Dead Room yet?'

When he doesn't reply you say, 'does that mean no? Nagito, if you don't say anything I'm going to assume you mean no. …Really? You haven't? It sounds stupid dangerous and incredibly like a life threatening trap, that's right up your alley, no? You're always doing stuff that would freak anyone else out. Nagito? Nagito, hello? Earth to Nagito- oh my God. Are you ignoring me because I told you to shut up? Really? Really? Nagito, answer me!'

'Oh, am I allowed to speak now?'

…You might actually kill him.

xxxxxxxx

Chapter 1

I found this out bc when I played the first game a year ago I watching a tiktok w a junko cosplayer but id literally JUST seen her die and I'd never heard those voicelines b4 so j was like omg junko isn't dead!! ...or is she?? Little embarrassing now but all my plot theories became reincarnation themed v quickly hahaha

Which is funny bc I'm just at the end of the second game and they're in a video game!! Which is what I thought was maybe happening in game 1!! Still not sure how I feel about it hahaha I'm still playing the last trial

But yeah,, I legit found out how easy it was to get spoiled during game 1 and I have been skipping every DR piece of content I've seen since, it's legit why I put "no spoilers please" in caps above and below the text just bc I know that the games have been over for 10-15 years so most ppl assume you already know the plot

If I'd have known I was gonna get invested and write multiple chaps for nagito I would have waiting until I played the game fully to post but fr it was just to sort my icky hurt feelings but unfortunately I sorted them a little TOO well and now I'm in love w the boy again oops 😳🥺😫😬😬😬😬😤🥲

(Most spoilers I've gotten so far apart from the junko thing are the fact my friend overtook me and has a shit poker face so I say my theories and he goes "hmmm" and I go "I KNOW THAT HMM IM FUCKING RIGHT ARENT I??" And then I'm fucking right)

Also I meant ti write each chap (there's only gonna be 4/5) as I was playing but i got too invested and play3d a bunch so my friend wouldn't overtake me (he did anyway) and I'm SO glad I did bc it altered how I was gonna write some of the plot (to make it cohesive n good yk) but holy SHIT they killed my fucking boy so GRUESOMELY (and I fucking knew he did it to himself like 5 min in first iwas like oh traitor torture!! And then I saw the monokumas and the lighters and I was like ... you masochistic BITCH!!)

I'm so glad u like it haha I was a lil worried bc I have like 2 open standalone requests and 3 wips I need to finish but haven't been able to work on atm for reasons, but then I was playing dr2 and I was INSPIRED

(Also ik I don't need to worry about update times n shit yall are so nice but I am a worrier so I will hahaha (but 👆 I am working on it, it's part of why I'm taking a break rn lol))

But yeah i was like AHHHHH during the first trial bc my autistic ass did NOT pick up on nagitos shifty vibes b4 the trial and then when the personality flip happened I was like WHAT??? NO??! WHERES MY HAPLESS EARNEST AUTISTIC MAN??????!!?

Like I liked nagito but in a casual not thinking about writing him way (I was actually outlining the plot for a (much longer) byakuya fic that I was gonna write after I finished some of my current wips, bc I rly shouldn't start another or I'll never finish anything in a timely manner hahaha. So I wasnt planning on writing anything but then nagito turned evil and then i wanted to process my feelings (betrayal) on his personality flip and 6000 words fell out)

So then i wrote arent you going to feed me to like process the fact i got duped???? And at the same time i was watching a ytber play dr1 and then the first chapt of dr2 and then ALL I COULD SEE IS HOW HALF OF WHAT NAGITO SAYS IS LIKE A SLY PICK ME STYLE LEVEL DIG??? the kind of shit where you go to highschool and the meanest girl you know somehow manages to point out your biggest shame by asking pointed questions all while without ever directly mentioning it and I was like OH HES A CATTY BITCH! And that is honestly so fun?? You don't men who use pick me style manipulation very often in media

...and THEN I SAW THE HORNY ASS CG FOR HIM BEING TIED THE FUCK UP IN THE ROOM W HIS HUSKY ASS VOICE THATS ACTED SO WELL BC ITS THE SAME AS BEFORE BUT SOMEHOW EVIL NOW

and I fell in love and the rest is history hahaha

So yeah basically I had to get over it n writing that fic helped me realise how fun his character is???? And I'm so excited to see where its going, I've legit just got to the bit where he's got the book w all the people profiles and is grinning down at it evilly (and I may or may not have written a chapter 2 even tho it's meant to be a standalone)

Anyways point is I'm really into DR right now and I've made my friend borrow the first game to get him into it bc he plays games super fast and now he's on the second so we can share theeeeoorrieess and thirst together BUT 👆👆 we have very different tastes in men (he likes nekomaru and gundam, I like nagito and kazuichi) so I can't talk about my love for them in a way where he gets it? (He just sort of nods and is like that's nice hahaha, we have similar taste in women tho, akane when shes mad/amped up??? A-yes please! Mikan??? The sweetie??? And how pretty she was at the end of her trial??)