Uh... Bees?

>walking home from a party late one evening >several guys were following me, as my drunk ass managed to piss them off by existing >try to walk faster, to no avail, as I’m drunk as shit >catch me in some random student neighbourhood >oh shit, my ass is about to be beaten >still in talking phase >lights flick on in a house >three guys in full musketeer garb walk out >leader is some blond guy with a beard, eyepatch, and some weird-ass accent >“What sort of ruffians would be accosting someone outside our residence? Stand and deliver!” >guys start yelling at them to fuck off, that I deserved to get my ass beaten >“Very well, then. Draw steel, you blackguard!” >all three of them draw rapiers on their belts >guys run >“I know not why those foul men sought your harm, but come and tell us the tale, stranger!” >spend remainder of evening drinking mulled wine with lunatics >bunch of Swedish re-enactors live there >blond guy is actually missing an eye; lost it in an machine shop accident >stagger home completely drunk with a hat

I had no idea people like that existed. Or had the money to rent a house.

in addition to two comments reading “FUCKING EPIC” and “THIS A THOUSAND TIMES THIS” op elaborated further in another post:

Holy shit, is this still being posted?

I figure I owe /tg/ a bit of an update on these guys.

Their leader, O he of one eye and little common sense, nearly had his visa revoked for these kinds of shenanigans. One too many arrests meant that his right to stay in the country was contested, and he had to go to court to defend himself and prevent his visa from being revoked.

I was his ride to court, and had to testify to the board that he shouldn’t be deported for lack of common sense or social normality.

His defense? A written speech, about three pages long, about the rights of man, the education he has received here, and the opportunities for a one-eyed machinist. The spirit of his crimes were all in defense of people who would otherwise suffer. For other witnesses, he had some of the random people he’d helped out, including one memorable point where a woman, nearly on the verge of tears, pointed out how he’d taken on a guy threatening to rape her and carrying a knife by whipping out a fencing saber, disarming him, and mocking him in his thick Swedish accent so that the girl could call the cops. Something like a dozen people all showed up, explaining how this dude, despite his eccentricities, made the country better.

Stu, let me ask you a question: how did you not realize until then that you had too many eggs? Nobody sells eggs in a big cloth-covered basket, so you must have done that yourself. That means you spent god-knows-how-long opening up twelve whole cartons of eggs, carefully placing each egg one-by-one inside a big basket, and then covering it with a big picnic cloth… and at no point- at no point- did you ever stop and think “gee, there might be TOO MANY FUCKING EGGS HERE”

instant oatmeal packets with fruit in them - $3 probably and this can be breakfast all week and maybe even a lunch or dinner too since you usually get 10 packets

bag of rice - $2-3 depending on size. 1 cup dry rice makes enough for about two meals depending on what you add in. if you get cheap rice, rinse it before cooking

canned beans - usually under $1 per can - mix the can with your rice and you have a meal. chili-spiced beans will make bean tacos. Rinse non-spiced beans before adding to anything.

Tortilla - usually around $3 but you get like 8-10 of them. Tacos, wraps, and quesadillas are all fair game here

lettuce - $2 max around here, either a head of something or bagged precut depending on preference, use as a salad or on tacos

protein other than beans of some sort - probably $5-7 for meat, $2-3 for eggs. sometimes I can get bags of frozen chicken breasts in this price range and each is usually 2 meals if I add in a bunch of veggies. fry/scramble eggs and add to any of the options. 

your favorite stir fry sauce - $3ish

vegetables - $5ish. literally anything that you can 1. fry in a pan and 2. you’ll eat. fresh carrots are usually pretty cheap. get frozen if it’s cheaper and you’re strapped for cash/prep time on this part. 

alternative to stir fry:  pasta (~$2), fresh tomatoes (~$2), cheese (~$3). 

Adding also: the single most nutritious food on earth is potatoes in their peel. Potatoes + some milk and butter = everything you need. They don’t last all that long, but they’re fairly cheap and the quickest cheat to “How do I not fuck my body up.”

(Cooked potatoes’ll last a while in the fridge. Potatoes nearing the end of their useful lives? Cook them to half-done first, figure out what to do with them later.)

Easiest baked potatoes: slice thinly but not paper-like, spread like cards, brush with oil (a silicone baking brush is totes worth the little it costs), spread salt and pepper (a little less than you think you’d like), cover with foil, stick in oven or toaster-oven at 150C for 40min. (If you have the patience, at that point click up to 180C, remove the cover and add 10-20min.) Reheats well, lasts in the fridge longer than it’ll take you to nom.

Dead-Animal-Free Whole Protein: some legumes + some grain. AKA rice and lentils, or rice and beans. (Maybe some fried onion for flavor; onion’s cheap and stays good a descent while. Fried onion makes everything taste better and keeps forever in the freezer, so frying up a bunch and keeping portions is not a half-bad idea.) (If going for the beans option - lentils are cheaper around here but fuck if I know what it’s like in your area - dump some tomato sauce and oil in; canola or soy are best health-wise, and far cheaper than olive; avoid corn.) Oh, what does instant couscous go for in your area? It keeps for fucking ever, it’s usually cheap, and it takes well to any and all added taste.

If you get to choose, black lentils taste the best and need the least soak-time (0-20min), green lentils are best for cooked stuff and red lentils are best in soups. (Red lentils + potatoes + root vegetables of choice + spices; cut into small pieces, cook, run through the blender if you wanna [stick blender’s awesome], freeze in portions.)

When possible, get instant soup mix. Get the good instant soup mix. (The kind that’s not made primarily of sugar, yeast or both. The rest is optional.) Dump 1/2tsp (or more, but start on the low end) into couscous, or chicken, or sprinkle over potatoes being stuck in the oven. Whatever. It’ll make most cooked-food-type things taste better. And again, lasts forever on the shelf.

And speaking as someone who is also living off oatmeal, beans, and brown rice, if you need recipes, I have them! 

Today I made 16 bean soup with chicken sausage and it was crazy good and I got 8 servings out of the one batch (froze half). I usually get the cheapest beans I can find, and GOYA bags of beans are usually $1-2. I soaked them overnight,rinsed them, and threw them in a gallon lidded saucepan with 2 boxes of chicken stock (also on sale for $2), two bay leaves, sauteed green pepper, onion, and celery, some garlic from a jar, about two tablespoons of dried herbs de provence,and the “fancy” bit was adding $6 bourbon and apple chicken sausages. You can actually sub veg stock for chicken and skip the sausage and make it vegan and it would still taste great.

Oh and I’ve been doing steel-cut oats. I don’t buy the name brand ones, I just pick whatever store brand/generic I can get for less than $4. They take about ½ an hour to make, but they’re super tasty and I make 2 cups of dried oats at a time with dried cranberries and that’s breakfast for 4 days at least. 

HOOOOOOOOOOOLD the phone it’s real

it’s reeeeeeeeal

shaggy rogers is a hero

yes, he canonically has anxiety issues, but when it comes down to it, he is there for his friends no matter how scared he is. he cares very deeply for his friends and he would absolutely not hesitate to put himself in danger to keep them safe

in ‘music of the vampire’ when the vampire threatens his friends, shaggy’s first response is to grab a bunch of wooden stakes to attack the vampire with

later in this same movie when he (albeit falsely) believes he’s fallen victim to the vampire curse, he runs away and gets as far away from his friends as possible so there would be no chance of him harming them or inflicting the curse on them as well

and in ‘camp scare’ when the fish monster they’re dealing with hurts scooby, shaggy’s first response was to shatter a two-by-four across its face. watch it go down here, skip to about 1:30

during the climax of ‘legend of the phantosaur’ after struggling with his anxiety for the whole movie, shaggy overcomes it for the sake of saving the lives of his friends and the villains who put them in danger in the first place

in ‘ghoul school’, without any help from fred, daphne, or velma, shaggy saves the lives of several monster kids, and in ‘reluctant werewolf’ when he’s cursed to become a werewolf, he wins back his humanity in just under two days, again without help from fred, daphne, or velma

hell, the whole plot of ‘goblin king’ was about shaggy and scooby travelling into the realm of monsters, the very things he’s afraid of mos, so he can save his friends from being turned into monsters themselves. and he does save them

and those are just the examples i could think of off the top of my head!

shaggy is as essential to the gang as everyone else is. he’s the one who repeatedly throws himself headfirst into the path of the monster of the week to lead it into fred’s traps, despite his anxiety issues, because he’s the only one fast enough not to get caught. fun fact! he’s won multiple awards in high school for gymnastics and athletics. he isn’t just all about fear and food. he’s a friendly, caring person who would do anything for his friends, and on top of all this?

he’s only seventeen. of course he’s scared, he’s just a kid.

the mystery gang tends to unmask humans. The exceptions (authentic monsters, zombies, witches, ghosts, etc) are in certain movies. some of which (Zombie Island, the Witch’s Ghost) involve the full gang. Others (Ghoul School, Reluctant Werewolf, the Boo Brothers) have Shaggy and Scoob (and Scrappy) on their own adventures. 

oh hey and in ghoul school, looking for some peace and quiet, they get hired as gym teachers at a school for girls, that turns out to be a school for ghouls. Despite being terrified,  

they stay, become fantastic teachers, inspire their students and lead them to victory in the volleyball champion, and then risk their lives saving the students from an evil witch and spider minions. 

oh and they befriend an adult mummy, vampire, wolfman, and phantom along the way

not to mention whenever they hang with the rest of the gang, they invariably get used trap bait against their expressed wishes. but still they stick around

oh, and despite their reluctance, scoob and shaggy regularly play some of the most vital roles in the gang’s adventures, to the point the movie posters regularly feature them as the most prominent members. the rest of the gang may provide the motivation, but shaggy and scooby are the lifeblood of the show:

conclusion: Shaggy Rogers and Scoobert Doo have enormous hearts that lead them to face their greatest fears on an almost daily basis for the sake of protecting those they care about.

He has watched friends, acquaintances, and complete strangers be nearly killed and often was the one who jumped into the fray to keep that from happening. Despite Daphne often being referred to as a damsel in distress character and her alliterative Danger Prone Daphne nickname, if you watch the various series and movies, Shaggy is actually the most danger prone, most frequently captured, and also most often injured character in the series. Yes, he often jumps at things that end up being innocuous, but ptsd and anxiety are real things, and let’s be honest, if all of the above was my every day life, I’d be pretty darn jumpy too. Shaggy is the voice of reason in the group. When the gang is inevitably informed that some giant beast in the area has been rampaging about causing destruction, and kidnapping and/or trying to murder people, he has every right to voice concern over intentionally going out to search for the thing, especially when he himself attracts that danger and the supernatural more than anyone else in the gang, including Scooby. If a pathway looks dangerous and he points it out, everyone else will roll their eyes and keep going and he’ll inevitably follow them and its his feet it ends up crumbling under. His completely valid concerns are constantly dismissed and he’s usually the one who ends up suffering the consequences for it. And while I agree he would make a great green lantern, he was in canon a pretty awesome yellow lantern.

There have been many hints throughout the series that Shaggy actually obliviously wields magic and Scooby is his familiar, which was basically made canon in Goblin King and there was a gag about it in a Be Cool Scooby Doo episode. Read more about this 

here and here also here and lastly here

In the above comic, Shaggy manipulated the ring without even trying while Sinestro was both wearing it and actively trying to wield it, and then it flew off of Sinestro’s finger and onto Shaggy’s.  As his familiar, Scooby is affected by the ring too. Sinestro freaks out about them having the ability to both cause and instill the greatest fear of all. There’s another team-up comic with Green Arrow and Green Lantern where Psycho Pirate shows up and uses his ability to cause the rest of the gang to feel sheer terror and flee, this has seemingly no affect on Shaggy and Scooby because that’s just their normal state.

(just for some context bc it’s been a while since I watched zombie island)

Like, yes, Shaggy is controlling Daphne’s actions with the doll, but look at how gently he holds the figure. He treats it like his friend (and yes, it technically is) because he cares about the rest of the gang. This bit was mainly for comedic relief, but it also shows how serious this situation and the voodoo dolls actually were in the film.

And really, if you saw some Karen-Linda-intimidating-employer/CEO looking lady turn into this, wouldn’t you be at least a little unnerved?

(just for reference)

And Shaggy will sprint with Scooby in his back in most (if not every) episode.

he’s pushed a boat filled with the gang + madelyn + scooby across a lake, RUNNING ON WATER WHILE HE DOES SO (Abracadabra-Doo!)

and, if we estimate the dinghy at roughly 150-175 lbs (usually the weight for a boat this size that can easily fit 6 people), and Scooby at 200 lbs even (given that when he rode on the back of a mule alone, he caused it to collapse under his weight in SD & the Monster of Mexico), Shaggy is not only propelling himself fast enough to RUN ON WATER, he is also pushing the rough equivalent of 1000 pounds of weight across the water, at fast enough speeds to rival a motorboat

in SD Camp Scare, he also shook the metal bars of a prison cell so hard, that they broke apart and collapsed entirely, even though they were embedded in stone

and to those saying ‘well, he can’t repeat those feat bc those are oneoff deals’, oh shit you thought???

here are TWO separate occasions of Shaggy running UP rocks and LEAPING UP to different ones to escape a pit.

the first in Legend of the Phantasaur

the second in Where’s My Mummy

WHILE CARRYING SCOOBY IN HIS ARMS